Chapter 9

The next day provided a fresh start. It was important that they forget all the nonsense of the night before. Abed was fine. He was at most lightly bruised from the blast of paint. The storm had passed, and the electricity was restored to all of the Atlanta swamps.

The wetness was dissipating.

Shirley shook her head as she regarded the gang around the breakfast table, pleased that Jeff and Annie had brought Abed back with them from the hospital versus dropping him off at the motel. Abed had roomed with Jeff, leaving Annie safely and securely bunked with Britta. Although she had come around on Team Jeff/Annie, that didn't mean she'd condone another night of foolishness under their roof.

Under Detective Butcher's roof, that is. She smiled nervously to herself as she realized her internal mistake. Other things were best forgotten as well. Why, people would say and do anything during the terror of a storm. Best not to dwell on it.

But she didn't forget one thing, and that was what the Detective had told her about Dean Grassley and his suspicions around Audrey's kidnapping. They needed to find that poor girl quick, as well as the actual Dean. With forced cheerfulness, she addressed the group.

"Good mor-ning. Why, I trust ev-ery-one slept soundly."

There was grumbling all around, which she supposed she should have anticipated. She waited with an arched brow until Britta smacked Abed on the elbow.

Sensing she was missing something yet again, her mind began to do the calculations. For Britta to be irritated with Abed this morning made no particular sense, since she hadn't seen him since he had been shot. Of course, she might be annoyed at him for having been so dramatic and wasting everyone's time, but Britta didn't usually react much to things like that. No, this was something else….

And then it dawned on her. Abed spent the night in Britta's room while Jeff and Annie sinned away.

Her brow arch grew to holy levels as she proceeded to give them all the stink eye. Jeff pushed back his chair, his eyes darting all around, doing his own mental gymnastics. Shirley pursed her lips and then stared him down, knowing full well that she and Twinkletown in fact, under certain extenuating circumstances, had the same mind.

He reddened and blurted, "Shirley! Noooo! Abed was with me!"

She shook her head and began to murmur her um hmms of disappointment, when he then seemed to steady himself and added, "Not that we need to justify anything to you," and proceeded to cross his arms over his chest and pout.

Detective Butcher began to butter his roll and said with a bored tone, "I really don't care."

Abed cocked his head and said, "Shirley, if you must know, Jeff is telling the truth. I may have started off the evening with Britta, but I ended up with Jeff."

Jeff nodded with approval and more than a hint of relief. Shirley felt herself relaxing as well, recognizing she must have completely misunderstood the situation. She smiled apologetically, and Jeff gave her an accepting nod in a bid at a truce.

Abed then added, "And Annie."

Annie's eyes went wide and she shouted, "Abed! No!"

There were various exclamations around the table, and Detective Butcher continued to butter his roll. Daniel approached and pounced on his lap, which elicited a hearty chuckle from the detective. He moved a small bit toward the now purring cat's mouth before Britta slapped his hand.

"Don't feed him! He needs his morning medicine first."

Detective Butcher smiled sheepishly and replied, "Sorry, I guess I just realized how much I'd like a pet. I mean after Bennett here leaves, I'll be a bit lonely."

A hush fell over the room, and Shirley's heart sank. It unnerved her, and he glanced up to catch her eye. She saw the faint hint of pinkness around it. Pinker than Gary's toes that time he let himself get dangerously close to indulging nudist fantasies in the Greendale quad. Of course the resulting sunburn had been horrific and he had limped for a week.

"Why would you say something like that, Devon? You know I haven't decided."

She sucked in her breath as everyone else seemed to as well, including Devon. Her eyes widening, she lifted her arm and Britta grabbed it, gently lowering it back to her lap. She had no idea why she had said that. She wasn't staying. That was absurd.

Britta was regarding her with kindness. She said, "No need to make the cross, Shirley. Um, as the queen of saying revealing and somewhat embarrassing things in front of people, perhaps we should all let you guys talk. Alone."

"Excellent idea." Jeff started to stand, and Shirley suddenly whipped her head to stare him down.

"You will not, Jeffrey. Devon and I can talk any old time."

"Now, Bennett, hey."

"Not now, Devon." Turning the full focus of her fury away from herself and onto Jeff, she said, "What's this I hear about you, Annie, and um, Abed, sharing a bed?" She held out her butter knife menacingly, and Devon reached across and took it from her.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "It's not like how it sounds. Trust me."

She scanned her friends' faces. Annie was pursing her lips in frustration and Abed was calmly regarding her. Knowing what she must do, she steeled herself and then only reluctantly asked.

"A-bed, perhaps you could enlighten me? What happened after you returned from the hospital last night?"

"I'm glad you asked Shirley, since clearly no one else is of any use in advancing the plot. We have a lot to do today, and we still have to find Audrey and the real dean. Yes, Detective Butcher filled me in, but I already knew it wasn't the real dean. But I think I have most everything figured out, but we have to keep the plot thread or everyone will tune out since it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me."

He closed his eyes and smiled in satisfaction and then looked at her again and continued, "Anyway, Jeff, Annie and I got all soaked from the storm last night. It nearly washed all the paint out of my pants."

Jeff groaned and Abed continued, "So, we went upstairs, and we changed out of our wet clothes. I was with Jeff at this point, but I don't feel comfortable changing in front of people other than Troy, so I went down the hall to the bathroom and changed there. Jeff let me borrow one of his shirts, which let's face it, is gigantic on me." He motioned for everyone to notice his medium blue t-shirt which went down to his knobby and naked knees and continued, "And then I made my way back, but at this point Britta hauled me into her room, explaining that Annie went to see Jeff."

Britta cringed under Shirley's glare. Shirley made a mental note to give that girl a good talking to later. She thought even she had more sense than to indulge any of this. She imagined it might be more than awkward to have her ex and her friend hooking up.

Abed arched a brow toward a reddening Annie and said, "So I huddled for warmth with Britta."

"Oh my lord in heaven!"

"Trust me, Shirley, it was not like that. At all."

She turned toward Britta and noticed Daniel was struggling to get out of her grasp and rejoin Devon with the butter. She said, "Oh, I know pumpkin, but still. You and Abed sharing a bed." She shook her head in dismay.

Abed interjected, "Britta was huddling for warmth with Daniel, and he didn't seem to be enjoying it."

"Thanks, Abed."

"It's true, Britta." He made eye contact with Shirley and explained, "Britta and I were strictly platonic. I can't speak to her and Daniel."

"Oh come on, Abed!' Britta scowled.

Something wasn't making sense, and Shirley had a difficult time pinning it. Under normal circumstances Abed wouldn't have made those comments about Britta and her cat, and she turned to check in with Jeff and then noticed he and Annie were gone. Everyone followed her gaze, and Abed shrugged in a non convincing matter, and she was certain he had been intentionally offering a distraction.

"Now what foolishness is going on here?!"

Abed shrugged once again and then simply said, "Once Britta kicked me out because I was upsetting her for some reason…"

-"Bony knees and elbows and Daniel didn't like it."

"Daniel likes me, Britta. Anyway, I had no choice but to return to Jeff's room, and although they seemed put out by it, he and Annie let me huddle for warmth with them. I made sure to stay right in the middle so that there would be a decent amount of sexual frustration. You're welcome."

Shirley suddenly had a great affection for Abed, perhaps more than usual. She wiped a tear from her eye and asked, "Why?"

"Because I love you, Shirley."

"Awww, Abed."

"And because now Jeff and Annie will be even more motivated to address what frankly we've all been wondering for years now. After you scared her off yesterday with all your engagement talk, I needed to make sure that plot didn't just die. I think they'll be okay now."

X

X

Eventually, after stopping by the motel so Abed could change into another suit, most of them managed to go to campus, Jeff and Annie explaining they'd join them later after following up some leads, which Shirley did her best not to imagine. They reconvened in the study room, and Abed recapped everything for the group.

He finally narrated into his recorder, "Investigation team is up to speed, Diane. Now we just need to narrow down the location of Audrey and the real Dean Grassley."

Shirley tried to be patient, she really did, but she felt they were wasting so much time with the recapping.

She asked cautiously, "Abed, who is this Diane you keep recording memos for?"

"I have been assigned a secretary. Her name is Diane. She seems like an interesting cross between a saint and a cabaret singer."

"You talk to her?"

"Not exactly. She texts me and gives me instructions. And I upload my observations so she can listen."

At this, Shirley's hair stood up on the back of her neck. She had been wondering a lot of things about Abed and how he had gotten here, and of course the whole Audrey mess. And now there was some mysterious woman texting him under the guise of being his secretary, when everyone knew he couldn't afford to have a secretary. And one he'd never even met. She exchanged concerned looks with Devon, and he let out a deep sigh.

"Um, Abed, how did you find this secretary?" Devon asked the question with a light tone, and Shirley was grateful to him and smiled her appreciation. She ignored the rosiness in Britta's cheeks as she watched them while wrangling Daniel on her lap.

Abed explained, "I didn't. She found me. She said Frankie Dart thought I could use some help in organizing myself and hired her. My initial reaction was maybe defensive, but then I considered Frankie is always the epitome of logic and realized she was right. Ever since Troy left, I've needed someone to bounce ideas off of, yet I don't get along with most people. A virtual assistant is the best option. So far it's worked really well."

Shirley frowned. She asked, "Who's Frankie Dart?"

"It was after your time, Shirley. She's a new administrator at Greendale and helps the Dean clean up messes. She really whipped Greendale into shape and frankly has been a godsend in integrating seamlessly into the group. She really helped smooth over us losing you."

Her heart sank once again and she let out a whimper.

Oblivious, Abed continued, "She's a conglomeration of all of us, really, with the exception of Jeff. She's a shiny go-getting brunette like Annie, has logical sense like me and is likely on the spectrum but we don't talk about it, makes social blunders and takes things too literally like Britta,"

"Hey!"

-"Is highly likely to be queer which is as close as she comes to the Dean, plays steel drums which I know don't really fill the gap Troy left but it's a winning gesture of the sort Troy would have made so I count it for the Troy part, and of course she has a matronly way about her and forces us all to be better people, like you Shirley."

They all sat in silence for a few moments, and Shirley found herself in a very disconcerting emotional place. She hadn't heard anything about this Frankie person up until now. She wondered why no one had told her, but then considered that perhaps they had all really moved on from her. Perhaps she was easy to replace.

Britta was the first to notice her tears and handed Daniel to Devon and then ran around to the other side of the table to sit in Annie's chair so she could be next to her. She wrapped an arm around her, and Shirley found it to be soothing. She had missed Britta so much.

"We're sorry we didn't tell you about Frankie, Shirley. But it's not really like Abed said. She didn't replace you. She's just someone we absorbed into the group. I think you'd like her."

"Really?"

"Yes. I mean, I don't see her like you at all. She and I have actually gotten pretty close these past few weeks now that Annie and Abed left and Jeff's been all aloof and shit as he pines for his DC princess." Britta let her arm fall away and looked down as she added, "Of course when the Dean left for that dean convention in Nashville for a whole week, I had to help Frankie with some office stuff, and we really hit it off. It was way more intimate. I got to know her on a whole other level."

Shirley suddenly felt she had been missing something else. It was gnawing at her in her gut, and she didn't know if now was the time or place to address it.

She tapped Britta's hand and she lifted her head in response. There was something vulnerable in that girl's eyes, something Shirley knew from experience would either get quickly diverted by a manic defensive maneuver or would be squashed by an external force. She made the decision in that moment not to be responsible for hurting Britta.

Afterall, love was love.

She was about to speak when Jeff's voice came from the doorway.

"What did we miss?"

He was standing there with Annie, and they were holding hands. She readily smiled at this development, trying to suppress any thoughts of them having taken advantage of their alone time to sin away back at the mansion. Abed had repeatedly reassured her on the way to campus that he had set things up so that they could have an emotionally cathartic conversation rather than engage in smutty escapades. She hoped that was true.

Jeff and Annie sat, with Annie taking Britta's usual seat with the unanswered question of what was going on lingering in the air. Britta took her hand back from Shirley and laced her hands on the table. She then half-shouted, "Thanks for joining us! We were about to save Audrey."

Abed nodded and said, "And the real Dean Grassley."

Jeff, who up until now had been poised with his usual swagger, suddenly snapped, "Come on! Two people have been kidnapped and you're all just sitting around here! We have to do something!"

Annie grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, but she also appeared to be incredulous and stared at them all wide eyed.

Shirley took a deep breath and then said, "Now Jeffrey, we need to decide where to start, and Abed was just telling me something very interesting. Apparently he was set up with his virtual assistant Diane by Frankie Dart. He and Britta have been filling me in on Frankie. She sounds like a sensible and lovely person." She exchanged looks with Britta, who was blushing, and continued, "But that means Frankie, as unlikely as it may have initially seemed, might know something about this." She furrowed her brow, now putting some things together that had been percolating in her brain over the past several minutes and continued, "Britta also mentioned that our Dean went to the dean convention in Nashville recently, where I remember the fake Dean Grassley stated they had met. The way he talked, he seemed to actually have met our Dean. I don't think he was lying about that."

She glanced at Devon for confirmation, and he nodded his agreement. He then said, "Very astute, Bennett. You might make a good detective afterall." He seemed genuinely impressed, and she felt pride to begin to well up inside her. Strangely, she didn't feel the usual need to stomp it back down. She lingered on his baby blues for a few more moments than were strictly necessary, but she wasn't that bothered by it.

Jeff, Annie, and Britta all took a few moments to take it in, and Shirley let herself reflect even more deeply. The idea of the events in Atlanta being connected back to Greendale was absurd, but then again a lot of things in life made little sense these days. They all began discussing their shared surprise and wonderment when they were interrupted by Abed's announcement.

"I have our Dean on Skype!"

He had opened a laptop and perched it on some binders that were lying around so that it was elevated somewhat for them to view. Everyone hushed as the outline of Craig Pelton became evident.

"Dean, can you sit somewhere besides right in front of a window? We can't see you very well."

"Oh, sorry, I'm always so clumsy with these types of things."

Hearing the Dean's voice gave Shirley all the warm feelings. She had never thought she could miss that lunatic of a man so much. She smiled and waved.

"Hi Dean."

"Oh my god, Shirley!? Is that you?"

"Yes. It's so good to see you."

"One of my best students. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay, I…."

Abed cut in, "Dean, we don't have time for this. We have a case we need to solve."

"Oh my, a case?. Wait, is that Jeffrey? And Annie and who's that handsome man over there? Oh, and Britta's there too."

"Hey!"

Everyone else shouted, "Hi, Dean!"

The Dean smiled and took a moment to bask in the glow of the Greendale reunion. Shirley introduced him to Devon, and she tried not to overthink that she now kept using his first name. To her relief, they both seemed to get on with first impressions, and Devon seemed genuinely interested in meeting another person she had often talked about from her past.

Abed then interjected, "Enough! Dean, the reason I Skyped you is so that you could help us figure something out that's been troubling us about this case. At the Nashville dean convention this summer, do you remember meeting a dean from an Atlanta community college? Dean Grassley?"

The Dean immediately said, "Why yes, Dean Grassley. He was so nice, and we hit it off! He has such a style, why the way wore his hair," he self consciously touched his own bald head.

Abed asked, "Did he have a crook in his lip?"

"No, he did not." The Dean shifted his eyes and muttered something about always noticing lips and then added, "He was very enthusiastic about his college. Always wanting to promote school spirit and all. We shared lots of ideas."

Abed pressed on, "What ideas?"

The Dean cocked his head and considered the question. He then said, "Well, we discussed mascots, and I told him what a rousing success ours had been."

Abed lifted a brow and said, "Go on."

"And I told him about all the fun times we've had on campus, especially the big events. The dances for instance…"

-"Anything else?" Abed seemed to be expecting something, and Shirley couldn't fathom where he was going with this line of questioning, but she was intrigued. She sat up straighter and waited.

The Dean said, "Well, I told him all about our paintball wars of course! I did warn him it could quickly get out of hand, but all of the students seemed to have developed such agility, why it rivals regular physical education classes!'

"Except for pool."

"Not now, Annie."

Shirley gave Annie the stink eye and noticed Jeff was smiling tightly with embarrassment. Or at least she hoped it was embarrassment and not horniness.

Abed snapped his fingers. "That's it! I was caught in the middle of a paintball war last night! As the Dean often says, conspiracies go all the way to the bottom." He wiggled his brows in Jeff's direction, and Jeff nodded his approval of co-opting that phrase. Abed seemed pleased. He then turned his attention back to the screen.

"Dean, is Frankie around? I'd like to ask her something."

"Why, I'll have Agnes find her, I…" He glanced past the screen and said, "Oh, here she is!"

There was a stern yet compassionate voice from the Dean's doorway.

"Craig! You know I told you to stop with the video chatting during business hours. Stephen can wait."

The Dean, momentarily flustered, said, "Frankie, it's actually Abed and the gang. Apparently they're all in Atlanta visiting Shirley, and they've gotten caught in some sort of case, and they need our help."

"They need my help? I'm on it."

An attractive and business-like brunette suddenly shared more than half the screen, and she was nudging the Dean out of the way. He finally relented with a sigh, and she laced her hands on the desk and said, "Hello, Abed. Hello everyone. Daniel." She nodded briskly and continued, "I assume this is Shirley. Hello, I'm Francesca Dart, savior of Greendale and humble friend of your friends. You'll like me. I assume this is Detective Butcher. I've heard good things about you as well. You will also like me. How may I be of assistance?"

Shirley had a brief wondering as to how Frankie had known about Devon, but then she glanced at Britta, and she pieced things together. She turned back to the screen.

"Hello, Frankie. My name is Shirley, and yes, this is Devon Butcher. It's very nice to meet you finally. Abed tells me you're good at solving problems."

"I am. Go on."

Shirley deferred to Abed, and he asked, "Frankie, did you send me Diane?"

"Diane?"

"My virtual assistant."

It was instantly obvious that she didn't, and murmurs fell over the group. Frankie sighed and said, "I don't know anything about a virtual assistant."

Not betraying a hint of disappointment, Abed said, "One more question. Last week, did you send me a letter with a note warning me to stay away from the swamps of Atlanta?"

Everyone gasped.

Frankie replied, "No, I did not."

The Dean yelled, "I didn't either!"

Abed nodded, "So you probably didn't send me the wads of cash either."

"I did not."

"Thank you, Frankie."

Abed shut the laptop.