Chapter 4:

The door had been closed, Captain Stottlemeyer was now alone with Natalie, mentally asking for the woman to be there to report a triple homicide; anything would be easier than dealing with Monk.

He waited for the woman to speak, but she seemed reluctant, her eyes on his, interrogating him in silence about something that he couldn't quite tell; women, he would never truly understand them.

"So… What can I help you with" She heard his question, but didn't answer immediately, her purse pressed against her thighs.

"Actually, I came to talk about Mr. Monk." Leland sighed and approached his desk, he had a hunch it was about him. "He's restless, he refuses to sleep, he won't listen to me, and the thing that I'm more worried about is… he's isolating himself."

"Listen, Natalie… This is Monk we are talking about-"

"I thought he was isolating from everyone, but… tell me the truth, Captain, what was Mr. Monk doing here?" Damn! Leland damned one hundred times in his head this sixth sense that all women seemed to possess, at some point he had thought it to be exclusive of his ex-wife, with all her magical crystal extravaganza, but… no, it was all women, and Natalie was no exception. She knew something was off.

"I already told you, I called him for some old cases."

"Then where are the papers?"

"… What?"

"If Mr. Monk was here to talk about old cases and complete paperwork… where are the files?" Her eyes were on his desk, neat and empty. How did she…? Was it perhaps Monk's skills were somehow contagious? If it was so he would start spending more time with him.

"I had Randy file them away." He cleared his throat.

"Is it so? Funny, I saw Randy leaving to buy a burger across the street; he told me he wasn't busy at all." How was it Randy always ruined everything even while not being around?

"Ah, that-"

"So… Mr. Monk is avoiding me. Could you at least tell me why?" The fact that this woman was so strong to demand answers from him without flinching had him cornered, what exactly was he supposed to say when she was so sure about the answer?

"Don't be absurd, Natalie. Monk is not avoiding you, he is…"

"This is my third day off in a week and I am only assuming he got here by taxi. I am 100% sure he is avoiding me, and I'm sorry to ask this from you, Captain, but- no, you know what? I'm not sorry. I deserve to know, I've worked for this man for years, from Monday to Sunday, including holidays, and insane schedules, the least you can do is tell me what I did wrong."

Leland was a tough man, but it was impossible to no feel his heart shrink at the realization that Natalie was holding her emotions behind her strong posture and words. And she was in all right to feel that frustrated.

"It's not like that, if you would only listen…"

"I'm listening; tell me, what did I do wrong?"

"…" He couldn't answer because the poor woman had literally done nothing wrong, for God's sake, what did Monk get him into?

"… He knows?" Leland's eyes moved quickly around the room, confused; know what? "Captain, tell me the truth, does Mr. Monk know?"

"Know what?" Natalie's bottom lip trembled for the first time that morning and she threw her purse to the sofa in a frantic movement, trying to get rid of it so she could press her hands against her face, hiding away any emotion that would menace to explode. "Natalie…? Are you…?"

"I'm fine. I just-" She took a deep breath and uncovered herself, she wasn't crying as Leland had feared, but she wasn't exactly alright either. "I don't understand."

"Hey, you know how Monk is." It was now that he had dared approach her and touch her left arm trying to sooth her. "He is just going through one of those phases of him in which he goes a bit bananas, give him a few days."

"I've already given him days, I thought he was going through something, so I came here, maybe we could help him together, but he's clearly fine around you and-"

"I wouldn't say fine."

"-he won't tell me what's wrong or look me in the eye and these last few days he won't even look at me at all… so, Captain, I'm asking you as a friend, if you feel any respect for me, you will tell me." The woman took a deep breath, steeling herself for a difficult task. "Did Mr. Monk tell you anything about me?"

He wanted to lie, he needed to lie, but deep down he knew that Natalie would notice.

"I think we could say so…"

"I knew it!" She turned around, walking about three steps and taking distance from the comforting touch of Leland. "Of course he would notice, he is the best detective in the world, don't know why he didn't notice before, yes, he is shy and naive, but he isn't stupid." She started to walk circles around his office, and he could only stare as the woman mumbleb to herself in anger and frustration about something he didn't quite understand. "It was just a matter of time, I knew this would happen, I knew he wouldn't take it well, but I thought that maybe I'd grow out of it, it was so silly, now this explains everything, the way he avoids me, why he won't look me in the eye, the days off." She stopped suddenly and covered her face once again with both hands. "And now he will fire me." Leland noticed by the tone of her voice that she had broken, something in her voice cracked and he moved out of his trance to approach her, though really unsure if it was safe –for him- the woman didn't push him apart.

"There, there, now, no one is getting fired." Her hands left her face, she wasn't quite crying, but her nose had gone red, as a sign of her emotions threatening to burst.

"But I am, Mr. Monk is firing me, you know him, Captain, there is no way he could continue working with me, not even if I tell him that it's just a childish… crush!" She spat the last word as it had burned her tongue in the process.

Captain Stottlemeyer's moustache twitched in a confused expression, his eyes opening trying to understand what Natalie was referring to.

"A crush? A crush on whom?" Natalie's eyebrows furrowed baffled, that is what the Captain was talking about… right? Right?

"On… Mr. Monk, I'm sorry, isn't that the reason he's avoiding me like I'm some lepper?"

Leland took a deep breath, and sighed heavily, just how big were the odds for these two things to happen? He loved his friend, of course, but a woman loving him as a man? Other than Trudy? Just how did that work? What, how, when, and why?

"So, you are telling me you like Monk?"

"No, I don't like him like him, it's more like a childish crush?" Her face displayed an honest example of an 'oopsie' with a shy smile. "… Yes, he is rude and inconsiderate, but also sweet and thoughtful sometimes? Like when I get home tired and he would clean my kitchen."

"You do know he does that because he needs to, and not because he wants to help you, right?"

"Yes, yes, I know, but also the way he pays so much attention to details, like that time he got me one cup exactly the same as the one I had broken because he noticed there was one missing."

"… Because he couldn't handle the idea of having an empty space in your cupboard?"

"He's really considerate with Julie." Up to this point she had started throwing positive traits of her boss, trying to prove herself more than anything, bargaining.

"Are we talking about the man that Julie herself still babysits?"

"I know." She gave up, aware there was no real justification. "I know, okay? It doesn't make any sense; I'm not even sure when this happened. It just… happened. Though, him wearing that bank guard uniform did help." Leland rolled his eyes, this was gonna take some time.

"Natalie, I like you, I really do, and because I do so is that I need to pop your bubble, Monk is a married man, and he won't take it any other way."As much as it broke his heart to see her sad he knew it was for the best to have everything cleared.

"I know, and It's not like I intend to date him or anything…" She had started to play with the hem her blouse, somehow the idea of confessing this unspoken secret had her relieved, even if it meant dealing with all of Captain's questions. "It's platonic." He raised an eyebrow, doubting her.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I mean- He is clearly not into me or any other human being, and I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm just happy to be around him, even if that involves the underpayment. I'm sure this won't take long, I'll find someone eventually, but till then, Mr. Monk is… fine, I guess." Her eyes avoiding his, awkward and uncomfortable.

"Fine?" He scoffed, Natalie was insane. "You know what? Fine, if you are happy with this, then I guess so I am."

"Wait a minute…" Something suddenly clicked in her head, and her eyes darted back at him, shining and daring. "If Mr. Monk doesn't know about it, then why is he acting so weird?" Dang it, he had been hoping she wouldn't remember.

"Oh, that- well, he… why don't you go and ask him yourself?"

"Because he won't tell me. It will be much easier to get an answer from you, tell me, Captain, you know something." She had closed the distance, and so he had turned around, dismissing her and retreating himself back to the safety of his desk.

"Natalie, I'm paid to work, not to gossip, so, if you excuse me."

"Tell me." She had sat on his desk, stalking him for answers. "Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me."

Women, why were all of them so complicated?

"Captain! We have a triple homicide on Green Avenue!" Randy had just opened the door just when the Captain needed him the most and he was grateful for his presence for the first time in forever. "Oh, hi, Natalie."

"Hi, Randy." She offered him a shy –and actually frustrated- smile and jumped down the desk.

"You got here real quick, did you know about the murder already?"

"Natalie came to visit, but she was just leaving, right Natalie?" Leland stood up, reaching for his previously discarded coat and guiding the woman outside.

"But there was a triple homicide, shouldn't we call Mr. Monk?" She retrieved her purse and walked out feeling out of options with Leland already leaving the place.

"Nah, not all triple homicides are as hard as they seem, but I will call him if needed…" He mumbled to himself while walking down the hallway dragging Randy by his collar "Though I better don't need him…"

"Did you do what I advised you to?" Dr. Kroger had tried many different approaches with Monk through his professional career, some had no effect at all, some proved counterproductive and some were simply 'good enough'. He was now trying one of those.

"Yes." Monk was sitting uneasy next to the doctor, almost bending over himself, his hands pressed against his knees. "Yes, I did."

"Good… will you share it with me?" There was a silence, and he decided to put some pressure. "Adrian, will you show it to me?"

"I want to."

"Then do it."

"I don't think I can."

"What is stopping you?"

"If I give you the note, then you will read it."

"Well, yes, that is the purpose of the note." He knew Monk became more anxious around people, and so he had advised him to go and write his problem on a note while being alone and more relaxed and then pass the note to him when possible. "I won't read it aloud, I promise."

"You promise?"

"Yes, I promise, I need to know what the problem is so we can work to fix it, because… you want to fix this… don't you, Adrian?"

"Do I?" He inhaled, feeling the air fill his lungs and took a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his coat before handing it over to Dr. Kroger, all of this while holding his breath and closing his eyes.

The psychiatrist took it in a slow but secure movement, trying not to scare Monk away, but the moment his fingers came in contact with the paper Monk retreated back and almost shouted.

"I saw Natalie naked." There was a silence again, what was the purpose of the note if he was going to say it anyways? "I mean, not exactly naked, but…" His tone had gone shy once again, his eyes still wide shut. "Enough." The last word came as a squeak.

Doctor Kroger looked at his patient while unfolding the note and opening it, there was only written a letter "I" and the rest of it was clearly erased plenty of times to the point the paper had become thinner in the middle.

"… Very well, first I'd like to say, thank you for sharing with me, I know that must have been hard." He was trembling like a small chihuahua with his lips gone in a line. "And second… would you like to elaborate?"

"I didn't intend to, it was an accident, I saw-" He stopped with a tick in his neck, "I saw her reflection in a mirror while she was changing."

"I think I understand… is it the intimacy of that sight that has you feeling uncomfortable around Natalie?"

"No." Dr. Kroger was surprised, that looked like the most obvious reason. "I mean yes, but also… not. Not entirely, at least." It was just now that Adrian dared to open his eyes and look back at his confident. "There was something… off."

"Off?"

"Yes, something didn't feel… right."

"What do you mean something didn't feel right? Was something wrong with Natalie or was something unusual happening… to you?" There was a hint in his voice, which Monk clearly didn't pick up.

"Natalie, it was definitely her, it is definitely her, something is wrong with her and I just don't know what it is." Dr. Kroger blinked and looked away; his job was harder some days. "I need to know."

"Let's organize our ideas first, does that seem alright?"

"Yes, I'd like that." Of course he didn't notice how Dr. Kroger had got him extra comfortable all of a sudden by the simple mention of the word 'organize', now Monk was sitting on his chair with confidence and hope about this problem.

"You felt something was 'off' the moment you saw Natalie in less clothes… right?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Have you ever felt like that around Natalie before?"

"No, never, not a single time."

"What about someone else? Have you felt like this about someone else-?"

"Many others."

"You didn't let me finish… have you felt like this about someone else who hasn't been a homicide victim?"

"Oh… well, now that you mention it… I'm not sure."

"The feeling of a mystery waiting to be solved, an exciting and thrilling enigma about to be unveiled, you are so close you'll feel restless till the moment you solve it."

"Yes, I think that is one way to say it. Terrible." Dr. Kroger hummed and looked at his clipboard on his leg, then back at Adrian.

"I want you to think of the last time you couldn't sleep for a mystery feeling like this, not a murder, a mystery." Monk took a moment to answer, feeling certain.

"That would be Maria, the woman with Trudy's eyes."

"… And what about Trudy? Don't you feel the same about her?"

"Yes, but you said no homicides, so-"

"I meant prior the homicide, Adrian, when Trudy was alive, with you." His head tilted, hoping for the man to notice where he was going.

"I don't understand, Dr. Kroger, how is Trudy related to all of this?" The doctor cleared his throat, this was going to be hard, and there were high chances Monk would simply stand up and leave his office so he would have to do it quick.

"Listen, Adrian, no one else but you can be certain about your feelings, but if you ask me, your therapist who has known you for over a decade… I think you should consider the possibility that you have developed certain feelings for Natalie."

"What? No, no, no, no, that is not-"

"You saw her, you liked her, it was a weird response coming from you, though absolutely natural if I dare to say and you know this is true because your subconscious is punishing you through this insomnia."

"How did you know about the dreams?" Dr. Kroger took a minute to write something on his notes.

"So, there are dreams too…"

"What? No, wait, what did you write? I didn't tell you anything, I didn't- I don't- Dr. Kroger, this is not what you think, I knew you would say I'm in love with Natalie or something, and I-"

"I never said you were in love with her, Adrian, those were your words, not mine. I merely referred to an interest on her body, but now that you mention it, it is interesting." He continued to write something more. Monk stretched his neck, trying to see.

"Don't write that, what are you writing there? I don't like Natalie, will you just stop writing? I don't-"

"Adrian." Only now he looked up, his eyes almost daring Monk to disagree. "If you had to save someone from dying today, one person, just one person… and it can't be me, I'm taking off that responsibility from you. Who would it be?"

"… Christine Rapp."

"Really? You are telling me you would let Natalie die, and continue living by your own, without her accompanying you everywhere or helping you prepare for work all of this so you could save Christine Rapp?"

"Absolutely. Natalie can save herself, I pay her for that."

"No, Adrian, that is-" He dropped his pen and caressed his face with both hands. "If that is the case, then I know how to fix this." Monk's face lightened up with a smile.

"Really? You know what is wrong with Natalie?"

"No, I don't. But I do know how to help you sleep at night and continue with your life."

"Thank you, Dr. Kroger, I knew you would solve this." Monk felt his chest become lighter with relief, waiting expectantly for the answer.

"Fire Natalie." Monk's beaming smile slowly became a frown.

"What?"

"Yes, fire her, I mean, if you are perfectly fine with her dying, then you should be able to live without her. You could find someone else, someone who isn't weird or off, as you have called her."

"Yes, but you know it is not that easy."

"Is it not? Why?"

"Well, of course not, you know how hard it was to find Natalie in the first place, I can be… complicated, and I don't know where else to look. Also, Natalie is not THAT bad, what if Sharona's psycho friend comes back?"

"Not that bad, that is how you would describe Natalie, the person that fulfills all of your wishes and requests?" Monk seemed eager to reply with some counter attack or storm out the office, but before he could the doctor continued "Let's try something different."

"Different sounds good." This had kept him seated and got him back to a more passive posture.

"Describe your life with Trudy."

"My life with Trudy?"

"Yes, tell me about your routine as a happy married couple, don't tell me about her, I already know her well enough, but about the activities, what would you when waking up in the morning?" Monk's face lightened up at this change of topic, he loved remembering and talking about his wife.

"She was an early bird, Trudy would wake up before me so she could prepare breakfast just the way I like it."

"So thoughtful of her, then what would you two do?"

"Depending on the day, she would help me prepare for work, knotting my tie perfectly, as I left sooner than her. And on Sundays we would stay at home, reading, talking, and solving puzzles or crosswords." He was and was not in the room anymore, with his attention drifting to the past.

"I understand… it sounds like a happy marriage."

"It was."

"Now tell me about your routine with Natalie." This brought him back to reality, it took him only a second to realize what Dr. Kroger had done and his body retreated back to the seat, expressing how cornered he felt.

"I know what you are trying to do, Dr. Kroger, and it won't work, Natalie is nothing like Trudy."

"Of course she is, everybody is different in their own ways, Adrian… but that doesn't mean they can't also be similar, and nobody would judge if you came to notice some of these similarities, you are after all a great detective."

"No…" Monk smiled awkwardly and mischievously. "That couldn't be, she is my employee."

"I can assure you nobody would judge for that either, we don't get to choose who we love."

"But I don't- I can't-"

"I'm sorry to say this Adrian but our time is over." He carelessly looked at his watch, this had been an intense session and Dr. Kroger could certainly use some Monk-free time, but he didn't mean to be rude. "Why don't you give this a thought the next time you see Natalie? Check how you feel around her, maybe you will finally realize what was 'off' all along."

"But that is not-"

"You are already passed in 30 seconds, Monk… you wouldn't like this session to last 61 minutes, would you?" He totally wouldn't, so he was quick to stand up and walk to the door.

"I don't love her." And he left, as if this was some sort of tantrum.