Hi everyone! Here's chapter 18! This chapter's a little shorter than usual but I do have some much longer ones on the way, also I'm working on a few more chapters of my other story so that should be updated soon too! All mistakes are mine, enjoy.

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Finn awoke with a start after hearing Gracie's screams coming from the kitchen. He darted out of the bed and stumbled around the hallway, his heart speed increasing as he inched closer and closer to the infants cries.

Day 2 of being a dad and you've already screwed it up. You left the baby alone in the kitchen overnight. He was pissed at himself for going to bed so early. Not that he'd admit it, but even before Rachel's diagnosis Finn was freaking out about becoming a dad. He didn't have a stable father figure until he was sixteen, so naturally was close to his mom. Gracie didn't have that, so Finn would have to up his game.

He breathed a long sigh of relief as he reached the kitchen to find Kurt pacing around in circles with Gracie draped over his shoulder.

"Dude, I'm so sorry, I...I fell asleep so early and I swear I wasn't using you, I've been asleep ever since." He stuttered as he rubbed his eyes, still adjusting to being awake.

"Relax, Finn. You look like you've seen a ghost." Kurt laughed. Finn reached out to take Gracie, who's screams had become quiet whimpers.

"I kinda did. I mean, I thought for a second you were a ghost. You're super pa..." Finn stopped mid sentence as he finally put two and two together.

"You've been up all night." He mumbled more to himself than Kurt. He felt like the biggest asshole, leaving his screaming daughter for his brother to deal with.

"You know what one thing I promised Rachel I'd do?" Kurt asked while brewing coffee.

"To give out the letters?"

"Other than that." Kurt replied, searching around the refrigerator for milk.

"I don't know, that you'd be there for Gracie." Finn suggested, knowing Kurt, although tired, was head over heels for his niece.

"That I'd be there for you! You watched your wife battle with a god awful illness, say goodbye to her family and friends, give birth and pass away within the space of a few months, and you expect me and everyone else to think you can do it by yourself."

"You and Blaine and everyone else went through that too, I just feel guilty for dragging you all in on the hard parts. Night feeds, diapers."

"We didn't see the hard part Finn. We didn't watch her give birth and have less than 10 minutes with you and her baby before it was all taken away."

Kurt could see Finn was on the verge of tears and cursed himself for bringing up Gracies birth. That can't have been easy. He decided to change the subject instead of embarrassing Finn further.

"How'd you sleep?" Kurt asked and handed him a cup of coffee. He took a sip from his own cup and flopped down on the couch.

"It honestly was the best night sleep of my entire life. I just feel really guilty. How are you? Was she alright?"

"I didn't sleep at all, but not because of Gracie. I think you've created the worlds best behaved newborn. I couldn't relax last night so I stayed up all night, fed her in her sleep every few hours and she didn't flinch. The only reason she started crying this morning was because I changed her diaper. She really, really hated it. Like, with every tiny fibre in her body."

Finn chuckled while he sipped his coffee. "One of the nurses changed the first one so thankfully I didn't have to witness that, but man, I did three or four in the hospital and I think if she could, she would have punched me."

"Are you up to anything today? We could bring her on a walk or something? If not I'll head out and grab you something to eat, it's almost twelve." He was determined to let Finn make some happy memories with Gracie, but at the same time he was well aware Finn had a lot on his mind. Maybe he could get Carole to help him convince Finn to see a therapist.

"I think we'll chill today. Lunch sounds great though, I guess it's just a waiting game til' the funeral, then we can start adjusting to this new normal, isn't that right princess." He said in a squeaky, highly pitched voice as he gently played with the few dark strands of hair on his daughter's head.

"Sounds good, I might try the bakery across the street. Speaking of the funeral, are you ok to have it in Lima? Santana wanted me to run it by you in case you'd rather have it in New York."

Finn thought for a moment, briefly wondering if it would be easier to have it in New York, since many people were already here, but also thought about other people that might want to come, like Mr Shue, it'd be pretty hard for him to travel with 3 young kids.

"Lima's good. I think we'd all feel more at home there. She knows Rachel asked to be buried right?"

Kurt nodded. "She has it all worked out. Her and Brittany have really thrown themselves into this. Like I said, sweet but also weird distraction."

"Each to their own, I guess." Finn shrugged as Gracie began to stir. He got up to make her a bottle and continued talking with his back to Kurt.

"What day is it?"

"Today or the funeral?" Kurt asked, half joking. He was pretty sure Finn meant the funeral, but at this point they had both lost track on what day it was.

"Both." Finn replied with a laugh, realising he had no idea what day it was.

"Today's Friday and the funeral is Wednesday. Are you nervous?"

Finn returned to the couch and began feeding Gracie. Both men watched as she sucked vigorously on the bottle before Finn answered Kurt.

"I don't know. I've only ever been to two funerals, my dads and Jeans. Obviously I don't remember my dads and I didn't know Jean well enough to be super upset, you know. My mom said my dads funeral was the worst thing she's ever had to do, I'm not sure how I feel though."

"I know what you mean." Kurt began.

"I can only vaguely remember my moms funeral, and I hated most of it. All the praying, all the random people coming up to me telling me they were sorry. I guess it's different when is your partner."

Finn thought for a moment. The funeral hadn't seemed like a big deal until now, maybe because when Rachel spoke about it she didn't seem bothered by it.

"I don't think Rachel cared too much about it. For her the funeral was about people who didn't get to say goodbye, giving them a chance to grieve. I think I'm just dreading seeing people. The forced smile and nod when people ask you how you are. It all seems so fake."

"You'll get through it, and you'll get to show of this little beauty." He said as he tickled Gracies tiny foot. He noticed the way Finn looked at her. His entire face relaxed and his goofy grin would return, the one nobody had seen in almost nine months.

"Thanks bro. I really mean it. You didn't have to do this." Finn said softly as he continued gazing at the baby in awe.

"Don't mention it, bro." He said 'bro' in an intentionally deep voice, getting a small but genuine laugh from Finn.

We'll be ok. Maybe not now, but soon.

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He somehow convinced Kurt to go home and get some sleep about a half an hour later, leaving him and Gracie alone for practically the first time since Rachel died. Throughout the afternoon, he made it his mission to learn all her little quirks.

He quickly learned that unless she's sleeping, she really doesn't like being put down, and that she loved being wrapped up tightly.

"One day down, a lot more to go, isn't that right baby?" He announced that evening as he gave Gracie her bottle. She was gazing up at him with her big brown eyes as she sucked away on the bottle.

Finn's eyes began to burn with tears when a moment later, Gracie grabbed onto Finn's pinky finger as she continued to suck from the bottle whilst fighting sleep. "Hey baby" he cooed once she broke away from the bottle, never letting go of his finger. He placed her over his shoulder to wind her and felt her fingers on the back of his neck. A feeling he had never imagined before, however didn't realise could feel so great.

"It's you and me against the world, right? This isn't how it's meant to be. Mama's meant to be here with us, cuddling you and singing to us. But that's okay, we have each other, and that's what mama would have wanted. She wanted us to be happy, and that might take a while, but until then we're together, and that's good enough for me."