Disclamer: All characters belong to J.K Rowling! I am copying the actual text of the story in my own, I do not wish to criticize the amazing work of Ms. Rowling, but I love the idea of characters reacting to their own stories. I do not own Harry Potter in any way!

Chapter 5

CHAPTER THREE: THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE

"How can letters be from no one." Ron asked.

"If we keep reading we might find out Ron." Hermione said exasperated.

The escape of ... had started

"And how long was that?" Remus asked venomously.

"Er, a few weeks?" Harry shrugged. When Remus looked like he was about to say something Harry butted in. "Either keep calm or have another calming potion." Remus stopped trying to interrupt after that.

Dudley had already ... he was the leader.

"By that logic we need to rearrange how a few groups work," Ron laughed.

The rest of ... sport: Harry Hunting.

Sirius started snarling at the book.

This was why ... it might be sick."

"That was great Harry!" Fred said laughing from where he was rolling on the floor.

Then he ran, ... for several years.

"Hey it wasn't that bad!" Harry said when a majority of the school had stuck their tongues out in disgust.

That evening, ... for later life.

"How does that teach a child any life skills? You can't teach someone that violence is the answer in all situations. The school is promoting bad life skills, not good ones!" Professor Mcgonagall said, confused. It was obvious she was angry, but more confused by what the readings were to yell. She also was trying to stop yelling so much. It seemed that Remus had taken to checking his ears every once in a while.

As he looked ... trying not to laugh.

Harry joined the others as they all laughed at the description now. Though he did feel a tiny twinge in his chest from what he guessed was him trying not to laugh in the past. He felt quite upset about whoever had sent these books. He guessed they would help in the long run, but he wished they had found a better way to do it.

There was a ... to ask a question.

The teachers scowled at this. They now understood why the boy never came to a teacher for help. He had so many dangerous adventures, but it was drilled into him not to come to an adult, and fix things for himself.

"Your new school uniform," ... be so wet."

While the rest of the school fell back into laughter, Remus told Harry sadly, "You do have your mother's cheek." Sirius, seeming to agree with this statement, gave Harry a slobbery lick with his tongue.

"Ew, Snuffles, I don't know where that tongue has been lately!" Harry said sticking his tongue out at Sirius.

Sirius seemed to stare at him accusingly before turning away.

"Don't be stupid," ... elephant skin, probably.

"That statement was probably true. I mean Dudley is about the size of an elephant?" Harry said. While meaning his tone to be light and playful, Harry really did believe Dudley was the size of an elephant. He wasn't actually joking.

Dudley and ... behind his paper.

"The world is coming to an end! He made Dudley do something!" The twins shouted.

"Oh shut up you two!" Hermione chastised.

"Make Harry get ... mail, Harry."

"Ah, well nevermind."

"Make Dudley get ... Who would?

"Pretty much the entire wizarding world, until the ministry started spouting lies." Ron answered in a matter of fact tone that sounded like an imitation of Hermione.

Harry just shook his head at this information.

He had no friends, ... Little Whinging Surrey

"Well that is not exactly a pleasant address." Neville stated.

The envelope was ... arms; a lion,

"Gryffindor!"

an eagle,

"Ravenclaw!"

a badger,

"Hufflepuff!"

and a snake

"Slytherin!"

surrounding a large letter H.

"Hogwarts!"

"Hurry up, boy!" ... his own joke.

"That's an awful joke," Ginny said sadly.

Harry went back ... the yellow envelope.

"Why didn't you save it for later and open it somewhere else. This sounds stupid." Hermione said smacking Harry lightly on the head.

"Well I wish I listened to your advice back then." Harry said sarcastically.

Uncle Vernon ripped ... white of old porridge.

"More bad mental images!" The twins shouted.

"P-P-Petunia!" ... his Smelting stick.

"How can you let your child smack you?" Surprisingly it wasn't Mrs. Weasley with the comment. Mr. Weasley had beat her to it. Though her mouth was open.

"I want to ... Harry didn't move.

"This won't be good." Ron said without thinking. Then he glanced over to Harry and saw him shooting daggers at him.

"I WANT MY ... behind them.

Only Ron and Hermione noticed Harry casually rubbing the back of his neck.

Harry and Dudley promptly ... Uncle Vernon wildly.

"Why would we?" asked a second year Hufflepuff.

"But what should ... out that dangerous nonsense?"

"Potter?" Professor Mcgonagall said, looking up from the book, "What do they mean stamp out that dangerous nonsense?" Her voice had turned very cold.

"Oh, oh. Nothing like you're thinking!" Harry said, realizing what they thought. "Just that, they never said magic existed, and said that anything like it was a bad thing. I think they just hoped, if I never found out about it, it wouldn't enter their home."

A sigh went through most of the room. Though Dumbledore was staring at him with a hardened stare. It was odd to Harry after months of being ignored by Dumbledore.

That evening when ... Dudley's second bedroom."

Sirius started growling loudly, and Remus turned to Harry. "Are you telling me, that your cousin had two bedrooms and you had to sleep in a cupboard?" Remus's voice was quiet. It honestly would have been better if he had yelled.

"Yes, well now he has only one bedroom. And honestly it doesn't really bother me now. I spend most of my time at Hogwarts anyway." Harry said.

"Why?" said Harry.

"Harry don't question something good that happens to you." Hermione said sadly.

"Don't ask questions!"... here without it.

"It is quite depressing when the mind doesn't want something good, because something bad has happened." Luna said. Her eyes portrayed a dream like state, but Harry wasn't fooled. She was put in Ravenclaw for a reason. Her voice had the confidence of someone who knew more wisdom than they let on. It was quite sad, that the other Ravenclaw's didn't believe her quite as talented as themselves.

Next morning at ... through the greenhouse roof,

"The poor turtle," Lavender sighed.

and he still ... around the neck from behind.

"Harry, why didn't you tell us you had practice for Halloween beforehand." Ron asked.

"You seem to like jumping on things from behind," Hermione stated. These words were all to the confusion of the others in the hall.

After a minute of ... clutched in his hand.

"All of that for nothing," Harry sighed, rubbing his wrist slightly. He was thankful to Ron and Hermione, who had been helping to hide that he kept feeling these injuries. He just wished there would be a way to hide it as the years go on. He was quite certain, he wouldn't be able to hide the pain of the cruciatus curse, from the rest of the school.

"Go to your ... He had a plan.

Ron and Hermione groaned.

"My plans aren't that bad!" Harry pouted at them.

"They are mate. You think much better on the spot. Something always goes wrong whenever you make a plan beforehand." Ron said sympathetically. Harry looked away.

The repaired alarm ... number four first.

"Actually that's not a bad idea!" Ginny said excitedly.

"Yeah but with Harry, even a good idea goes wrong in some shape or form." Hermione said, shaking her head.

His heart ... "AAAAARRRGH!"

"Are you okay Professor Mcgonagall?" The twins asked hurriedly.

"Yes, Yes, I'm fine, the book said, "AAAAARRRGH!"

"Ohhhhhh" Fred said, elongating the word.

"Well that's fine then." George finished.

Harry leapt into ... his uncle's face.

Hermione just shook her head, as Ron laughed. Something always goes wrong.

Uncle Vernon had been ... pieces before his eyes.

"You don't go tearing up a Hogwarts letter! It's a priceless artifact for every child that goes!" Shouted most of the purebloods in the room. The only purebloods that didn't were from Slytherin, and only because they didn't want to support Potter in any way shape or form. But they did agree with what the rest of them were saying. Hogwarts letters were priceless.

Uncle Vernon didn't go ... just brought him.

"How do you knock a nail in with a piece of fruitcake?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"You don't, he is absolutely delusional." Harry said loudly.

On Friday, no less ... her food processor.

"How exactly did the letters end up in the eggs?" Harry asked Mcgonogall.

"One of the ideas I got from a certain group of pranksters," She said, eyeing Remus and Sirius, who looked like he was playing innocent. "It is something I do to get some of the more odd wizarding families. But you are the most difficult.

"I remember that. Daddy thought it was bad luck, unless it came in an egg." Luna said nodding.

"Who on earth ... Harry in amazement.

"How would I know? I can't read the letters!" Harry snapped at the book. Sirius rested his shaggy head against Harry's shoulder

On Sunday ... reminded them cheerfully

"Why not?" asked a first year slytherin.

"Muggles have people take them their mail. The people who bring the mail don't work on Sunday's." Hermione explained. The boy narrowed his eyes at her. He had not wanted the muggle-born to be the one to answer, but he guessed she would know the most about it.

as he spread ... the air trying to catch one.

"Oliver would be so proud!" Fred and George chanted. Then they quieted down, when they realized that Harry would not be able to play seeker again.

"Out! OUT!" ... mustache at the same time.

"Why would he literally pull his hair out?" Hermoine asked Harry, trying to ignore the fact that Harry was now rubbing his lower back discreetly.

"I told you, he's delusional." Harry said unconcerned.

"I want you ... shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.

"Oh no, he's becoming as paranoid as Moody!" said Tonks, smirking at her mentor. He glared back at her, offended he had been compared to the lunatic.

They didn't stop ... and wondering...

"Harry you really need to learn to go to sleep! You do that now too!" Hermione rebuked him.

They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast the next day. They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table ... Aunt Petunia suggested

"For once in her life she is saying something smart! Listen to her!" Harry muttered.

timidly, hours later,... that afternoon.

"He went mad a very long time ago." Harry sighed almost pityingly.

Uncle Vernon had ... Harry's eleventh birthday.

"Happy Birthday Harry!" Yelled Fred and George.

"It's nowhere near my birthday," Harry said, frowning.

Of course, ... eleven every day.

"I can't believe you can be optimistic Harry!" Ron said in a mock surprised tone.

Harry hit him on the back of the head in response.

"They didn't even give you real birthday presents? When they gave their son so many?" Remus asked angrily.

"Honestly calm down. Though refrain from drinking all of the potions, you'll need them later." Snape raised an eye at this. "It is all in the past. Well until we get to the future. But still I'm fine, and I get Christmas presents now." Harry said trying to calm both of the canines down. In response Remus started gathering some of the potions closer to him.

Uncle Vernon was back ... outside the car.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Harry whispered angrily so that only Ron and Hermione could hear him. He was now trying very hard not to shiver.

Ron snickered, while Hermione was looking at him worriedly. It wasn't often that her friend cursed, or that he admitted that something happened. She supposed that the stress had gotten to him.

Uncle Vernon was pointing ... television in there.

"How is that the perfect place then?" Remus muttered crossly to himself.

"Storm forecast ... chilly wind whipped their faces.

Harry started shivering now. Ron moved in front of Harry a little bit shielding him, while Hermoine moved slightly back. Harry was trying to lean into both of them, with his hands buried into Sirius's thick fur. Sirius was looking worriedly at Harry. He was worried about how the readings were affecting him. It wasn't normal for Harry to lean into the help offered. But then he supposed, no one wanted to relive the physical pain of some of their worst parts of their life.

After what seemed ... each and four bananas.

"That is not a meal for two boys who haven't eaten all day. Especially one that is underweight." Mrs. Weasley said haughtily.

He tried to start ... most ragged blanket.

Ron and Hermione noticed that the shivering didn't subside much. Sirius had started licking Harry's ice cold hands to try and keep the blood flowing.

The storm raged ... be warmer if it did.

"Don't really know how to feel about that one Harry," Hermione said slightly bewildered.

"Well I hope the roof does not come crashing down on you Harry." Said Neville determinedly.

"I never said that!" Hermione screeched at Neville. "I just don't know whether or not he is trying to be optimistic or not." Ron turned to Harry, "You need to stop being such a pessimist. And sometimes you can be really confusing."

Hermione sent Ron a piercing annoyed glare, as Harry just shrugged, trying to make sure no one saw he was shivering.

"Hey, don't blame what Neville said on me!" Ron said angrily, at Hermione.

"Oh shut up you two, before I have to stop a full blown argument!" Harry said to Ron and Hermione who shrank away from his gaze.

Four minutes to go. ... crumbling into the sea?

"Oh my gosh, there is a sea monster living under the shack!" Seamus yelled.

"What?" Dean asked him.

"That's what Harry is hearing!" Shouted a 3rd year Gryffindor girl Harry didn't know. "It's probably a water dragon!"

"Yes see Dean?" Seamus asked.

Harry was very confused as to where this was coming from. He was still shivering badly, but he didn't want to give his discomfort away to the rest of the school by telling them to stop. He was grateful though when Dean didn't give any more suggestions, though looking as confused as he felt.

One minute to go ... BOOM.

"It is a dragon! I told you Dean!" Seamus shouted again. Harry was still very confused as to where BOOM and dragon pieced together.

The whole shack ... knocking to come in.

"Open the door quickly! You don't want to anger a dragon Harry!" Seamus yelled.

Finally Harry managed to gasp out, "W-what?" Harry cursed his chattering teeth.

"Well we can find out in the next chapter", said Professor Mcgonagall.

"I do believe the next to go should be Professor Flitwick. I am most excited to see where this chapter goes." Umbridge's voice cut in. She looked at the minister who nodded. He had been awfully quiet and Harry guessed he was waiting to use his authority for something later on. He was still shivering slightly, and he hoped that they would get to the part when there was a fire.