(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is seven)

Han used to call his son Benny – up until he was five years old and insisting he was "a growed up Jedi". Benny used to arrange stickers on his tongue and then wonder why they wouldn't adhere properly like they did on the walls. Benny tried coloring on every surface except the paper ("it's too bright and light" he complained"), until finally C-3PO implored Leia to "cease with Ewok childrearing methods" and give her son a proper datapad for learning. Benny used to make tinsel hats for his father before he decided he was too old for "Happy Life Day". Benny turned his nose at anything edible except canron.

Ben was blowing bubbles in his blue milk when Poe accidentally let the term slip.

"Yeah, I'll join you later," Poe called over his shoulder, waving to a small gang of cadets. "Just need to give something to Benny here."

A wailing bantha was less traumatic to the hearing.

Cautiously lifting his hands from his ears, Poe raised both eyebrows as Ben launched from his chair and stamped his foot.

"It's Ben! I'm Ben! You're supposed to be nice, Dameron!"

Oh, the rage of a gap-toothed seven-year-old. Bemused, Poe lowered himself to one knee and met the furious dark eyes with what he hoped was sincere apology. "Ben. Of course. That was terribly rude of me."

Placated, Ben flounced back to his chair and snatched his milk, blue froth sloshing over his hands. "You're supposed to say 'I'm sorry'."

"Uh… Beg pardon?" Poe suspected his eyebrows had merged with his hairline by now.

Ben seemed to take his unintended word as apology enough, as he nodded curtly and blew ferociously into his drink. Scratching his head, Poe straightened and held out a datapad. "Master Skywalker asked me to give you this. He said you appreciate art."

Curling his nose, Ben leaned over to peer at the screen. His eyes flew wide and he grabbed it from Poe's hands. "A lightsaber designer program?" The lisp really made it hard not to grin.

Awed, Ben looked up and nodded in shy thanks. "But you still have to call me Ben," he blurted in afterthought.

Clipping his heels together, Poe offered a mock bow. "I would never bribe the master of Jedi."

Ben snickered and then stuck out his tongue. True as Poe's childhood, the bantha milk had dyed it an inglorious shade of blue.

(Aftermath)

He was Kylo Ren. He had slaughtered more Jedi and innocents than the galaxy could number. He was ruthless, pitiless, and pathetically uncontrollable.

Which might have been the only reason Poe could still associate him with the faint remnant of Ben. Ben was reckless. Destructive. Untamed. He was Kylo Ren in miniature, and no one had guessed until it was too late.

But if Kylo Ren was Ben under the cowl, then it only seemed right that someone should sneak in and drag him out.

Which was why Poe was questioning his sanity for the infinite time since he had returned from Dantooine. Ben Solo wanted to be found. There was no reason why Poe would have been spared and sheltered so many times. The kid was looking for a path to home.

He would never forgive Kylo Ren for murdering Han, but perhaps that final deed had shattered Ben's delusions and shown him what he was missing from the Light. Leia had pondered that aloud, as she hugged herself and struggled between anger and loneliness. A mother torn between her husband and her child; she had more right than Poe to hate her son, and still she yearned to hold him close one more time.

Exhausted, Poe slumped over his knees and carded a hand through his hair. Sometimes he could almost pinpoint a memory. Blue milk and a dark-haired kid who rode the mouse droids up and down the halls. Brushing his teeth alongside Ben as the tiny Jedi made faces at the mirror. He used to take Ben to the zoo – back before the First Order destroyed everything.

I used to like him. He was my buddy. The acknowledgment accompanied a wave of images, and with them the hurt that Poe had shoved down on Jakku. Now he understood. Betrayal shoved him to his knees as he curled inward, wrapping his arms around his stomach. Ben had known what he was doing all along. Those crafty brown eyes had never changed with time.

Crushing his mouth under his hand, Poe choked softly and dug in his fingers, muffling the sound. Don't come, BB-8. Not this time! I can't –

A mask couldn't hide the delight of a man in power. Ben had twisted Poe's mind into a tormented desert and relished his control. He had taken everything.

I never did anything to you! Poe screamed into the void – into the Force – into whatever invisible tether could transmit his thoughts to Ben. Why? How could you hate me so much?

He had given all that he had. Memories trickled in broken seams; of headaches and struggling to speak in full sentences, of blasters being shoved at his head, of broken mirrors and torn jackets, of standing helplessly as Ben screamed at his parents because apparently Poe was interfering again and Ben wanted everyone to leave him alone.

Angry sobs broke through and Poe bent over his knees, salty tears slipping past his clamped fingers. He gave a muffled cry, sucked it in, ordered himself to hold it together, and still the barricades crumbled. Years of penning it all inside were in vain. He knew enough – that it hurt and he was tired of the pain and he wanted it all to be over. No more Kylo Ren. No more muddy hands flinging around him from behind, or pouting frowns when he didn't want to play jumping paddy frog for the thirtieth time. He was tired – so tired – so wretchedly, uselessly weary with losing whenever he tried. He wanted it all to fade, to revert back to the time when he saw a wild-haired kid tangled in wires, when he could just walk away and pretend he never cared what happened to a brat who just wanted his parents to be home for his birthday…..

He was sobbing, trembling, screaming out the aches and insecurities of a lifetime, when the doors swished aside. He heaved a gasp and waved frantically, begging the intruder to walk away quietly as though nothing was amiss. No! Go! I'll be fine! Fine!

She wouldn't listen. She never listened, but she always knew. Leia sprang inside and knelt beside him, pulling him against her as though she had borne him and loved him all her life, as though he hadn't fallen apart and destroyed his composed reputation in a pathetic, degrading puddle of whimpers. She held him and stroked him, hiding his face from the world, and he clung to her as he hadn't since the day he nearly called her 'mother'.

"Oh, Poe. My boy." Leia's voice broke, her fingers intertwined in his hair, damp with her own grief, and he remembered why he was loyal to her above all else. "My poor, dear boy!"

"Why?" he begged, forcing back images of toy banthas and devious grins. "He – he – " He wasn't supposed to betray me.

"Take it away again?" Poe entreated, shaking like a snared lepi. "Make me forget it?" Forget him. I can't take this any longer.

"Poe, don't ask me to do that!" Leia ducked her head against his own, gripping him tighter. Quivering. "Force, I can't lose you again."

Once again his devotion forced him beyond his own self, and he found himself quieting. Accepting. Acknowledging that there was no other way. He could not abandon her.

Leai had no more sons to sacrifice.

"I'll bring him back." Despondency sharpened into determination and Poe clenched his teeth, stoking anger out of the pain. "I'll bring him back to you." Willing or in chains. Ben Solo would answer for what he had done.

"Poe, don't throw yourself away in hatred." Somehow she guessed. She always knew what he was feeling. "Don't become like him."

Just like that, his fervor evaporated. Sagging, Poe breathed shallowly and clasped the general's weathered hand. "What do you want me to do?"

He had no direction. He was empty.

"Stay." It was a command. It was a favor. It was what she needed. "Don't run after him." Pausing, Leia added in cautious, tested words, "He will come back to us, Poe. I know he is looking towards the light."

She clasped him briefly, and Poe felt a nudge from the unseen, ushering in a recollection of a nine-year-old Ben, screaming in a flurry as he stamped his feet, calming down instantaneously when Poe entered the room.

It wasn't his memory.

"You're my son's only hope," Leia said raggedly. "You're his tether to the light. It's too much to ask of you, Poe. It was always too much."

Please.

Stay.

Breathing hoarsely, Poe swallowed the last of his tears and nodded. "He's coming, isn't he?"

Leia stilled, hope and fear stealing her breath away. She clenched Poe's hand. "I'm going after him."

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Unfortunately I'm running out of chapters for new prompts, but I am still logging ideas for possible "deleted scenes". :)

Thank you to SilverclawRose, CrazedFangirl13, hellraiserphoenix, Miss Corrine, time2read, JunJunyil, BAD WOLF1221, Brievel, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, Booksnake3, Queenie23, and Lazerkat for reviewing!