Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This
Chapter 74
Author's Note: I wanted this to be a mostly centric Summer chapter and figured they let there guard down momentarily from watching her. She was out of it. And in that few seconds she slipped away. And, I love the questions so this is how they come into in this world I am creating. Review
Summer didn't know why she was going to the boiler room. She fought her way through the walkers' on instinct. She didn't think, she was just letting herself go on pure hatred, pure instinct. She didn't think about the consequences of her actions, or what could happen. She needed to be in that room, needed to get Lori's body for burial. When she entered the boiler room, her eyes immediately went to the blood on the floor then to the walker. "NO! You SON OF A BITCH!" she yelled as she stabbed the walker repeatedly in the head as she collapsed against a wall. She took the small wooden cross out of her pocket and threw it against the wall. "I asked you to save Hershel! I asked you for a win! You gave us that, but Lori….did you have to do this? I didn't realize JC that I had to be specific and ask you NOT to let anyone else die," she said as she laid her head down on her knees. "Carl and Dad…Rick…do I even deserve to call him dad anymore? They probably hate me. I know I promised Lori that I'd watch over Lady Bug…but she's going to grow up hating me. I hate myself," she said as she let the tears fall. "She's a miracle, out of this whole dark world…..a little life…a ray of hope….but how long is she going to survive? How long do any of us have to survive? I'm numb….I just wonder if fighting is worth it anymore. I understand why Beth felt this way at the farm, why Andrea and Jaqui felt this way at the CDC. I get it. I don't want to get it, I shouldn't have to get it! I should be happy to be alive….but every time we're happy, something bad happens. SO is that the key to this whole thing? Not to be happy? Just live in darkness, fighting for survival, and wait until a walker makes us dinner? I don't want to live like that! I want to enjoy the little moments without worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow. If this is the way it's going to be, it's not worth fighting! I'm tired, I'm hurt, I'm numb…." Summer said as she held her head between her legs.
"Summer….you shouldn't be here alone," a voice told her.
Summer looked up. "Jane….no you're not real."
Jane sat down. "I'm real as you need me to be. You've got a lot of people who are worried bout you. What are you doing down here by yourself? It's reckless, it's stupid."
Summer let out a laugh. "Haven't you heard it's the end of the damn world? I'm a teenager if that doesn't give me a reason to be reckless, not sure what does."
"Language. I may be dead, but that language still isn't appreciated," Jane told her. "You have done everything right, Summer. You care so deep that all these losses finally got you. You're also a Dixon, you've kept it in. But do you really want to cause your mother, Mar, your Uncle Daryl, Carl, Rick and everyone else the added pain of losing you too. Do you think your mother could handle it?" Jane asked her.
"You know about Rick?" Summer asked as she rubbed the tears from her eyes.
Jane laughed. "Course I know about Rick. You tell your mom that I'm having a good laugh at her."
Summer looked at her. "I don't think it would make mom feel good that I'm having conversations with ghosts."
"Your mother had a conversation with me, after Dale. I'm around when my girls need me," Jane told her. "Mar talked to me before she found you guys," she informed her. "Now the Summer I know isn't one for self pity."
Summer shook her head. "I just killed a woman. I just took a baby out of a woman and her son had to shoot her. That's on me!"
"How many walkers have you killed?" Jane asked her as she looked at her.
Summer looked at her. "I lost count….at over 200.…"
"How many people have you killed?" Jane asked.
Summer took a breath. "Two…"
"Why?" Jane asked the teen.
"One had a gun to Glenn's head, he was threatening a member of my family. Lori….she begged me to save the baby…." Summer answered.
"You get to come back from this. This doesn't make you a bad person Summer. You didn't kill Lori, you saved that little girl. Lori knew what she was asking. She would have asked anyone," Jane told her. "You can be sad, you can mourn, but you need to live. You don't get to give up yet Summer. You got to many people depending on you. That baby, that baby needs you. That baby needs everyone of you. Your mom needs you, Rick and Carl they need you. Daryl needs you," Jane told the girl. "I will always be in your heart, if you ever need me, I'll be here. You can grieve, but you can not be reckless, not like this. Now get up, young lady and go back to your family. They can't lose you too, not today," Jane said as she disappeared.
Summer just stared at the spot where Jane had been for a few minutes. She stood up when she heard a noise outside the boiler room and raised her weapon as she opened the door and held up her knife.
"Whoa alive!" Glenn said as he raised his hands. "Rick found her," he said. "You alright? You bit?"
Summer shook her head. "No…just losing my sanity."
Glenn pulled her into a hug. "DON'T ever do that again. I've dug enough graves today."
Rick came around the corner and took a breath his face releasing the tension it was holding as he took her from Glenn and hugged her. "What were you thinking? Coming down here alone? Do you know how scared your mother was? How scared I was? How scared we all were?" he asked.
Summer started to cry and bury her head into Rick's shoulder. "I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking…I….I wanted to get Lori's body but I was to late…." she told him.
Rick pulled her away and made her look at him. "I'm not mad Summer. I was scared. I was scared that my wife was going to have to bury her daughter, my son was going to have to bury his sister, that I was….going to come down and find my daughter dead. You can't do this again. I know that you are hurting, I know that you are still in shock, but this…this was stupid and reckless…" he told her as he hugged her. "You're alright," Rick told her as he hugged her again. "Let's go," he said as he didn't release her.
"Who else did we lose?" Summer asked.
"T and Carol," Glenn answered.
Summer buried her head in Rick's shoulder. "Did Maggie and Daryl get back?"
"Not yet," Glenn said as they walked to the room where everyone was. "Well they weren't when we went searching."
"Summer Grace Dixon!" Summer exclaimed as she hugged her. "I want to yell, I want to scream…." she told her daughter.
"But right now hugging then yelling later," Mar said as she hugged her as Daryl rocked the baby as he fed her the bottle.
"Yes Little Asskicker, you like that don't you?" Daryl asked as everyone laughed.
"Lady bug," Summer told her.
"No Little Asskicker, yes, no dainty girlie nicknames for you," Daryl told the baby.
"We really have to name her," Rick told them.
"Summer and I can think of something," Carl assured him.
Summer smiled as she walked over to her. "Can I?" she asked.
"Go to big sister Lil Asskicker," Daryl told her.
"Ladybug," Summer said as she took her.
Maggie laughed. "This is going to be fun," she said. Summer rocked the baby as she started humming. Somewhere over the rainbow Way up high And the dreams that you dreamed of Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh oh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Well I see trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Well I see skies of blue
And I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world world
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I?" she sung to the baby as she drifted off to sleep.
(Summer's still going to have a some issues but I thought this was the good way to do end this! Merle's coming soon!)