Ch 3: Escape to Planeptune
If there was one piece of good news that Vert received after leaving her demolished office, it was finding out that most of her personal belongings had been saved from the fire in her room. With nothing left to do but wait, Vert had locked herself in the guest room that her workers had relocated all of her stuff in and had busied herself with her MMO once again.
Though it took her a while to push away the thoughts of her recent trouble, she eventually managed to get lost in her game just like usual. As such, the next two days were spent in a power-leveling frenzy as she leveled all eighteen of her characters to the new level cap and began preparing her guild to challenge the first wing of the raid dungeon. She was so sucked into all of this that she hardly noticed Sync's odd bout of inactivity or the fact that Chika was still trying to actively kill him at every chance she got. Even the constant sound of machine-gun fire and the revving of multiple chainsaws outside her room could not distract Vert as she tirelessly proved her title as the most dedicated (obsessive) gamer in all of Gamindustri.
On the evening of the third day, Vert's efforts and planning were finally rewarded as she led her guild to the last chamber of the first wing.
"Whew, good job everyone," Vert told her party members through her headset. "Looks like we finally managed to get past that undead walrus."
"Ha ha ha! But of course! No foe can stand in the way of my newly buffed Four Dark Devas!" the lead Summoner, Tanaka, called out rather dramatically.
A disbelieving scoff sounded across the voice chat in response."Oh please. Those over-glorified hamster summons of yours barely did anything other than divert aggro," the guild's top Battle Mage, Kotori, replied sharply. "My new flame cannon abilities are what carried us through that last chamber."
"Now, now," Vert said in a calming voice before her guild members could start arguing. "It's thanks to everyone working together that we managed to make it this far. If we continue to keep up our teamwork, I'm sure we can become the first guild to make it through this raid."
The newest recruit who called herself Ruby gave an enthusiastic cheer at this. "Yeah! We'll show everyone that LeanboxKnights is the top guild in the entire server! Those losers in SwordArt and LogHorizon ain't got nothing on us!"
As her party joined in on the cheering, Vert could not help but smile.
I can't wait to see the look on that pompous Gary-Stu and that glasses-wearing know-it-all when they find out we won the first clear bonus reward, she thought with no small amount of glee. That will teach them to team up against us at the monthly guild wars.
With a renewed sense of determination, Vert called everyone back to order and began reminding everyone of their roles for the upcoming final battle.
"Okay, as you all know, the final boss for this wing is the Blight Witch's Demon Alpaca. The battle plan is the same as before but I've made a few adjustments to make it easier for our current party. Flonne, if you can, try to apply the health-regeneration buff right before we drop the boss to eight bars. That should give us some more breathing room for its long-range acid spit attack afterwards. Rem, use your Demon Frenzy ability to take down the mini alpaca's that spawn at the sixth health bar. They apparently have a massive weakness to ball-and-chain weapons so you should be able to clear them without too much trouble. As for you Ruby, make sure to keep all of your abilities off cooldown before we reach the last phase at three bars. We'll have two minutes to burn down the rest of its health before it unleashes a party wipe attack so we'll be relying on your massive burst potential to kill it before then."
"Got it," the young girl responded cheerfully as the other party members gave their confirmations as well.
"We'll go in once my mana fully recovers," Vert announced as she moved her Enchanter into place. "I'll send out the damage buff spell when I'm ready. Everyone should get into position and be prepared to move in as soon as I give the signal."
While her party members began moving around, Vert decided to take this time to stretch and let out the yawn she had been holding back. Even though the lack of sleep was starting to catch up with her, she could not help but feel happier than she had in a long while. The excitement of completing a raid for the first time as well as the prospect of rubbing her victory in her rivals' faces made her almost forget about the trouble she had faced several days ago.
Almost, because that specific trouble chose that exact moment to warp into her room.
"Hey sis," Sync casually greeted as he materialized right next to Vert. "What'cha doin'?"
The CPU nearly fell out of her chair in surprise at the boy's sudden appearance.
"Gyaaaaa! Don't scare me like that!" Vert shouted out as she regained her balance. After quickly apologizing to her guild members for nearly deafening them, she muted her headset before turning to glare at Sync.
"What are you doing here?! And why can't you just enter through the door like a normal person?!"
Sync gave a nonchalant shrug as he answered her. "I thought I might as well check in on you to make sure you didn't collapse from sleep deprivation or lack of food. Seems like you're doing fine so that's a relief. As for why I warped in here instead of walking, Chika booby-trapped my room's door with about five hundred pounds of explosives so I've had to use my powers to get around lately."
Vert decided to have a long talk with her Oracle later to remind her about the definition of collateral damage. At the moment however, she had a few questions that needed answering first.
"What have you been up to?" Vert asked suspiciously. "You've been awfully quiet lately."
Sync flashed her a playful smile. "Oh, you know... just building up my Death Fleet, drawing up battle plans to take over the other nations, and printing out multiple marriage forms for all of the other CPUs that I'm going to turn into my harem of lovely trophy wives one day."
Vert simply remained silent as she continued trying burn a hole through him with her gaze.
"Not in the mood for any jokes, I see," Sync said with a hint of disappointment. "Fine. I've been in the library trying to get up to date with current events. I have to say, you and your friends have really been up to quite a lot over the past few years."
Vert had to hold herself back from letting out a sigh of relief. She had been expecting him to be planning some kind of mind-boggling prank on her and Chika but spending time in the library seemed harmless enough. Unfortunately for her, Sync continued to speak.
"I also found a large number of ancient texts that might be interesting to look into further. The one about creating a Philosopher's Stone in particular looked rather promising." Vert could not help but shudder as a cold feeling of dread suddenly came over her at those words. Sync did not seem to notice her discomfort though as he went on talking. "Oh, I also found this rather interesting scroll while looking around. I think it says something about dragons but I had a hard time making out most of it. Maybe you could help me figure it out?"
Before Vert could do anything, he pulled out a large scroll from inside his coat and opened it. The moment she caught glimpse of its contents however, she was immediately blinded by an extremely bright burst of light.
"AHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!"
As Vert flailed about in her chair, Sync quickly closed the scroll with a sheepish look.
"Oh... whoops. Sorry about that," he said sounding sincerely apologetic. "I should have probably warned you about the initial blinding effect. Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure it isn't permanent. You'll probably see a bunch of weird floating runes for a while but those should fade away in time."
"Get out!" Vert screamed as she continued to flail about.
"Are you sure you don't need me to get you some eye-drops or-"
"OUT!"
With a sigh, Sync focused his power to teleport out of the room.
"Well, so much for getting sis to help me figure out what this thing says," he muttered to himself as he looked down at the scroll in his hands. "Hmm... maybe I should ask that Histoire lady for help when we visit her. She seems to know a lot about ancient artifacts from what I've read so maybe she'll have something that will let me decode this thing."
Still gazing at the large scroll with a thoughtful expression, Sync disappeared from the room.
Sadly for Vert, her problems did not end there for the night. As she reached out to grab her desk and regain her sense of direction, she accidentally hit her keyboard with her palm. And as fate would have it, she just so happened to press the hotkey for her damage buff spell.
By the time her vision returned, she found to her horror that her entire party had charged on ahead at her mistaken signal and ended up as alpaca chow. As she turned on her headset again and slowly moved her character forward into the devastated ruins of the battlefield, Ruby's avatar seemed to laboriously raise her head from the floor with a betrayed look.
"Commander... why...?"
With those final words, her character shattered into a thousand tiny shards of light. Vert could do nothing but use her 'fall to your knees in horror' gesture (4GO2 added a lot of features with this expansion) and faced the other fallen bodies of her comrades.
"And so... I return to the darkness of Gehenna..." Tanaka gasped out over the headset as his character disappeared as well.
"Oh, shut up with your theatrics!" Kotori angrily yelled, her character already dead from the alpaca's acid spit. "I'm so not in the mood to deal with your crap right now! Seriously, what the hell guild leader? Why did you just stand there after telling us to go?! We could have totally beaten this boss if you just buffed us properly! Ugh, that's it! I'm done for the night!"
The rest of the party members seemed to agree with Kotori's outburst as one by one they all disconnected, leaving Vert alone in the boss chamber. With no one else left to focus on, the Demon Alpaca turned its fluffy head towards the Enchanter who was still on her knees in shock.
As her character was blasted into oblivion by the alpaca's laser beam eyes, Vert could not help but wonder if Chika needed any more explosives in her extermination project.
The rest of the week proved to be just as terrible for the poor Leanbox CPU.
True to his word, Sync actually began work on creating his own Philosopher's Stone during the next couple of days. Unfortunately, his alchemy skills left a lot to be desired as the Basilicom staff members began to spontaneously change into various random animals every time he tested out his numerous prototypes. As if this was not bad enough, Chika happened to get caught up in one of his test-runs and was accidentally transformed into a duck.
Needless to say, the Oracle was less than pleased at her new body and spent the rest of the day chasing after him while quacking up a storm.
Vert meanwhile was trying her best not to go full 'Sadie' on Sync. Though his actions seemed to say otherwise, she knew deep down that the kid was not purposefully trying to annoy her.
After the incident with Chika, Vert had questioned the boy about his motives and learned that he was apparently doing all of this to return the million Ran-Pigs in her possession into their original human forms. Seeing as how the Soldiers had been afflicted by a type of human transmutation, Sync theorized that a properly functioning Philosopher's Stone would be able to reverse their transformations.
Unfortunately, Vert's patience and sanity was starting to run thin even with the knowledge of his good intentions. Having her Basilicom turned into a practical zoo was seriously starting to affect even her casual work-style. And that was not mentioning Chika's continued insistence of glomping her despite her new feathery form. Having a duck trying to bury itself in your chest while flapping about wildly was traumatizing in more ways than one.
As the days went by with more and more of her workers turning into anything from giant Dogoos to humanoid cat-people, Vert felt an increasing need to escape from this ridiculous situation before she went totally insane. That was why, when she woke up one morning to find all of her workers turned into giant talking paperclips, she did the only sensible thing left to her:
Scream and run.
"Um... Vert? Could you... please let me go now? It's getting... kind of hard to breathe..."
Inside Neptune and Nepgear's room, Vert was busy cuddling Nepgear with a zombified expression as the two of them sat on a plush couch. Unfortunately for the CPU Candidate, her pleas fell on deaf ears as Vert only squished the poor girl's face that much deeper into her large chest.
"Mmmph! Mmph! Mmmmmmmph!"
Nepgear struggled to free her head from this marshmallowy hell for a couple more minutes before she finally stopped moving.
Luckily for her, Neptune chose this moment to make her appearance.
"Nep Jr.~!" the ever-cheery CPU called out happily as she hopped into her room with a game in hand. "B-Sha and Uzume sent us the new Dank Spirits game from the convention they- What the flying guacamole?!"
Upon seeing the situation in the room, Neptune immediately dropped her game and rushed over to help rescue her little sister.
"Vert! Stop trying to kill my sister with your giant gozongos!" Neptune tried desperately to pry Nepgear's unmoving form from Vert's death-grip but to no avail. "Oomph! What's with you today? You're acting clingier than Noire does when she meets a potential new friend!"
(Somewhere in Lastation, Noire let out an enormous sneeze that caused her to scatter the towering stacks of paperwork on her desk.)
After several minutes of intense effort - along with the help of some industrial-strength pliers - Neptune finally managed to pull out Nepgear's head from its bouncy prison.
"Whew! I think my mining skills must have gone up at least ten whole levels from that! Anyways, how are you holding up Nep Jr.?"
Nepgear just continued to remain unconscious as Vert's arms seemed to mechanically draw in the younger girl's head back into her chest.
"Oh no you don't!" Neptune yelled out as she quickly pulled out something from the drawer next to her. "I didn't want to use this but you leave me no choice! Take this! Ultimate Yaoi Distraction!"
With that, the CPU of Planeptune threw a large doujinshi featuring two attractive boys in swimsuits on the cover at Vert's face.
The effect was instantaneous. Vert practically threw aside Nepgear as she instinctively moved to grab hold of the unholy book. The zombified expression she had been wearing up to this point slowly morphed into a dazed, perverted look as she began to read the doujinshi while giggling perversely.
"Mission accomplished!" Neptune remarked with a thumbs-up. "Looks like Blanc was right about Yaoi being super effective against Vert. Well, now that that's taken care of, let's get this Gear back up and running!"
With another dig through her drawer of random supplies, Neptune pulled out a large circuit board and waved it in front of Nepgear's face like a fan. As if responding to the smell, the CPU Candidate shot off the ground and snatched the piece of technology from her sister's hand.
"My precious!" Nepgear shouted out as she began caressing her newly acquired circuit board with gleaming eyes. She soon returned to normal though as she blinked around in confusion. "Eh? Where am I?"
"Welcome to the world of the living!" Neptune greeted with a large smile. "You're amazing sister just saved you from certain death by boob-ification!"
A look of surprise passed on Nepgear's face as she recalled what had happened. "Oh my goodness! That's right! Vert just suddenly flew in here through the balcony and then she tried to suffocate me! Thank goodness you arrived when you did Neptune! I was three steps away from walking over to the light where Gust was waving at me!"
Neptune gave her sister a funny look. "Gust isn't dead. She just went to live with her big sister, Koei Tecmo."
"Oh. Then maybe it was Nisa?"
"Bzzt. Wrong. She only stopped appearing cause she stormed off into another dimension after that big fight with Iffy and Compa."
"Huh. Then who was it that I saw in the afterlife?"
"Who cares?" Neptune dismissed with a wave of her hand. "The point is, you're still alive to continue spending quality time with me! Speaking of which, I'm really pooped from saving your hide so would you kindly go get me some tea? Oh, and some pudding!"
As if programmed to do so, Nepgear immediately rose up to comply with her sister's wishes. However, she paused at the doorway to look back at the still-giggling Vert.
"Um... is she going to be okay?" Nepgear asked worriedly as Vert began to suffer from a minor nosebleed.
"It's fine," Neptune replied as she picked up her copy of Dank Spirits IV from the floor and headed towards the game console. "Blanc said she'll be like that until she finishes the entire book. Seeing how big it is, I think we have a couple of hours before she returns to normal."
"If you say so," Nepgear replied as she left the room with a bit of doubt still in her mind.
As it turned out, Neptune had been right on the money about Vert. The two Planeptune sisters enjoyed their snacks and even managed to be slaughtered by the giant pig-snake-dragon-mole demon for the fiftieth time in their game before Vert finally seemed to regain consciousness.
"Huh? What in the... Where am I? And why do I have a blood transfusion hooked up to my arm?"
"Oh you're finally awake," Neptune replied distractedly from the floor as she avoided another blast of acid from the monster on-screen. "Nep Jr. was worried you might faint from the massive nosebleed you had halfway through the book so she got you a blood pack."
"Book? What bo-" Vert fell silent again as she looked down and saw the doujinshi in her hands. Her eyes immediately began to glaze over again as she attempted to reread her porn.
"Ah!" Nepgear shouted out as she reentered the room with another batch of pudding for her sister. She quickly put down the snacks and ran over to knock the book out of Vert's hands. "No! Bad Vert! No more Yaoi until you tell us why you suddenly came in here and attacked me!"
Vert looked very much like a sad puppy as Nepgear proceeded to pick up the doujinshi and seal it away into a drawer.
"Okay, you better start spilling the beans," Neptune demanded as she put down the controller after her character got killed once more. "Why did you attack my precious food slave? Um... I mean Nep Jr.! Yeah! That's totally what I meant to say!"
Vert looked at the purple-haired goddess in confusion. "Attack Nepgear? Whatever do you mean?"
"You flew in here looking like a zombie and then proceeded to hug me," Nepgear clarified.
"Yeah! Your boobs were glued to her face like some kind of Facehugger!" Neptune suddenly paused as a look of horrified realization fell across her face. "Oh no! You're planning to grow your own little sister using Nep Jr. as a host! Quick, Nep Jr.! Tell me if you suddenly feel any chest pains! I need to kill the mini-Vert that pops out of you before it escapes and takes over the entire Basilicom!"
Nepgear just gave an uneasy laugh at her sister's random tangent but Vert became frozen at the words 'little sister.'
"Um... Vert?" Nepgear eventually asked in a worried tone as Vert continued to remain silent for a full minute. "Are you okay? You didn't really implant me with one of your clones... did you?"
Vert said nothing as all the disasters that had happened in the past few days came flooding back to her. As she recalled these horrible memories, she instinctively reached out to grab Nepgear.
"Eeek! She's trying to squish me again! Save me, Neptune!"
"Don't worry Nep Jr.! Your big sis is here to protect you!"
With that, Neptune dramatically leaped forward and pushed Nepgear out of harm's way. Unfortunately, Vert's arms still extended forward and entangled around the older sibling instead. The CPU of Leanbox did not seem to notice this sudden change in her victim due to her current mental state and began wrapping her arms tighter around Neptune.
"NO! Neptune!" Nepgear cried out desperately as her sister began to get dragged towards Vert's waiting bosom.
"Don't worry sis," Neptune replied weakly as she attempted to make one last smile towards Nepgear. "I'll always be with you. Just... take care... of Planeptune... for me..."
As Neptune disappeared within the depths of Vert's chest, a soul-crushing text-box suddenly appeared on-screen.
[Neptune] has left.
"Neptune... No... Neptune..." Nepgear's voice broke as tears began to form in her eyes. "Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"What is with all this commotion?!"
The Shakespearean drama came to an abrupt end as Histoire floated into the room with her usual annoyed look.
"Oh, hello Histoire," Nepgear immediately responded with a smile as her tears magically vanished. "Neptune and I were just questioning Vert about her sudden appearance before we got a little side-tracked."
Histoire reluctantly let her eyes drift over to the bizarre sight of Vert squishing a squirming Neptune's face into her chest. Without a word, the tiny fairy's palm made its regular trip to her face with an audible smack!.
"And here I was reassuring your brother that you were probably just off buying a new game," the Oracle muttered with her eyes still covered.
Histoire's words hit Vert like a sack of bricks. The previously comatose CPU immediately straightened up and turned to face the Oracle with fearful eyes.
"W...W... What?" Vert stuttered out as she began shaking uncontrollably. "M... My... b... b...b... br-?"
"Brother?!" Neptune finished with a surprised gasp as she finally managed to free her head thanks to Vert's suddenly loose grip.
Histoire lowered her hand and faced Vert with a questioning look. "You did not tell them?"
Vert did not get a chance to answer as a familiar figure wearing a green coat suddenly entered the room.
"Ah, there you are Histoire," Sync called out, completely oblivious to the trio of goddesses staring at him due to his eyes being glued to a large rune-covered cube he was holding. "Looks like your idea to use a Dwemer Lexicon to decode that scroll worked out perfectly. If I'm reading this correctly, there's a prophecy about some kind of doomsday dragon that's going to appear at a local village next Tuesday. Apparently, the dragon's going to consume the souls of both the living and the dead unless someone goes up to it and shouts it to death."
"Ah, thank you for bringing this to my attention, Sync," Histoire said with a smile. "I'll make sure to get Uzume to deal with the situation when the time comes."
"Glad to be of assistance. Also, there's this weird part about some vampires trying to blot out the sun with a magic bow and arrow but I'm pretty sure I'm just deciphering that wrong."
As he said this, Sync lowered the cube and finally seemed to notice the other occupants of the room.
Time seemed to freeze as Neptune, Nepgear, and Vert all stared at the boy with various stunned expressions on their faces. In the end, it was Sync who eventually broke the silence.
"Huh... I guess you really do swing that way, sis," Sync casually remarked with a grin as Vert realized too late that she was still holding onto Neptune. "I know international relations are important and all but don't you think this is taking it a bit too far?"
Vert did not respond as she instead just collapsed while foaming at the mouth.