.

.

Iruka is about to walk out of the classroom when a nin who looks exactly like Uchiha Sasuke except wearing terrible glasses blocks him at the door. "Umino Iruka?"

"Uh, yeah, that's...that's me."

The Uchiha's glasses flash. His eyes narrow. "I understand you're taken with the Senju bitch. I'd like to speak to you about forming an alliance."

"Uh..."

xXx

.

Uchiha Izuna is glaring at the bowl of ramen. Iruka waits patiently. He notices Izuna's Sharingan is active behind the glasses.

"So that's the situation. Are we in agreement?"

"About what?" Iruka says.

"Obviously about breaking up my idiot older brother's relationship with that potato-faced bitch. I can help you. I know all my brother's weaknesses."

Iruka rubs his forehead. "Ah, I'm very flattered, Izuna-san, but it was just a little crush, I'm happy that she's happy. It wasn't anything serious."

"Our interests are aligned, why are you refusing this?" Izuna says. Iruka tilts his head.

"Izuna-san," Iruka says. "Why the hatred against Senju Hashirama? From what I understand she's only ever been kind to you and your clan."

"Why?" Izuna stabs a chopstick into his ramen. Iruka waits, patiently.

"Because my older brother loves her more than me!"

"There we go," Iruka says.

"Because we've always been enemies but he still chose her over me!"

"Oh boy," Iruka says.

"Why am I like this?" Izuna says. He holds his head in his hands.

"Well I mean," Iruka gestures diplomatically, "Uchiha tend to be very, ah, passionate."

"You mean passionate as in histrionic," Izuna says. Iruka raises his hands.

"No, no! I just meant, you know, you all love very, very deeply. And you get very hurt when it's not reciprocated."

"You mean by slaughtering entire villages and waging war against an entire shinobi alliance."

"Well-"

"Like when Uchiha Fugaku felt disrespected and mounted a coup, or how Uchiha Itachi loved his village and so slaughtered his clan, or how Uchiha Obito fell in love with a girl and became a kage-level threat and an S-class missing nin?"

"Well, I mean-"

"Or how my brother tried to destroy the village because that stupid Senju didn't recognize his feelings?"

Iruka rubs his neck. "Well..."

Izuna's voice rises. "I am nothing like that!"

"Of course you're not," Iruka says.

"He's my brother! I will always support him!"

"Of course you will," Iruka says.

"I just can't stand the fact that she's having sex with him."

"Okay, too much information there, but-"

"But I suppose I should be happy for him," Izuna says. "I mean, Nii-san's been in love with her since they were kids. Did you know, when our father forbade him from seeing her, he activated his Sharingan? It just makes me so mad that she kept using him. I mean, how can anyone be that stupid? His feelings for her were obvious. It's like she kept hurting him on purpose."

"You really love your brother," Iruka says. Izuna nods.

"Yeah. I do."

"That's good." Iruka pats his arm. "You're a good kid. I'm sure your brother's very proud of you."

"Thanks."

They lean forward and start eating their ramen.

xXx

.

"Yo. I heard you struck out again," Kakashi says. Iruka groans and covers his head on the table.