Chapter XXVIII

Manhattan, NY

They got suspended.

Beckett and Esposito were dragged into Gates's office and given an earful. She told them that what they did disgraced the city, the precinct, and their badges, and that she was blown away by the sheer scale of their foolishness. They were put on administrative leave before they could even muster a reply.

Part of her wanted to tell Gates to keep the badge for good, after Beckett tossed both it and her gun on the Captain's desk. But a tiny, rational remnant of her brain made her bite her tongue.

She mostly felt bad for Espo, who was facing the consequences of standing by her side. And for Ryan too, who was clearly conflicted about what he'd done, and who'd gotten nothing but the cold shoulder from Javi since they got back to the precinct.

After they left the captain's office, Javier stormed out of the bullpen and Beckett stood next to her other partner and watched him leave.

"I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled. "I had to."

She gave him a lop-sided smile. "You expect me to be pissed off at you for saving my life?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you…"

"Ryan," she cut him off. "Don't. You did the right thing. If you didn't, I'd be in a fridge at the morgue right now. I'm the one who screwed up."

After that, there wasn't much else left to say, and she no longer had a reason to be at the precinct.

She'd tarnished her badge and Javi's and caused a rift between the boys. Just as Castle had predicted only yesterday. Bastard. He was always right. Did he always have to be right?

It wasn't until she stepped into the elevator that the unbearable weight of it all came crashing down on her.

She'd come so close to solving the biggest case of her life and she'd screwed it up.

She'd almost died and in the end all she could think about was him.

She'd become a cop to solve her mother's murder and if she couldn't do that, why was she even still a cop?

It was dark and raining hard when she stepped out of the precinct and started to walk without a destination in mind.

She wasn't even sure who she was anymore, never mind where to go. So all she did was put one step in front of the other, heading south. Towards the general vicinity of home.

Fifteen blocks later she was thoroughly soaked and she had to stop. Now that all the adrenaline had worn off, she was starting to feel the aftereffects of the pathetic rooftop beating she'd taken from Maddox. Aches and pains were surfacing everywhere and she could barely stand up straight.

She found a set of swings in one of those tiny Manhattan pocket parks sandwiched between a web of tightly packed buildings in Greenwich Village, and she sat on one of them. Oblivious to the pouring rain.

All she could think about was Maddox getting away. Leaving her to die on that rooftop. Ryan grabbing her wrist at the very last second. Standing in Gates's office and handing in her badge and gun.

Everything was slipping through her fingers, and she barely cared anymore.

Rain ran down her face and seeped into every last pore of fabric that she wore, weighing her down like everything else.

She thought back to the texts she got from Castle while she on her way to Maddox's apartment hotel.

-Tonight is happening because of you.

-Please come

Heat Wave was launching tonight. The man she loved was introducing his fictional representation of her to the world and she'd all but forgotten it.

Tears were starting to fall, joining the raindrops that were streaming down her cheeks.

I'm sorry, Mom. I screwed up.

She sat there waiting for a revelation that didn't come and through it all she still wanted him so badly.

Only him.

Gingerly, she got off the swing and made her way back to the sidewalk, where she hailed a cab to take her home.

I'm coming.

The Dominick Hotel, SoHo, NYC

It was a hell of a launch party. Bigger, brighter, louder than any of the previous ones Black Pawn had hosted for his books. A video wall flashed the cover of Heat Wave from floor to ceiling. The naked silhouette of his protagonist against the familiar skyline of New York City.

Servers wearing sexy mock-police outfits. Mini-cakes that had fondant tops in the shape of guns and NYPD badges. Giant Nikki Heat silhouettes at the entrance, flanked by stylish silver vases spouting flames.

Only his mother was unimpressed.

"Is there no one over fifty at this thing tonight?" She nibbled on a gun-shaped salmon canape. "I feel positively pre-historic."

Castle pointed to a silver-haired publishing executive that he knew but couldn't name. "Over there. He's in charge of historical fiction at Black Pawn."

Martha's face lit up. "Oh, yes. Good catch, darling! How did I miss this charmer?" All her attention was already on her target and she made a beeline for the bar where the silver fox was seated.

Castle smirked. "You're welcome."

He hadn't even noticed his daughter, appearing by his side out of nowhere. He'd watched her charm a group of PR guys an hour ago and left her alone with them. As she got older, he noticed that she'd inherited his gift for being at ease with anyone, anywhere. That she enjoyed a good party as much as he did.

But now she was leaning on his bicep with a sad face. "I guess she's not coming is she?"

He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. I knew she might not." He mustered a well-practiced smile. "Aside from that, tonight's been fun, hasn't it?"

"It has but…" She seemed to take it harder than he did. "I can't believe you wrote a book based on her and she didn't even show up for the launch party. Who does that?"

"Hey," Castle didn't want Alexis angry with Kate. It did hurt him that she hadn't shown up tonight and he would tell her as much, even at the risk of another fight. But she was lodged far too deeply in his heart to think that this was the end for them. He didn't want Alexis to think it either. "She had her reasons."

Alexis made a face. Unconvinced. "Yeah, whatever."

He'd hoped that the boys would here tonight too, but neither Ryan nor Esposito had made an appearance yet. He'd also invited Gates, but that was one no-show he wasn't too upset about. In fact, Lanie, looking splendid in a purple wrap-around dress, was the only one of his new NYPD friends who'd both accepted his invitation and shown up and had a good time. She'd left not long ago, bemoaning the fact that she'd already set her alarm for five am tomorrow, and promising him she'd chew out her best friend for this.

"She might still show, you know. Maybe she's fashionably late getting herself dolled up for you."

It was sweet of Lanie to suggest it, but Castle wasn't holding his breath.

"Go grab me another flute of that Moët et Chandon, would you?"

"You're changing the subject, Dad."

"Yes, I am."

"I know you're upset and you should be…."

He gave Alexis a gentle shove. "I'm not and neither should you be." He spotted a gorgeous blonde PR exec who'd flirted with him more than once at a host of other book parties. "Sydney…what a pleasure! So glad you could make it."

She planted two kisses on his cheek. "Oh I wouldn't miss this one, Ricky. Welcome back."

A server wearing a costume police hat passed by and he grabbed two glasses of champagne from her tray. "You'll join me for a toast, won't you?"

Meanwhile, Alexis rolled her eyes and went back to mingle.

Castle gave the flirty blonde his best fake smile. "To Nikki and the start of something good."

He figured it would only take another half dozen glasses of bubbly to slowly dull his longing for her.

Lower East Side, Manhattan

Kate stripped out of her wet clothes as soon as she stepped in the door and hopped into the shower. Alternated between streams of hot and cold water to bring her sore muscles back to life. Then she took two ibuprofen tablets and crossed her fingers that the bruises would hold off showing for another few hours.

Especially considering how much skin her dress was going to show.

She smiled at the thought. Castle was such a sucker for revealing outfits.

She had a pair of very-short shorts and an old sweater that didn't quite cover her belly. Things she wouldn't be caught dead wearing anywhere else but on solitary beach walks with him out in the Hamptons. Things she wore precisely because of the effect they had on him, making him all handsy and hot and bothered. On one of those early morning beach walks, they'd both ended up lying on the sand, kissing like teenagers.

She'd bought tonight's dress a few weeks ago from a local designer in Williamsburg. Back when she still wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to make their relationship public.

She hadn't told him about it.

It was going to be a surprise. But she'd also wanted it to be a challenge and a provocation of sorts. Because she knew damn well that he'd have a hell of a time keeping his hands off her if she wore it.

After straightening her hair and taking the kind of meticulous care with her make-up that she hadn't taken in ages, Kate was ready to put it on.

The soft red fabric flowed all the way down to her ankles in sleek, narrow strips. Its top looped around her neck and then fell over her breasts in a deep, plunging V-neck, leaving her shoulders and her entire back bare, nearly all the way down to her tail bone and at the same time its two thickest strips of fabric ran down the sides of the dress, deftly covering her scar.

It was more revealing than anything she could ever remember wearing and it fit her like a glove. As if it had been tailor-made for her.

She pulled out a silver necklace with a raindrop pendant from her jewellery box and thereby covered the small, barely noticeable bullet scar on her heart.

Lastly, Kate slipped into a pair of dangerously high heels, wincing when her bruised hips protested, and then marveling at the image that stared back at her in the mirror.

Kate wasn't sure where they stood after yesterday. After she'd kicked him off the case. But she knew that after today, he was the only thing she still cared about.

Then she took off her watch and set it on the drawer in her bedroom.

It didn't go with the dress. Or anything else tonight. All it did was remind her of things she didn't want to think about. And how late it was.

Nearly midnight.

She took a deep breath and hoped she wasn't too late.

The Dominick, Hotel, SoHo, NYC

It wasn't long after midnight but some people were already dispersing. The speeches were done and the food was nearly gone but the alcohol kept flowing and he was a little tipsy. Maybe more than a little.

Castle was pretty sure he no longer cared whether or not she was here. Even though he still kept checking his phone for a reply. Every five minutes or so.

His mother was sitting at a piano with that Black Pawn exec. Henry. Harry. Harvey maybe? Something like that. He still couldn't remember his name and Alexis…where was she anyway? He spun around and that made him ridiculously dizzy. Even with some people leaving, the room was still packed. Full of beautiful people, many of whom were just as inebriated as he was and bouncing along to the music that was piped in and kept getting louder. Or maybe that was his imagination.

Where exactly was Alexis?

"Mr. Castle," one of the servers-dressed-as-a-slutty-cop approached him and he was ready to grab another drink. But she wasn't offering him one.

Instead she handed him a note.

Castle took it and unfolded the piece of paper to read what was written inside.

He did a double take when he saw what it said and had to read it twice.

"What the…?"

Then he followed its instructions and walked out of the party.

The Dominick, Hotel, SoHo, NYC

It was nearly 1am by the time she got there, and her fears that the party might be over were immediately relieved when she saw the ample, noisy crowd in the room. There had to be over two hundred people, mingling, chatting, networking, flirting and drinking, in the massive hotel ballroom.

Martha Rodgers spotted her the minute she entered into the room.

"Oh wow!" Castle's mother shamelessly looked her up and down and gave her a most definite look of approval. Approval and admiration and a sly smile that suggested she was both pleased and impressed by her daring choice of attire. "My God, Katherine, you are absolutely stunning. I mean, this is perfect. Just…perfect."

Castle's mother's compliments made her glow. It was high praise from someone whose sense of style she'd admired since their disastrous first meeting.

"Oh… you decided to show up," Alexis had materialized out of nowhere and for the first time since she'd met the bubbly teenager there was an unmistakeably hostile tone in her voice. "You only missed the speeches and the presentation and well…just about everything."

"Alexis…" Her grandmother shot her an icy look.

Kate didn't blame Alexis for her irritation. Part of her admired the way she stuck up for her father. Protective and defensive. She'd probably have done the same at her age. "I'm sorry, I'm late. There was a case that…"

"I know. It was more important," Alexis mumbled, cutting her off and Kate thought she saw Martha tugging at her granddaughter's arm.

"Is your Dad around?" Kate asked. "I haven't seen him yet."

"Maybe he left," Alexis challenged.

"Good lord," Martha interjected. "Your father wouldn't leave without telling us. Nor will he leave before us tonight. I'd place my bets that he'll be closing this place down at four in morning."

"Maybe you're wrong…" Alexis had her phone in her hands and noticed a message pop up. "I just got a text from Dad."

"You did?" Martha questioned.

"He says he met a friend and left. That he won't be back."

"What?" Martha stared at her in disbelief. "That can't be right."

Alexis held up her phone so both of them could read the message. Letting Beckett see the parts she'd left out.

-Ran into a lovely old friend. We escaped because we have lots to catch up on. I don't think I'll be home tonight. Don't wait up for me.

A sudden ice-cold chill ran up Beckett's spine, making her shiver.

-a lovely old friend

-don't think I'll be home tonight

He'd left the party with another woman.

Her Rick.

The only man she'd ever truly loved with all her heart. The only man whose touch her body ached for. The only man she'd ever been able to imagine growing old with…

Fuck.

She never thought anything could hurt as much as the bullet that struck her chest. But at least that pain was followed by a quick oblivion.

This one came with a look of pity from Martha Rodgers and a crowd of happy party-goers that couldn't care less that her world was crumbling. That she could barely get any air into her lungs.

"Darling…are you sure that was from your father? I can't believe he would…"

Alexis shrugged. "It's Dad…remember when he ran off to Vegas with this waitress after one launch party. He didn't come home for…"

"Alexis!" Martha flashed her granddaughter the sternest look yet. Thoroughly annoyed with the teenager. "That is ridiculous! You father hasn't done anything like this is in years. This is not like him. Give me your phone…we're going to call him."

Beckett watched them even though she felt herself disconnecting from everything around her. She was in a daze. Her knees starting to shake.

She shouldn't have come. Shouldn't have worn this ridiculously sexy dress.

What the hell was she thinking?

Beckett barely noticed the puzzled disdain on Martha's face when the call to her son went unanswered.

She watched her call him a second time, already knowing it wouldn't be answered and suddenly everyone's voices seemed so far away. An alien din that throbbed around her.

It took all her strength to stand upright.

She felt Martha's hand on her arm. "Darling, why don't you sit down? You look a little…"

"I should go…"

She had to get out here. Before the inspiration for tonight's book launch fell apart in front of everyone.

A drunk woman stumbled towards them. "Wait a minute…aren't you the detective who inspired Nikki?"

She couldn't bring herself to look at another face in the room. Not Martha. Not Alexis and certainly not this curious stranger.

Beckett shook off Martha's hand and cut through the crowded room as fast as her too-high heels and too-flimsy dress allowed.

She'd bought it for him and now he'd never see her in it.

Because he was spending the night with another woman.

By the time she got outside, tears stung her eyes and they blurred her vision, turning the city lights into a barely-luminated mist that couldn't hold back the encroaching darkness.