It's been a little while; I've been starting and giving up on a few chapter story ideas coz writers block is a lot of fun.

MoonlightAnimator23 has requested: Can you make an aftermath after the Kraang Invasion? Where Donatello blames himself that Leo was in coma and finally drove himself into a deep eating disorder and depression. His brothers didn't know about it but after the night of 'The Speed Demon', they just confirmed it when they found Donnie in the barn, crying his guts out with a bloody razor/blade besides him.

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm and Depression, Eating disorder.

In other words, its angsty and triggering so stay safe ok?

Enjoy x

Self-Punishment

It was warm and light inside the farmhouse, everyone was feeling sleepy and comfy. April and Casey had even fallen asleep! The three Hamato brothers were looking out into the starry night, eyes focused on the light flooding out of the barn.

They were worried about lonely Donatello, they noticed he seemed to be isolating himself recently and his whole demeanour had changed.

He was a pretty quiet, awkward guy anyway but was always ready to offer a smile to anyone.

Now?

Now he didn't smile much and when he did it seemed tight, fake. It never seemed to reach his eyes. Said eyes had also changed dramatically, they used to be light, lively mahogany always shining with curiosity but now they were dark and worryingly glazed. He was paler than usual, less graceful and shakier. His body had thinned dramatically, they could just see his bones. He seemed to be sleeping even less than he used to!

But that's not what concerned them the most.

Michelangelo had been the first to notice the extra wrapping around the left wrist, he had pointed it out to his two eldest brothers. It had only appeared a week ago, the brothers wondered if he had hurt his wrist somehow through all the work he's been doing while sickly.

They needed to do something, but they were afraid of what their meddling could cause, they didn't understand what had caused the drastic change.

They gazed out at the barn as a shadow crossed over the light, should they go out there?

Donatello crossed over the messy barn floor to sit in the corner, he slid down tiredly until he was sprawled onto the floor.

He stared at nothing for a moment, something that was becoming increasingly common. His head spun, his stomach ached, and he just felt weak.

This is the worst he'd ever felt in all his life, but he knew he deserved it, if he hadn't been such a shitty brother, son and friend then everything would have been ok. He felt most like himself when he had been mutated into that speed demon, he always figured he was a monster.

He struggled to sit up, he opened his hand and looked down at the razor. The itching on his wrist worsened. He unwrapped said wrist with practiced ease and placed the razor's edge on the wrecked skin.

He didn't push down just yet.

Thoughts and memories flooded into his mind making his vision blur and his head spin more. He was the reason New York was gone, that his father was possibly dead, that Leonardo was brutally beaten by Shredder all alone and put into a coma, why Leo's voice was changed for good, why everything was happening to them. His father must be so disappointed, his brothers must be mad at him, April would never love him.

He would be cast out in no time and it would be his fault.

This last thought angered him as much as it made his heart fill with fear.

He blinked, tears soaking into his mask. Once his vision was clear he saw the damage he had done.

This was the worst he had done yet; it was bleeding much heavier than usual. He had cut deeper than he had meant.

He could not be bothered getting up, he didn't deserve for this wound to be treated properly. He just untied his mask and pushed it against the cuts, he didn't want his wraps to stain otherwise his family would see.

He couldn't add another reason to cast him out onto the list. No way.

He cringed as the purple fabric soaked up the red, he grits his teeth as tears stung his eyes again.

"Why am I always such a fuck up!?" He growled quietly to himself. Anger filled him making him shake, he released the pressure on the wound.

Blood ran down from the cuts and dripped onto his wrapping, he gasped when he noticed.

How was so much going wrong?

The anger left him immediately as his hand fell limply to his sides, pure misery and sorrow turned his stomach cold and spread throughout his body making his heart seize.

A sob escaped him before he could stop it. He bowed his head and cried.

He cried and sobbed and wished he hadn't been mutated. His family deserved better.

He was so caught up in his misery he never noticed his three brothers appear at the door.

They gasp in shock at the scene before them, Donatello doesn't notice.

Leonardo's eyes fall on the blood first then the razor, he takes in everything and is finally filled with understanding.

His little brother had been suffering all alone and they had done nothing about it.

"Raph, grab the first aid kit. Mikey can you go get a blanket?" He asked gently.

Michelangelo tore off to the house while Raphael jogged over to the desk and grabbed what he was asked.

"H-Here" He handed the kit to his leader; he truly was lost on what to do.

"Thank you" Leo nodded. Mikey appeared behind him with the blanket and gave it to Leo.

Leonardo crouched in front of Donnie quietly so as not to startle him, he took the damaged forearm in his hand and gently pulled the distressed turtle forward.

Donnie stops crying, goes bright red and keeps his head down but allows his brother to guide him.

Leo wraps the blanket round his brother's shell then allows him to sit back again, he opens the first aid kit and gets to work on the wounds by cleaning away the blood, disinfecting it and wrapping it up.

Raphael and Mikey gasp when they see the damage inflicted.

"Christ Don" Raph breathes, Donatello flinches.

Nothing is said until Leo has finished his work.

"This week was the first time, right? This is a new thing?" Leo asked gently. Donatello merely nodded. "Ok. Good. That I can work with"

Donnie raises his eyes slightly.

"When did all this start?" The eldest asks, his gaze doesn't leave his brothers puffy eyes.

"When we got here" Donnie admits in a near silent voice. "After I fucked everything up"

The three brothers flinch at the language. None of them really liked to swear, their father had taught them better.

"What do you mean?" Mikey asked, he finally crawled over and sat by his brother's side. He wanted to offer Donnie some sort of comfort.

"You know what I mean" Donnie frowned. "You've all been thinking it too"

Raphael swallows heavily and forces himself to sit on Don's other side. He was uncomfortable with all this but knew this needed sorting. Tonight.

"You talking about losing New York, Splinter, having to escape out here with Leo in a coma?" He asked knowingly. "You think all of that is your fault?"

"It is my fault." Don refused to look at any of his brothers.

"Why?" Mikey asked. "I don't get why you think that"

"Leo went off on his own, is it his fault he got hurt?" Raph asked suddenly sharing a look with said brother.

"Yeah, it was a careless thing to do. I put myself into a position where I was no help to our father or you guys" Leo hid his smirk as Donnie's head flew up.

"You were trying to protect us! You were doing what you thought was right, no one can blame you for that!" He insisted; the three brothers smiled slightly.

"Right!" Leo nodded, "You built something to help us and, in typical you fashion, you wanted to try it out. You believed in it. You were doing what you thought was right"

Donnie looked down again as his own words were repeated back to him.

"Look, we know all this won't be fixed in a night" Leo sighs, "This is gonna take time but Donnie, we don't blame you. Nobody blames you except you!"

Donnie nods.

"But this… This can't go on, you're hurting yourself." Leo shakes his head. "We love you Donnie and this scares us more than we could ever express to you… but it's fixable. You are fixable. We'll get this all sorted out I promise"

Donnie begins to cry softly as he nods his head.

"I'm sorry I scared you" He sniffs. Mikey hugs him.

"We'll help you, bro, we'll never leave you alone again!" Mikey swears, "We love you so much D! We're gonna be here for you like we shoulda been!"

"Yeah" Raph nods, "I should've noticed sooner, I'm sorry Donnie"

The brothers cuddle together, showing their support. There was a long bumpy road ahead of them, but they'll get their brother through it, they'll be there every step of the way.

They wouldn't lose their brother to his head, not again.

Any more story ideas are welcome! x