"Thank you." You smile softly as some Fire Palace officials make their way out of the giant, ornate room. Their faces are more stoic, but there is one older man who gives you a slight quirk of his lips before they are back in a thin line. He's been the only one who has been semi-kind to you. The rest of them have just been rigid and downright insufferable. It takes a few moments before their footsteps recede and you are surrounded by silence.
It turns out that the Fire Lord asking you to become his wife comes with a lot more than you thought it would.
And of course, you had never been blind to the fact that Zuko is of royal lineage. His family has passed down the title and office of Fire Lord for generations. The people of the Fire Nation have known this family for over a century.
The blood definitely feels thicker than water here, though Zuko's own familial situation may testify against that.
How naïve of you to think any of this would be simple and easy. Nothing about this past century has been.
You press your head to the solid table beneath you, hand-crafted and polished so that it shines like the stars you remember seeing at night back home. Frustration and stress knit your shoulders together, your arms curling in towards your midsection.
Deep breath in, the voice of your mother reminds you. You can barely remember her face now, lost to time, but her voice still somehow stays clear. You hope it stays that way for a long time. Now let it go, she says, too.
If you close your eyes, you can almost picture your little family's home. The sea squid hanging out to dry so that it can be prepared for supper and her bed disheveled but lined with furs that keep you both warm at night and during the coldest days. It's probably empty now, a home to no one.
You exhale, forehead still pressed against the table. You repeat the process a few more times, trying to somehow expel the tightness of your shoulders. The weight stays. Despite whatever you may lose, being with Zuko is the closest to home you will ever feel now.
You get up from your seated position at the table and move to a window, looking down at the picturesque landscape of a quiet pond garden. You lean against a pillar supporting the ceiling and try to absorb yourself in the peaceful scenery. You close your eyes and try to listen to the sound of the soft breeze rustling the leaves of the tree. You just want it all to go away for a second.
"Have they exhausted you yet?" A gravelly voice behind you asks.
You turn to see Zuko standing in the open doorway. He's dressed in all his formal attire, of course, but he seems to carry his own weight on his shoulders today.
Idiot, you think, of course he looks stressed and weighed down. He's trying to re-establish peace among four nations after the 100-year war his ancestor started.
"Yeah, sure." You mumble and smile softly.
The moment doesn't last long before you turn back to the pond, stomach churning now. The grief and the stress mingle together. You miss home, you miss the weather and wearing your furs. You miss your parents, who have been gone for four years; your father to the war and your mother to sickness. The ache never seems to go away, but it dulls when Zuko is able to be around.
Zuko makes his way to stand beside you, saying nothing as he directs his gaze also to the peaceful pond, undisturbed by people or the noise of the outside world.
Despite what you had been told about the Fire Nation your whole life growing up, and what you'd been told about Zuko during the War, you'd always appreciated when he did this. Despite his title and the lineage he carries, he's always treated you like an equal. You are no less to him because you are female, and you are no less to him because you come from the Water Tribe.
If it had been a few years ago, you wonder if he would have thought differently. Or perhaps he has always been able to understand honor more than most since he was a child, and that was part of the reason he was the one who was destined to be Fire Lord all along.
You take in the side profile of his face for a moment, trying to gather the strength you've always had inside you.
"I don't want to worry you," You begin, turning back to the view of the pond.
It's still and quiet and sounds like a great place to escape to in this present moment.
"I'll let you know when I can't handle it," His sardonic tone answers back.
You know he means it as a joke, but there's a stark truth to his words. He's handled much more than a trivial conversation about what may be bothering you.
You take a moment to organize your thoughts so that you don't come across as an emotional train wreck. Zuko has always seemed to have infinite patience with you while you express your emotions, but emotional intelligence is new to him as well. You don't want to burden him with trying to figure out your emotions while he's trying to cope with and understand his own.
"I just... I didn't know how difficult this would be."
"What?" He sounds a bit surprised.
"Adopting your culture as my own," Zuko opens his mouth but you stop him before he can even begin. "From a shallow frame of reference, I had always known your culture and your people would be different than mine. And the time I spent traveling back and forth from the Water Tribe to here when I was only your girlfriend gave me some exposure, but I didn't know. Not really. Most of your people have been so indoctrinated by nationalistic propaganda that our union wouldn't have really even been conceivable a few years ago."
There's another moment of silence as you take a breath and exhale it. In and out. Zuko doesn't try to interrupt the moment with platitudes or words of comfort, and that's another thing you've grown to love about him.
He doesn't say something he doesn't mean. It's not in his nature to do so.
In allowing each of you to struggle with the weight of your words and emotions, he honors your emotions without dismissing them. Sometimes, it leaves you speechless because the practice is so ingrained in him, there are times he doesn't even notice he does it.
"I can adapt. That's not what I'm worried about. My people are strong because we are so willing to adapt to change, just like the ocean: strong and flexible. I can belong here without losing myself. I just don't have anything to bring with me. There is no recognition of my culture, and since these meetings have started a few days ago, I get shut down every time I try to bring something into what should be the happiest day of my life."
You turn to him also and take a step closer. His expression remains neutral and you can tell it's going to take some time for him to digest all of this. For a moment, you place your hands on his chest, clothed with the finest robes available in the Fire Nation.
"When I said yes to your proposal, to the reality of a life with you, I meant it with all of my heart. I still do. But I have nothing tying me to my homeland or the place of my birth like you do here."
He looks like he has a thousand things to say, but then the words fade away before they even make it out of his mouth. Zuko's face turns back towards the outside, looking out at the pond as a soft breeze again disturbs the tree by the water. He always gets this look in his eyes when he's in deep thought. The dilemma is less with him and his position as Fire Lord and more with how to integrate you in his world without making you "fit in" in ways you were never supposed to.
"If I've learned anything over the past few years," He begins, still standing straight and looking outside. "It's that nothing in the world is right if there is no balance."
He reaches inside his formal robe and pulls out a box. Your brows furrow in confusion, because Zuko is not one to give gifts.
"I was going to give this to you later, but it seems like the right time now." He shrugs and hands you the box while a hand goes to rub his neck.
He always does this when he feels shy or flustered. It's kind of cute to see the "decisive Fire Lord" act like a teen aged boy. He had rare opportunity to act like one before.
The box is like a square and a silk ribbon is tied around it. Your fingers work at the knot while you raise your eyebrow at him. You place the ribbon on the windowsill once it's unraveled and gently pull the lid off the box. It may have looked inexpensive, but you never truly knew in the Fire Nation.
The thing inside almost takes your breath away. It's all blue, every single bit of it.
It's a betrothal necklace.
You didn't even know Zuko knew they existed, let alone what it would have meant in your culture if he gave you one. (Granted, he's already asked you to marry him, but for the moment you dismiss the thought.)
It's true, most marriages are arranged by parents or parental figures in the Water Tribe. Most people at home are not as lucky as you have been to freely choose a partner, whether inside the Tribe or outside of it. Sometimes it seems a more hollowed out gesture when neither party is truly looking to get married for love. But the ones that do always give the necklace its meaning and purpose.
"I asked Katara for some help," He began to explain as you stare at the necklace. "I didn't know what I was doing or where I should go, so she was the one who guided me. She gave me some ideas of what the carving in the stone should represent, but in the end, I came up with the design by myself."
Zuko rubs the back of his neck again as you glance between him and the necklace.
The choker is dark blue as always, but the color gives you some semblance of peace. Blue isn't a very prominent color displayed in the Fire Nation. Indeed, the stone fastened to the choker has already been carved into. The design is somehow intricate and simple at the same time. It is intimate without being gaudy or overdone. It is all blue and reflective of the culture you grew up in and the one you still carry with you.
"You carved it yourself?" You whisper, not doubting the answer but still needing to ask it. Zuko just nods and your eyes well up with tears. He doesn't even know how sacred this necklace is to you in a place where no one else will ever understand its full importance and meaning.
"Will you put it on for me?" You hand the necklace to him as you also discard the box on the windowsill and turn your back to him. You're thankful your hair is already tied back (still adorned with various blue beads from your background) as you sweep it to the side so Zuko can clasp the necklace around your neck.
The weight of it is unfamiliar but grounding. It anchors you to the truth. It reminds you that no matter what marrying Zuko looks like, you carry your culture with you wherever you go. The way you treat others, hold yourself, and what you, hopefully, pass down to your children is far more important than what traditions you do or don't adhere to in a ceremony.
"I'll talk to the officials," He offers as he clasps the choker together. "You should be able to have all the customs that are important to you when we get married. You have always been my equal, but this time it will be a fact and not just an assumption."
You touch the stone with your fingers as you turn back to face him. The tears are already sliding down your cheeks, but you also give him a sweet close-lipped smile. He knows but he doesn't. And that is what makes him so beautiful.
You cup his face between your palms and feel him relax a little. Physical affection had never been a priority in his childhood or adolescence, but you can tell he's starting to understand why you think it's important to give and receive it.
"Thank you," You say, smiling wider.
You close the distance and bring your mouth towards his. The kiss is steady and soft but also full of unrestrained emotion. Zuko gives you a second one before you both pull apart. He just shakes his head.
"I think I'm the one who should be thanking you." He whispers back as he brings you to his chest.
He is home now, and that is what matters.