Chapter 7

The investigation proceeded, despite Shirley's concerns about Abed's mental stability. Britta had squeezed her hand under the diner table during Abed's elaboration on his odd dream, and later after Abed and Audrey left, opined in the parking lot about how this whole thing was Abed's attempt to come to terms with losing Troy.

"It's a classic projection." She smiled smugly, and to Shirley's irritation seemed to almost revel in the possibilities for therapizing.

Well, she made sure to let that girl know that she was very much concerned about Abed, and then she turned to Jeff and silently pleaded with him.

Jeff groaned and looked up at the sky, his hands in his jean pockets. He finally returned her gaze and said, "Actually, I think Britta has a point."

"You are not serious, Jeffrey?"

He regarded her for a few moments, and his eyes softened.

"Yeah, unfortunately, I am. He's been having a hard time since Troy left." He paused and gave Britta a reproachful look, "But that doesn't mean I think you should get all in there and therapize him. At least not right now. I'll talk to him."

Well, that made her feel better. At least he understood they needed to handle this delicately rather than with Britta's sledgehammer. She was reminded of how Detective Butcher had echoed her concerns and offered to help Abed. She warmed at the thought that perhaps the Detective, who was sitting off to the side listening, and Jeff could end up being friends. She really wanted her whole family together.

Family.

Right.

Detective Butcher wasn't her family.

And her kids. They needed her.

She snapped her attentions back and gave Jeff a thankful smile, and he patted her on the shoulder.

With an expression of smugness that didn't really fit the question, Britta suddenly addressed Jeff, "Aren't you and Annie supposed to be with Abed and Audrey anyway?"

Annie, who had been standing back during the conversation thus far, carefully stepped forward and crossed her arms as she explained, "You heard what Abed said. He wants us to catch up with them later. He, um, suggested Jeff and I have some alone time before we debrief about any interviews they conduct." She smiled sheepishly, her cheeks noticeably reddening, and then she glanced down at the concrete.

Britta nodded and remarked, "Oh, yeah, you guys definitely need more alone time. And probably lots and lots of space."

Through grit teeth, Annie looked up and said, "Shut up, Britta."

At this, Shirley frowned and glanced back and forth between Annie and Jeff. She was puzzled, for she thought everything had been resolved, but she supposed drama tended to follow their group.

She asked with a sigh of disappointment, "Space? Now don't tell me you two had a fight. Why, you just got together."

Annie's eyes widened. "You know?"

She supposed they hadn't had time to debrief, and her heart warmed at the thought that she and Annie had so much on which to catch up. She was looking forward to hearing all the details of the emotionally cathartic conversation, because for some reason Jeff hadn't seemed that forthcoming about any of it.

She also felt a pang of guilt at having mentioned anything, for she wasn't sure if they had wanted to be discreet.

With a throat clear, she replied, "Yes, Jeff told me this morning. It's so nice." She paused and then added, "I am so sorry if Britta wasn't supposed to know."

Annie and Jeff exchanged odd glances, and then Britta snorted.

That didn't make any sense at all.

She whipped around to face her and asked, "Excuse me? What on earth?"

Britta shrugged and seemed to try to stop herself from laughing, which was frankly pretty rude. And it seemed strange the way Annie stepped over and stomped on her foot.

"Oh!"

"Sorry."

Jeff then immediately pushed his way in between them, and placing hands on both of their shoulders said, "Ladies."

"Bite me."

Jeff squinted at Britta, and it seemed like old times. Annie then shivered a little under Jeff's touch and smiled coyly, which elicited an eye roll and some snark from Britta.

"Get a room. And this time, get a hotel. I need to get some sleep."

X

She was sitting in her car, and at the creak of the passenger side door, she didn't even look up.

"I'm sorry, Shirley."

She shook her head and um hmmmed disapprovingly, not knowing what to say. To know her dear friends had sinned under Detective Butcher's roof was so disrespectful. She almost wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't been for Annie and Jeff's obvious guilty reactions at Britta's words and then all of Jeff's yelling.

She slowly turned toward Annie and asked with some tentativeness, "You two slept together?"

"Yes."

"Emotional catharsis or um, smut?"

"Shirley, I…."

"Never mind. I understand."

Her heart fluttered for a moment, which confused her, and she attempted to suppress some inappropriate thoughts she was having about how exciting it might have been.

Jeffrey was certainly built.

No, no, no.

She scowled, and said, "It isn't right, what you two did. You were supposed to talk to each other."

Annie smiled weakly and said with a tremble in her voice, "We did. I took your advice and poured out my heart to him, and he told me about how he opened the door to the underground bunker. We both said I love you."

Well, she was certainly glad to hear that.

Love was love.

Aloud, she said with a tear in her eye, "Oh, honey, that's wonderful."

"And it was all due to you. I can't thank you enough."

She let this comment sit for a few moments, and while it made her feel warm and appreciated, for some perhaps stupid reason she couldn't let the other stuff go.

"You two sinned."

She instantly smacked her hand over her mouth, but Annie already appeared hurt and perhaps more than slightly irritated.

Annie took a deep breath and then said, "Jeff and I don't see it that way. It seemed a natural expression of our love. It was amazing, and it felt so right, Shirley. And it wasn't a one-time thing. I hope you can understand."

She slowly removed her hand and considered this. She supposed the two have them had made a commitment to each other, for they had known each other for so many years already. Perhaps this was going to be okay.

She murmured, "I suppose that makes things slightly different."

Annie nodded, her shoulders relaxing.

"But we're very sorry that we put you in this awkward position. I know it's not our house, and I suppose we got swept away in the romance of it all."

The girl was now fluttering her lashes and staring at her doe-eyed.

She let out a huge resigned sigh and pulled her into a hug.

"It's okay, An-nie. I forgive you."

"Thank you, Shirley."

"But please, promise me you'll get engaged soon."

Annie pulled back from the embrace and squeaked.

"What is it, pumpkin?"

She stared at her with almost a look of horror.

"I'm not ready to get engaged! We haven't really even gone a date! And I live in DC, and oh god, I …." She began fanning herself and appeared to have trouble catching her breath.

With a firm pat on the hand, Shirley said, "Now, I am sure you and Jeff will figure it out. You probably should go on a date. But really, you two know each other so well," she added with a lilt in her voice, "I wouldn't be surprised if there were wedding bells in the very near fu-ture."

She could feel the grin in her cheeks, and she couldn't understand why Annie didn't seem as enthusiastic.

There was a rap on the window, and spying Dev – Detective Butcher sitting there with an empathetic smile, she turned and rolled it down.

"Everything okay?"

She cast a glance at Annie, who was staring ahead in a bit of a daze, and then nodded. "I think I may have overreacted. I'm sorry I made such a scene."

His smile now broadened, and he chuckled to himself for a few moments before he said, "It's okay. And it was my house, and really," he craned his neck to see past her and said, "Annie, it's fine. You didn't bother me that much last night. If anything, I was happy that my home could once again be a place for love."

Shirley again felt the flutter in her chest, but merely turned to see Annie's reaction. She was still blushing, but let out a sigh and gave a nod, clearly still embarrassed. Shirley supposed that it was a good healthy reaction to this whole situation, and she really hoped her wise words had sunk in. She silently made plans to get those two a dinner reservation somewhere and take Jeff to a jewelry store.

Annie said, "Thank you, Detective Butcher."

As Shirley began to bask in this nice moment, Detective Butcher's words sunk in. She whipped her head around and snapped, "Did you just say they didn't bother you that much last night…you were happy your place was again used for love?"

His eyes widened, and he inched his chair back.

"Um, yeah."

"You knew those two were up to their antics?! You let me think there were ghosts! Why, you were making fun of me!"

"Now, Bennett, I …."

"And to think I shared a bed with you!"

She barely registered the creak of the passenger side door as Annie discretely exited.

X

X

She and Detective Butcher made it to campus a little after eleven. Although that poor fool of a man kept insisting he hadn't been making fun of her, she would not have it and made sure to hold out the palm of her hand at him and look in the opposite direction the entire way to campus. He might think her being scared of ghosts was funny, but it was not amusing at all.

And to think she had even briefly entertained the idea that he could have given her an orgasm. She considered Annie had obviously had her share last night, and that thought filled her with a sense of fury she just didn't understand.

She let out one more uh uh as he attempted to apologize yet again, and then smacked his shoulder.

They exited the van, for she had given her car to Jeff and Annie. Britta had insisted on attempting to navigate the Atlanta public transportation system, and she noticed Jeff hadn't seemed that eager to give her a ride anyway.

Neither had Detective Butcher.

Detective Butcher lowered his chair to the ground and then began the process of closing up the van as he said, "Bennett, I just want you to know that I wasn't trying to tease you."

"Then what on earth were you doing?"

He sighed and turned toward her.

"I didn't think it was my place to tell you what was really going on. Britta told me that you wouldn't approve, and I guess none of us wanted you to be upset."

She considered this and crinkled her brow in frustration.

"But I'm not that judgmental am I? Why I just told An-nie that I was happy for her and Jeffrey."

Seeming to be surprised for some reason, he said, "Well, that's wonderful."

"And that as long as they got engaged soon, all would be right with the Lord."

He groaned and snapped, "See, Bennett? This is why no one tells you things. As wonderful as a baker and quasi-detective you are, this pious crap has to stop. The people in your life love you so much and maybe want to tell you things, like really want to open their soul to you, and you won't let them. No, you get all high and mighty, like saying marriage is the fundamental institution, and then they have to resort to schemes and hide things from you, just to get you to stay in their life! It's damn frustrating!"

He suddenly stopped and his eyes widened, likely matching her own. She didn't know what to say. He certainly wasn't making any sense. He didn't know her friends that well, and while she was still upset with the shenanigans and secrecy from everyone last night, she was sure that her friends weren't keeping other secrets from her. She supposed he must have meant Abed.

She shook her head and patted his arm as she said, "Now, if you're talking about Abed, he's not running a scheme. That boy honestly believes his nonsense. I've told you about the claymation."

Detective Butcher smiled oddly and then shrugged. "Right. Of course. We, um, should probably get back to the case."

X

While Abed and Audrey had already interviewed Dean Grassley and the Detective had talked to him once before near the beginning of the investigation, Shirley wanted to meet the man and form her own impressions.

She and the Detective were called in by the administrative assistant, and they entered the Dean's office. It consisted of a small sofa, a chair with low table, and a desk near the far wall, where a petite-framed man with short black curly hair sat waiting them with a big smile.

"Hello! I'm the Dean!" He rose and walked over to them, eagerly shaking both of their hands.

"It's so good to meet you Mrs. Bennett, and why, it's delightful to see you again, Detective Butcher! Why I can't forget your face! And our chat the other day about the unfortunate circumstances," He made a tskign sound as he continued to grip the Detective's hand tightly, something that Shirley did not understand.

The Detective winced as the Dean finally let go, and then he stared at him, a strange expression on his face. There was a long moment of awkward silence, as the men appeared to study each other.

Finally, Detective Butcher cleared his throat and said, "Right. Our conversation."

"Yes, we had such an interesting talk!" The Dean then motioned for Shirley to sit on the sofa, and he hunkered down in the chair as he added, "It's such a ghastly business. You know, murder. But maybe it was an accident?"

She lowered her voice, "He was stabbed."

"Oh right, silly me."

Dean Grassley shrugged and smiled with embarrassment, glancing at Detective Butcher for a moment before addressing Shirley.

"Now, Mrs. Bennett, I'm not sure what else you want me to say. I spoke with your colleague here the other day, and I think we about covered everything. Bumbles, err, Randy I guess was his name, was one of our campus characters, but it was certainly shocking that this happened."

Shirley nodded and took out her notepad and pen as she asked, "I just have a few more questions, as I've had some conversations with our case consultant, and he wanted me to verify some things."

"Ah, yes, Mr. Nadir. He is an odd fellow, isn't he? He kept asking me about Bumble's hair."

Shirley smiled sweetly and asked, "Did Randy have any unusual sideburns?"

"As I told Mr. Nadir, I couldn't recall. I asked around though."

"And?"

"His professors say he would at times have sideburns, but they don't recall them being unusual. When he died, he didn't have any long sideburns. Just short stubby ones. I guess sometimes we just don't notice these things. He wore lots of hats."

She perked up at this information and, feeling a rush of excitement that she would likely later chastise herself for, inquired, "Top hats?"

"Why yes, sometimes he would sport one. But then he became interested in berets. Poor man was trying to get attention, I'm afraid." The Dean placed his hand on his chest and shook his head in pity.

He added, "But why do you ask?"

She jotted down the information in her notebook, feeling Abed would appreciate it.

Lord, what was wrong with her?

She explained, "We had a similar character at my community college in Greendale, Colorado."

"You went to Greendale? Why give my love to Dean Pelton."

She startled and asked, "You know my dean? How on earth?"

"We've met at the annual Dean Convention USA. He's a delightful man, even if he doesn't have any hair. The poor man."

Dean Grassley smugly patted his luscious curly locks.

X

Shirley sprinted up to Jeff and yanked on his sleeve.

He looked down at her and said with affected disdain, "What? Oh, it's you."

"Who else would it be?"

"Anyone. I tower over all of you."

She scrunched up her nose, and he smirked and motioned for her to sit down on the bench in the campus quad. They had arranged to meet up while Annie got coffee in the cafeteria with Abed and Audrey. Britta and Detective Butcher were in the campus library reviewing Britta's morning research.

"You talked to him?" She looked up hopefully, knowing that Jeff wouldn't let her down.

He let out a wearied sigh and replied, "Yeah. You were right to be concerned."

"Of course I am."

"He's in deep. Like twelve cherry pies deep."

She shook her head and clutched her bag as she murmured, "What are we going to do?"

"I think the only thing we can do. We know Abed. He will never let something go, no matter what. This is just like the claymation episode. We have to play along."

"Did you just say episode?"

"Sorry, I meant fiasco. Whatever. I spent too much time with him this morning. He's pretty intent on deciphering his dream. So far he's talking about holing up at the lodge tonight with Audrey seated outside to make sure no giants appear."

"Dear lord in heaven. What do you think is up with that girl?"

Jeff pursed his lips and patted his fist on the table.

"That's actually the part that bothers me the most. I have no clue."

She cocked her head and widened her eyes.

With a groan of resignation, he said, "Fine. I'll get her alone and have a nice menacing lawyerly chat."

"Thank you, Jeffrey."

They gave each other reassuring smiles, and she knew things would be okay.

Jeff's expression then faltered, and she knew what was coming. She was surprised it had taken so long, but she supposed Jeff had a long history of avoidance. Well, he had better know he couldn't avoid Shirley Bennett. She was a baker after all.

"Shirley, I'm sorry about last night."

"You are?" She eyed him suspiciously and slightly lifted her nose and turned so he could regard her profile.

He cracked his neck and stared up at the sky for a moment before he answered, "Well, not really. But I'm sorry you were upset at being kept in the dark. I suppose I could have just told you, even if," he rolled his eyes, "everyone knows how you would respond."

"Now that's not true!"

They both instantly turned and regarded each other intently.

"Isn't it? Come on Shirley, you cannot tell me you'd condone premarital sex."

She preened herself a little, having worked this all out in her head thus far, at least she thought she had. She lightly poked his shoulder and then said, "I'll have you know, I'm fine with it. I already told An-nie so."

He squinted at her in disbelief. After a throat clear, he said, "Right. She mentioned that, but why do I think that's not the full story? I got the distinct impression she had omitted something, and frankly, she's been a little skittish all day. What the hell did you say to her?"

At this, she didn't know what to think. She shook her head and murmured, "I don't know. I told her you have my full support, and that I was looking forward to hearing about the engagement." With a glint in her eye, she added, "Speaking of, there's a great jewelry shop on fifth. Let's sneak over there tomorrow. I think I know what she would like!" She playfully interlaced her hands and awaited his enthusiasm.

He was staring at her, his head slowly cocking to the side the way it did when he was about to rattle off some Winger points. But to her surprise, he merely opened his mouth and remained silent.

"Jeff? What do you think?"

He visibly gulped and then closed his eyes. "I need some water."

Her heart sank. "You don't want to marry her?"

His eyes flew open. With the hint of a sputter, he replied, "No, that's not it, it's just…damn it, does she not want to? That's why she's been so weird today? Oh my god, of course she doesn't, I'm just dragging her down, and then there's my crap history of proposing to people when I shouldn't. You know better than to encourage that! Christ, Shirley, what the hell am I gonna do?"

"Jeffrey, please calm down. We can figure this out."

Suddenly, Dean Grassley was standing at the end of the table and smiling at them as he chirped, "Mrs. Bennett! Why, I had no idea you were still on campus, but then I spotted you from my Dean window and well I just had to come over and say hello, now didn't I? And meet your um, attractive friend."

He offered his hand, and Jeff, appearing to startle out of his perhaps not-that-low-key panic, familiarly smirked as he shook it. She briefly wondered if they went over this thing at Dean conventions.

"Jeff Winger, friend and associate of Mrs. Bennett and Detective Butcher."

"Dean Grassley. So pleased to meet you. My, do you work out?"

Jeff smiled tightly and nodded, and the Dean continued to stare at his arms, which Shirley supposed she understood. She had been wrestling with a lot of her church teachings lately, which was something she didn't like to think about.

In her gut she knew she had been wrong about judging Troy and Abed's 'strange little weird' friendship, at the time feeling that she needed to shut it down for it hadn't seemed right. And the Dean's harassment of Jeff had been easy to criticize, for harassment was not okay. But if he and that nice if not high-strung Dean Spreck decided to settle down, why she wouldn't be against it necessarily.

And if Troy and Abed were to reunite, why poor Abed might finally be whole again.

Love was love.

And she could appreciate a good bicep with the rest of them. She followed Dean Grassley's' gaze, and was only interrupted by Jeff's throat clearing, and she looked up at him and shrugged as he smiled at her in bemusement.

Oh, Jeffrey. Like old times.

It was then that Abed slid in next to her at the table.

"Shelly says she'll make me a special pie to eat tonight, and Audrey's going to help by making sure no one enters my room."

Shirley furrowed her brown and shook her head, whining as Jeff patted her hand in an attempt at reassurance.

It was then that Abed looked up and appeared to register Dean Grassley's presence. He cocked his head, and the flicker of interest flashed across his eyes. He said, "Dean Grassley. We meet again."

"Ah yes. Why, good to see you."

"It's Mr. Nadir."

"Why yes, of course. I just didn't think we needed to be so formal."

"Interesting. Parallels."

Abed began to take out his digital recorder, when Audrey came bounding up to them and practically plopped herself into Abed's lap, but was rebuffed at the last minute and sulkingly sat to his left. She turned to regard the Dean, and she suddenly lilted a little to the side.

Abed caught her before she fell.

X

They all hovered around the bed, fretting beyond belief. Shirley was almost beside herself in worry, for even if she had been suspicious of the poor girl, she certainly new a proper faint when she saw one. And the girl was so pale, she was probably anemic or something.

Or maybe she had seen a ghost.

For some reason Shirley couldn't shake that thought, and glancing over her shoulder with a shiver, she made the sign of the cross.

"Mr. Nadir?"

Everyone hushed their murmurs at the realization that Audrey had begun to wake, and Abed scooted his chair over to her cot in the community college health center. He clasped her hand and said, "Audrey? I'm here."

She smiled weakly and fluttered open her eyes.

"Thank god. I love you."

"Now, now, let's not get into that right now. You need some rest. Why, we've been worried sick about you."

"You've been worried? Don't be babe, I saw the dwarf, and he says hello. He sent me to you. He loves you too."

At this, Abed let out a soft squeak and clasped her hand tighter.

"You need to talk to Bob. He knows," she gasped for a breath and continued, "the truth."

"What truth, Audrey?"

"He's not the same man."

"Bob?"

"He moves like he is, but it's all wrong."

With that, Audrey closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. Shirley eyed the IV in her arm and Nurse Raquel's hand moving back, having injected what appeared to be a sedative into the bag.

"She needs to rest."

X

They returned to the diner that evening to recap, Abed having stayed behind on campus for while with Audrey, whom the nurse said would need to take it easy once she awoke. Abed was supposedly making plans for Audrey's parents to pick her up, insisting that Jeff not do so, stating that it was his responsibility.

Everyone around the diner table listened to Britta's assessment of her research so far.

"Bumbles was definitely dealing marijuana. He had a distribution network set up. I plotted out the schematics."

Balancing Daniel's carrier on her lap, she proceeded to pull up a gibberish-looking graph on her computer, and Jeff nodded politely as he sipped his coffee.

Shirley exchanged looks with Detective Butcher and silently mouthed her wishes for him to indulge her and then smiled sweetly as she said, "Thank you Brit-ta. This is very helpful."

Britta nodded as she regarded them all from the tops of her glasses. "And rumor has it he was wanting to get into meth. But he hadn't been able to set up a decent lab."

At this, Shirley bristled and she exchanged alarmed looks with Jeff and Annie, who were both likely thinking the same thing.

Annie squeaked, "Like Starburns!"

She shook her head and said, "Shush, honey. I'm sure it's only a coincidence. Make sure you don't talk about any of that nonsense once Abed gets here."

Annie began to gesture animatedly, her voice rising as she said, "But Shirley, this is crazy. We're at a community college again, there's this weirdo middle-aged drug dealer victim who wears weird hats, the Dean is clearly wanting Jeff—"

Jeff smirked and took her hand to give it a squeeze, and she rescinded it and mouthed, "No!"

He grinned giddily, and Annie continued, "This whole situation is absurd. Even Abed couldn't script this."

Shirley considered this, and reluctantly admitted, "I wouldn't put it past the boy. Why, it almost seems as if we were in a play."

Reddening slightly for some unfathomable reason, Detective Butcher cleared his throat and said in a commanding tone, "Now people, I suggest we focus. We talk to Abed and get him some help. Clearly he has mental troubles, and…"

It was then that Abed came storming through the doors of the diner, clearly out of breath. His hair and suit were drenched from the rain, which had overtaken the city within the last few minutes, and he practically limped over to the table.

Everyone turned in concern.

"Abed? Hon, what on earth?! Are you okay?"

There was a flash of lightening and then the power went out, engulfing them all into darkness.

Abed gasped, "It's Audrey. She's been kidnapped."