Hey everyone, here's chapter 19! I know I've been a little inconsistent with the chapters over the past few weeks but the next few chapters are going to be long so hopefully that makes up for it. Also, if there's anything you would like to see happen in the story (such as a certain conversations between characters etc) feel free to let me know by leaving your idea in the reviews and I'll do my best to try incorporate it into the story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter, all mistakes are mine :)
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"Shhh baby you're okay, daddy has you, you're okay." Finn paced around the living room with Gracie pressed against his chest, her screams becoming louder by the second. It was as if she knew they were leaving, and wasn't about to make the journey easy for her dad or her uncles. Kurt was packing their cases into the car, whilst Blaine rushed around the apartment with his phone pressed against his ear, trying to find Finn's which had completely vanished.
"Did you have it this morning?" Blaine shouted above Gracies screams.
"Yeah, I called my mom less than an hour ago. I could have sworn I just tossed it onto the couch." He replied as he made another attempt to put Gracie in her car seat. "I know baby, I know you hate it but we have a really long drive." He mumbled softly to the whaling baby.
"Blaine can you try? She won't stop crying. She hates this thing." He yelled as Blaine came back into the kitchen.
"Sure, here's my phone. Just keep ringing until you find it. I'll try driving her around for a few minutes to see if she falls asleep." He instructed before grabbing the car seat and heading down to the parking lot.
Finn heard a faint buzzing sound coming from the bedroom, racing in and ripping back the sheets to reveal his cell phone lying in the middle of the king sized bed.
He grabbed it, along with his house keys and began locking the door and leaving a spare key in with his neighbour. As he was about to go down to the car, he stumbled back into the apartment and grabbed Rachel's pillow. It was as flat as a pancake, which was the opposite of the fluffy pillow he preferred to sleep on, but still smelled exactly like her. He re-locked all the doors and ran down the numerous flights of stares until he reached Kurt's car.
They had opted to drive back to Lima for the funeral rather than risk a flight with a fussy baby that was less than two weeks old. Finn had still only seen a limited amount of people since Rachel's death, and was still feeling unprepared for the amount of people that were turning up to the ceremony. His mom had assured him numerous times that he could take a breather whenever he needed, reminding him that nobody expected anything from him, yet he still felt obliged to talk to everyone who has turned up to support him and Gracie, and pay their respects to Rachel, even if he could think of nothing worse.
By the time he reached the car, Gracie was silently sleeping in her car seat, which was a miracle considering Finn had handed the screaming baby over to Blaine less than ten minutes ago. Blaine was in the back with her, so Finn hopped into the passenger seat as Kurt took off.
———
"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked, turning a corner, his eyes never leaving the road. They had been on the road for about two hours, and thankfully Gracie had stayed put, only stirring occasionally. Blaine too had dozed off in the back which left Kurt and Finn to talk. They had grown closer since their high school days, especially now that Rachel wasn't here. Kurt was doubling up as a brother and a best friend, which Finn was extremely grateful for. He knew he wouldn't be coping without Kurt by his side.
"I'm nervous. It's not how I'll remember her, this is for everyone else. I guess I'm just scared too face everyone. I have no idea who will turn up." He sighed. He also felt bad for basically leaving the whole thing to Santana it organise. Yes, she was using it as a coping mechanism, but he still felt guilty about not helping at all.
'You has bigger things on your mind. Santana understands' is what Kurt and Blaine repeatedly told him, but the guilt still got to him.
"I can list a few people off the top of my head if it helps. Nobody too scary." Kurt suggested. Finn nodded, so Kurt began listening names.
"Every new directions alumni, Mr Shue and Emma, their kids. All our families. Sue, Principal Figgans, Jesse..."
Finn couldn't help but laugh. "Jesse St James. I don't think I've seen him since the day we won nationals."
"Thank god for that. Boy was he a pain in the ass." Kurt laughed, thinking back to their first year in glee club when Jesse was briefly a member.
"Remember.." Kurt began before Finn chimes in on the answer. "Run Joey Run!"
"That girl was insane sometimes." Kurt sighed, thinking back to when he lived with her and Santana.
"More like most of the time." Finn chuckled before the two well into a comfortable silence.
———
By the time they reached Ohio, Gracie had awoken from her slumber and was screaming her head off, clearly realising she was still stuck in the car seat. Kurt pulled into Carol and Burts driveway as Finn leaped out of the car to unbuckle the screaming girl from her seat.
"She clearly got those dramatics from her mother." Blaine joked while carrying in what seemed like hundreds of bags filled with Gracie's things.
"The teenage years should be fun." Finn replied with an eye roll.
"Let's take it one day at a time, she's not even two weeks old." Kurt chimed in. He couldn't imagine having a teenage niece with a diva attitude similar to Rachel's. While he loved her dearly and the idea of having a mini Rachel was nice, he wasn't prepared to go through the storm outs again.
"Hey guys!" Burt called from the front door as the three men carried all the bags in. "Kurt, you and Blaine take your old room. Finn you can obviously take yours. Your mom set up a travel crib for this little princess." He cooed as the took Gracie from Finn and planted a kiss on her cheek.
Kurt and Blaine headed upstairs while Finn decided to hang back with Burt for a while.
"How you holding up bud?" He asked as the joined Finn on the couch, the baby sleeping soundly in his arms.
"We're pulling through, taking each thing as it comes. I'm still learning all her little quirks, it's just tough."
Although Kurt has been much older than Gracie when Elizabeth died, Burt understood where Finn was coming from.
"It'll probably get worse before it gets better, but promise me if you ever need anything you'll give your mom and I a call and we'll be on the first flight to New York."
"Thanks, I'll probably take you up on that offer. Kurt and Blaine have been so great too. It's such a weird feeling. I feel so lucky to have Gracie and all you guys, but at the same time I feel like life is handing me 10 piles of shit at a time."
Burt nodded and placed his hand on Finn's shoulders. He and Carol has been married for less than 10 years, but he had grown so close to Finn he often forgot he wasn't his real father. They both knew it didn't matter though, they were father and son.
"I really miss her." Finn mumbled. It felt stupid complaining to Burt like this, but he knew Burt understood everything he was going through better than anyone else.
"You're always going to miss her. Gracie may grow up to do things that remind you of Rachel, and it might be painful sometimes. You'll never get over it, you'll just learn to live with it, and it'll be hard. You'll have bad days, but that's perfectly fine, because some days will be great, and that's what Rachel would have wanted."
Finn nodded. He knew there would be bad days, but at least Gracie would be there to make them better.
———
The morning of the funeral seemed to last forever. Finn has tossed and turned all night so woke up feeling like a zombie. Thankfully Gracie had slept through the night, even having her bottle in her sleep, so was pretty cheery all morning. Finn had packed a little black dress with a tulle tutu for her to wear, so she looked adorable as she lay on the bed staring at Finn as he fumbled with his tie.
Ok, today's gonna be pretty shitty, but Rach will be watching from somewhere. Everyone will get to meet Gracie, just put on a brave face and do your best to get through the day.
Once he managed to do his tie, he grabbed Gracie, along with her changing bag and made his way downstairs.
Breakfast was being served by Kurt when Finn arrived downstairs, with everyone else already gathered around the table. Blaine, who was across from Finn, raised his eyebrows and shit him a questioning look which he presumed mean 'you ok?'. He simply replied with a small smile and a nod, something he knew he'd be doing a lot of today.
Gracie was sucking loudly on her bottle while Finn attempted to multitask by feeding her and eating the stack of pancakes Kurt had layed out in front of him.
"Feeling ok?" Carole asked, taking Gracie from him so he could eat properly. She had bags under her eyes which she tried to cover up with makeup, but Finn knew that within an hour she will have cried it all off.
"Yeah, ok." He replied. Nobody was ok, in fact, this was the quietest the Hudson/Hummel/Anderson clan had ever been.
The family finished their breakfast in silence, dreading the day ahead.
︎︎︎︎︎︎———
Jeez, Berry knew a shit ton of people. Santana thought to herself as she stood outside the church, avoiding eye contact with what seemed like hundreds of people that had showed up to pay their respects.
"Hey Santana." She turned around as she heard a familiar high pitched voice greeting her. Emma was walking towards her, her eyes wide with sadness. Poppy, Will and Emma's middle child, was skipping along beside her holding a daisy chain in her hand, which Santana assumed she had picked from the church garden.
"Emma, how are you?" Santana embraced her in a tight hug speaking softly into her ear. Poppy gazed up at Santana uncertainly, holding out her flower chain.
"This is for you, Santana." The young girl whispered. She handed the flowers to her and backed away slightly, hiding behind Emma's leg.
"Thank you Poppy." Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. Who knew something as simple as a few flowers would set her off?
"Oh honey." Emma squeezed Santana's arm as a tear snaked down her cheek.
"I'm fine." She assured with a sniff. "Just a tough day for us all."
"Such a huge crowd." Emma said as she looked around. "I think it's lovely to see so many people showing up. Rachel would have loved it."
"Oh she'd be in her element, everyone here just for her." Santana laughed.
The two stood talking for a few more minutes until a child yelled 'Mommy' and Emma scurried off in case it was one of her kids.
Santana scanned the crowd of people until her eyes landed on Brittany, who was by the church doors talking to her sister, Hayley, Artie, and his sister Maya.
"We're about five minutes away." Brittany reported, wrapping her arms around her fiancée's waist.
Hayley and Maya, who were both juniors at McKinley, started moving back towards the crowd to give their older siblings a moment before the funeral started.
"How are you feeling?" Artie asked Santana, knowing she was nervous about the eulogy. She had been texting him non stop for advice on what to say, so he knew she was dreading it.
"I just want to do her justice, you know? She deserves something great."
A knot began to form in the pit of her stomach as she watched the hearses pull up outside the church. This was going to be fucking hard.