.

.

Izuna sits at the table. Behind his glasses, his Sharingan is active, a glare on his face as he reads closely the expressions of his enemy combatant.

"So," the kunoichi says. She sips on her boba tea, smiling. "I read your profile. It says you're looking for a relationship?"

"Yes." Izuna narrows his eyes pointedly. "I intend to find a female nin who will take my seed and help me restore the Uchiha clan."

The kunoichi blinks. "Eh?"

"You seem sufficient. I'd like to mate with you and bear children with you. We need not interact after that, but I expect you'll raise our children in my stead."

"Um, eto..."

Hashi jumps out from behind the bushes.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She grabs Izuna by the arm. "My little brother's kind of an idiot, he doesn't mean anything by it!"

Behind the bushes, Izuna scowls. "What?"

"What? What do you mean, what? You can't just tell a random date you want someone to take your seed and have your children! You'll scare them off!"

Izuna's eyes narrow. "If I remember correctly, that's how Nii-san managed to woo you."

Hash shakes her head. "That's different-"

"How?" Izuna says. Hashi claps her forehead.

At Hashi's insistence, Izuna shows her his dating profile.

"Huh," Hashi says. In Izuna's profile picture, his face is cropped out; instead he's just lifting his shirt, showing off his abs.

"I was told showing off your best attributes would be the best way to garner matches," Izuna says.

Hashi clicks on his profile. "Who told you that?" Hashi says. The last she'd heard, Izuna didn't really have friends.

A beat. "I read it on a forum."

"...Oh."

She clicks his profile.

UCHIHA MALE SEEKING KUNOICHI FOR MATING PURPOSES
CLEAR SKIN, GOOD COMPLEXION, NO AKIMICHI NO FATTIES
I HATE PLAYING GAMES AND DON'T LIKE DRAMA
YES I'M PICKY BUT I CAN AFFORD IT

And then a bunch of faceless bathroom selfies showing off his abs.

"Uh," Hashi rubs her neck. "This is...this actually gets you dates?"

Izuna's eyes narrow. "They think I'm funny and ask if I'm 'for real.'"

"Huh. Okay."

Later that night, she shows Izuna's profile to Madara.

"He is being direct and to the point. I do not see the problem," Madara says.

"Wait, seriously? Anata, this is a train wreck. His profile is insulting and half his pictures are just photographs of his reflection in the mirror."

"Hm, you are right. I will tell Izuna to include pictures of his neck and biceps. It is my understanding women find that attractive."

Hashi blinks. "You are so lucky I already liked you," Hashi says.