.
.
"Hashirama." Madara corners Hashi against the wall, blocking her with his arm. He stares at her intently. "I want you to bear my children." ("The fuck?" Izuna says. He's wearing his new glasses.)
Hashi blinks. "Is this because of that endangered species remark I said earlier? Because I'm pretty sure I overheard that Sasuke kid and that Sakura girl are getting pretty serious-"
"No, Hashirama. I want you to bear my children. With me. Not some wishy-washy chuunin teacher who fancies himself a shinobi."
"Because you have better genes?" Hashi asks.
"What? No! Because-" Madara glares. "Because-" he screws up his brow and doesn't look at her.
Hashi tilts her head. "Because you're too anti-social to make any friends?"
"What?"
Hashi thoughtfully strokes her chin. "Because everyone is afraid of you and you think no one would want to date you?"
Madara blinks. "I-"
"You're totally dating material! You're not bad-looking. And yeah you're kind of arrogant and a little bit conceited, but you almost took over the entire world and pretty much decimated the shinobi alliance, that in and of itself is pretty impressive!"
"Woman, are you listening? I am telling you I want to marry you."
"Eh?" Hashi says. Izuna slaps his forehead.
"Or...perhaps you don't feel the same way." Madara drops his arm. "Of course you don't. That wasn't even a question."
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm really confused, what are you saying?"
Izuna rolls his eyes and goes to the bedroom.