Ch 8: Mission Briefing
Throughout her long and rather... interesting lifetime, Vert had quite the misfortune of being woken up in a wide variety of unpleasant ways. Notable examples included Neptune whacking her on the head with a wooden sword, Plutia 'accidentally' stabbing her with sewing needles, Peashy straight-up punching her in the gut, as well as Uzume shouting directly into her ear (with a megaphone no less).
With all that said though, getting blown up by Ram was most definitely a new experience.
"EXPLOOOOOSION!"
The terrible nightmare Vert had been having about the twins becoming friendlier with Sync was instantly shattered by the blast of iridescent magical fire that engulfed her entire being. Thankfully, her share energy was more than enough to prevent her from being instantly vaporized by the excessive wake-up call. However, even her godly protection could not shield her from the laws of physics as the force of the explosion sent Vert flying straight into the adjacent metal wall.
CRASH!
"Owwww..."
With that pained line, Vert slid down the goddess-shaped dent she had made in the reinforced steel wall and fell unceremoniously to the floor.
"Oh... oops," Ram said, lowering the curved wooden staff in her hands. "Eh heh... Maybe I overdid it a little..."
It was a good thing Blanc had the foresight to get an airship that was just as heavily armored on the inside as it was on the outside or there might have been a lot less of the ship left flying at the moment. As it was, the back end of the cargo hold where Vert had previously been lying in looked as if an entire battalion of Bomb-Ombs had marched inside and detonated at the same time. Thankfully, all of the riot-suppression gear that they had brought along for the mission were still safely intact as C-Sha had made sure to pack them all inside military-grade armored cases just to be safe (It really went without saying that Blanc and C-Sha had prepared for the inevitable Ram-pocalypse that would occur on-board).
Seeing that the indoor fireworks display had finally ended, Rom cautiously peeked out from behind her sister's back to observe the damage.
"I think I see why big bro told you to be careful with that staff..."
Ram just gave a sheepish laugh in response to her sister's comment. After quickly depositing the weapon of mass destruction into her inventory, Ram walked over to the face-down Vert with Rom following close behind.
"Hey, wake up! Sync says we're about to reach Lastation soon!"
Vert simply let out an incoherent mumble to this as a cluster of Warp Stars seemed to fly in orbit around her head.
"Um, I think you might have knocked her out again," Rom quietly noted.
Ram seemed somewhat perplexed by this as she looked down at the unmoving goddess. "That's weird. Blanc always gets up after I drop a fireball on her face." She brought a hand up to her chin as she seemed to think intensely for a few seconds. "Hmm... Maybe I should move on to phase two then?"
"What's phase two?" Rom asked, tilting her head a bit in confusion.
The temperature in the cargo hold seemed to drop a good fifty degrees as Ram suddenly gave a wicked grin.
"I'm gonna freeze her boobs off."
An impossibly fast blur of movement occurred at these words, generating a gust of wind strong enough to blow away both of the twins' hats. One moment, Vert had been lying flat on the ground like a dead fish; the next, she was standing straight up with her arms crossed protectively over her ample chest.
"NO ONE TOUCHES THE MELONS!"
An awkward silence fell over the hold as Vert continued to look down thunderously at Ram while the twins simply stared back at her with their hairs looking comically windswept and their mouths hanging wide open.
In the end, it was Ram who managed to recover first as she let out a disappointed grumble while dispersing the ice magic gathered in her hands. "Darn. And I really wanted to collect the bounty Blanc put out for those."
Having recovered enough sense to understand human speech again, Vert could not help but raise an eyebrow at this. "Blanc set out a bounty for my breasts?"
Ram gave a small nod as she turned around and walked over to pick up the fallen hats. "Yeah, 50 million Credits alive; 25 million dead."
"How would you even- wait, no. Never mind. I don't want to know."
Putting aside that rather disturbing piece of information, Vert lowered her arms and took a moment to take in her surroundings. Upon realizing that she was on a moving airship, she immediately covered her face with her hand and let out a long, suffering sigh.
"Please tell me we're not actually going through with that boy's crazy plan," she plaintively asked, hand still covering her face.
Ram's exuberant tone was more than enough of an answer on its own. "You mean our super special awesome mission to Lastation? Duh, of course we're still doing it! It'd be lame to skip out on an epic adventure like this! In fact, we actually came here to wake you up and tell you that we're already almost there!"
The air around Vert seemed to deaden even more as she let out another sigh.
"Lovely..."
It was only after wallowing around in her misery for a few more minutes that Vert realized that she was still wearing the parka and scarf that C-Sha had bought for her. Feeling herself starting to overheat a little (it probably had something to do with the fiery explosion from earlier), Vert quickly took off her heavy winter clothing and deposited them into her inventory.
"Fine then," she finally sighed, straightening out her usual green dress she had been wearing underneath. "We might as well get this over with. Take me to the bridge."
Having put their hats securely over their heads again, Ram and Rom grabbed onto each of Vert's hands and began to eagerly pull her away towards the main party.
It probably said a lot about Vert's mental state at that moment when her inner Per-Vert barely let out a half-hearted 'Yay...' at the physical contact.
"Why was there a large explosion from the cargo hold earlier?"
Ram tried her best to look as innocent as possible (which really was not working out too well) as C-Sha stared down at her with a stern look.
"Um... technical difficulties?" Ram said with a weak grin.
Luckily for the trouble-making twin, Sync decided to casually cut his way into the conversation.
"I'm sure it's nothing. We're still airborne and they even brought back sis with them. In the end, I'd say that's all that really matters."
C-Sha still kept on her disapproving look while Ram discretely gave Sync a thumbs-up.
"Are the supplies still intact?" C-Sha asked, turning to Rom instead.
"Y...Yes," the older twin answered. "None of the cases were damaged... much."
This seemed to be enough to satisfy the Gold Third Leader as she gave a small sigh along with a slight nod of her head.
"Okay then," Sync announced, clapping his hands cheerfully. "Now that we're all here, let's finally get down to business. Actually, before we begin, how are you holding up sis?"
"Don't call me sis," Vert automatically replied, her voice sounding as dead as a Level 1 Dogoo facing off against Iris Heart.
Sync only seemed more enthused by the flat response. "Great! Now then, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I've accidentally warped us quite a distance away from Noire's secret resistance base. Well, secret might not apply anymore considering that a bunch of fans are currently assaulting it. Regardless, the navigation system calculated that it's going to take us around forty minutes to get to our destination even at full speed. Given what I'm detecting from the battlefield right now, Noire and her forces won't be able to hold out for that long and will be completely overwhelmed by the time we get there."
Despite his grim news, Sync seemed to remain as upbeat as ever as he continued on speaking with a smile. "The good news, however, is that I've got a plan."
C-Sha, Vert, and the Hunters all let out a weary groan to this as they prepared themselves for whatever over-the-top idea the boy had no doubt in store for them this time.
"Don't worry," Sync assured them with an even bigger smile (which only served to unnerve his audience even more). "It's nothing too fancy, really. My suggestion is that we simply split off an advance team from our party and get them to stall the enemy for a bit."
One of the Hunters spat out the sandwich he had been eating in surprise. "What?! Are you insane?! We only have-" He paused to make a brief count of all the people in the room. "-nine people in total! Even with all of us combined, we'd have a hard time fending off those fans!"
His words seemed to have some effect on Sync as he crossed his arms and suddenly put on a thoughtful look. "Huh. I never really thought about it like that. Nine people in total..." A wide grin suddenly appeared on his face. "We should totally call ourselves 'The Fellowship of the Nep!'"
There was a collective slap as the four Hunters, C-Sha, and Vert all facepalmed simultaneously. Ram and Rom, meanwhile, were busy giggling as they too got the reference (they had watched the movies).
"Yeah, I guess it wouldn't work," Sync continued, his amused smile belying the thoughtful expression he was trying to maintain. "People might think our goal is to throw Neptune into a volcano if we use that name."
After basking in the large amount of exasperation exuding from the adult group, Sync decided to spare them from any further trolling and put on his semi-serious demeanor again. "Ahem. Getting back on track, I'm planning on teleporting myself along with one other volunteer to help Noire hold the line until the rest of our group arrives."
"Why just one?" C-Sha asked, finally removing her hand from her face. "Why don't you just teleport the entire airship? You've had no trouble doing that while dragging us through all those alternate dimensions."
Vert gave a confused look to this which was completely overlooked due to everyone else keeping their attention on Sync.
"Heh heh... That's the thing," Sync said, scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed manner. "I'm kinda running low on energy at the moment. If I don't want to end up fainting as soon as I reach the battlefield, I can only expend enough energy to carry one other person with me. And before you ask, I need to go along for the warp as well. I still haven't gotten the hang of warping other people over long distances without tagging along to pinpoint the target destination myself."
Before anyone could even give this any thought, Ram's arm immediately shot into the air.
"Oh, pick me! Pick me!" the younger twin shouted, jumping up and down (like a kangaroo!). "As your master, I order you to take me with you!"
"Um... I... I want to go with you as well, big bro," Rom said shyly, eliciting another mental scream from Vert at the way she referred to him. "Maybe you could squeeze in both of us for the trip?"
Much to everyone's surprise, Sync shook his head in response to the twins before giving them an apologetic look. "Sorry, but no can do. Blanc would quite literally tear out my stomach and feed it back to me if she found out I took either of you on a mission like this. And that's only if she's in a good mood."
Seeing the twins about to loudly protest his decision, he quickly continued on. "Besides, it'll be more awesome if you two swoop in at the last second to save the day. All I'll be doing is stalling the enemy until the main reinforcements arrive. And I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem nearly as heroic in comparison."
There was a tense silence as Ram crossed her arms and seemed to think about this for a few seconds.
"Well, I guess it makes sense for the main characters to wait a bit before their big reveal," she eventually said, much to the relief of everyone else on board. "Fine, me and Rom will show up later to show everyone how to really kick butt! Just make sure you don't beat all the fans and hog all the glory for yourself before we get there!"
Sync silently looked over at Rom first to make sure he had her approval as well. After receiving a small nod from her, he gave the two of them a quick salute.
"Yes, ma'am!"
Off to the side, two buxom ladies were viewing this entire interaction with completely contrasting expressions and thoughts.
On one end, C-Sha was appraising Sync with an impressed look. If he had not managed to deal with the situation as skillfully as he did, she was sure that Ram would have blown the airship clean out of sky by throwing a large temper tantrum. Rom would not have been any better as she would have either A) aided Ram in tearing up the place or B) started crying. Considering that C-Sha had once seen an A-Rank boss monster kill itself in shame for causing those heart-wrenching, teary eyes to appear, she was very glad that neither of those two scenarios had occurred. In fact, the Gold Third leader thought that Sync deserved a medal for not only getting the twins to agree to something but also for doing so without threatening to smash their heads in with a hammer. In that aspect at least, C-Sha believed that Blanc could afford to learn a thing or two from Sync.
Meanwhile, on the flip-side of things, Vert was busy glowering at Sync with a look of intense jealousy. It honestly bugged her to no end that the brat could simply waltz in and win over the affections of the twins while she had tried and failed to brainwash them into becoming her own younger sisters for countless decades. In fact, now that she thought about it, Vert was pretty sure that the boy was using his 'Gary-Stu powers' (as Neptune would no doubt call it) to seduce the twins for himself. After all, why would playing with them and constantly catering to their whims be more effective at winning over the twins when she herself had offered to dress them up in numerous cute outfits and to constantly hug them against her lovely breasts every day? There was simply no logical reason why Ram and Rom would prefer the company of the trouble-making brat over her own voluptuous presence without some devious Gary-Stu powers influencing them. At this thought, Vert decided she would have to smother Ram and Rom even more from now on in order to break the spell the boy obviously had over them.
"Um... hello? Gamindustri to sis? Is anyone in there?"
Vert was snapped out of her musings as the accursed boy in question suddenly waved his hand in front of her face.
"Don't call me sis," she growled out, angrily brushing his hand aside.
The hostile response barely seemed to faze him though as he lowered his arm with a large grin.
"Well, looks like you're finally back. I was starting to wonder how long you were going to keep daydreaming about suffocating Ram and Rom with your boobs."
Vert felt her eyes widen in surprise. Did his Gary-Stu powers also give him the ability to read other people's minds? Well, she supposed there was also the chance she had muttered her thoughts aloud and- no, it was definitely his Gary-Stu powers. He was a Gary-Stu who was out to steal all of her potential younger sisters from her and there was no way she was going to think otherwise.
"What do you want?" she asked, crossing her arms in annoyance.
The boy did a fine job of ignoring the aura of enmity she was radiating towards him as he answered her question with an even larger smile. "I was just wondering if you could come with me as part of the advance party. I'm going to need a heavy-hitter down there to stall for enough time so that means our options are either you or C-Sha. And while I wouldn't mind having C-Sha as a partner, I figured it'd be nice to spend some more time with you sis."
Vert was just about to scoff at his offer when she took note of the hopeful look in his eyes. It was not quite the puppy-dog stare of Ram or Rom's but it was enough to melt away the dark thoughts she had held against him just moments before. While a part of her suspected that this was all just a set-up for another one of his pranks, his honest expression quickly wiped away that doubt.
Not for the first time in recent memory, Vert found herself locked in a serious mental dilemma inside her mental landscape. On one side, Jedi Vert was leading a small yet vocal group telling her to accept the boy's offer and use the opportunity to get to know him better. According to them, most of the negative attitude she held towards him was due to a lack of understanding between them so this was the perfect chance for her to bond with him. However, Darth Vert (who looked an awful lot like Chika underneath her hooded robes) loudly spoke out against this idea. Asides from ranting about how they should just kill the insufferable little Gary-Stu (something which many of the Verts were starting to agree to), she also brought up the important fact that going with the boy meant diving headfirst into a swarm of Noire's fans. This struck a heavy blow against the Light Side's arguments as not many Verts were willing to risk their lives for a simple bonding session. Even so, Jedi Vert continued to press on about the importance of fostering peace between them and the boy.
The friendship speech continued on for a few more seconds until Darth Vert eventually lost her patience and lunged at her counterpart with a red, laser-tipped spear. Jedi Vert saw the attack coming though and immediately pulled out her own blue laser spear and parried the blow. The crowd of Verts hardly seemed surprised by this though as they casually moved to the sides to watch the two clashing personas from a safe distance. In the background, DJ Vert even put on a remix of "Duel of the Fates" on her sound set to accompany the fierce battle.
"Um... I think she zoned out again," a Hunter eventually remarked, taking in the CPU's vacant expression. "By the way, does anyone else hear a bunch of lasers clashing?"
With a small sigh, C-Sha put a hand on Sync's shoulder. "I think it'll be safer if I go with you. Vert's probably still recovering from... whatever it was Ram did to her."
"Hey! It was just one small explosion, okay?" Ram froze with a sheepish look when everyone except for Vert, Rom, and Sync turned to raise an eyebrow at her. "It didn't hurt her too much. Well, I guess she also did smash into a metal wall though so..."
Thankfully for her, C-Sha decided they were too short on time for a lecture so she simply settled for giving another sigh. Sync, meanwhile, just gave a slightly disappointed look towards his still-frozen sister before turning to face everyone else with his standard grin.
"Alright, guess our party's decided then. C-Sha and I will head out as soon as we've geared up. Oh, and remember, tranquilizers and stunners only. We don't want Noire biting off our heads for wiping out her citizens. Even if they are a deranged mob terrorizing the entire world at the moment."
"Awww... but I really wanted to blow up those dummies," Ram pouted.
"Um... we can still freeze them though, right?" Rom asked, hoping this would be enough to appease her violent sister.
Sync thought about this for a few seconds before giving a shrug. "Eh, why not. A little frostbite never hurt anybody."
C-Sha wanted to say something against this but realized that these -were- Noire's fans they were talking about. Better that they lose a few limbs before they ripped off some of hers.
"Alright then Wing Commanders Ram and Rom," Sync announced, giving the twins another salute. "I'm leaving the rest up to you."
"We've got this!" Ram replied, getting over her earlier disappointment. "We're totally ready to crush those dummies so you better not get a Game Over until then!"
"Be careful big bro," Rom said worriedly.
Sync gave the two of them a large smile as he and C-Sha approached the door leading to the ship's cargo hold.
"Don't worry. I've had plenty of practice avoiding certain death thanks to Chika. Trust me, I'll be fine."
Just as he was about to follow C-Sha through the door though, he suddenly stopped to take one final glance at his dazed sister.
"Oh and sis? Try not to smother Ram and Rom while we're away. I know you probably won't listen to me though, so I'm giving them express permission to freeze your boobs off if you try to suffocate either of them. Have fun!"
Sync quickly left the room with a smile as Vert snapped out of her stupor to give an indignant yell while shielding her chest. Behind her, Ram began to cackle maniacally as she filled her hands with ice magic once more.