Chapter XXXII

Lower East Side, NYC

Three days later

-Tonight is happening because of you

-Please come

"Why didn't you come, Kate? Don't you know how much I needed you to be there?"

She was staring at him inside the casket. Pale and cold and - how could he possibly be talking to her? How?

"Why didn't you come, Kate? I wouldn't be here if you'd come."

Tears streamed down her face.

I'm sorry, Rick. I'm so sorry.

You deserved better.

"I'm so sorry…" Her eyes flew open in a panic and stared at the ceiling. Kate pushed herself off what she thought was her bed only to realize that she'd fallen asleep on the couch. Her laptop which had probably been resting on her body was now slipping off.

She barely caught it with shaky hands and put it on the living room table. A half-empty bowl of salad was still sitting on it too. Alexis had brought it over last night, along with a fruit smoothie.

"I told them to add all the vitamins and stuff they had, 'cause I figured you needed it. That you're probably just eating crap. Or not much of anything at all."

Little Castle's heart was as big as her father's.

And of course all it had done was compound her guilt.

Beckett sat up and then carefully moved her legs off the couch. One of them had fallen asleep and was slowly tingling back to life. It was the second night in a row that she'd fallen asleep here, and the third one where she'd been jostled awake from a nightmare.

The same dream all three nights. Rick calling out for her. Asking her why she hadn't come the night he was taken. Why she wasn't coming now.

Except in the first two dreams he'd merely been injured. Tonight was the first time she'd seen him in a casket.

Beckett lowered her head into her hands. Shivering and fighting a sudden wave of nausea.

It's just a dream.

Maybe her guilt was real, but the rest was just a dream, a by-product of her guilty conscience. And if she let them get to her, it would only make things worse. The constant lack of sleep would make her lose focus.

He needs me to be as good a cop as he thinks I am. I can feel guilty about being a shitty girlfriend later. When he's safe.

Not now.

Beckett exhaled and slowly raised her head when the nausea let up. She wasn't going to throw up. Wasn't going to drink or fall apart or assault a cop at a bar or do any of the other stupid things she'd done the last time that life overwhelmed her.

This time you're gonna keep your shit together. Because he needs you.

Beckett checked the time on her phone.

4:02am.

After plugging her almost-dead phone into a charger, she got up and went to her kitchen sink. Turned on the tap and let the water run until it was ice cold. Then she filled a tall glass with it, drank some, and took the rest into her bedroom.

There she slipped out of her clothes and decided on a shower.

Maybe she wouldn't get any more sleep tonight, but she could clean herself up and then lie down on an actual mattress. Do some of those breathing exercises that Burke had taught her before Lanie showed up for breakfast.

Later

She didn't end up getting any more sleep, but she did manage to close her eyes for a while and not think about Castle for a few minutes. She even put on some make-up that she hoped would help her evade Lanie's scrutiny.

Her best friend knocked on the door at promptly 7:30am, carrying a paper bag full of what was undoubtedly breakfast.

"Hey…"

In spite of the early hour, her energetic friend was glowing, as though she'd just come from a spa and facial and a week in Fiji, not straight from a take-out breakfast run.

Lanie slipped out of her shoes and made her way to the kitchen counter to set down the bag.

"I stopped by Egg Shop on the way here. They have this one egg sandwich called Hot Chix…and after I saw that, I didn't look at anything else. It comes with spicy fried chicken and pickled jalapeno."

Beckett made a face. "That sounds like…I need to make sure there's milk in the fridge."

"Don't you embarrass me, girl. Besides, I know you can handle spice." Lanie shot back a glare and then pulled her into a fierce hug. "How are you holding up?"

"Lane…I'm fine. Really. Like I told you over the phone."

"Yeah, well, it's easier to get the truth out of someone face-to-face. Besides, you just got suspended after almost getting killed and the man you love is missing. If you were actually fine, I'd be concerned about you being a psychopath."

Beckett gave her a lopsided smile. "Thanks. I think."

Lanie handed her a sandwich. "Eat before it gets cold."

Beckett groaned. "Lane…it's seven thirty in the morning."

"Exactly. It's breakfast time. Make us some coffee to go with it, wouldya?"

Beckett did as she ordered, because, really, there was no other option. She made them each a frothy latte from the fancy coffee machine Castle had bought her last month, ("You need good coffee at home too.") and then sat down to have breakfast with her best friend. It did set her mouth on fire, but Beckett had to agree it was a damn tasty sandwich.

"So, tell me, where are you on finding Castle?"

"Good news is yesterday the FBI called on help from the 12th and Ryan's on the case."

"That is good news."

Beckett watched in disbelief as Lanie added some hot sauce to her breakfast sandwich. "So he's been keeping me posted. But it's about the only good news there is."

"No progress?"

"The FBI's idea of progress is spending hours going over streetcams, interviewing hotel staff, and going directly at the Ojedas. As if we'll get anything truthful out of that family."

"You think they're involved?"

Beckett sighed and took a long sip of her latte. "I can't imagine they are. Makes no sense for them on any level. Kidnapping a famous author is not exactly the kind of attention they want or need. No matter how many lawyers they've got, they wouldn't want the FBI poking around. I think…" She paused. "Their psycho kid has gone rogue. Again. And now they know it and I'm just afraid they'll find him before we do."

Lanie's thoughtful face pondered that outcome. "Would that be so bad?"

Beckett shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. If he weren't a minor celebrity, I'd say yes. They'd probably dump his body somewhere where we'd never find it."

"But he is…" Lanie reminded her. "A minor celebrity."

"I know," Beckett agreed. "It gives me hope that if they did get to their psycho kid before us, they wouldn't kill Castle." She sighed. "But we need to be the ones who find him, Lane. Not the mob, and right now we don't even know what identity he's using. We don't know where to start looking."

"What about the streetcam footage?"

"There's a blind spot that stretches more than half a block next to the hotel. Problem is there's an alley in the blind spot. Ojeda could have been waiting there. I think the FBI wasted a bloody day trying to track the cars that entered the alley from the other side, when really Ojeda could've backed into it from the blind spot." Frustrated, she ran a hand through her hair. "There's footage of Castle leaving the main entrance of the hotel. We got that from the hotel's camera, but after that…nothing. No one was with him when he left. He disappeared into the blind spot. The FBI's next brilliant move is to track all the cars leaving it within half an hour, even though half the plates aren't visible in the dark. Meanwhile, Ryan's helping them track down previous identities that Ojeda's used, in case he's using one of the same ones again. They're all long shots."

Lanie met her gaze. "It's like that for lots of cases, isn't it? You dig and dig until finally something turns up."

"But how long do we have? How long does Castle have?"

"This guy…he's obsessed with Castle, right? Means there's a good chance he won't hurt him."

"I don't know what exactly is wrong with him, Lane. Is he mentally ill? Delusional? Schizophrenic? Violent? Psychotic? How does any of that bode for Castle?"

"I don't know, but how does picturing worst-case scenarios help you find him?"

Beckett leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes. The exhaustion from barely sleeping last night hit her hard after the food. "Lane, you don't understand…"

"I understand that you're hitting a wall. Even your hasty make-up job can't hide that."

She opened her eyes to look at her friend. "We weren't in a good place right before he disappeared."

"Yeah, I kinda figured when you didn't show up for the launch party. And then Espo came over the next morning to tell me both of you got suspended 'cause you decided to chase the guy who shot you without backup." She gave her the kind of disapproving look that no one else could ever top. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I screwed up," she admitted. "Again. Anything connected to my Mom's case…it's like I can't think straight anymore. Castle tried to stop me, so I kicked him off the case. We had this huge argument."

"That's why you didn't show up at the party."

"I did. I wanted to apologize that night…to tell him that he was right and that I was done chasing after Maddox like a fool," Beckett told her. "But it was too late. By the time I got there, he'd already disappeared. If only I'd showed up on time…maybe he wouldn't have left the hotel. Ojeda wouldn't have gotten to him…if only I'd been there…" The words got stuck in her throat and she noticed that she was crying. "Why the hell wasn't I there the one time that he needed me to be?"

Lanie pushed her chair closer to Beckett's, put a hand on her arm. "Maybe if you'd been there earlier, Ojeda would have gone after you. Maybe he'd have killed you. Maybe Castle would've still done the exact same thing no matter what…you can 'what if' 'til the cows come home and it won't change a damn thing. All it's gonna do is torment you."

Beckett wiped away her tears and parts of her mascara. "I know." She reached for a tissue. Blew her nose. "You're right. But every time I close my eyes I think to myself…what if I can't find him? What if that was our last moment together? The day I told him to get the hell out of my life?" That unbearable thought unleashed a fresh batch of tears and this time her friend enveloped her in a hug.

"Oh Kate…"

"And then there's his daughter and his mother…they look at me with all this hope. This completely unsubstantiated faith that I'm gonna bring him back." She angrily wiped away these tears too, no longer caring that her face was a mess. "How can I face them if I can't?"

"I guess you're gonna have to find that exasperating boyfriend of yours. There's no other option. 'cause I sure can't handle a guilty mess of a friend for the rest of my life."

Beckett stared at Lanie and then, in spite of it all, she laughed. Grabbed another tissue and wiped away the last of her tears. "You're right. There's no other option, is there?"

"What about Javi?" Lanie asked her. "Is he back from Puerto Rico yet? Does he even know what happened?"

Beckett shook her head. "I don't think so. He's still there, drinking beer on the beach when he's not watching telenovelas with one of his tias."

"Don't you think he'd want to know?"

"He'd come back here and not be able to do much anyway. He's still suspended so his hands would be tied as much mine."

"But after next week, once your suspension is over you can help Kevin work the case."

Beckett ran another hand through her hair. "I don't even want to think about Rick being held by this guy for another week. And even if…I couldn't, not now that the cat's out of the bag that he and I were dating. No way Gates would let me near his case."

"Oh…"

Beckett thought back to the revelation. "I even got interrogated by an FBI agent a couple of days ago. You know, to make sure his girlfriend didn't kill him. Some baby-faced agent fresh out of Quantico. He was so bad at it that I could've killed Castle, made a semi-confession, and he still wouldn't have put two and two together."

"And these guys are the ones tasked with finding your man?"

"Yeah…" Beckett stared into the wall ahead when suddenly an idea came to her. "You know…you said something when you first stepped in the door."

"That I stopped at Egg Shop?"

"No…you said that it's easier to get the truth out of someone face-to-face. You're right." She turned to her best friend. "These last two days I've been trying to get a hold of the one Ojeda family member who isn't mobbed up. Salvador has a sister, Sara, who looks like she's left the family and never looked back. She's a nurse in Texas."

"And?"

"She wouldn't talk to me over the phone. Said she had nothing to do with her brother, nothing to say about him. But maybe if I get in her face…"

"So you can add a harassment complaint to your suspension?" Lanie finished for her.

Beckett rolled her eyes. "I could use a little more support here."

"You want company on the way to Newark?"

A smile lifted her lips. "That's more like it."

Lanie sighed, knowing there'd be no stopping her anyway. "Okay, but first clean up your face and make us another couple of those lattes to go. I ain't goin' out in public with you like that."

Queens. NY

Castle told himself that he'd spend two days doing nothing more than observing and recovering from his failed attempt to escape. In order to plan his escape, he needed to know Ojeda's routine.

He told himself he'd eat the drugged food because it would force him to rest. And that it would heal the searing pain in his neck and back.

He lasted all of one day.

Any more and he'd lose what little was left of his sanity.

"So what's the plan, Sal?" he asked him on the second day, after waking up in the morning. Ojeda usually slept on the floor next to the door, which was just far away enough that Castle couldn't reach it. It meant he couldn't throttle the guy in his sleep and at the same time Ojeda was close enough that he'd hear Castle making any sort of noise in the middle of the night. Never mind that he'd literally have to climb over him on his way out of the room. "To keep me chained to the bed and drugged for the rest of my life? I think you're a smart guy, Sal. You can't want that anymore than I do. You have to know how much this is killing me."

He wasn't wrong. The remorse was already written all over Ojeda's face. "Only until I can trust you. Until you want the same thing that I do."

"What's that?"

"You and me, together. When you finally get it that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you."

Castle fought back the bile rising in his throat. "Trust is earned and it has to be mutual. How do you expect me to trust you if you treat me like this? Drugging my food. Keeping me tied up with no access to anything…to the people I love."

He could see the conflict on Salvador's face. A face that was now scarred with the scratch marks he'd inflicted on him during their fight. He wondered how long they'd be there.

"If I give you these things now, you're gonna react in all the wrong ways. I'm not stupid."

Castle met the man's eyes and let them linger. So long as to make Salvador uncomfortable, forcing him to turn away. Good, he thought. It made him realize that in spite of everything, he still had some cards to play.

Salvador desperately craved his affection.

"If you don't give me any of them, I'll die. You might as well just shoot me now. Where's your gun, Sal? Just get it over with."

Salvador's eyes widened in shock. "Don't say that. I would never…"

"You are," Castle shot back. "You are killing me. You think you're doing this for me, but you and I both know that's a lie. You're a smart man, Sal. You know you're doing this for you."

He shook his scarred face vehemently. Clearly upset. "No…you're wrong. Everything I do is for you."

"You think if you keep telling yourself that it'll become true?" Castle pressed.

"Stop!"

"If I don't, then what? You'll kill me? Just get that fucking gun out now and do it!"

Salvador's lower lip was trembling and Castle kept staring him down. He was finally getting somewhere. Even though he was lethargic and had no energy, he was finally remembering one of his biggest skills. Observing people and their behaviour and using it to his advantage. It's what had made him such a good writer and an unexpected asset at the 12th. "Or why don't you actually prove to me that what I need matters to you."

"I can't free you," Salvador shot back, like a big, defiant kid. "Not yet. I'm not stupid. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No," Castle shook his head. "I think you're smart enough to know that I'm telling you the truth. That I can't go on like this."

"What am I supposed to do when you fight me every time I give you anything?"

"Stop saying you care about me and start acting like it." Castle told him. "If you want a partner in your life, you have to treat them like an equal. That's how it works."

"You know I can't…"

"Stop drugging my food," Castle cut Ojeda off before he could say anything else. "I need to write and I can't do that if I'm drugged. I need exercise, and I can't do that if I'm tied to a bed and drugged. And…" He hesitated on this one. Knew that he was pushing it. "I need to know if Detective Beckett is okay."

"What?" While Ojeda's face had remained unreadable during the first two requests, it changed with the last one. "Why do you care? You're not with her anymore. You never admitted that you were, but I know you were."

"What?"

"The interview on that morning show. You said you didn't have anyone in your life. That's when I knew it was over been you and her," Salvador told him. "It's why I came for you."

Castle's eyes widened. You have to be fucking kidding me. That goddamn interview. As if he could possibly regret it any more. It had ended up with that psycho reporter jumping him while wearing a pink bikini. He'd literally had to claw himself out from under her and even worse, he knew it had upset Beckett, as much as she'd denied it. And now Ojeda was saying it had spawned…this?

His mouth was dry. "You're right…I'm not. But she's my inspiration for Nikki Heat. I can't start my second novel based on her unless…I know she's okay. She was working on a dangerous case and then she didn't show up at my book launch, I got worried…" He pushed himself up on the bed, never leaving Sal's gaze, making him uncomfortable all over again. "She's a friend. I know you would worry about your friend too." As if.

"I…yeah. Yeah. I would."

"I know you would. So please, find out for me."

"Okay," Ojeda nodded. "I will. And those other things…"

"I need to write and I need to exercise. That's all I'm asking. I know you can make it happen. I know you want to."

He nodded. "I only want what's best for you."

"Show me," Castle pushed.

"I will." Ojeda turned around and, without another word, he left the basement room. Locking the door behind him. Castle exhaled and waited for the shutting of another, outer door to give him a sign that Ojeda had left the house for the first time since bringing him here, but it didn't happen. Judging from the noise he could hear from behind the closed door, he knew that Ojeda was still in the building.

But it was early. There was still a chance he'd leave later in the day.

He leaned back against the headboard of the bed and stared at the wall across from him.

For the first time since waking up here, he no longer felt completely helpless. He'd done something. Probed around for Ojeda's weaknesses and stood up to him. He finally made some demands and started to push back.

Before anything else, he needed to know if Beckett was okay.

If she was, then he knew he had a partner. One who would do everything it took to get him out of here. Maybe it was naïvely optimistic, as he'd been accused of being more than once in his life. But he needed a reason to wake up in the morning. He needed the hope she gave him. And he had all the faith in the world in her.

If she wasn't….

Castle shivered at the sudden chill that ran up his spine.

No, he wouldn't let himself think of the alternative.

Houston, Texas

"Ma'am…ma'am."

Someone was nudging her shoulder and it made Beckett jump awake with a gasp.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am," the flight attendant with the big smile, big hair and equally big rings on three of her fingers, responded to her panic by squeezing her shoulders. "Everyone's deplaned. The cleaning crew's comin' onboard now."

It took her a couple of seconds to get her bearings.

She was on a plane that was no longer moving. In Houston.

And she'd obviously fallen asleep.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry…." Beckett vacated her seat as quickly as her sleep-drunk limbs allowed and noticed that the flight attendant had already set down her duffel bag from the overhead bin in the empty seat next to her.

"Oh don't you be sorry, dear." Her big smile didn't fade. "I hope I didn't interrupt any good dreams."

She mustered a smile of her own. "I wish."

One look through the oval windows of the plane as she walked down the aisle let her know that it was already dark outside.

On her way to Newark she'd been foolishly optimistic that maybe she wouldn't even need the overnight bag that Lanie had insisted she take along. She'd been convinced that she'd catch the next flight out and then a late-evening flight back to New York City at the end of the day.

But the next six flights out were either booked or overbooked and her hopes of going stand-by on an earlier flight were crushed. Instead she was left holding her ridiculously expensive ticket for a 5pm flight that would leave her pacing Newark all day and then forced to spend a night in Houston.

By the time they were in the air, both the motion of the aircraft and the steady drone of the engines did her in. She couldn't remember a thing after the take-off.

Once inside the terminal, Beckett pulled out her phone to check the time. It was just after 9pm and now that she thought about it, the time might even work in her favour.

With Ryan's help, she'd done enough snooping while stuck at Newark to know that Sara Martinez was working until 11pm tonight at the ER at Ben Taub Hospital. If she got to her just as her 12-hour shift ended, maybe Sara would be tired enough that she'd be easier to wear down.

Either that, or she'd be in no mood at all to put up with Beckett's persistence.

But she had to try. There was no way she could wait until morning.

She pulled up one of those cheap accommodation web sites on her phone, booked a nearby airport hotel, and then grabbed a taxi to take her there.

She checked in and called Alexis on her way to the room. Let her know where she was and what she was doing. She'd promised Martha and Little Castle to keep them informed and she'd stuck to it, even when she wasn't getting anywhere. It was the least they deserved and she needed them to know that she was following every possible lead.

Another look at her phone told her she had enough time to take a shower before grabbing an Uber to the downtown hospital where Sara worked.

By the time she stepped out into the hot and humid October night in Houston, Beckett was determined that she was going to have a talk with the only Ojeda family member who might tell her the truth about the man who kidnapped Castle.