Authors Note

Hey,I'm new to this whole Fanfiction thing but I I've been inspired to right a story on here. I hope y'all enjoy. it's going to be mutiple chapters long and each chapter is going to hopefully be pretty consistent in length. The main sort of ships this fanfic will have is Jeid for the most part,with hints of Morgan and Garcia sprinkled throughout. this is about Reid breaking down and being built back up again I guess. trigger warning,there will be drug use in this. At one point in the story there will also be a suicide trigger warning. I will make sure to put the warning in the beginning of the chapter it's in in case you don't like that stuff but you like the story and just want to skip that part of it. Anyways, without further ado I will begin

Broken.

Chapter 1

Spencer was heartbroken.

Who wouldn't be? His first true love had just had her brains blown out in front of him. He had done everything right,he had pandered to her,he had done what she had said. That didn't stop her from killing Maueve. Why didn't it stop her from killer Maueve. WHY?!

On the drive back to the bureau they asked him if he was okay. He didn't answer. Morgan looked at him, concern lined in his dark brown eyes,he wanted to say something, something reassuring but he didn't know what to say. What could he say to make this better for him? He sighed, before turning around in his seat in the Chevy Suburban they had driven out there. He was supposed to be the geniuses best friend and yet he couldn't even comfort him when he obviously needed it. He sighed, keeping an eye on Reid in the rear view mirror. He wasn't okay,that was fine,it was understandable even. But he just wanted to help and he knew that he would shut them out. He always did,he feared this time would be no different.

They eventually got back to the BAU, everyone got out of the suv's but Reid took a little longer,his head resting on the seat.

Why,Why,Why him? He would've died for her,why didn't she just shoot him instead? He couldn't rack his brain around it. For once in his life he couldn't rack his brain around it. The tall,slender man exited the Government vehicle,his head sagging as was the rest of his body as he was doing everything in his power not to cry again. He didn't want to cry infront of the others. He refused to cry infront of them. He didn't want them to worry about him,he always wanted to try and take care of things himself. Quite simply he didn't like asking for help,he felt weak being offered it. He was a man,he could handle his own problems.

Once they got back to their floor in the building,he went inside, grabbing his bag and attempting to leave as quickly as he entered. Morgan stopped him though,

"Hey,kid...you know we're all here for you... if you-"

He was cut off by Reid who just wanted to go home and cry,to let out all the negative emotions he was feeling.

"Just leave me alone, Derek"he said coldly

He didn't make eye contact with Derek or anyone as he walked into the elevator and decended to the first floor where he walked out of the FBI Headquarters and towards his Dark Blue Toyota Prius. He had gotten it because it was fuel efficient and he knew the math needed to get the most effective fuel mileage out of it. Quite Frankly he didn't care about something as trivial as fuel mileage. He didn't care about anything. He was too busy feeling all the pain and the hurt he had been feeling for the past couple of months.

He got into the car, placing the bag in his passenger seat before he turned on the car with a press of the push button. He was about to drive off when he heard a knock on his window. He looked over to see Jennifer on the other end of it. He was going to just drive off,but maybe she had something to say involving work, maybe Hotch had told her to tell him something. Whatever her reason may be,he rolled down the window as she looked at him,pity just dripping out of her eyes.

"Hey...Spence...are you-"She was cut off by Reid,who answered her question before she could finish asking it

"I'm fine"he lied with the straightest face he could.

He rolled up the window, giving her just enough time to move her head out of the way before he reversed out of his parking spot, putting the car in drive. He didn't hesitate to speed off, leaving JJ standing there, doubting his claim. She had good reason too, nobody would be okay after that and she knew he was just saying that so she wouldn't worry about him. If she worried about him then she'd probably call him and maybe even stop by his apartment to check on him. She knew to leave him be for a while though. This was going to be tough for him,and everybody involved.

He drove off towards his apartment, feeling at his lowest point. Little did he know, this was just the beginning. He let the tears flow out of his eyes,they came so quickly it felt like his eyes were just grey clouds who were filled with moisture and who were just ready to let it all spill out. He made it to his apartment, hastily parking in his spot before getting out of the car, grabbing his bag before he slammed the door,a wave of anger coming over him. A scowl was present on his face,he shook his head slowly before just walking into his apartment building. He walked up there stories before stoping at the first apartment on Floor 3.

He took out his key and he unlocked the door before closing it and looking it again. He tossed his key on his kitchen counter,before his bag and scarf joined them. He knew only one thing that could take this pain away. Only one thing could make his feelings disappear,it could make his whole body go numb for a couple hours,it would allow him to escape the hell he was going through. He walked into his room, reaching under his bed and pulling out a brown box and setting it on his bed.

Stop.

He flipped open the two little tabs that kept it closed.

STOP

He opened up the container, pulling out a syringe and a vial of a clear liquid that he knew very well

STOP!

He paused,he had been sober for years,he even had the stupid coin in his pocket,he carried it with him to remind him of all the hardships he had and overcame without the use of a drug. He took the coin out of his pocket, sliding a thumb of its textured metal front. A scowl formed on his face,and he yelled out in anger as he through it at his wall.

STOP!!!

He took the vial and the syringe and walked out to his living room with it. He glanced at his door, quickly locking the deadbolt which would stop anybody from coming in,even if they had a key like his friends did. He didn't need them interfering. He didn't need them stopping him from getting the relief he had needed for so long. he filled up the syringe with the liquid, tossing the vial onto the floor carelessly before chosing a point to inject it. He hadn't done it in a while,you could say he was a bit rusty but eventually he found a spot and he injected the drug into his system. This drug was Dialudid. He used to be addicted to it. He had stopped though, now here he was with it flowing through his system. He felt the calming numbness and a small smile appeared on his face as he blacked out from reality.

Authors Note

Hey so if you've made it this far I first off,thank you for reading through the first chapter and second off I want to know what you think of it! Please leave a comment or review or however Feedback works on this platform. I want to write the best story I can but I won't know what the best story could possibly be unless you guys give me some feedback. Maybe you could even suggest something, no guarantees it'll make it into the story but maybe it will or maybe I could make another story about it after I'm finished with this one. Anyways,thanks again for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day!