(Before Kylo Ren) (Tag to Chapter 13) (Ben is fourteen)
Leia always knew when her boys were hurting.
Poe was the soft ache of an orphan, avoiding her whispers of home. She looked after him from afar, and remembered too often that he had a mother and not every child wanted another.
Ben was the sharp lance in her soul; the urgency and fervency and desperation that sprang from a mother's womb. She coddled him, oh how she softened reality, even while Han despaired for Ben's state of mind and Luke harangued that he should be prepared for the ongoing war.
Poe was her wandering child, but Ben was her heart.
Sometimes she had to choose whom to comfort.
She felt them both wring out one morning; bitterness and hurt and regret dulling the brightness of her young stars. Han, blind in his work as always, only saw the storm.
"What in the blazes did you say to Poe?" Leia heard his accusation even before the door swished open and Ben stalked inside, followed closely by his father.
"It's his fault!" Ben flumped onto the couch, kicking his heels against the floor. "If he didn't - "
"Oh, so it's Poe's fault now," Han asserted. "Two months ago you would've been Force-slapping anyone who had a grudge against him, but you can - "
"I didn't say that!" He was so small, lanky limbs and too-long hair melting into the furniture, but the flurry of his anger often outmatched his father. Force have mercy, Leia was getting used to shouting matches.
"Why do you always accuse me of hurting him?" Ben snapped.
Han flung out his hands in mock surprise. "I'm sorry, did I mistake the Y-wing attack?"
"Han!" Leia shouted.
Ben's jaw fell slack. His chin wobbled, and dark eyes brimmed with betrayal.
"Kriff," Han muttered, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - "
"Just leave me alone!" Tears cracked Ben's voice as he bolted from the couch. He stumbled, too-big feet still catching up with his legs, and crashed in the hall. His door slid shut against a wretched howl.
Leia shot one look at Han and curtly shook her head.
"Leia," he began, reaching out to plead with her. "I..." Flinging his hand up, he backed away. "Kriff. Kriff."
The man who had swayed her with the perfect, cutting punch lines now had no words to defend himself. Leia felt his regret as keenly as Ben's pain, but she could only comfort one right now. Turning her back to her husband, she swept to Ben's room.
She could hear his sobs through the durasteel door. "Ben?" Leia called softly as she rapped on the barricade.
"Go away!"
"Ben..." Sighing, Leia flicked the release, grateful they had never allowed a lock on Ben's door. She stepped inside, breaking at the sight of her dark haired son, scrunched in the furthest corner of his bunk. Lanky waves veiled the hands covering his face. Force, he was still so young.
Ben didn't fight her when she scooted to sit beside him. He turned into her embrace, clasping her dress with clammy hands. She remained silent as he cried; shouldering his grief, emphasizing with the uncertain heart that strayed between darkness and light.
"I hate him," Ben keened, voicing the hurt she had never known. "I hate him!"
"Ben," Leia whispered in rebuke.
"No! He - he never listens!" Tearstained brandy eyes rose, and with them a throe of antagonism that quivered Leia's senses. "I'm tired of trying to do everything right and he still doesn't care!"
"Ben, your father loves you!" Leia's voice shook as she poured words over him, hoping that something would make sense. "He would give his life for you. You know that everything we fight for has been for your future." Oh, how she wished she had more than the petty comforts she offered to the family of every fallen soldier. Such words sounded meaningless now.
Ben shuddered. Gritting his teeth, he forced in an impassioned tone, "I wasn't talking about Father."
(Aftermath)
Grimness clenched the throats of every Resistance fighter who accompanied the convoy to Dantooine. A trap was anticipated. Kylo Ren would keep his word, General Organa warned, but he would certainly not be alone. If she failed to bring him quietly, then they would attack with all necessary force. Perhaps, with the aid of the Force, this would be his last day of terror.
Poe entered the cockpit silently and watched Leia rest her head against the durasteel framework, utterly drained. For her sake, he would pray to the Force itself that it was Ben who had contacted them. Leia had suffered enough games.
"You think he'll come?" Poe murmured.
Startled, Leia glanced sharply towards him and then relaxed, smiling for his sake. "You've always been too kind to us, Poe. You shouldn't have volunteered for this mission."
Not after what happened, he read.
"I can't tell them apart," Poe admitted. "Ben and … and the other. I get alternating vibes about him."
"Have you remembered anything new?" Leia wondered. Worry shadowed her tone and Poe readily shook his head.
"Nothing to be concerned over." The nightmares he would keep to himself. Sometimes, in the vibrant twists of his dreams, Kylo Ren tossed the helmet aside and smiled before carving through Poe's mind. He would wake clutching his head, trying to hold in something that had already been stolen.
"I'm fine," Poe assured when Leia narrowed her eyes. "Just tired."
Thoughtfully Leia nodded. "I want you to stay on board," she said at length.
Dumbfounded, Poe leaned against the doorway and folded his arms. "I thought you wanted me to communicate with him."
"Something isn't right." Leia shook her head, her mind far away. "I made that mistake once before…."
Straightening, she snatched Poe's gaze and nodded curtly. "I will speak to Ben. The convoy will accompany me; I'll be well guarded. You will remain here with Ech'ban and Finn, and wait for my word."
"You want me to hide," Poe clarified testily. "I'm not afraid of him." He was furious and anxious, as though Kylo Ren was a Tie Fighter; awestriking and destined for scrapmetal at the same time.
"You're not afraid of anything, Poe," Leia snipped. "That's my problem." She raised her chin, barring all arguments. "I've given you an order, Dameron. Stay on this ship and wait for my orders. I won't lose anyone else for his sake. I won't mourn both you and Han."
She was deliberately manipulating him. Something was amiss and she was pushing Poe into timeout, humiliating him with a safety blanket while she played Mama Ewok. She had never hesitated to risk his life before.
"Why now?" Poe challenged. "Why not before Jakku? I'm compromised – is that it? You think I can't handle Kylo Ren after all those transmissions?"
Leia did not rise to the argument. "You are compromised, Poe. … But not because of yourself." Her gaze flickered to the floor, resting on one scoured part of the wall. Now that Poe looked closely, it looked as though a child had crudely burned a B-wing sketch into the plating.
"He's too attached," Leia said softly. "Whatever is drawing him here, it's because of you. If my feelings are wrong… if he responds as he did with his father…."
Tortured brown eyes rested on Poe and he finally understood.
"The memories may not have been enough," Leia affirmed. "He may be here for you."
Poe tucked his hands in his back pockets, rose tiptoe a few times, chewed his lip contemplatively, and sighed. "Well, just give me a schedule for when your ship needs a diaper change and naptime, 'cause I expect I'll be here a few hours."
He hated it. It was why he had flung himself into the battle after Jakku. It was why he didn't hesitate to assault Starkiller Base. No Dameron went down without a fight. He didn't travel to Dantooine to babysit Leia's starcruiser while she shouted down her obstreperous brat.
Of course Leia knew that – she always knew – and Poe felt guilty when she winced. "Poe…." Deflating, Leia admitted, "You know I never would have –"
"It's fine." He broke in before she had to expose herself further. Waving idly, Poe forced nonchalance. "Really, General; I know how to follow orders. I'll stay put."
Leia exhaled between her teeth. Poe suspected that – past ignored – they had crossed the line between soldier and general and kinfolk long ago. Little wonder she couldn't place him on the field. She herself had been compromised.
"All right," Leia stated. "Ech'ban and Finn will remain here. We'll need the ship for emergency backup."
"If there are any Fighters, we'll know," Poe assured.
Leia smiled tightly and brushed past him. She paused in the doorway, resting a hand on Poe's arm. It was a gesture of fondness.
Or farewell.
Anxiety cloyed Poe's throat and he wondered if he would see her alive again.
He whirled to say 'goodbye', and the words choked him.
Then she was gone.
.
.
.
SilverclawRose gave me the idea for a Leia comforting Ben scene. It didn't turn out as sweet and fluffy as I had intended. :/ Ben has a sad life.
Thank you to CrazedFangirl13, Rinter, time2read, Pinky-chan2, Brievel, hellraiserphoenix, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, SilverclawRose, Miss Corrine, JunJunyil, and guest erinblak18 for reviewing!