(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is eight)
Meals in the dining hall were boisterous and chaotic. Hundreds of languages rattled the air, long and short and squat limbs jammed the tables, and someone's food always wound up being flung onto another being's plate. The dining hall was a perfect atmosphere for secrets and plots. Poe and his friends had discussed their most elaborate pranks over supper. It was easy to pat a fellow cadet's shoulder and leave an inked handprint without being discovered until long after the meal. Companionship was a requirement among so many individuals; if Poe wasn't sitting beside a friend, there was always some tentacled or furry non-humanoid who wound up sharing his table.
The first time eight-year-old Ben dragged him to the Solo quarters for a private dinner invitation, Poe was grounded by the sheer… silence. Ben chattered, of course, and Leia prodded him with so many questions that Han barked at her to "Let the kid eat", but for once Poe enjoyed a sensible meal without an elbow shoving his plate or unspeakable residue speckling his drink.
The single-course dinner and shaded lighting reminded Poe of the few meals he'd shared with both his parents. Nostalgia almost compromised his appetite. He concentrated on Ben's demonstrations of the lightsaber techniques he'd learned that day, minded where he placed his elbows, and noted that Han didn't care how he shoveled food into his mouth so "Hosnian Prime manners" probably weren't necessary on this occasion. The food was good, the generals' questions were limited to Poe's progress and what he liked to do in his free time, Han translated whenever Chewbacca had inquires of his own, and Ben complained largely about the lack of fizz in his drink. It seemed… normal.
Something Poe hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Tell me about Ahdeet," Leia began casually. Immediately her small family stiffened.
"Leia," Han warned around a mouthful. Ben perceptibly flushed and slid lower in his chair.
"Ahdeet?" Poe chewed slowly as he tried to remember. She was a new cadet: bown hair, grey eyes, and a tendency to bark at everyone in the room. She was two years younger than himself, and too snobby for Ech'ban's preferences. She liked tutoring kids, though, and several of the older pilots had already hired her to look after their youngsters. "Um… she picked a droid today. Green R-4 unit."
It was a little early to be choosing an astromech – she hasn't even passed the flight test yet – but Ahdeet seemed intent on her own path. All the power to her; Poe and Ech'ban would stay out of her way.
Ben was suspiciously picking at his food. Poe carefully swallowed. Oh. So that's what's going on.
Kiddie crushes. Ouch. No wonder Han was embarrassed. Leia seemed to think it was adorable (how Poe pitied his little friend) and the Wookie was just … anonymous. Poe slicked his tongue around his teeth and swallowed again.
"Speaking of droids, I heard rumors that Master Skywalker was going to find a new R-2 unit."
"What?" Han bellowed in disbelief. "I offer him a compact astromech two months ago and he insisted on keeping that battered R2-D2, and now he's looking for a new droid?"
Leia rolled her eyes, looking mildly disappointed. Ben sank a little lower and sighed in relief. When Poe winked, the miniature Jedi's teeth bared in a grimacing smile.
Poe did catch Ben trailing after Ahdeet a couple times. Devotion was ardent in the Solo family, apparently, as she was the only woman he adored for two years. She laughed at his attentions and gave him a stuffed neek. Han dubbed it "Ady" and Ben swept the dishes off the table in retaliation. (Used to such disturbances, Poe snatched his plate mid-air and calmly finished eating while Leia censured her son.)
Despite the infrequent lectures and lousy arguments, Poe always hoped there would be a regular invitation schedule. In an odd sort of way, it was like having a family of his own. Sometimes he caught himself comparing his habits to Han and Leia, and wondering whom he reflected more.
He stopped himself during those occasions. They weren't really his parents.
(Aftermath)
When Kylo Ren contacted again, Poe wasn't ready.
There hadn't been much time for Han's funeral. Poe had been in a daze as he held Leia, supporting her while she gave up her brave façade for ten minutes. Only patched memories of a dark haired boy and his father remained in Poe's memories; a father he felt increasingly close to as he learned more about Ben. Han Solo was more than an absent smuggler. When Leia informed Poe of his death, he sank against the wall and gasped, without knowing why.
Somehow Leia guessed what had been taken.
"He was like a father to you," she said jaggedly. "He called you his unrecorded firstborn. He used to boast to Chewie about what a fine pilot 'his kid' was."
"Why can't I remember it?" Poe begged for answers. His heart was wrung and his mind couldn't place the loss.
"Ben wanted you to forget him," Leia asserted. "Han was too closely linked with his memories."
Poe knew he had forgotten much about her, too. So much before his command of the Rapiers was a blank.
"It'll return in time," Leia assured, smoothing a hand through Poe's hair. He felt a nudge and for a moment he saw a fuzzy image of General Organa hovering in the medcenter as he fumbled to drink through a straw. "Don't fight for the memories, Poe. Let them return on their own."
The threads refused to connect, but Poe remembered pain. Once again he had lost his father. A father he now barely knew.
When Kylo Ren contacted him again, he wasn't prepared.
"What do you want?" Poe asked numbly as the Sith removed his helmet.
Kylo Ren looked startled, then irritated. "Stop moping, Dameron; it isn't like you to hold grudges."
"You pilfered my mind, murdered Han Solo, and killed half the Resistance fleet," Poe retorted. "I think I'm entitled to some bitterness."
Emotion flickered across the Sith's eyes for the briefest moment. Poe wondered if he had mistranslated 'regret'. "It was necessary," Kylo Ren said. "Your fleet destroyed my weapon. I was defending myself."
His pathetic excuses sounded familiar and it hurt. "You killed Han," Poe echoed quietly.
Kylo Ren shuffled and tucked his helmet under the other arm. "He offered to help me. He accepted his death with honor."
Pulse beats thundering in his head, Poe slid his hand down to end the transmission. He hadn't come here to listen to a soulless murderer justify himself.
"Wait!" Kylo Ren shouted. There was something akin to urgency in his voice as he added, "Don't leave yet."
"If this is about Rey…." Poe glowered at the hologram.
"It isn't. I just…."
'I'm sorry,' Poe read in those stark, clouded eyes.
At least he would have read that, if this had been Ben.
Deliberately he ended the transmission.
He joined Leia for dinner that evening, just so she wouldn't be alone. They were both too upset to eat.
A couple people asked for a "Family Dinner" scene during Ben's childhood. Real1Swear also wanted a prompt with little Ben having a crush. (Originally chapter 20 was the fulfilled prompt, since I could only imagine a scenario with Kylo Ren).
Thank you to Elleth of Mossflower, Nadreth, Begoogled, Lazerkat, nerdyninjaunicorn, .fire, CrazedFangirl13, The EarthSong, time2read, Tina910, JunJunyil, and guests BlackxValentine, Corrine, Guest, Da guy next door, and Guest for reviewing!