Chapter 5
After the gang arrived, they all began to strategize in the study room, Jeff quickly assuming the role of leader, a move which ended up being almost immediately squashed by Detective Butcher.
With a steely gaze, Detective Butcher, who had been polite through all the introductions and explanation of relationships earlier, wheeled toward Jeff, taking a few tedious moments to move back from the study table and then around the sharp corner. Abed watched him do this and wiggled his brows at Shirley.
She knew what that boy was insinuating. Just because Pierce, God rest his soul, had been in a wheelchair and made similar awkward maneuverings years ago didn't mean Detective Butcher was a villain. It was merely a coincidence, and of course Detective Butcher wasn't that savvy with his wheelchair; after all, the poor man only became paralyzed less than a year ago.
When he had tragically lost his wife.
She made the sign of the cross, which Annie, now seated to her right like old times, noticed and squinted at her in confusion. Shirley collected herself and returned her attentions to the scene unfolding in front of her.
Detective Butcher was now seated in between Jeff and Annie, in the area where no on had ever sat (well, except Duncan in year 5 but who remembered that), and Jeff had clearly moved the empty chair off to the side sometime during Shirley's ponderings. She could tell by that smug look on that man's face how he was merely humoring the Detective. But she resisted the urge to say anything, knowing that Detective Butcher was more than capable of handling the situation. He had a way with people and could put poor Jeffrey to shame.
Detective Butcher gave a nod to Jeff and then said, "Ahh, Bennett's told me all about your former study group and how it worked. I understand you were the leader, Mr. Winger. But here, see you are on my turf, and I know the case. It would be simpler if I were to fill everyone in and lead the investigation."
Jeff smiled tightly in that way he did when everyone knew he was about to do something passive aggressively rash in five to ten minutes. Shirley made sure with an um hmmm that he made eye contact with her, and she could tell that he understood he needed to behave.
Turning back to Detective Butcher, he said, "Why of course, that makes a lot of sense. I apologize if I was presumptuous, but old habits die hard. By the way, you can call me Jeff. Mr. Winger sounds way too formal." He extended his hand and waited for Detective Butcher to accept it.
"You may call me Detective Butcher."
"That's a load of crap."
"Jeffrey!"
Jeff almost pounced onto the table as he snapped, "I'm sorry Shirley, I've tried to be nice, but what the hell?! You call me and ask for my help, and I fly all the way down here, and this guy clearly doesn't want me here. He's doing a power play."
"Jeffrey, you're the one who's the control freak."
"Yeah, like that's true." Jeff rolled his eyes and glanced at Britta to his right for backup, and she merely stared at him like he was an idiot.
Slightly panicked, he turned to look at Annie.
Affecting a serious demeanor, with more than a hint of smugness, Annie pulled back her shoulders and laced her hands on the table.
Without even attempting to address the unasked question but perhaps ironically illustrating a point, she said, "Well, given that I'm interning with the FBI, I think I should be the one to lead this investigation. After all, I'm the only one who's qualified, at a federal level." She then smiled triumphantly and proceeded to preen.
Jeff's eyes bulged and he bit his lip, and Shirley could have sworn that man was turned on. It was just not appropriate for this venue.
Shirley stood and pounded her fist on the table.
"Now listen! Yes, I asked for your help, and Jeffrey, Annie, Brit-ta, I am delighted to see you all and so grateful. But this is Detective Butcher's case, and it's not a federal matter, but a local one. I think he can lead, and we can all assume valuable roles. Abed, isn't that right?"
Abed, who had been studying Annie for perhaps longer than Shirley realized, merely nodded.
"So it's decided then."
X
X
After the awkwardness, they all quickly fell into approximations of their roles from the Yam Case, Shirley and Detective Butcher assuming a leadership position, Jeff and Annie the lawyerly prosecutors, and Abed as the street detective with his sidekick Audrey.
A bespectacled Britta, cat squirming in her arms, pulled out her laptop and began to awkwardly pound on the keys, with no one really questioning what she was doing.
Shirley observed the now collaborative crime-fighting group, and she reflected on how much she had missed them. It was a fine day indeed to listen to Jeff's quips and Annie's astute questions. That girl was so pretty, and she was certainly looking very FBI-ish in that smart tailored suit and shiny hair. She had a soft spot for Britta as well, noticing how much she had missed her genuine and compassionate smile, which was hidden under layers of snark. She should grab that girl and get a coffee before they all left town.
All left town.
She said aloud, "I think we have all the facts of the case laid-out, isn't that right, Detective Butcher?"
He nodded and glanced around the table. "I think so. Of course there's a lot of work to do, but it seems as if this team knows how to divide up a big project. I'm looking forward to see what you can all bring to me and Bennett."
Abed cocked his head and said, "Since Audrey and I are going to be the street detectives, we'll get started interviewing witnesses this afternoon. If we're lucky, there might be a chase scene. We'll convene with Jeff and Annie at three and get some pie at the diner and Britta of course can do some research for us. Badly."
"Hey!" Britta scowled and Jeff reached over and patted her arm in a condescending manner. She shirked and gave him a glare, to which he raised his brows almost giddily.
Shirley really had missed her lovable crew. Why, she couldn't imagine right now why she used to get so irritated. They were her family. She held back her tears of pride and happiness.
And then of course as everyone else started talking amongst themselves, she overheard Abed murmuring something to Audrey. She turned and listened.
"Would you write your name down for me?"
Audrey giggled and accepted the pad of paper Abed had shoved toward her. She picked up a pen and, after taking an inappropriate amount of time considering her task while lightly biting the end of the pen, carefully wrote her name in a flourish. She then sat back and, jutting out her chest, slowly slid the paper back, making sure to graze Abed's hand.
Appearing unfazed, Abed regarded the writing for a few moments and then made a hum of satisfaction.
"Audrey, that rightward slant in your handwriting indicates a romantic nature. A heart that yearns. Be careful."
"I do?"
He looked up and smiled slightly at her, and Shirley just about had enough. She was about to make an umhmmm when she was stopped by Jeff's loud throat clearing.
Shirley exchanged alarmed glances with Jeff, and she knew that man finally understood they had a serious problem.
x
x
Detective Butcher magnanimously invited the gang to stay with him and Shirley in the mansion, as he had plenty of room. Shirley was never sure why he and his wife had lived in such a spooky and grand home, but she didn't feel close enough to him to question it.
Not that they weren't close, but she didn't like to ask too many questions about his life with his wife. He had confided in her some things but still. They had to keep things professional.
Jeff would get his own space of course, and Annie and Britta would double up, as Shirley was using the only other spare room. Although Jeff did his best to try to convince Abed to room with him, Abed was adamant that he remain at the motel, where he said he needed the atmosphere to think through the case. Plus, he added that he would be taking lots of vocal digital notes and didn't want to bother Jeff at night. It did not escape Shirley when Abed then winked at Jeff and whispered to him something about bed sharing tropes.
So that boy was going to share a bed with Audrey? She wasn't going to have it.
She yanked on Abed's collar before he could leave the school and hauled him off down the hall to a supply closet, where she tossed him and then close the door behind her. She then reached around in the dark and was relieved to find a hanging cord from the overhead incandescent light bulb and yanked on it to reveal a murky yellow haze.
Abed stared at her with an unreadable expression, but Shirley could have sworn he was excited. She once again thought she heard a little squeak.
Stepping closer to him, she clutched her bag and said, "Now listen, you will come back to the mansion with us and room with Jeff. There is no reason for you to get more mixed up with that child. You don't even know her."
"She's twenty one."
"I don't care. Something is wrong with her. Either that, or you are paying her to assume a role, in which case that is against the law, if you ahem, do other things."
"I am paying her. She's my driver."
"You know very well what I mean."
He seemed to consider her words, and he placed his hand on his chin and then tilted his head. The sheen from the light bulb reflected on his slicked hair.
Finally, he said, "I want you to know, Shirley, that Audrey and I aren't doing anything improper. I'm aware she might have feelings for me, but I don't see her that way."
"You've been leading that poor girl on."
He shrugged and said, "And at any rate, I can't stay with you at the mansion. I've already explained it to Jeff, and I think he understands."
She furrowed her brow and took a moment to collect herself. Abed did seem adamant that he wasn't intending to fool around with that girl, and she had certainly never known him to be promiscuous. She believed him. Plus her recollection of Twin Peaks was that Agent Cooper and Audrey never did consummate their flirtation. Abed was a stickler for fidelity to screenplays.
She asked, "Then what on earth was that I overheard you saying to Jeff? Bed sharing trope?"
Abed bit his knuckle and then shook his head. "I can't say, Shirley. I don't want to ruin it."
She suddenly understood.
"Oh dear lord, you meant him and Annie!" She smacked him with her bag, and this time she hoped it did some minor damage. She then added, "I will put a stop to this."
Rubbing his arm, Abed suddenly stilled and then stared at her. "But you want this just as much as I do."
"There can be no sinning under Detective Butcher's roof." She shook her head and murmured her disapproval so that the Lord could hear her. She wanted to be on record with him that she did not condone this.
Abed kept staring at her, and at a pause in her hmmmms, he said, "Bed sharing tropes don't always lead to sex."
At this, she perked up her ears and waited for him to explain.
With a glint in his eye, he continued, "Sometimes the situation is just a way for two people to finally admit that they have feelings for each other. Of course, others are bound to misunderstand it and assume they had sex, but in those types of stories, that isn't what happens. It's more of an emotional catharsis."
"Ahhh, that's nice."
"Which is very different from the other bed sharing type of story. That's pretty much porn."
"Abed!"
"But they call it smut."
X
X
At three that afternoon, Abed, Audrey, Jeff, Annie, Britta, and Shirley convened at the diner to recap the day's investigations. Abed ordered his black coffee and cherry pie, and Jeff and Shirley once again exchanged concerned looks.
Annie nudged her way in between Abed and Audrey, and Abed seemed annoyed.
"Abed, it's so good to see you. I missed you."
"You've only been gone a few weeks."
Biting her lip in concentration, Annie then tried, "I know. But so much has happened since then. You went to LA…"
At this, Abed abruptly stood and slid Annie, in her chair, over next to Jeff and then with a tight smile pushed his seat back where it was beside Audrey.
Everyone gasped, and Annie squeaked before exchanging frantic looks with Jeff.
"Jeff, do something!"
At this, Jeff tapped the table and regarded Abed with a stern expression. "Hey, buddy, you want to explain that? It was rude."
"No, Annie was rude. I was sitting next to Audrey. Plus, it makes more sense to have you and Annie, representing the law in this, be near each other while Audrey and I share our findings from this afternoon."
Shirley shook her head, and she knew Jeff was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. She wasn't sure what any of them were supposed to do now. She needed to find some way for Abed to be alone with Jeff so that he could talk some sense into him, but how?
Appearing to perk up from his likely angry outburst, Abed exclaimed, "Audrey and I were busy this afternoon. We found out something very interesting about our victim."
With some curiosity, Shirley asked, "Something we didn't already know?"
"Yes, we talked to the Dean. Apparently, Bumbles, aka Randy but no one ever called him that, was a known drug dealer. Weed mostly."
Shirley tried to ignore Britta's sudden renewed interested as she had stopped attempting to corral her cat. That girl had problems. She needed to sit her down and have a serious chat.
Annie frowned. "Cannabis? Why does that sound familiar?"
"There are a lot of similarities to one of our old cases. Check out the files Audrey and I put together." Abed leaned forward and shoved several manila folders toward them all.
They all took a few minutes to peruse the materials, and Shirley began to feel her pulse quicken. It was insane.
Jeff was now sitting up straighter and he rapped his knuckle on the table as he shared a look of mania with Abed.
Abed nodded with assuredness, and a hush fell over the gang.