Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Chapter 83

Author's Note: This herniated disk is literally a pain in the back! Jewel and Rick needed a chapter mostly to themselves. Tyreese, Sasha and another character will be popping up in a couple chapters. And unlike psycho Lizzie, this one can fight and won't try to kill innocent baby Judith. Oscar is still alive; he's taking Axel's place.

Group POV:

Mar and Carol opened up the gate and let the car Rick was driving in. Rick got out of the car and helped Glenn out. "Oscar take him to Hershel, you two don't move," he told Jes and Michonne.

Mar looked at Rick. "Where's Daryl? Did he…" she asked hesitantly.

"Rick what happened?" Carol asked as she helped Maggie.

"Daryl stayed with Merle," Rick answered.

"You just let him stay? You just let him walk away? How could you do that Rick?" Mar asked.

Rick took her shoulders. "Mar, I tried. We all tried. Believe me. But right now, I need you to go help Hershel with Maggie and Glenn. Do you understand Mariah?"

"Yes," she answered.

"Where's Summer, Carl, Judy and Mitch?" Rick asked.

"Judith's with Beth, Summer, Carl and Mitch are with Oscar, helping with fence duty," Mar told him.

Rick turned and looked at Jes. "You have proven yourself by bringing back my wife, and not leaving us for a personal agenda like she did," he said as he nodded toward Michonne. "So I'm going to ask you to go down and help with the walkers' at the gate. BUT let me make clear one thing, if anything happens to my children, I will rip you limb to limb. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah I understand," she said. "Do I get a gun?"

"I don't trust you that much," Rick hissed at her. "Use what's down by the gate," he told her.

"Mar, can you help Michonne? She needs to rest."

"Don't need your help, didn't ask for it," Michonne said.

"Well too bad, you got it," Rick told her.

Mar nodded. "I got her, go see Jewel. She needs to know about Daryl," she answered as she helped the woman.

Rick and Jewel's POV:

Jewel took a breath as she tried to get comfortable in the cot. She had tried sitting up and then laying down but neither worked, much to her chagrin neither worked. She heard Rick coming up the stairs and looked up as he moved the curtain. She knew by his face that something wasn't right. "Rick? Glenn? Maggie?"

"They're alright," Rick said as he kissed her. "Daryl…." Rick started to say.

"He went with Merle didn't he?" Jewel asked. "I should go see how they are."

"No, it's handled," Rick told her softly yet firmly. "I need to be here with you, I need to know you are alright. Merle beat up Glenn pretty good, he's going to need rest. Maggie's not saying anything about what happened to her, but she needs a bit of time to heal. I left right after you got back, and now I come back and tell you that Daryl didn't come back. I need you to talk to me, Mrs. Grimes. I need to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours," he whispered as he kissed her. "No kids, no anyone else, just us. Do you understand?" he asked as he kissed her deeper. "I need to know you are alright. The rest will work itself out, it always does."

Jewel nodded. "Can you help me with these bandages? I can't get comfortable…." she asked.

"Course," he answered as he kissed her and helped her. "Lean against me," he offered.

"I don't know what you want me to say Rick…I told you everythin' that happened before you left," Jewel told him.

Rick moved her hair off her shoulder and kissed it. "I don't want us to hold anything back from each other. Not talking….well it ends a relationship, it builds barriers, it causes rifts. I'm not letting that happen again. We aren't that type of couple, the way we started, the way we met, we can't be that type of couple," he told her as he rubbed her sides. "I belted Merle with the end of a rifle. Don't think he's too happy about me being his brother in law."

Jewel laughed. "Oh that hurts…" she told him. "He probably deserved it, Mr. Grimes. That feels good, leaning against you. Summer knows…about the rape, about how she was conceived. Known for a while, had heard Daryl and I talkin' one night when she was younger. She told me now because she wanted to say thank you. I'm not really sure what the thank you for."

Rick kissed her shoulder. "For being a wonderful mother. You got a good kid there," he told her.

"We have a good kid, kids actually," Jewel said with a smile. "Daryl he'll be back. He has to see for himself about Merle. He has to understand how much he changed without him. "Did you tell Mar?"

"I told her, she wasn't too happy about it," Rick told her.

"They kissed before they found Carol…." Jewel told him.

"And she must feel betrayed," Rick answered softly. "Do you regret not being with Merle?"

Jewel rolled her eyes. "Remind me to hit you when I can use my hand again. The only thing I regret is not tryin' to give him a chance, and this was before I met the Governor."

"He shot at you," Rick reminded her.

"Yeah, Mar said the same thing. I was never…I don't know…never mind," Jewel told him.

"No, you don't get to do that," Rick told her as he put his arm around her waist. "This OK?" he asked.

"That's fine," Jewel answered as she leaned against him. "I've just never had patience when it came to Merle. I always blamed him for leaving Daryl and me with dad. Thought he always got in trouble on purpose, just so he wouldn't have to be around. Thought maybe bein' separated from us, it would have changed him. It changed Daryl, it changed me…but Merle…he was the same…at least from what I saw."

Rick kissed her shoulder. "You aren't responsible for Merle. It was wrong of everyone back at the quarry to judge you, Summer and Daryl because of him. I would have never given you half of chance if I didn't see you as a separate person. What Merle does, what he did, it's on him, Jewel. It's not on you, it's not on Daryl. You are not your brothers' keeper. I could not let Merle back here, for what he did to Glenn, what he allowed to be done to you and possibly Maggie."

"I know Rick, I don't blame you," Jewel told him as she leaned back and kissed him. "You're pretty good at this husband thing, surprised you and Lori didn't work out. Not that I'm complaining, I'm pretty happy that it didn't work out."

Rick chuckled. "Both of us had our issues," he told her as he rubbed her hair. "For one reason or another, we never could work past them. This, you and me, this is what keeps me grounded, and keeps me from going insane. I thought….I lost you. I fought back every fear, every image of you dying…of you becoming one of those things. If I thought about it, I would have lost it, I wouldn't have been able to be strong for Summer…and Carl, he already lost one mother."

Jewel squeezed his hand. "I'm right here….I'm not goin' anywhere."

Rick kissed her. "I'm counting on that," he told her. "We're avoiding the subject…"

"The Governor?" Jewel asked. "I'm alright, Rick. I'm not that scared 15 year old teen anymore. I don't think I even felt fear….I wasn't going to be a victim anymore. I'm worried about what, or if he did anything, to Maggie. Mar and I know what it feels like….I'm angry, I'm ticked, that Merle even had a little bit to do with it."

Rick nodded as he kissed her neck. "I know, I have to believe that he knew in some small way what the Governor was planning, what he was capable of."

Jewel nodded as she touched his face. "What if Daryl does bring him back here? I know, deep down inside, Daryl wants to try to rectify all the problems us Dixon's have."

"I can't have Merle here, Mrs. Grimes. This is past the whole I handcuffed him to a roof thing. He left you, his sister in the hands of…" Rick told her as he kissed her shoulder.

"Hey, look at me, Mr. Grimes," Jewel told him as she grimaced as she turned to face him. "I'm alright. I get it, Rick. I do. I understand. I'm not asking you to forgive, God, I can't forgive him. Not for what he did to Glenn….what he'd do to you. The thought of that, it scares me, just as much as it scared you me not being here. He'd have to change a whole lot for me to even forgive him a little bit," she said as she kissed him. "What do you think of Jes and Michonne? Did they come back with you?"

Rick nodded. "Turn back around. I can tell facing me isn't comfortable for you," he told her as he helped her. "They came back. I trust Jes, she brought you back, she stayed with the group and she helped rescue Maggie and Glenn."

"But you don't trust Michonne?" Jewel asked as she leaned against him. "You may have to sleep with me like this, it's comfortable."

Rick chuckled. "I've slept in more uncomfortable positions," he assured her. "Michonne went there with her own personal agenda. She went and found the governor; she stabbed him in the eye. He put Daryl and Merle in an arena to fight each other to the death….with Walkers. It might not have gotten that bad if she had stayed with the group."

Jewel shivered. "Well isn't that just a….hmm…yeah a disgusting, twisted thing to do?" she asked.

"Is it possible that we'll all be like that one day?" Rick asked as he kissed her shoulder.

Jewel shook her head. "We may do things that we didn't think we could do before, to protect what is ours. We may find some of those things dark….sides of us that we never saw….never imagined, but to do something like that? No, that was a person who always had a devious side that always was capable of being insane. We have to keep our humanity, Rick. It's what makes us better. We have to be better, but when push comes to shove, we're going to shove," she told him.