Chapter X

Manhattan, NYC

Gates sent her to the 20th precinct in the Upper West Side to get the Breathalyzer done because where else would she send her but to a precinct at the other end of Manhattan when then were a dozen options closer to Castle's loft?

Beckett had come to accept that, for the time being, Gates was determined to make her life miserable.

When she got there the officer tasked with doing it made her wait over a half an hour because he was "tied up."

Had he kept her waiting another ten minutes, Beckett was certain she would have literally tied him up.

What a day, she thought, tossing a messy strand of hair from her face after leaving the precinct. It started with a grilling from her captain and ended with a reminder of why she was in this mess to begin with.

Then there was Smith. The stranger in the underground garage who claimed to be the one chosen to keep her safe. A man whom Montgomery supposedly trusted with her life.

Smith's words bounced around in her head when she finally hopped on the 1 train south. She'd transfer at Times Square to get to Prince Street.

"-the deal that Montgomery had is now my deal, but you have to stand down. You have to stop investigating her murder."

As if a warning from a stranger, who might very well be involved with the men who had her mother killed, would make her back down. If Smith thought that was a threat, he obviously had no idea what homicide cops dealt with on a daily basis.

"Who do you even think you are? To pull me away from my assignment and tell me this kind of bullshit?"

A kid with a backpack sitting next to her, raised his brows, making her realize she might have said it aloud.

"Not you," she mumbled, but his attention was already back on the game he was playing on his phone.

By the time she got to Prince Street station it was pouring outside and the three-block jog to Castle's loft left her looking like a drowned rat. Water dripped off her blouse and hair, leaving a small puddle around her shoes, when she knocked on his door.

Part of her wished it would cause the floor to collapse and leave her buried under a heap of rubble for the foreseeable future.

Instead, the door in front of her was yanked wide open and Castle did a double-take when he saw her.

"Kate…?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, yes. Come." He went a step further and put an arm around her wet shoulders, guiding her in.

Her first reaction to seeing his Manhattan home was surprise.

It was cozy and inviting. There was nothing cold or pretentious about it, unlike the homes of so many other wealthy New Yorkers she'd seen. No Grecian columns by the fireplace or stark marble floors. Castle's loft-style apartment resembled a Scandinavian ad for hygge.

Best of all, it felt lived in. Much like her own place in the Lower East side, with less disarray. Clearly, someone cleaned this place once a week, and on closer inspection Beckett noticed that some thought and money had gone into the furnishings. The kind of art and decor that she'd only admire in shop windows. Still. None of it was ostentatious or sterile.

It felt like a home.

She could imagine coming here after a rough day at work. How easy it would be sink into that comfortable L-shaped couch with a mug of warm coffee and forget about the city's seedy underbelly behind these welcoming exposed brick walls.

"I ordered Chinese," Castle told her as she squeaked out of her wet shoes. If he was still hurt by her earlier unkindness, he wasn't showing it.

"Wasn't sure when you'd be back so I had some already. But there's lots left, in case you didn't eat. If you want company, I could take one for the team and have a second dinner."

His lack of anger made it all too easy for to forego an apology. And being the coward that she was these days, she did.

It wasn't the only load off her shoulders.

Two steps inside his home and he'd already begun chipping away at her frustrations.

Richard Castle was that stubborn ray of sunshine that kept piercing through the clouds hanging over her head.

"I am starving," she admitted, even though part of her still wanted to slip into an empty room and bang a fist into these charming brick walls.

Thunder rumbled so loud that the entire building shook and it was followed by a strike of lightning that lit up the world outside, turning night back into day.

"Wow," Castle stepped toward his huge windows and stared at the fury of nature taking place outside. "Looks like you got here in the nick of time."

She thought of the wet clothes still clinging to her skin. Not quite.

It roared again, thunder so ear-shatteringly loud that it had to be right outside the wall. A deafening sound followed, one that had surely shattered something large.

And that's when all the lights went out.

Kate closed her eyes and sighed.

Seriously?

"Oh crap…" Castle's voice was an octave higher than usual and it sounded, oddly, gleefully thrilled. Like a kid who'd just been told he'd scored a snow day. "Power's out," he announced.

Beckett craned her neck towards the lack of light coming from the window. It had to be out in the entire block. Manhattan was never this dark.

In fact it was suddenly so dark that she could barely make out Castle's silhouette across from her, even as her eyes adjusted to it.

"Kate?" He was closer than she thought he was, because he only had to stretch his arm to reach out for hers when she nearly bumped into the coffee table. He grabbed a hold of her and stopped her from stumbling. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" She grabbed on to his shirt. "Can't see a thing."

"I have a flashlight."

"Where? Can you find it in the dark?"

"I probably could…if I remembered where I put it."

Kate groaned. "Great. Where's your phone?" She'd taken hers out of the pocket of her wet jeans when she got in.

"Kitchen. But I think the flashlight's by the entrance closet. No wait…bedside table. I think…"

Goosebumps lined her arms, a reminder that he'd had the AC on before the power went off and she was still wearing wet clothes. Although the room was quickly warming up.

"Or maybe I left it…" He was cut off by another deafening roar of thunder outside the window.

The noise startled her and she tightened her hold on his shirt.

And that prompted him to pull her in towards him. "Wow…you are so wet." There was a pause. "I mean, soaked. You're soaked."

Kate swallowed, as if that would tamp down the heat rising in her throat. And in other parts of her body.

"You, uh…you should get out of these clothes."

"Or what, Castle?" Something about the darkness suddenly emboldened her.

"Or, you know. You'll catch a cold. Or something."

"Can't risk that, can I? Who'll protect you then?"

"Exactly."

"Better do something about it then."

"Do something?" He sounded slightly breathless.

"I could use some help taking them off."

Her heart pounded. Jesus, what the hell are you doing?

Just because her day had been one absurdity after another didn't mean she had to succumb to complete insanity at the end of it.

Noise had thundered through the room only seconds ago but now it was painstakingly quiet. They could have heard a pin drop. Beckett was certain she did hear him gulp and that she saw the outline of his neck tremble in response.

"Kate…" He was so close now that she could see him. Could see his blue eyes lock with hers, confused and doubtful. "Are you…?"

"Freezing," she told him. It was the truth. Goosebumps lined her arms for more reasons than one. She pushed herself to the balls of her feet and wrapped her wet arms around him, taken aback by how much she wanted this. How badly she wanted to feel alive again. Joyfully and recklessly alive. Just for a few minutes.

Leaning in for a kiss, she erased the doubt in his eyes and she smiled when he kissed her back, erasing her doubts as well. There was doubt that he wanted this too.

An electric warmth ran right through her in response to the way he kissed her, so fierce and tender all at once, as hungry for her as she was for him.

She liked it so much that it terrified her a little. Made her push him away.

"Clothes, Castle. Get these damn clothes off."

Now. Before the lights come back on. Before everything is real again.

He didn't need any more prompting.

But he did take his time unbuttoning her blouse and peeling off her wet sleeves, stopping to kiss parts of her body that were unprepared for the subtle touch of his lips. Her collarbone, the nape of her neck, the inside of her elbow. All of it hinted at an intimacy that she hadn't expected. Or wanted.

Especially when his index finger trailed the long, ghastly incision scar that ran down her side. The one that no one outside of her doctors and nurses had laid eyes on yet.

Thanks to the darkness, Castle couldn't see it either. Having him touch it the way he did made her shiver. Made her want to push him away and make love to him all at once.

Instead of doing either, she ripped off his shirt. "For fuck's sake, Castle. Let's get on with it. Save the foreplay for your girlfriends."

"Pushy. I like it."

He was about to undo the clasp her bra, but she deftly moved his hands away from it and redirected them to the edge of her jeans.

He obliged, sliding his fingers into her jeans while she undid the buttons and zipper of his pants.

Then his fingers slithered into her panties, towards that warm, wet part of her that was already throbbing in painful anticipation.

It had been so long since she'd been touched like this that it wouldn't take much to send her over the edge.

He smiled as his index finger toyed with her, drawing small exploratory circles], until she gasped and arched her head back in pleasure.

"Ah…yes. Nice." He focused on that sensitive spot, his fingers slick and wet with her arousal. "I love how much you want me, Kate."

He kissed her neck again even as he pushed them both against the wall, skillful multi-tasker that he was. And once he was out of his pants he sank down to his knees, allowing his tongue to continue where his fingers had begun. Driving her closer and closer to bliss.

A bolt of lightning lit up the room again and when it did, she looked down to see the top of his head and her long fingers weaving through his thick hair.

All her senses were in overdrive and every touch of his was like a tiny jolt of electricity that made her moan in response.

"Get up…" she managed, desperately wanting to hold off her climax. "Get inside me, Rick."

His body rubbed against hers while his calves pushed him back up and made her feel small. Especially when she felt the full, throbbing size of him up against her.

He was definitely, unquestionably ready.

Deftly looping two index fingers into her panties, he slid them off her legs and stroked against her clit one last time and it made her climax just before he came at her hard and fast, using the strength of his arms to angle her body to accommodate all of him. Until it felt like the most natural thing in the world, to have him riding her the way he did. Filling her up, hard and strong.

"You okay?" He whispered into her ear, clenching his teeth with blissful effort.

"Yes…." Oh yes.

"Come on," he pulled out slowly and it made her feel empty. Until his hands were on her ass and he lifted her up, giving her the chance to wrap her long legs around him. "Bed."

Yes. She wasn't done yet. Another round on top of soft, silky sheets was exactly what wanted. There was so much more of him she wanted to have. To touch and taste and explore.

He'd already started to carry her off to the bedroom when, out of nowhere, harsh, bright light filled the room, blinding them both. Castle blinked a couple of times and then smiled, happy to finally see her clearly.

It had the opposite effect on her.

It wasn't pleasure that coursed through her veins anymore, it was panic. And it was so strong that she clawed out of his grip and set her feet back on the floor, desperately wishing she was still draped in the wet clothes that were now mostly discarded on the floor. She still wore her bra and had pulled her panties back up, but that was it. There was nothing else to shield her from the unforgiving light.

"Castle-".

"Kate?"

"I'm sorry…this was so stupid. Really, really stupid. I wasn't think-…"

"Kate, stop…" His hands slid down her arms and rested just above her elbow. Gave them a subtle squeeze. "It's okay."

"No…it's not okay. It's so not okay."

"Shhh…Kate. Close your eyes."

The panic still gripped her hard and froze her in place. "What?"

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Can you trust me for one minute?"

Funny enough, she did. Trust him. And she rarely trusted anyone, except Lanie and her two partners from the 12th.

"Don't cheat. Leave them closed. One minute."

"Castle-" She sounded pathetic but she did as he asked and it was easy, because she didn't want to open them. And her legs were incapable of movement. Even her lungs were useless because she was starting to hyperventilate.

She heard Castle's footsteps traipse across the loft, while she wrapped her arms around herself and pressed her eyes shut. Maybe if she closed them hard enough. she'd wake to find out that this whole month wasn't real. All of it was just one more nightmare.

"Open them."

She felt the warmth of flannel on her shoulders at the same time as she opened her eyes. Felt it cover hers arms and body, as he wrapped her up in a blanket of sorts and pulled her back towards him. Made her want to sink back into him all over again.

She also noticed that it was dark again.

Not the all-encompassing dark they'd plunged into earlier, because now there were lights coming through the tall windows of the loft. The lights of a city that never slept. Kate spotted a light coming from the kitchen too, something soft and blueish. But the harsh ceiling light of the main room was gone.

She tugged at the flannel throw he'd given her and made an effort to cover as much bare skin as she could. As if she hadn't ripped off his shirt and relished in having him inside her only moments ago.

"You were freezing," he explained. As if that would explain why he turned off the lights too. Why she'd panicked.

"Thanks." It was all she could muster after the embarrassment of her panic attack. Because she was still having trouble breathing normally.

You're such a fucking mess.

Literally.

As if having sex would fix what was broken inside her head.

Castle's chest was still bare. But he'd put his jeans back on and Kate was grateful for it, because the sweet soreness he'd left her with made her want him again. In spite of everything.

"I'm sorry…"

"For what?" he questioned, with the kind of sincerity she still didn't expect from him.

Why was she so intent on clinging to what she'd read about him, when every single day since she'd been around him he kept showing her that this wasn't who he was?

"This was so out of line," she tried to explain. "I'm sorry. I don't do this. Mix work and pleasure like this…I've never…"

"That reassures me a little…"

She raised her brows. "What?"

"I mean, it reassures me. Knowing that it was a pleasure for you. I was starting to doubt it."

Her cheeks flushed with warmth again. "Look, I understand if after this you'll want someone else to protect…"

"You can't protect me and make out with me at the same time?"

"Castle, what I did here, was wrong. Unprofessional. Unethical..."

"Kate…come on, stop it!" She caught frustration on his beautiful face now. "You had a shit day and you needed to get it out of your system. I hope it helped and for what it's worth…I enjoyed every second. If it were up to me, we wouldn't stop. I'd take you to bed now. Because I'd love to do this right, so that when we're done, you'll remember it. So that next time you have a lousy day, it'll remind you of how much pleasure I can bring you. And maybe one day you'll want it when you're happy too."

Her eyes widened, speechless.

He lowered his head to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Don't apologize for this, 'kay? And don't talk about leaving. In fact, we don't ever have to talk about it again if you don't want to."

She answered with the slightest of nods. Not trusting her voice. "Okay."

"Why don't you get changed and we'll grab some food?"

She nodded again. "Yeah."

Sure. She could do that. Have a meal with him, the same way they'd been having meals together the last two weeks.

They'd eat Chinese food and not talk about this ever again, she decided. Maybe then all the unwanted desires he'd stirred up in her would go away as well.

She took a long, hot shower and then changed into the only pieces of comfortable clothing she had in the small carry-on suitcase that she'd brought from the Hamptons to Philadelphia and then here, via a car service earlier today; a ratty old t-shirt from a Springsteen concert tour and a pair of black yoga pants.

Castle wasn't shirtless anymore when she got back downstairs and there were a host of Chinese take-out containers, as well as two open bottles of beer, spread across a beautiful marble counter in the kitchen. Four bar stools surrounded the lengthy counter and the sight of it all reminded her that she was starving. So did her growling stomach.

"Whoa," Castle chuckled, hearing it too. "Better eat before that eats you."

Beckett winced. Clearly, she was going to keep embarrassing herself all night. "What is all this food, Castle? Do we have visitors?"

"Mother's coming over with a few friends," he said casually, waiting just long enough to see the mortification on her face before he grinned. "Kidding." He dipped into one of the containers and grabbed a green bean with his fingers. "Maybe I'm psychic. Maybe I knew we'd work up an appetite."

"Uh huh…" She sat down and dug in, while he told her about the latest play her mother had auditioned for. how she'd worn a bun and a babushka scarf to go with her Russian accent.

"You should hear her sometime, you'd never guess she wasn't born and raised in a concrete apartment block on the outskirts of Moscow."

Beckett grinned. She could absolutely imagine it. "Well, if she gets the part I'm going to see it."

Meanwhile, she used a pair of chopsticks to put a mix of everything on a plate. Steamed dumplings. Szechuan noodles. Hunan pork. Sweet and sour prawns. Beef and broccoli. Baby Bok Choy. Fried Rice and scallions and bean sprouts.

Castle joined her in the feast, but he only picked at the food here and there, clearly not as ravenous as she was. Beckett savored it, noticing only after some time that the lights were still dimmed and soft, along with a candle that glowed at the end of the counter. Letting her know that he knew, without saying a thing. Knew that it was the bright lights that set off her panic.

She took a sip of still-cold beer on the counter too, more of an afterthought than anything else, and when Martha came home shortly after they were done eating, she helped him clean up before doing a security check on the loft. As if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Him, her. Dinner and a casual hello to his mother who wasn't the least bit perturbed to see them here together.

His fingers barely ghosted her arm before she went upstairs to the guest bedroom near midnight, and it sent a fresh jolt of electricity through her body. Made her wish she were following him into his bedroom.

"Until tomorrow, Kate." His too-blue eyes lingered on hers but he said nothing else.

"Night, Castle."

She was already lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, by the time she thought about it again. The encounter with Smith in the garage. Followed by the one with Rick right here.

Wondering if they'd ever mention either of them again.

Detective Katherine Beckett.

That's who she is. It wasn't hard to find out about her once I got the name right. Her fucking name was all over the news a few months ago. I remembered seeing it on the news too. America loves stories about cops getting shot. Loves turning them into heroes.

I've met my share of cops and every single one of them was dirty. Some have a higher price tag than others but there's not a single one that can't be bought.

This one was at her boss's funeral when some sniper shot her right in the heart.

What kind of a shitty sniper can't finish the job?

Apparently, her mother was murdered too. Like I care.

The more I read about her the angrier I got.

She worries me more than the others because she's different. I mean, she looks like the rest of them because that's his type. Gorgeous women. But this one…she's gonna do more than screw him. I know it. She's gonna rope him in because of some sob story. How the hell can I compete with a wounded cop? I won't stand a chance.

It's so damn unfair.

I have to do something fast, before it gets out of hand.

I don't know what and I have to be careful. It's when I'm angry that I make mistakes and I rarely make mistakes. I'm good at looking stupid even though I'm not.

But I can't wait too long either, or else it'll be too late.

My brain's racing and I won't sleep until I come up with something. I have to let him know. I try to get through to him but it's so hard when he's being poisoned by everyone around him.

I won't give up though.

He means the world to me.

Martha Rodgers, elusive creature that she was, was already gone by the time Kate ventured back downstairs the next morning, showered and packed and ready for the drive back to the Hamptons.

She didn't spot Castle until she poked her head into his study and saw him sitting at a desk, with his laptop literally on his lap.

"Hey…anything come through?"

"Yeah. Got an e-mail while you were in the shower." His face was as serious as she'd ever seen it.

Kate walked over to him and read the e-mail as she stood behind him.

-I know who she is and I know you like her. But she's going to hurt you even more than all the others. I won't let her do that. I promise you.

Castle turned towards her. "What does that mean?"

"I dunno," Kate mused. "It's kinda vague. I'm hoping they're talking about me. About us, I mean, not Becca."

"'I know who she is?'"

"It's not that hard to put two and two together. When you get shot at a police funeral your face gets plastered all over the news. If this is referring to me and they know who I am, and they think we're an item…" Granted, they were an item last night, she thought. But that was beside the point. Her face lit up. "This is great. They saw the photo and got riled up. It's exactly what we wanted."

"Did you read the part about them not letting you hurt me, whatever the hell that means."

"Let 'em try." She felt a sudden jolt of adrenaline and it almost made up for the lack of coffee in her system. "This is really good news. It's progress. Finally."

"You do remember what happened to Sherine, right?"

Beckett questioned his look. Was this what this was about? "You know…there's some military-style sniper out there who's still looking to finish the job he started at Captain Montgomery's funeral. That's the one who gives me nightmares on bad days, not your obsessed keyboard warrior."

"This obsessed keyboard warrior poisoned her."

Beckett nearly rolled her eyes. "Like I said, let 'em try. Forward me the e-mail and I'll have Morelli and Chang dissect it."

"I was thinking about yesterday." Castle said, changing the topic while picking up a mug of coffee, after he set down his laptop on the desk.

So much for the possibility of him never mentioning last night again, she thought.

"You meeting that guy in the garage, it made me think."

"Huh?" That was not the part of yesterday that she thought Castle was going to bring up.

"What if…I could use my resources to help you?"

"What?"

"Help you find the guy who's after you. Maybe even help you dig into your mother's murder."

Her eyes widened. Mortified. "Are you crazy? You're a civilian."

"Exactly. I don't have the same limitations that you do, working as a cop with a captain to answer to."

"Castle-" She took a step back. She should never have brought him along for that meeting in the garage. "Don't even go there. Out of the question."

"Kate-"

"No," she stopped him mid-sentence. "This is not up for discussion and I don't want you getting distracted now that we're finally making progress. Got it?"

"Okay. No discussing this until we get the stalker."

"Not what I said…"

He must've caught her staring at the coffee mug, like a salivating addict because he held it up to her. "Want some? I brewed it five minutes ago."

It smelled heavenly, so she took him up on his offer and had a few sips, until she handed the mug back to him.

"Thanks."

His face finally relaxed and she saw the worry lines around his eyes replaced by something lighter and warmer. She was getting way too used to having him look at her like that. Even worse, they were sharing a coffee, like a couple enjoying some domestic bliss in the morning.

This was getting out of hand.

"Anytime, Beckett. Mi café es su café."

"How much did you brew?" she asked him. "I wouldn't mind some of mi own café."

"Knock yourself out," he told her. "There's a fresh pot in the kitchen. Are you ready to head back to the Hamptons after breakfast? If not we can…"

"Anytime," she told him. "Just tell me when." It seemed like he'd forgotten that, as his bodyguard, she really had no say in this.

"It's over a hundred humid degrees out there today. It'll be nice to get out of the city."

She was looking forward to it, she thought guiltily. The fresh air and the sound of the ocean lulling her to sleep at night. The sunsets and the thousands of stars you could see in the clear night sky.

It made her complacent, she realized. Maybe she wasn't trying hard enough to get this stalker, because he'd given her something unexpectedly wonderful. A new normal. One in which she didn't need to drown her stress and fears with alcohol at the end of the day.

But no more, she scolded herself.

Castle deserved a better cop than this.

I didn't plan to do it.

It just worked out that way.

I was there, by his apartment in SoHo. I've been there a hundred times before.

Because I knew that being close to him would help me focus and help me come up with a plan- it always does. And then out of nowhere, it was like he was giving me a sign. A giant fucking, neon-lit sign.

Kate Beckett stepped out into the street, right in front of my car when I turned the corner.

All I had to do was step on the gas.

So I did.