Sorry about not posting last week, but I'm back with chapter 12! Big thank you to everyone who has followed/ favourited or reviewed. As always, mistakes are mine, enjoy!

Santana paced back and forward outside Rachel's hospital room desperately trying to fill her lungs with oxygen as she tried to take deep breaths. She hated herself. She hated that she was too scared to say goodbye to her best friend. She had been strong for so long and now had to be the moment she started to loose it. Angry tears were streaming out of her make up stained eyes, which she wiped with the back of her sleeve.

"Santana, Rachel will understand if you can't go in. When Quinn came a few weeks ago she only lasted a few minutes so wrote her a letter instead. You can do that if you want."

Finn knew it was a long shot, but he just needed her to calm down. He had never seen Santana like this, so vulnerable, yet he still knew she could punch him at any given moment. Brittany was staying strong for now, doing all she could to help Finn calm her down, but he could tell she was eager to get in and see Rachel, but couldn't bring herself to leave Santana.

"Britt, you can head in if you want. I'll stay with Santana." Finn said as he grabbed Santana by the arm, who had tried to run out of the ward. "I want to talk to Santana for a minute so go ahead."

Brittany bit her lip. She wanted to see Rachel, and she knew Finn liked to stay in the room with her just in case, but she couldn't leave her screaming fiancé in the hallway by herself.

"Go on. Just, if anything happens.." Finn trailed off.

"I'll call you." She said before hugging Finn and disappearing behind the door.

She thought about hugging Santana, but she could tell she had completely forgotten Brittany was there as she struggled in an attempt to get out of Finn's tight grasp.

Finn turned his attention back to Santana who was still hysterical.

"San it-" he began before she pushed out of his arms and punched him in the face. He stumbled back in shock and Santana continued bawling even harder as she spoke.

"It won't be okay, stop saying it'll be okay! Everyone is saying the same fucking thing and it's all a lie! I can't take it, It's not fucking fair! Yes Rachel is a pain is my ass at the best of times, but she is also the only one that understands me. I don't know how, but that girl just always knows what to say. And now she's being taken away from us. The baby might be taken away from us. But why? She had dealt with so much shit, but has always turned every insult into another reason to strive towards her dreams. That girl has worked so fucking hard, and this is the thanks god is giving her? Rachel Berry deserves the fucking sun, moon and stars! She deserves to finally enjoy her life, and to not have to deal with other people's opinions or criticisms. I was one of the people who made the majority of her life a fucking nightmare and still, the world is throwing more and more shit at her. She doesn't deserve anymore pain. Why... I can't, I don't get it."

Santana collapsed into Finn's arms. She knew she was being selfish, she punched him for no reason at all. Everyone feels like this and hasn't had a meltdown. Why does she have to be such a bitch?

"I'm going to miss her, Finn. That girl saved me. When I dropped out of college and broke up with Brittany, Rachel let me live with her rent free until I got back on my feet. I blew all the money my mom gave me and she went above and beyond for me after I made her high school years a living hell. Who does that?"

"San, you and me, we all have a right to be angry and upset and confused, but you can't lash out like this. You can't run away and punch people just because you're mad. What if you had ran out of here a few minutes ago and had gotten into some sort of trouble and punched a cop? I get it's hard, all of us are going through the same thing but in completely way, but you need to think of the bigger picture."

Santana wiped her eyes in Finn's shirt, which he didn't seem to notice, and sat up so she was looking at him. She felt like the most stuck up diva on earth.

"I know. I'm fucking stupid and I'm sorry." She rested her head against the hard brick walls of the hospital and sighed.

"I don't get why bad things happen to people like you and Rachel. How are you staying so calm when you know damn well what's about to happen? It's breaking me."

"I guess I'm trying to deny that it's going to

happen."

—

"Hey Britt." Rachel smiled as Brittany quietly entered the room. She didn't say anything about the fact that she was alone. In fact, she had prepared for this.

"Santana, she-" Brittany began before Rachel squeezed her hand.

"It's ok. Just, give her this." She said as she slipped a folded piece of paper into Brittany's hand. She nodded and carefully placed it in her pocket.

"We're not saying goodbye." Brittany whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I know most of the time death means there isn't a happy ending, but your different Rach. Your special. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy, and I can't believe it's taking you away, but I know this isn't goodbye. Maybe one day I'll see you up there" she said pointing up.

"Or down there, or somewhere in the middle. Or maybe it'll be in another life. But I'll know it's you. You're one of a kind Rachel. I love you, and I will see you again. It might be in 50 years or 10000 years, but when I do, I'll know it's you. And I'll give you one of these." She says pulling Rachel into a tight hug.

"But until that day, hold onto this hug, this moment, and never let it go."

Rachel cried into Brittany's shoulder. Out of all the things everyone had said to her, Brittany managed to make her feel something other than sadness. Hope. Hope that one day, maybe in an alternative universe, she'll see everyone again.

"Thank you, Britt. That's... well, I think that may be the most special thing anyone has ever said to me. And I think it's exactly what I needed to hear."

—

Brittany emerged from the room to find Santana crying softly in Finn's arms.

"San, Rachel said it's ok. She left you a note and says that it's ok. So, do you think you can do it or should we go so you can read Rachel's letter?"

Santana knew there was no way she could bring herself to step foot inside that room, so she stood up, grabbed Brittany's hand and began slowly walking in the opposite direction to Rachel's room, not having the courage to look back.

—

One they arrived back home, Brittany gave Santana the note and left her in peace to read it. She took a deep breath and unfolded the piece of paper.

Sanny,

I knew you'd be scared. If I'm being honest, I wasn't sure what I'd say to you if you did come in. Please don't beat yourself up over it, I completely understand.

I still don't know what to say to you. There is a pile of pages on the floor beside me because I just couldn't work out what to say to you.

I've decided to start where we met. You threw a slushie at me, but I could see it in your eyes that you didn't want to. I could always read you.

In high school, you would hide behind the tough, mean exterior preventing people from seeing the real you. However, I still don't know why you did that. Was it fear of being hurt? Not wanting people to see the real you?

I remember the first time I saw the real Santana Lopez. I think it's when we really became friends, despite being in glee club for two years. I walked into the girls bathroom and found you crying. It was the day after you came out to your abuela. I asked you if you were ok and you shook your head no. I leaned into hug you and you didn't fight back. It was then I saw it.

You were just like the rest of us. A young girl that was scared and felt worthless.

You have grown so much since then, Sanny. You don't give yourself enough credit. Be proud of who you were, and who you have become. Thank you for the years of fun, laughter and memories.

Please, take care of Finn for me, because we all know he puts everyone before himself. Take care of my baby girl. Teach her to be like you. Strong, independent, but also teach her not to be afraid to cry and show her true colours.

And finally, promise me you'll always remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

I love you Sanny, thank you.

Rachel x

By the time Santana finished reading the letter the paper was wet from her tears. She held the letter to her heart and whispered, I'll make you proud Rach. I promise.