Cry for Help

by Joy Katie

This is a major trigger warning story. I started writing this for a reason. I intend to write it when I need to. It is not something that will have frequent updates. She wanted help. She needed it. She didn't know how to ask for it. Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected of places. But a silent cry for help doesn't necessarily mean you are ready to accept it. M for themes.

4. Reckless

Everyone expects more from me than I am able to give. I have been more to people than I should have so now they come to expect it. When will it ever be enough? When will I have to stop proving myself to them?

Sometimes I can't stop the overwhelming feeling that the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it. But I have discovered I am too much of a coward to do it for myself so I have come to the conclusion that I need someone to do it for me. I am not scared. Not of dying, nor really of leaving the people I love. It doesn't make me sad anymore to think of taking the now necessary step. I'm waiting for the right time so that it has less an effect on those around me.

But saying that… about how I am not scared, maybe it's too much the other way. I feel reckless. I am not scared about putting myself in danger, or in situations that could lead me to get hurt. In fact, I welcome it… I want it to happen. I need for someone to… It would mean that my suffering would end, and it would limit the suffering of my family.

Regina closed her diary with a sigh, waving her hand, watching as the notebook disappeared, hidden somewhere only her magic could locate. She could feel Emma watching her from the chair on the other side of the room, a gaze she had felt on her since she caught her in the crypt the day before.

"What were you writing?" Regina avoided looking at her, knowing the woman could tell when she was lying.

"Archie told me to write down what I was feeling… he thinks it might help. So I wanted to try." She heard a noise of acknowledgement from her friend but still didn't dare look at her. They hadn't talked properly since she had been discovered talking to her mother the previous day, but Emma, always the saviour, had refused to leave her side. Honestly Regina didn't mind it, she knew that it would help the blonde to be there for her right now so she didn't fight it. She didn't have the heart to tell her that as much as she valued her as a friend, as much as she cared for and even loved her… she knew that Emma would be better without her.