Author- I don't know if I can even call myself an author but here it goes.

Disclaimer!

I don't own anything, all of this is JK Rowling's. Also this is my first fix on this site so bare with me and my awful grammar and spelling. I am in no way shape or form a professional writer and this is just a hobby.

OH! I forgot, this is a story about the missing 19 years in between the last chapter and epilogue in the last Harry Potter books. I know there are a bunch of these but I have seen so many headcanons and scenes and decided to put them all together and make a story. Please no hate. ALSO this is my second attempt at this story (aka old chapter 1 and 2 combined and re-written a bit) Alright...

CUE THE STORY.

Chapter 1-

Harry drifted down hallway after hallway, distantly aware of where he was going. Everything was blurred together, the handshakes and hugs, the thank you's and congratulations. He didn't deserve any of it. So many people dead, and all because of him. His mind was full and empty. He didn't even notice Professor McGonagall fixing a suit of armor. He didn't notice as she stepped into his path and he bumped into her. He had no control over his body. But as if it was muscle memory he hugged her. No tears came. They stood there silently hugging. It was Professor McGonagall who broke the silence when she took his face in her hands and looked at him in the eyes and leaned down and kissed his forehead right over his lightning scar that has caused so many deaths and troubles over the years.

"I've never been more proud of anyone" she said with a softness that wasn't pity but motherly pride. Harry didn't know if he nodded or smiled but she took it as confirmation and returned to her suit of armor. He resumed his wandering unaware of where he was going. It was only when he fell on top of his four poster bed covered in who-knows-what that he knew that sleep would not come, and nightmares would haunt his dreams.

The thought of walking into the great hall made Harry's stomach turn.

"Kreacher" Harry said softly. His voice rough from the events of the previous night. With a crack the house elf was at the end of Harry's bed.

"Yes Master Harry?" Kreacher said with a joyful tone.

"Er...well you see Kreacher..." Harry stumbled, "I don't really want to go to the great hall so I was wondering if you could bring me up some food if it isn't any problem. I know you must be tir-" "Kreacher would be honored to bring Master Harry breakfast" Kreacher interrupted. The elf popped away and came back a second later with, what Harry assumed was in the great hall.

"Thank you Kreacher" Harry mumbled. "Could you tell Ron and Hermione that I'm up here so they don't get worried, Oh! And Ginny please."

"Of course master Harry" Kreacher said as he was about to snap away but Harry looked up with a pleading look in his eyes "Um..could you be stealthy about it? I just don't want the whole school up here, I'll be down there later today for them to yell at me" Kreacher had a confused look on his face.

"If you don't mind Kreacher asking master," Kreacher continued with a nod from Harry, "Why would they yell at Master Harry?"

"Well, I was the reason for their family and friends deaths...I guess I just assumed they would hate me." Harry said frowning at his plate.

"Kreacher would suggest you talk to and Ms. Granger about this Master. It is not Kreacher's place to lecture Master Harry" and with that Kreacher was gone leaving Harry with a stunned face. Lecture? After all that happened he deserved one. Harry looked down at his plate once more. He then realized that he was covered from head to toe in things that made Harry wince when the memories came back. Harry abandoned his plate and went to the showers.

When Harry walked out of the bathroom fully dressed and feeling no better, there they were.

Hermione reading a book, with a slight tint of red around her eyes, Ron halfway through Harry's untouched breakfast, and Ginny fiddling with her hands as if awaiting an interview. Ron and Hermione were sitting on the dresser at the end of the bed while Ginny was on the foot of the bed with her legs crossed. They all looked up at him as he walked across the dormitory to them.

"You guys didn't have to come up here. I just didn't want you to think I jumped off the astronomy tower" Harry said. The last sentence earned a few winces.

"We wanted to make sure you were alright and not handling everything on your own." Hermione said with a soft face.

"Thanks 'Mione" Harry said looking at his feet.

"Enough of this shit, how in hell did you come back to life and don't give us any half-truths" The trio all looked stunned at Ginny's words. But to the visitors it was a bigger shock when Harry walked over and sat on the bed next to Ginny and started from the beginning.

Ron and Hermione already knew most of Harry's explanation but as he neared the end Ron and Hermione's faces mimicked Ginny's shocked face.

"So...you were dead, but not really" Ron said waving his hands in front of him.

"Sort of" Harry couldn't explain it. Hell, he didn't even understand it himself. He looked at the three of them. When he got to Ginny he found anger written on every inch of her.

"So that crackpot we had as a headmaster for six years that didn't know what he was doing half the time, knew all along that you had to die!" Ginny yelled and started pacing the room. Harry smiled despite himself. He recalls his uncle calling Dumbledore the same thing many years ago.

"So Snape was good all along" Hermione ignoring Ginny's outburst. Harry simply nodded.

"Doesn't excuse how he treated Harry all these years." Ron said, followed by him murmuring what sounded like, good riddance. Ginny let out a sigh and stopped her anger induced pacing. She walked back over to the bed and sat between Harry's stretched out legs with her back to his chest. She crossed her arms and sighed once more. Harry surrounded her with his arms. Meanwhile Ron was sitting there with a dumbstruck face.

"When-when did THAT happen?" Ron stuttered.

"Oh Ron that's been in the makes for a while, I would like to see if the library has survived. Would you join me Ron" Hermione said with a pointed stare that made any argument or complaint from Ron disappear. They stood and left leaving Harry and Ginny in silence. Harry lowered his head to Ginny's shoulder.

"Tell me" Ginny said simply.

"Tonks, Remus, Fred, all of them...it's all my fault" Harry's voice was thick, but still no tears came. Ginny spun around in his arms as if that anger has sprung back up from its hiding place. She grabbed him by the collar.

"You listen here Harry James Potter, everyone who died last night, died for a cause. They didn't give a damn about you. You hear me. When they died they didn't die for you, they died for what they believed in, for a better future. And you need to accept that it's not your fault." She pointed at his scar, "That was not you fault. This piece of shit life was his fault not yours" Harry knew who she meant.

"I love you" was all Harry said. Ginny's face softened.

"I love you too" She whispered. Ginny was still holding his collar as she pulled him down to kiss her. Finally when Harry pulled back he said,

"Every night Ginny, I checked that map ever night to make sure you were alive." Harry didn't know why he said it. Ginny's eyes went wide.

"You-you did?"

"Every night" Harry whispered.

"And here I thought I was just the dumb sister you guys ditched." Ginny joked but the hardness of Harry's eyes made all amusement fade from her tone.

"I thought about how we left you every second of every day. It was wrong and even though at the time Hogwarts seemed safer, it was just as dangerous. I would never wish that you came along with us and saw the horrors and constant fear we endured, but it was wrong and I'm sorry." Harry lowered his head.

"DO NOT START THIS AGAIN!" Ginny practically yelled in his face. "How much do I have to remind you that not everything is your fault. When is it going to get through that thick head of yours." Harry smiled weekly and kissed her. "You know, there's quite a lot of people waiting to see the great and magn-"

"Don't even start" Harry said putting a finger over Ginny's mouth. Ginny pecked his finger with her mouth and sprang up from between his legs.

"Get a move on, better to rip off the bandage" Ginny said as she hauled Harry from the bed. Harry was smiling when he was standing but Ginny was frowning, looking him up and down. "You lost weight" Ginny whispered. Harry guessed that was a compliment. He never understood girls. Ginny lifted his shirt. Harry, to his own surprise was too stunned to fight back. Ginny gasped at his torso where his ribs were visible. He assumed it was normal since the trio only ate what they could find on the run. A look of determination set in her face as she said,

"You are going to eat everything I put in front of you," Ginny said as she dragged him down the dormitory stairs and across the common room. Harry saw a little of Molly Weasley in her and smiled at the reaction he would get if he voiced his thought.

Author- Soooo there's chapter 1. Please review but please don't be hateful. Also I'm sorta winging the story so it you have suggestions, please tell me. Until next time...