Ch 6: The Fandom Menace
On the frigid tundras of the northern Lowee/Lastation border, a figure wearing a set of heavy winter clothing walked up to one of the frozen hills and began scanning the area as if looking for anything out of the ordinary. Funnily enough, this strange observer was probably the most eye-catching thing in the area due to his wildly decorated clothing and accessories. Plastered all across his parka and goggles were numerous photoshopped pictures of Noire in various seductive poses that would have probably made the real CPU let out her infamous scream if she ever saw them. As if this was not enough to prove his identity as one of Noire's fans, the person also had a large body pillow of Black Heart strapped to his back like some kind of camping pack.
"Any sign of Noire or the Waifu Thief out there?"
As the fan continued to survey the area, a second figure walked up to the icy hill and addressed his presumable partner. The newcomer was obviously a fan as well - if the large "Noire is best waifu!" emblazoned on his ski hat was anything to go by - but he seemed to be slightly less fanatical about it as he only had a single picture of Noire in a magical girl outfit stitched across the shoulder of his jacket.
After looking across the craggy ice field once more, the first fan shook his head before replying in an annoyed tone.
"Nothing out there except snow and ice. Seriously, how do those loli-loving freaks in Lowee live in a place like this? It's got to be ten degrees below freezing out here!"
The second fan crossed his arms and seemed to roll his eyes (though his opaque goggles made it hard to say for sure). "Ah, quit your complaining. At least we weren't assigned to Planeptune for the upcoming invasion. Don't know about you but I'm definitely glad I don't have to tangle with either of the Nep sisters on the battlefield."
"Ugh. I'd gladly take on a CPU than freeze my ass off up here," the fan with the body pillow muttered as he rubbed his gloved hands together in a futile attempt to warm them.
"Careful what you wish for. If Blanc were to head out here, I'd doubt she'd leave any prisoners."
The thought of Blanc squashing them with her hammer until they were as flat as her chest finally put an end to the first fan's complaints as he irritably stuffed his hands into his parka's pockets and silently stared out at the frozen wasteland.
A few minutes passed by in silence before he spoke up again.
"By the way, do we even know anything about that blond shota other than what he looks like? Everyone just seems to refer to him as the 'Waifu Thief' and nothing else."
His partner gave a slightly annoyed grunt before answering. "The broadcast was cut off before the kid had a chance to properly introduce himself. If our members at the TV station had enough sense to at least learn our enemy's identity before starting their rampage, we wouldn't have to hunt him using only his image as reference."
The body pillow-carrying fan became quiet for a few seconds as he brought his hand up to his chin in a thoughtful manner.
"Hmm... You know, I've been thinking about this ever since I saw him but... don't you think the Waifu Thief kinda looks like Vert?"
"You've got be joking," the second fan scoffed. "Are you trying to say that he's actually Vert's brother?"
"Well, just look at him. Same hair color. Same eye color. Heck, he even wears a giant green coat! If that doesn't scream Leanbox, I don't know what does!"
"Now you're just stereotyping. Not all blond people who wear green clothes are from Leanbox, you moron. Besides, do you really think Vert of all people would remain quiet if she ended up with a brother? She would have freaked out and probably nuked her own nation to get rid of him."
The first fan thought about this for a brief second before giving a shrug.
"Yeah, I see your point. There's no way Vert would ever tolerate having a younger brother. Still, I can't help but think that the brat's somehow related to her. Hmm... Maybe he's her secret love child or something? Perhaps she had a fling with one of the waiters at those butler cafes she likes to visit and- Wait, did you hear something?"
The two fans immediately snapped to attention as they began looking around the seemingly empty wasteland.
"This better not be your idea of a prank," the second fan growled when nothing caught his eye.
"No, I'm serious. I thought I heard some kind of choking sound from around those rocks just now. Hold on, I'm gonna go down and see if there's anything there."
Leaving his irate partner behind, the body pillow-carrying fan made his way down the frozen hill and began to cautiously make his way over to the large gathering of ice-covered boulders nearby. Once there, the fan began to carefully search around the rocks for any sign of a possible intruder. After several tense minutes, he eventually gave a shrug and made his way back up to the hill.
"Guess I was just hearing things," he told his unimpressed partner. "Nothing down there except a bunch of rocks and a cardboard box."
Funnily enough, the second fan did not seem to find anything strange about this comment and even added in his own two-cents. "I swear those damn boxes are everywhere," he said in a serious tone. "Apparently one of them was also at the Lastation Basilicom when our initial forces made their way there. It blocked off the way into the main hall for nearly half an hour before it finally shuffled along and got out of the way."
"Heh, those silly boxes. Always showing up at the strangest times with no explanation whatsoever."
With that interesting conversation out of the way, the two fans became silent once more. After a couple more minutes, the second fan looked at his wristwatch and spoke up.
"Looks like our shift's almost done. Let's start heading back to base and get something to eat."
"About time! I was about to become completely frozen out here!" As he said this, a mischievous grin suddenly appeared on the first fan's face as he turned to face his partner. "Hey, do you want to build a snow-"
"Finish that sentence and I swear to Noire that I'll kill you with your own body pillow."
The first fan wisely shut himself up as he followed after his song-hating partner and left their lookout hill.
As the fans walked off into the distance, the cardboard box from before suddenly shuffled forward and seemed to peek up from the pile of rocks it had been hiding in. After seeing that the coast was clear, the box suddenly let out a sigh before speaking up in a tired yet familiar voice.
"Some vacation this is turning out to be..."
While it was definitely not the worst situation Vert had ever been in, her current predicament definitely made her top ten list. And considering that the lowest contender on that list happened to be the time 4 Goddesses Online experienced a server crash right before she obtained her first Legendary rank item, it said a lot about just how horrible her situation was.
Simply escaping from Noire's Basilicom had been a journey and a half as the fans had invaded the building soon after Vert had decided to escape to Lowee. Thankfully, she remembered a handy trick she picked up from a bossy old man and quickly managed to hide herself in a cardboard box that was lying around Noire's office. With the help of her state-of-the-art stealth device, Vert managed to slowly make her way past the fans and out into the devastated ruins of the city.
After what felt like days to her, Vert finally managed to sneak into Lowee where she was now trying her hardest not to freeze to death as she shuffled along underneath her trusty box.
"W...W...Why did I have to g... get on Histoire's b... b... bad side at a time like this?" Vert muttered to herself with chattering teeth as the temperature around her seemed to drop lower by the second. "I...It w...would have been s...so much nicer to sneak into P... P... Planeptune instead."
Unlike the inhabitants of Lowee (or a certain ice princess) the cold did bother Vert quite a bit. Considering the temperate-to-tropical climate of Leanbox, the arctic conditions of Gamindustri's northern frontier felt especially unforgiving towards the poor CPU. In fact, if it had not been for the share energy protecting her, Vert was sure she would have already transformed into a goddess-sized Popsicle by now.
As she continued her slow and arduous journey, Vert briefly considered just transforming and flying towards Lowee's Basilicom. Unfortunately, there was still the risk that there were more of Noire's fans in the area, especially considering that the two fans had mentioned having a base nearby. Plus, her prior dealings with Noire's fans during the previous uprising had taught her all too well just how skilled the fans were at shooting down flying targets. No, the safest option for her at the moment was to simply continue on in her cardboard box until she reached a Lowee settlement.
"T... That boy is as g...g...good as dead when I get b...back home," Vert muttered darkly as she continued to trudge across the seemingly endless blanket of ice and snow. "T...This ridiculousness has g...gone on long enough and I'm sure Ch...Chika would be happy to- oh, wait... She got transformed into a duck... Argh! I c...can't even f...fantasize about getting r...revenge without that b...b...boy ruining everything!"
Vert's rant came to a quick close as the sound of footsteps was suddenly heard nearby. Reacting quickly, she crouched down and tried to remain as still as possible despite her cold-induced shivering. Sadly, she could not see who was approaching her as the newcomer was on the opposite side of the little hole that she used to peek outside the box with. As such, all she could do was simply wait with bated breath as she hoped the newcomer would simply pass her by like the rest of the fans.
Much to her dismay, the footsteps continued towards her before stopping right in front of the box. For a while, nothing could be heard outside as Vert silently prayed to RNGesus that the person would simply leave. Sadly, her prayers went completely unheeded as the cardboard box was suddenly grabbed and lifted off of Vert before she could do anything.
Vert found herself paralyzed in fear as she continued to remain in her crouched position. Just when she was sure that she was going to be mauled by a rabid fan or knocked out to be taken to an interrogation chamber, a puzzled yet familiar voice spoke up behind her.
"Vert? What are you doing here? And why were you hiding in a cardboard box? I thought that was just one of K-Sha's strange little quirks."
Hardly daring to believe her luck, Vert slowly turned her head to find none other than an extremely confused-looking C-Sha staring back down at her.
For a while, neither person moved as they simply continued to stare at each other in an increasingly awkward atmosphere. The stillness was abruptly broken, however, when Vert suddenly leaped up to hug the fashionable Hunter which caused her to drop the cardboard box in surprise.
"Wha-?! Vert, what are you doing?!"
Vert did not answer as she simply continued to hold onto the struggling C-Sha with perhaps a little too much affection. After spending goddess-knows-how-long in hostile territory with only an army of deranged fans and a box to keep her company, Vert was practically overcome with joy and relief at finally seeing a friendly face again. As it was however, their awkward embrace inadvertently resulted in a rather... bouncy... display as the two most buxom women in all of Gamindustri continued to press and squirm against each other. In fact, the pure amount of fanservice generated by them was so strong that every male figure within a hundred mile radius suddenly found themselves knocked out cold by a strange case of severe nosebleeds.
"W...What's wrong with you Vert?! Let go of me this instant!"
It took several more minutes before this impressive display of Yuri on ice came to an end as Vert finally regained control of her emotions.
"Ah... I... um... apologize for my actions just now," Vert said in a sheepish voice as she let go of an understandably shaken C-Sha. "I suppose I was just a bit too happy about finally seeing someone other than one of those crazy fans."
Perhaps it was due to her experience as being the leader of her own wacky group of misfits but C-Sha recovered from her shock with surprising speed and took in all of this strangeness in stride.
"I...It's alright," C-Sha eventually dismissed as she readjusted her trademark beret. "Just... try to keep your clinginess to a minimum from now on. I just crafted this new outfit and I don't want to get it wrinkled too much."
Funnily enough, her current outfit looked no different from her usual blue attire but Vert knew better than to speak out about it. The last time she had accidentally made a comment about all of C-Sha's clothes looking identical, the Gold Third leader had spent several hours lecturing her about the thousands of different types of monster leather that made up her supposedly different outfits.
"So," C-Sha continued, thankfully interrupting Vert's memories about that mind-numbing fashion discussion, "how exactly did someone like you end up all the way up here?"
"It's... a long story," the CPU replied in an extremely world-weary tone. Just as she was about to start recounting her little misadventure though, Vert suddenly remembered the conversation between the two fans she had overheard and immediately turned serious again. "Actually, that's not what's important right now. I managed to learn that the fans are preparing some kind of invasion against Planeptune. We need to warn Histoire and Blanc about this right away."
Much to her surprise, C-Sha did not seem the slightest bit alarmed by the news and simply let out a tired sigh.
"We already know," the Gold Third leader explained to the puzzled goddess. "The fans have been massing on the Planeptune border for quite some time now. Histoire's already prepared her forces but its hard to say whether they can hold back the sheer amount of fans that have gathered there. Even with Neptune and Nepgear acting as back-up, things are looking really dicey down there. As for me, Blanny wanted me to scope out the northern border in case the fans were making plans to invade Lowee as well. As far as I can tell though, they're not doing much up here other than keeping an eye on the area."
Hearing all of this, Vert could not help but let out a sigh of her own as she realized just how large of a mess the accursed boy had created. Based on what she knew, it was highly unlikely he had intended for things to get this far out of hand but the fact remained that he had practically created the biggest disaster in recent years since the Kurome incident.
"I need to go see Blanc," Vert eventually said. "Discussing all of this in the snow isn't going to do us any good. At the very least, perhaps I can help her plan a counteroffensive against the fans or something of the sort."
C-Sha apparently agreed as she gave a curt nod.
"Alright. I need to go report my findings to Blanny anyways. There's a small town just a few miles west of here. We can catch an airship from there to the capital."
Vert silently nodded as she allowed C-Sha to lead the way. Just as they were about to head out, however, C-Sha suddenly stopped to pick up the cardboard box that she had dropped earlier.
"By the way, what should I do with this?"
The words had hardly left her mouth before Vert had swiftly snatched the cardboard box from her hands and carefully deposited it into her inventory.
"What?" Vert said with a shrug in answer to C-Sha's surprised look. "I can't just abandon Mr. Box out here in the cold after everything he's done for me. He's practically family at this point."
C-Sha continued to stare at the CPU for a few more seconds before finally shaking her head and turning away.
"I think I'm starting to see why Blanny doesn't want you hanging around the twins..."
All in all, the trip to Lowee's capital was fairly uneventful... relatively speaking.
When the buxom duo arrived at the airport, they found to their dismay that the town's only airship pilot had been hospitalized shortly before they had arrived. He – along with every other male occupant in the small Lowee settlement – was suffering from massive blood loss from a mysterious case of nosebleeds and needed several hours to recover.
Unaware of their role in this setback, C-Sha and Vert simply blamed their bad luck and began looking around for some way to pass the time. After a bit of wandering, the two of them eventually stumbled across a small clothing store where C-Sha decided to generously buy Vert some proper winter clothing. Unfortunately, this ended up taking far longer than necessary as the fashion-obsessed Gold Third member spent the entire afternoon stuffing Vert into literally every article of clothing in the store. By the time Vert walked out of the place with a brand-new green parka and scarf (which she might have appreciated more if her legs were not feeling like jelly from all the modeling she had been forced to do) the sky was already dark and the airport was operating once again.
Thankfully for Vert, the rest of their trip was a much more enjoyable experience. After booking a flight to the capital and climbing aboard the blimp-like airship, the CPU had quickly nodded off as the exhaustion from all her stealth adventuring finally caught up to her. Knowing that things would undoubtedly get lively as soon as they reached their destination, C-Sha also opted to get some rest as well.
One long airship ride later, the duo arrived at the picturesque winter wonderland that was Lowee's main city. Despite the fan crisis taking place just one nation over, the large snowy city looked exactly the same as ever as C-Sha and a sleepy-eyed Vert made their way out of the airship and into the ever-crowded airport. Thankfully, the local F-Zero taxi service was available even in the early hours of the morning and the two of them were able to hail one of the cabs that were milling around the area. One turbo-boosted taxi ride later, the two of them found themselves standing before the familiar sight of Blanc's Basilicom.
"Hmm... guess we arrived earlier than I expected," C-Sha commented as she took a glance at the nearby Clock Tower with the dancing Skull Kid on top of it. Barely keeping her eyes open, Vert tiredly followed her companion's gaze and saw that it was barely past five in the morning.
"Blanny's probably still fast asleep right now and I really don't think waking her up is a good idea," C-Sha wisely said. "Why don't we just quietly slip in for now and get a few more hours of sleep before meeting up later in the morning?"
"Mm... that's fine," Vert mumbled blearily. "Maybe I can go cuddle up with Ram and Rom... Yes... that sounds lovely..."
"Um... I really don't think that's a good idea Vert. Blanny's probably going to- Wait, what's going on here?"
The reason for C-Sha's surprise became apparent as the two of them entered through the gates and saw the interior courtyard of the Basilicom. The normally peaceful administrative complex was currently a bustling hub of activity as guards, advisors, and various other staff members ran about in a noticeably urgent matter. Considering that the last time the place had been on such high-alert was when Ram had gotten her hands on a Blue Shell, C-Sha and Vert immediately knew that something major had occurred.
"You there. What's going on?"
The random guard that C-Sha questioned immediately stopped upon noticing her and gave a small salute.
"Thank goodness you're here Lady C-Sha! There was apparently some kind of major disturbance in Planeptune which allowed the Lastation fans to finally make their move and launch their invasion! Lady Blanc has ordered our own nation to be put on high-alert and is currently holding an emergency meeting with Lady Histoire at the moment! You should hurry and join her in her office as quickly as possible!"
With a quick nod, C-Sha dismissed the soldier and immediately headed off to meet up with Blanc.
Vert, on the other hand, stood frozen in place as a sudden feeling of dread roused her from her drowsiness. Funnily enough, it was not the thought of Planeptune being torn apart by crazy fans that worried her but the terrifying prospect of seeing Histoire again that chilled her to her bone. Considering everything that had happened, the tiny Oracle would no doubt blame the entire disaster on her for not keeping the boy under control. Even if Vert had wanted nothing to do with him, there was no questioning that she was now responsible for him... or at least that was how Histoire would see it. And after everything the boy had done, it was all but inevitable that Vert would be on the receiving end of one of Histoire's infamous lectures.
After standing out in the cold for a good couple of minutes, Vert decided there she could not keep running forever and that the crisis at hand was simply too big to ignore. Even if she would mostly end up being scolded to death (quite literally considering that the CPUs had once seen Histoire scold a King Dogoo until it actually melted in shame), Vert still had a duty to make sure that Gamindustri as a whole was kept safe.
With a sigh big enough to stir up a mini blizzard on the snow-covered floor in front of her, Vert reluctantly made her way towards her friend's office.
Unsurprisingly, Vert managed to hear Blanc long before she saw her.
"...expect me to believe that bullshit?!"
It was clear that being woken up so early plus the added stress of the situation was making Blanc rage even harder than usual. As Vert slowly inched her way closer towards the half-open office door, Histoire's voice was heard replying in a strained yet patient tone.
"I am being quite serious here, Blanc," the Oracle said through a presumable communicator. "Our top priority right now is finding Uzume and getting her to defeat this dragon."
Dragon? Vert wondered in confusion as Blanc began shouting again.
"Why are we wasting time with this shit?! Seriously, just get Neptune to deal with it! I don't know if you've noticed but YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY IS BEING INVADED!"
Thankfully, C-Sha was at hand to keep the fiery goddess from blowing out everyone's eardrums any further.
"Now, now Blanny. Let's at least hear what Histoire has to say before we start flipping tables around."
After waiting for Blanc to take a few deep breaths and apparently release her grip on her desk, Histoire spoke up again in a weary voice.
"Considering that this dragon is capable of eating the souls of both the living and the dead, it's currently the larger threat. Neptune and Nepgear have already engaged the dragon but they reported that none of their attacks are causing its HP to drop. Apparently, its shielded by some kind of plot-protection that makes it immune to any non-scripted attacks. Our only hope now is to trust in the prophecy and hope that Uzume's shouting powers can kill this monster."
Hearing this, Vert vaguely remembered the prophecy that the boy had deciphered from the old scroll back when they had visited Planeptune. Even though it felt like an entire lifetime ago, Vert managed to recall that the prophecy had said something about needing the power of a loud shouter to defeat the doomsday dragon. If that was the case, then it made sense that Uzume was the best candidate to save the world.
"This whole prophecy business still sounds like a load of Dogoo shit to me," Blanc angrily muttered. "For one, why didn't it warn us about these damn fans as well? Kind of seems like an important detail to leave out."
Histoire gave a loud sigh before replying. "The fan uprising coinciding with this dragon's appearance was simply a case of bad luck. Sadly, it did give the fans the exact opening they were looking for. With most of our forces occupied with containing this dragon menace, we can't do much against the fans except slow down their advance."
There was a moment of silence before C-Sha spoke up again.
"So... all we need to do is find Uzume and this entire situation can be resolved, right? Sounds simple enough to me."
Blanc gave an annoyed growl to this. "It's anything but simple. Uzume was apparently at the video game convention when all this bullshit started."
Vert could not see the expression C-Sha was making but she guessed it looked extremely grim based on Histoire's reaction.
"Did something happen at the convention center?" the Oracle asked in a worried tone.
After a momentary pause, C-Sha answered in a serious voice. "The video game convention was an international event so there were thousands of attendees from Lastation as well." Vert silently winced as she realized exactly where this was going. "It took less than one hour after Noire's engagement video was released for the fans to overwhelm all of our guards and seize control of the entire city. All of the residents were able to safely evacuate in time but most of the convention attendees ended up being trapped inside the building. To make matters worse, the fans were able to quickly reinforce themselves thanks to the city's close proximity to the southern Lowee/Lastation border and turned the entire place into one of their major strongholds. Since then, we've lost all communication with the area and any attempts to take back the city have been met with heavy resistance."
There was silence both inside and outside the office as Vert and Histoire tried to process this shocking revelation.
"There is one piece of good news though," Blanc said after a few seconds. "The few people that managed to escape from the convention center said that a small resistance group had fortified themselves inside the lower halls of the building and were keeping back the fans from there. I think it's safe to assume that Uzume is a part of this group considering her past experiences as a freedom fighter."
Histoire took a moment to think over this before finally speaking up again.
"Blanc, how long would it take for you to gather your soldiers and take back the city?"
The Lowee CPU gave a sigh as if she had been expecting this question. "That isn't going to work Histoire. At least not with our given time-frame. Planeptune would be completely overrun by the time I break through their defenses and-" Blanc paused as she suddenly radiated an intense aura of annoyance towards the direction of her office door.
"I know you're out there," she growled out threateningly. "You have one second to reveal yourself before I come out swinging."
Vert barely stopped herself from letting out a surprised yelp at being found out. Though she did not know it, Blanc actually had something of a sixth sense when it came to detecting eavesdroppers due to the twins' annoying tendency to pry into her private matters. It was only due to Blanc being so agitated and tired that Vert had been able to avoid detection until now.
Hearing the petite goddess moving towards the door, Vert quickly chose the less painful option and entered the room.
Compared to her own extravagant office and Noire's picture-perfect business set-up, Blanc's office was relatively small, simple, and, for lack of a better word, cozy. With a large fur rug, a welcoming fireplace, and a small fir tree sitting in the corner of the room as decoration, the place looked as if it was always ready for the holiday season. Sadly though, the room's current occupants did not share in the festive nature of the room and were quite possibly the furthest thing from jolly at the moment.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Thunder-Tits?"
Vert felt the slightest tinge of annoyance at Blanc's usual disrespect for her heavenly breasts but it was quickly overlooked due to the overwhelmingly terrifying presence that was radiating from the other occupant of the room. Despite the fact that she was simply a holographic image projected by Blanc's desktop communicator, Histoire still managed to terrify Vert all the same.
"So," the small fairy said with a reproachful glare, "the prodigal daughter returns. Might I ask why you decided to show up now in Lowee of all places?"
Seeing that Vert was too terrified to speak, C-Sha quickly stepped in to explain.
"I found her at the northern border while I was scouting the area. I'm guessing she was at Lastation when the fan revolt started and had to sneak her way up here."
Vert could only guess as to how furious Histoire must have looked as she pointedly kept her gaze on the floor.
"You were playing around in Lastation this whole time?!" Histoire yelled, obviously still annoyed at all the time she spent looking for the AWOL goddess during the past week. "Not only did you have the audacity to run from your responsibilities as an older sister, you also deemed it fit to avoid your duties to your own nation as well?! Young lady, we are going to have a serious talk right here, right now!"
At this point, Vert was praying to just about every deity in existence for some kind of miracle to swoop in and save her from Histoire's wrath.
Unfortunately for her, her prayers were answered.
Almost as if waiting for this exact moment, the space between the four of them suddenly began to distort. In a manner strikingly reminiscent of the day that Vert's life was turned completely upside-down, a glowing green portal formed in the center of the office before unceremoniously spitting out a familiar green-coated figure onto the fur rug.
"Hax! I call hax!" the disheveled and slightly smoking figure of Sync yelled out in a muffled voice as he stayed face-down on the floor. "There's no way that tank shot could have hit me while I was all the way up on the rooftop!"
Histoire, Blanc, and C-Sha were all stunned silent at this bizarre and unexpected interruption as they simply continued to stare blankly at the boy. As for Vert, she suddenly found herself cycling through a vast array of (mostly negative) emotions. Though annoyance and anger were chief among them, she was surprised to find a tiny, almost minuscule, part of her that almost felt... relieved at seeing the boy alive. Of course, this feeling was quickly forgotten about as she began to walk forward with the full intention of giving him a good whack on the head for all the trouble he caused.
Much to her surprise, however, Blanc beat her to it.
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!"
As everyone – especially Vert - watched in surprise, the Lowee CPU stalked over and smacked Sync on the back of his head before effortlessly lifting him up by the back of his coat collar.
"Ow... Wait, Blanc?" Sync asked with a mildly surprised look on his face. "What are you doing in Lean- oh, crap. The explosion must have screwed up my coordinates."
Ignoring the enraged goddess who was holding him up – an impressive feat considering that even Vert could feel the suffocating pressure of pure rage that Blanc was currently radiating – Sync began to casually look around the room as if to confirm his current location. Much to Vert's displeasure, his gaze came to a halt as soon as he spotted her.
"Oh, hi sis!" he called out with a bright smile that clashed horribly with the current mood of the room. "Sorry about causing such a mess. I really had no idea that Noire's fans would take my little prank so seriously. Anyways, I'm glad to see you got out of there alive. I got kind of worried when I couldn't find you but I should have known you had already sneaked out of the country. Oh, and nice parka and scarf by the way. It suits you really well."
Vert became keenly aware of everyone in the room turning to stare at her as if waiting to see how she would respond to this. Even Blanc's normally unstoppable rage seemed to be on a temporary hold as she too looked at the dumbfounded blonde goddess with the tiniest hint of curiosity in her eyes.
Finding herself unable to properly think at the moment, Vert simply said the first thing that entered her mind.
"Don't call me sis."
Sync seemed strangely pleased with this response as his smile widened just a tiny bit more. Meanwhile, time finally seemed to unfreeze for everyone else as they returned to what they were doing before. Unfortunately, this also happened to include Blanc unleashing her rage at the boy.
"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU'VE-!"
"Ugh... why is everyone being so loud today?"
Everyone turned in surprise as a sleepy-eyed Ram suddenly walked into the room wearing a set of pink pajamas. Considering that Blanc's office was only a few doors down from the twin's bedroom, all of the shouting had most likely woken up the usually energetic CPU Candidate from her sleep.
"Ah, um... sorry about waking you up," Blanc apologized in a much softer voice as her awkward-yet-caring older sister persona took over. "Go back to bed Ram. I'm just taking care of some... business."
Ram did not move as she sleepily took in the scene before her. Much to Vert's surprise, the little girl's face suddenly lit up with a bright smile as she laid eyes on the troublesome boy.
"Sync! You're finally back!" Leaving behind a thoroughly confused Vert, Ram suddenly ran back over to the door and stuck her head out into the hallway. "Hey, Rom! Sync's finally back to play with us!"
Almost as if she had been magically summoned there, Rom zoomed into the office while still in her blue pajamas. Though she still looked very drowsy, her expression rapidly brightened upon seeing their visitor.
"Big bro! I missed you!"
The moment she heard this, Vert felt her jaw practically unhinge itself as she stared at the events unfolding before her with a volatile mixture of bewilderment, jealously, and shock.
"Heh, I missed you too Rom. And you as well Ram." Sync gave a much more innocent-looking grin than what he normally wore as he strained to look back at the twins while Blanc continued to hold him up like a misbehaving puppy. "Um... sorry to start things off by asking for a favor but could you convince Blanc to put me down? It's getting kind of disorienting hanging off the ground like this."
Much to everyone's surprise, the twins actually listened to his request and approached their older sister with disapproving looks on their faces.
"Stop being so mean to Sync!" Ram shot out with a pout as she faced a rather flabbergasted Blanc. "Put him down right now!"
"D...Don't hurt big bro, sis," Rom pleaded as she put on a pair of puppy-dog-eyes that could have probably persuaded even the Deity of Sin to give up on her plans of world destruction.
As it turned out, even Blanc's rage was no match for the dual strike of her sisters' assertiveness and adorableness.
"Gah! Alright, I'll let him go! Just stop looking at me like that!"
Vert could practically hear something breaking inside her head as Blanc actually let go of the object of her ire and backed off. Her mind only continued to break further as the twins ran up and embraced Sync with an overwhelming sense of affection.
"Come on you two," Sync said with a bright smile of his own as he returned the group hug. "I've only been gone for what... three days? Four? Sorry, I guess I was so busy I lost track of time."
"You were gone for five whole days dummy!" Ram told him with mock indignation after she and Rom finally backed off. "You promised you'd come over every other day!"
"Sorry, sorry. I just got into a bit of trouble in Lastation and-"
"Okay, stop! Everyone just stop right now!"
Vert's sudden shout caused everyone to immediately face her way with varying degrees of confusion. Their looks quickly changed to one of surprise and concern however when they saw the crazed expression that the blonde goddess was currently wearing.
"You," Vert breathed out heavily as she held out a shaking finger towards Sync, "When did you... No. How did you-?"
Despite her barely coherent sentences, Sync seemed to perfectly understand what she was trying to say.
"I introduced myself to Blanc and the twins while you were off on your little vacation." His grin slowly took on its usual mischievous edge as he looked over at his barely functioning sister. "As for how I got into Ram and Rom's good graces, well, who can resist my charming good looks and personality?"
Both Vert and Blanc seemed to choke on air at this remark while Ram playfully punched Sync on the arm.
"Dummy. I only let you be my personal servant because you actually know how to have fun unlike all these other boring adults. Plus, you did take us to see that awesome new movie with that Bayonetta lady in it."
"HE DID WHAT?!"
The sheer outrage in Blanc's shout was enough to make even Sync's ever-present grin falter.
"Er... Ram? I thought we agreed to keep that a secret."
"Oh... oops..." Seeing her older sister summon her hammer to her hand, Ram quickly tried to cover for her blunder. "I...It wasn't like the movie was too scary or anything though! Even Rom got through the whole thing without crying!"
"Big bro was holding my hand the whole time so it wasn't so bad," Rom supplied shyly. "I did have to close my eyes a bit when those mutant angel things came out of the graveyard though."
"Oh, I remember that part!" Ram shouted enthusiastically. "That's where Bayonetta fought off, like, a hundred bad guys and finally summoned that giant head-chopping thing and used it to kill the boss! That was just awesome!"
While Sync tried to ignore the onslaught of disapproving and shocked looks aimed at him, Rom suddenly spoke up in an admiring tone.
"Ms. Bayonetta is so cool. I want to be just like her when I grow up."
Ram ignored the strangled noise that Blanc was making as she enthusiastically nodded her head. "I know, right? Oh, I got an idea! Let's go borrow some of Uni's guns and stick them on our shoes! Then we can totally be just like her!"
"NO!" Blanc finally exploded. "YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR HANDS ON ANY GUNS! AND BAYONETTA IS NOT A PROPER ROLE MODEL FOR KIDS LIKE YOU!"
"She is pretty awesome though," C-Sha commented from the sidelines. She immediately shut her mouth when Blanc gave her a look that threatened a very painful death if she spoke any further.
"AS FOR YOU!" Blanc screamed as she stormed over and lifted up an understandably worried-looking Sync by the front of his shirt collar. "I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOUR INSIDES LOOK LIKE, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF-"
"Lady Histoire! I have urgent news!"
Not for the first time that day, Blanc found her murderous rampage cut short by an unexpected interruption. As everyone turned to face the hologram projector, a purple-robed Planeptune soldier suddenly appeared next to the Oracle.
"Is something wrong?" Histoire asked in a worried voice. "Did the fans break through our defensive line already?"
Much to everyone's surprise, the soldier actually gave a smile as he shook his head. "No ma'am! I'm actually here to report that Lady Uzume has appeared with the older Neptune and that they're battling the dragon as we speak! Thanks to them, all of our forces are now available to fight against the fans!"
It took a few seconds before Histoire managed to fully process this rare piece of good news. "Get our soldiers to reinforce the front line immediately!" she quickly ordered. "This is our chance to drive back these crazed fans from our country, once and for all!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
As the soldier rushed out of view, Sync put on an unusually amused look as he continued to be held up by Blanc.
"Huh. Ms. Neptune sure took a while to find Uzume. I wonder if she took a little detour to pick up some pudding along the way?"
Everyone turned to Sync with varying confused expressions but it was Histoire who questioned him first.
"Big Neptune was with you this whole time?"
Sync answered with his usual smile. "Sort of. I had just gotten Noire and myself out of the TV station when Ms. Neptune appeared to help us. Apparently, she was out hunting for some rare bugs when she heard the news and teleported over to find me. Thanks to her help, we were able to avoid the fans and even round up a handful of surviving Lastation guards to help us along the-"
"Hey!" Ram suddenly interrupted. "What's everyone talking about? I want to know too!"
The somewhat serious atmosphere in the room was instantly shattered by the childish outburst as Sync gave an amused laugh at the younger twin's antic. Much to everyone's surprise, he instantaneously teleported out of Blanc's grasp and appeared right next to Ram and Rom.
"Sorry about making you feel left out by all of this," he apologized while Blanc continued to look back and forth between his current location and her now-empty hand with a mixed look of anger and astonishment. "Here's everything that's happened up till now..."
"-and that's why a bunch of crazed fans are now on a crazed rampage across most of Gamindustri."
"What in the-?" C-Sha exclaimed as she looked around in confusion. "Was that a jump cut just now?"
Sync flashed her an small smile. "Yep. Ms. Neptune taught me a few meta tricks during our training sessions together. I figured none of you would have appreciated it if I started a recap episode so I went with the handy, off-screen exposition method instead."
Blanc just pinched the bridge of her nose as she let out a loud groan. "It's like watching an unholy fusion of Ram, Thunder-Tits, and Neptune all rolled up into one insufferable package..."
Ram ignored her sister's comment and instead faced Sync with a furious pout on her face. "I never gave you permission to marry Noire!" she shouted out indignantly. "You're my personal servant! You're supposed to be with me forever, not some lame Tsundere like her!"
"Um... Ram?" Rom interjected. "I thought we agreed to share big bro and marry him together when we got older."
Everyone aside from C-Sha and Sync began to make dying Horsebird sounds at this statement. While the Gold Third leader was busy commenting about just how cute all of this was, Sync instead tried to gain control of the situation before things escalated any further.
"Let's... um... save these marriage talks for a later time, okay?" He gave a nervous glance towards Blanc who's left eye was beginning to take on its signature red glow. "A... Anyways, the whole thing with Noire was just a prank, Ram. I'm not really married to her."
Ram stared at him intently for a few seconds as if trying to determine his honesty before crossing her arms and giving a short nod. "Good. Rom and I already called dibs on you. You belong only to us." Next to her, Rom silently nodded her head in agreement.
Sync gave the two of them a playful smile before giving them a little bow. "Of course, my dear ladies. I am at your command."
Despite having her brain more or less turned to mush by everything that had just happened, Vert could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy towards the boy as he continued his banter with the twins. During her many years of knowing Ram and Rom, Vert could not even get them to refer to her as 'older sister' without bribing them with a bunch of candy. With the boy, however, both of them were more than willing to consider him as a member of their family and even talked about marrying him in their own childish ways. To Vert, this entire situation felt so unfair to her that she had to make a conscious effort not to throw a tantrum right then and there.
Unaware of the turmoil that Vert was currently feeling, Histoire cleared her throat as she tried to bring the conversation back to its original topic.
"Now that we've informed Ram and Rom of the preliminary details, I would very much like to know the rest of your tale in Lastation, Sync."
After giving the twins a pat on their heads (something which caused Vert to let out an internal scream that deafened all of her other personas), Sync turned to face the Oracle once again.
"There's really not that much to tell. Ms. Neptune and I used our teleportation powers to gather up all the guards that were still loyal to Noire and evacuated them to an abandoned factory that we had set up as our base. After we had mustered up a sizable force, Noire and I began making plans for a counteroffensive to retake the Basilicom."
"Hold on," Blanc suddenly interrupted. "Are you expecting me to believe that Noire actually agreed to work with you after all the shit you put her through?!"
Sync gave a shrug. "She was reasonable enough to see that I would be more useful to her alive then dead. Plus, the fact that she lost most of her Tsundere-ness when she activated her HDD form helped out a lot. Regardless, she agreed to accept my help as long as I didn't cause any more trouble for her. Of course, I don't think she's completely given up on her plans to kill me but that's just something I'll have fun with later in the future."
Vert, Blanc and Histoire could not help but raise their eyebrows at this. Sure, Noire seemed pretty tame compared to the maelstrom of carnage and destruction that was Blanc, but the Tsun-Queen was uncontested when it came to holding a grudge and was definitely not one to be disregarded so casually. No matter how this fan crisis turned out, one thing was now quite certain: Noire would have her revenge and no force in Gamindustri would stop her from pursuing it.
Seeming not to notice the ominous silence that had formed between the CPUs and Oracle, Sync casually continued on with his story.
"Now where was I? Oh, right. We were still gathering information and scouting out the fans when I finally remembered that the dragon prophecy I uncovered was scheduled for the following day. Thankfully, Ms. Neptune seemed to have a general idea about where Uzume was so I agreed to let her handle it. In the meantime, I figured we needed some extra firepower to reclaim the Basilicom so I planned to teleport to Leanbox and bring over a few of the Ran Rans for help."
"The Ran- what now?" Vert asked before she could stop herself.
Whether it was due to her prolonged exposure to him or just her natural sharpness, Vert managed to detect a faint hint of pride in the boy's smile as he answered. "Remember how I was working on a Philosopher's Stone before you left on your vacation?" She gave him a short nod in response. "Well, Nepgear and I finally managed to create a working model after several... mishaps."
"He turned half of my Basilicom workers into hedgehogs while also changing Neptune into an actual kangaroo," Histoire elaborated in a deadpan tone.
"Hey, to be fair, the change only lasted half a day and most of them enjoyed the experience. Well, Neptune did anyways... Regardless, I decided to finally change back all of our Ran-Pigs but encountered a small error. Turns out they'd been transformed for so long that a full conversion was impossible even with the Stone. Still, after a bit of experimenting, I managed to give them back a human body at the very least."
"Only a body?" Vert repeated with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah... I have no idea what happened but all of them ended up with a permanent Ran-Pig mask stuck to their faces. None of them seemed too bothered by it though and they definitely agreed that it was a lot better than being an actual pig. Long story short, they decided to call themselves the Ran Rans and most of them decided to stick around with us at the Basilicom. Ms. Neptune helped out the ones that wanted to set out and create a new life for themselves by sending them off to... I think she called it the Super Dimension? Someplace like that. Anyways, I got a few letters from them since they left and it seems like they're all doing pretty well."
Vert tried and failed to process this through her barely functioning mind for several seconds before finally giving up. However, she did manage to recall something very important related to the matter.
"What happened to Chika and the rest of my staff members?"
"Oh, they're fine," he answered with a smile. "I changed them all back to their original forms before I helped out the Ran Rans. Chika even tried to kill me only a dozen times after I changed her back. Guess she was feeling rather appreciative about not having to quack anymore."
Vert could practically feel both of Histoire and C-Sha's disapproving glares at her back as they most likely wondered just what kind of home life she was providing for the boy. Luckily, she was spared from receiving another scolding as the source of her trouble spoke up once again.
"Getting back on topic, I knew from Noire's reports that the fans were keeping out of Leanbox at the moment so I figured it would be safe to bring over a few Ran Rans to help us. Unfortunately, my long-range teleportation skills were still a bit shaky so I needed to head out to a rather exposed rooftop to gain a fix on Leanbox's location. I thought I was out of range of all the fans in the area but it turned out those cheaters had enabled aim-assist on their tanks. After that... well, you know the rest."
As Sync's long recounting finally came to an end, it was Ram who unsurprisingly spoke up first.
"So you were fighting in a secret resistance group?" she asked excitedly, focusing only on the point that interested her the most. "That's so cool! I want to join the rebel army as well!"
"M...Me too!" Rom quickly chimed in. "I want to help big bro take down the evil fan empire!"
"NO!" Blanc immediately shouted. "You two are not going anywhere! The little shithead caused this whole mess so he can go fix it by himself as well!"
"Awwww! Don't be so boring Blanc!" Ram whined. "This whole thing sounds like a lot of fun! We might even face one of those Alloy Gears if we're lucky!"
Not surprisingly, this only made Blanc more obstinate in her refusal to help. Sync, meanwhile, was suddenly looking very thoughtful as he stared intently at Rom.
"Um... is something wrong big bro?" the older twin asked shyly once she realized that she was being watched.
After a few more seconds, Sync snapped his fingers as if hit by a sudden burst of inspiration.
"I got it!" he announced to the confused-looking crowd. "I've got a plan to stop this fan crisis in a single strike! The only thing I need is Ram and Rom's help!"
Acting before Blanc could protest, he began to outline his strategy to everyone gathered before him. Several minutes later, he finished detailing his plan as everyone mulled it over in silence. Well, almost everyone.
"I'm in!" Ram clamored almost immediately. "There's no way I'm not going on an awesome mission like this!"
"I'm going too!" Rom joined in with a surprisingly determined look. "We'll defeat those evil fans together!"
Sync gave the two a grateful smile before looking back up at the adults and waiting for their answers.
"Well," C-Sha eventually said, "the plan's definitely crazy but it's the sort of crazy that might actually work."
"Absolutely not!" Blanc argued. "There's no way I'm going to send Ram and Rom into that fan swarm! Unlike Thunder-Tits here, I actually want to keep my siblings alive, thank you very much!"
Vert felt that she should say something against this but found herself unable to come up with a proper argument. Finding herself at a loss, she simply turned to face Histoire instead.
"What are your thoughts on this?" she asked in a tired voice.
Histoire gave a thoughtful pause before answering. "It is a risky plan but I believe it does have its merits..."
"Not you too!" Blanc shouted angrily.
"Peace, Blanc. I did not say that I am supporting this plan as of yet." The Oracle turned to face Sync with a serious look. "Putting aside your main strategy for now, how exactly do you plan to get your special task force across all the fans and rendezvous with Noire's army?"
Sync seemed fully prepared for this question as he gave a confident smile. "The distance between here and Noire's base is close enough that I can attempt a warp. Seeing as how I won't have to worry about being shot at here, I can safely pinpoint the target location with a decent amount of accuracy. The only drawback is that I can probably only take about a dozen other people with me. Maybe a small airship as well if we really want to push it. Any more than that though and I'd probably end up flinging us into the middle of the ocean or something."
Blanc was not pleased at all about this piece of information.
"You want me to send my sisters to the very pits of hell with only a handful of soldiers for protection?!"
C-Sha placed a calming hand on her friend's shoulder before facing Sync herself. "Can't you just make several trips? Lowee's not in any serious threat right now so we can afford to send at least a full squadron of Hunters and guild agents with you."
Sync gave a sheepish grin as he rubbed the back of his head. "I would if I could but I don't exactly have that sort of power or control. As much as Neptune insists on it, I'm not exactly an all-powerful space deity. Even making one jump across this distance is going to take the utmost concentration and care to make sure I don't screw it up. I think the fact that I'm currently here instead of in Leanbox right now is a good indication of what could happen if I happen to make a mistake or get distracted while attempting a long-distance warp."
Even Vert could not help but concede that that boy had a point. The last thing anyone wanted was for him to accidentally send a large chunk of Lowee's military force into an active volcano by accident.
"Besides," he continued with a much brighter smile, "my plan doesn't require that many soldiers to succeed in the first place. A small elite strike force along with Ram and Rom will be more than enough to put an end to this fan threat."
Everyone turned back to Histoire as if waiting for her to decide whether to allow this plan or not. After a long silence, the Oracle let out a tired sigh.
"I do not think this plan is a good idea at all." From the sidelines, Blanc let out a satisfied smile and nod to this. "However," Histoire continued, much to the Lowee CPU's dismay, "I know how much you care about Ram and Rom. I do not believe that you would have proposed this idea if you were not confident in your ability to keep them safe. As such, I believe it is worth giving your idea a try."
"Yay! We get to go on an adventure with Sync!" Ram cheered excitedly as she and Rom began to do a little victory dance together.
On the flip side of things, Blanc was downright furious and spent the next several minutes arguing with Histoire about the matter. It was only when C-Sha stepped into the argument and backed up Histoire's decision that Blanc finally backed off.
"Fine!" she angrily shouted out. "We'll go along with this shitty-ass plan then but I'm going with them!"
"I'd advise against that Blanc," Histoire immediately countered. "The people of Lowee requires your leadership in this crisis and we can't afford to have two CPUs absent from their nations right now." The Oracle gave Vert a pointed glare at this which caused her to quickly look away in embarrassment.
Before Blanc could argue any further, C-Sha spoke up with a smile. "Don't worry, Blanny. I'll go along with them and make sure they're safe. It'll be just like all those times I took them monster hunting with me."
It said a lot about just how much Blanc trusted C-Sha when she finally relented and grudgingly accepted the conditions. However, she did take a moment to face Sync with a glare that could have burned an entire village down.
"If I find one scratch on either of them, I will make you wish you were mauled by Noire's fans instead."
With those ominous last words, Blanc stomped out of the room to prepare an airship for their departure.
"Well," Vert eventually said into the rather uncomfortable silence that had settled, "I... um... wish you luck on your mission and-"
"Oh no you don't," Histoire interrupted in a threatening tone. "You've been running away from your responsibilities long enough Vert. Seeing as how it would be a waste of time and effort to just send you back to Leanbox at the moment, I am assigning you to look after your brother and the twins on this mission."
"WHAT?!" Vert cried out in utter shock. "No! I just got out of that place alive! I am not going back in there!"
"This matter is not up for debate," Histoire said with a steely glint in her eyes. "You will accompany your brother to Lastation and that is final. If you successfully carry out this mission then I just might forgive your previous childish behavior. Fail, however, and I shall show you exactly why Neptune fears me so much."
Satisfied with the fearful look Vert was giving her, the Oracle ended her call and disappeared from view. Vert simply continued to stare at the empty spot where Histoire had been for several long seconds before Sync cheerfully walked up next to her.
"Glad to have you with us, sis," he casually commented with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "It's reassuring to know you and C-Sha will have our backs in case the fan's leader decides to show up."
This did the trick in snapping Vert out of her daze as she looked down at the boy in confusion and fear. "L...Leader?" she repeated shakily.
Across from her, Ram suddenly began to bounce up and down excitedly. "There's an evil fan boss as well? Cool! Is he going to challenge us in a giant Alloy Gear in an epic final battle?"
Before Sync could answer, C-Sha spoke up as well. "Now that you mention it, there's something I've been wondering for quite some time now. Why exactly were the fans so intent on invading Planeptune in the first place? I suspected there was a leader coordinating all these fans based on how organized they were but what was their ultimate goal?"
Sync put on his usual nonchalant smile before answering C-Sha's question first. "The fans had two primary objectives set out to them: killing me and capturing Noire. Seeing as how the two of us managed to keep ourselves hidden for so long, the leader probably thought we'd escaped to one of the neighboring countries. I guess they thought Planeptune was the most likely option considering Noire's closeness with Neptune. Ironically enough, the fact that they moved most of their forces out of Lastation is probably the reason why we were able to mass up a resistance force undetected."
C-Sha listened to all of this in silence before something suddenly seemed to click inside her head. "Fans... Noire... advanced military tactics... Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
Sync's smile seemed to grow by a fraction of an inch as C-Sha suddenly gave a large facepalm but made no comment about it. Instead he turned to face the twins. "As for your question Ram, I kind of doubt the leader would fight us in a giant Alloy Gear. From the reports I've read, she prefers to engage her victims on the field herself. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure every CPU and CPU Candidate other than me has already fought her once before."
"We did?" Vert asked as she mirrored the confused looks on Ram and Rom's faces. Off to the side, C-Sha just let out a groan as she began to shake her head.
"Still haven't figured it out yet?" Sync asked as he faced Vert with a clearly amused smile. When she simply shook her head at him, he continued in an increasingly cheerful voice. "She's someone who can frighten even the fans into following her will. Someone who would stop at nothing to capture Noire. Someone... who our dear friend C-Sha is apparently having an aneurysm over."
As the answer slowly dawned upon Vert, a feeling of pure, absolute dread enveloped her as she realized just what she had gotten herself into. Paying no heed to her horrified expression, Sync casually went on with his narration.
"The leader of the swarm and the overriding will of all things to do with Noire. She is none other than the Queen of Yanderes herself."
He paused as he faced his mortified sister with a large grin.
"Yeah, it's K-Sha."
Vert simply responded to this by fainting on the spot.