Trigger warning :: Sexual Assault ::
~sqsqsqsq~
Moonlight pinches the darkened room as she opens her eyes. Her body is quicker to remember than her mind as she tries to stand. She falls back to the floor, her palms stinging from the impact as her mind crackles with what had happened to her. She throws up as wave after wave of images crash against her. The room sways a bit as she tries to look around, to move her head. Her neck cracks, certain muscles burning, while others ache as she tries to stand once more. She hobbles to her desk and a shooting pain curls up and tightens around her right ankle with each inch forward.
Step. Drag. Step. Drag. Step. Drag.
She finally reaches the desk and grips its edges as the moonlight bounces off the polished surface. She takes in a deeper breath and it hurts when she inhales. Hurts worse on the exhale. Like sharp pieces of glass are cutting her from the inside.
Glass.
Bile instantly swirls up and she throws up again while clutching the desk. Her vomit just barely misses the cell phone as her fingers reach for it; sliding it toward her. She brings the contraption to her chest and it touches skin. She jolts at the feeling as she glances down at her blouse. It is torn and missing buttons. Her bra is gone. Another image flashes through her mind and she shuts her eyes. Her body is trembling as her flesh swells up with goosebumps. She slowly slinks to the floor and she can't help but wince, her features scrunching up in pain as her back touches up along the side of the desk. Tears begin to form, blurring her vision as she tries to still her hands from shaking so she can type out a message.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma's phone buzzes, briefly lighting up the top of her nightstand as the familiar chime rings out. She was almost asleep as she rolls over and clicks on the lamp, eyes wincing from the sudden brightness in her bedroom. She grabs her phone and wonders why Regina of all people would be texting her at this time. The woman was barely cordial to her on a good day. Instant dread fills up her gut because something must be wrong with Henry. There would be no other reason for Regina to be texting her after midnight. She opens up the message and her eyes squint in confusion.
'Are you awake'
Something creeps around inside Emma's gut again as she types out a reply. Yes, is something wrong?
It takes almost five minutes before a new text comes through again and Emma has already gotten herself dressed and is about to drive over to Mifflin Street when she hears it. She quickly pulls her phone out from her red leather jacket and shuts the drivers side door to the bug. Crickets are chirping in the distance as the full moon glows above her while she reads the message.
'Can you .. I need a ride home from the office .. I fell'
Another text pings through before Emma can answer the first one and more dread rushes through her when she reads it.
'Please'
Regina does not say please and she especially would never say it to Emma. Like ever, she can't help but think as she quickly sends out a reply. I'm on my way.
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina reads the last message sent by Emma and immediately tries to stand. Nausea barrels through her like a steamroller and she barely manages to keep it at bay. She leans her head back against the desk and shuts her eyes. Trying to take deep breaths feels like torture on her ribs and lungs and she gives up as the room begins to sway again. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this, most of all Emma Swan. The thorn in her side. The bane to her existence on a good day. And this most certainly was not a good day. She hears footsteps thundering up the stairs and her eyes widen with fear as her heart begins to race until she hears the familiar voice calling out to her.
Emma. It's just Emma.
"Regina .. Regina .. "
Emma runs into the office and everything hits her at once. All of her senses go into overdrive as her brain tries to compute it all. She's the sheriff now and when she takes a step into the room she knows she's entering a crime scene. Even in the dark, she just knows it. The air itself feels contaminated. Her voice calls out again for the woman and a meek reply comes from over by the desk.
"Em-ma .. "
It doesn't sound like Regina as Emma feels her heart drop into her stomach. She clicks on the flashlight from her phone and her eyes follow the illuminated path until she is kneeling down in front of the other woman.
She doesn't need Regina to tell her what happened. Her eyes take in the bruised cheek, torn clothing and Emma immediately stands back up, going for her phone.
"No! Just .. only you. I want .. I need to go home." Fingers reach out and touch her shin and Emma feels tears well up before willing them away as she slowly kneels back down and her eyes catch Regina's in the moonlight. "Please .. Emma.. "
"Okay." She nods her head while she takes Regina's phone from her hand and slips it into her own pocket and then she asks, "Can you walk?" Regina nods, determination gripping her features as she tries to stand. Emma's hand gently reaches out and Regina scoffs internally at the display. Emma is treating her like she is made of glass.
Glass.
She falters and Emma grabs her waist. She winces in pain and crumples into Emma's side. The question gets whispered by her ear and she doesn't want to answer it. Not ever.
"Who did this?"
She shakes her head no as their eyes meet once more and Emma's features soften a little. Her mouth is still set in a firm line but her eyes crinkle a fraction and Regina takes solace in this as she feels Emma scoop her up to carry her. She doesn't protest as she slips her arms around Emma's neck and tucks her body into the warm strength. She feels small and weak but she can't bring herself to care as she manages to whisper an answer into the woman's skin. "Sidney Glass."
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina had begun to cry softly after revealing to Emma who had violated her. Emma wanted to soothe the woman. To tell her it was okay. Everything was okay and it would be fine. She wanted to whisper words of encouragement to Regina but she knew she'd be lying to the woman. Because the truth was, it wasn't okay. And it wouldn't be for awhile. The time line .. well, there was no direct time line in recovering from this. Regina would have to set that pace for herself and all Emma could do was be there for her as best as she knew how. So, she stayed quiet and let Regina cry into her neck, as she carried her to the car. She laid her down in the backseat, covering her with a hand made quilt. "You need to stay awake, you might have a concussion. Regina, maybe we should go - "
"No. Take me home." Regina still doesn't sound like herself. Her voice is soft and almost timid and it throws Emma off as she feels herself nod in agreement. Conceding.
"Okay."
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina doesn't let Emma carry her again and her fingers are still numb from Regina gripping them so hard as they make their way into the mayors home. As Regina flips on every light switch they pass, Emma feels the woman tremble against her and her heart twists up.
Do not cry, Emma. You do not get to cry right now.
She helps Regina to the threshold of a bedroom and then the door gets shut in her face. Well, then. Okay. She turns on her heel and hears the lock click into place as she walks away.
You still don't get to cry, Emma.
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina leans against the locked bedroom door and anger instantly boils up inside of her. A rage that seems to come out of thin air embraces her and she wants to smash everything she sees. A vase. Flowers that were inside the vase. A lamp. Another vase. More flowers. A tissue box gets stomped on. And then, she is falling onto the bed. Punching a pillow. Another pillow get's flung across the room. And then she catches her reflection in the mirror above her dresser. And time stops. For a minute.
She takes in her dark matted hair, beginning to cuff up around her chin. Her bruised left cheek. Scratches that run in jagged lines on her neck. The torn blouse with the missing buttons. Her breasts barely concealed. Her skirt ripped up along the right side of the black fabric. A garish bruise forming on the matching thigh. She slowly walks to the mirror as if a closer look can magically make it better. It doesn't. It makes it worse. Much worse, as she raises her fists and smashes them into the glass.
Glass.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma slips out of the house and she doesn't know why she is being so stealth like as she tip toes down the path to her bug. The world just feels so fragile now as she starts up the engine and gives Regina's house a glance before pulling away. She had went through every room, every nook and cranny before leaving the mansion. She had checked the entire outside perimeter as well. And as much as she had been missing Henry the last couple of weeks, she is grateful he is away at summer camp right now. She doesn't know how they would have been able to keep this from him. He is too intuitive. He would never have believed his mom had just fallen. Taken a tumble. The kid wouldn't have bought that explanation for a second. It also soothes her in a way, knowing that Henry isn't in town for what she is about to do. He isn't breathing in the same air as she is right now. It helps her to justify it as she presses her foot down on the accelerator.
~sqsqsqsq~
The adrenaline leaves her body almost as quickly as it had graced it. And in it's departure, it leaves Regina a quaking and sniveling mess. She is crying and aching as she turns the knobs in the shower. The water hits her flesh and even that hurts. She manages to stand long enough to wash her hair. To scrub her body until it feels raw under the hot spray. She throws up again afterwards, naked and dripping water onto the floor as she hugs the toilet bowl. And then she gets right back into the shower and scrubs her body again. She brushes her teeth for a good five minutes and then uses mouth wash twice. She is trying to erase it all but as soon as she steps back into her bedroom, the reminder is there, staring back at her as she rakes over the carnage she had created. Everything is ruined. Her life is destroyed.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma had found him packing up his car. He was about to close the trunk when the first punch landed on him. Emma wanted to kill him. She had never wanted someone dead before. She had never imagined wanting to be a murderer. But in that moment, with him, she had. Very much so. With every punch thrown she had seen Regina's bruised face. Her torn clothing. Her haunted eyes. With every kick she had heard Regina's lost voice. Yes, Emma Swan wanted Sidney Glass to die and she wanted to be the one to do it. And then, Henry's face replaced Regina's and she just stopped hitting the man. She called in David for back up and waited as the same crickets from earlier chirped in the distance and the pale moonlight beamed down on her.
~sqsqsqsq~
She makes her way back down the stairs and calls out for Emma. The feeling of being alone fills her up immediately and she swallows it down. She doesn't know why she expected Emma to still be here. She notices the alarm had been set and she imagined Emma had the sense to check the house before leaving. Something she hadn't thought of herself as she goes around and makes sure all the windows and doors are indeed locked shut. She tightens her robe and limps her way to the kitchen to brew some coffee. Emma had said something to her about maybe having a concussion and she needs caffeine to keep herself awake. Her body and mind is exhausted and is screaming out to her for sleep.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma pulls back up to 108 Mifflin Street and takes a tentative glance at the quiet house. She knows Regina will be furious at her but it had to be done. He had to be taken care of one way or another. It turned out she didn't have it in her to actually kill him so locked up is where he will be. Of course, this means that she needs to get an official statement from the victim. It's hard to see and label Regina as that though. She doesn't want to. She sighs and steps out of her bug and makes her way up the path once more. She knocks and hopes Regina will let her in. There are things they have to take care of whether the stubborn woman wants to or not at this point.
Regina feels relief flood her as she peeks out the foyer window and sees Emma standing at the door. She opens it and has to swallow a smile before it touches her lips as she moves away from the door. The only indication for Emma to follow. Which she does and then her hand is at Regina's elbow helping her walk back into the kitchen. Regina points to the coffee pot and Emma nods her head. God, yes, she would love some. Emma doesn't know how to bring it up really. She fidgets on her feet for awhile until Regina returns with two cups filled to the brim. They sit at a small round kitchen table and Emma watches as Regina winces as she takes a seat across from her.
Still can't cry, Emma. Don't.
"Regina, I .. I did something .. I thought .. I went to .. take care of it but couldn't so he's arrested and well, right now he's in a hospital room, handcuffed to a bed but he'll be in jail after and I'm gonna need a statement. I won't divulge your name to any press, I'll make sure the judge grants a gag order. I'll also get a confession out of him, don't you worry about that and then the D.A. will take it from there." All of this is said in a rush and Emma is blushing with shame for not being able to just kill the bastard. A hand reaches out and then Regina's fingers are running over her cut up and bruised knuckles. Emma quickly pulls them away. Regina slowly stands up and walks over to the freezer; taking out an ice pack she wraps a dishtowel around it before returning and sliding it over across the table to Emma.
Emma doesn't understand what is happening. Did Regina not understand her? He's not dead. She couldn't do it. She failed the woman. She failed herself.
"You're not a killer, Emma. Far from it." And then Regina whispers, "But, thank you for doing what you did."
Emma nods, before she takes a sip of her coffee and begins again. "Before you thank me, there's more."
Regina puts her coffee mug down and stares at Emma with alarm running in her eyes and Emma takes a breath before continuing, "We need .. I need to .. we're gonna need to take pictures of the bruises and I want .. you need to have a doctor check on you. I think you might have bruised ribs and .. I know someone. She is discreet and has her own private practice. It's in Boston and it's all set up to see her so she'll be expecting us. I'll take you. We can even do the pictures there." Again she lets out a breath and Regina isn't looking at her anymore. Emma doesn't think she is looking at anything really.
She waits a minute before saying, "Regina .. "
Regina gets up and puts her coffee mug into the sink. "Okay."
~sqsqsqsq~
They are driving along the interstate an hour later. Regina is leaning her head against the window and is quiet as Emma glances at her every few minutes. She is wearing a baggy dark blue sweater and a pair of black yoga pants. It's July but Emma gets it as she puts the air conditioner on low and steals another glance.
"I'm not going to vanish into thin air, Miss Swan." She turns her gaze to look at Emma and manages to give her an eye roll before leaning her head back against the headrest. She secretly wishes she could but she would never tell Emma that. She doesn't want to do this, she just knows it's something she has to do. There is no choice really and Regina just wants to be able to have choices again. To feel like she is in control of her own life. He took that from her. Now, she is sitting in the passenger seat of Emma's deathtrap of a vehicle on her way to being poked and prodded by some strange doctor. And what Emma says next doesn't help.
"Maybe, we should set something up with Dr. Hopper in a few days. Maybe, it would be helpful to have someone to talk - "
"He's a man." Regina ignores the 'we' part of that suggestion even though she has to bite her tongue not to lash out at this woman. Because there is no we in any future scenarios. It's just herself and that's it. The quicker this day goes by the better.
"Well, okay, I could find someone in another town or city .. a woman to talk with and I could take you to the sessions and - "
"Enough. You need to stop inserting yourself into my life. I begrudgingly share a son with you. For Henry's sake. None of this changes that, Miss Swan. Understood?"
Emma nods her head as an answer and Regina accepts it before she turns her gaze forward again as she feels the car begin to move faster.
~sqsqsqsq~
The rest of the drive is shared in silence with just the radio playing low to soak up some of the stillness. Emma doesn't glance over at Regina anymore but Regina does. Every few miles or so she steals a glance at the other woman. Guilt is starting to creep in at how harsh she was and she goes to open her mouth to apologize, to try and say something but Emma's voice stops her.
"We're here." And here turns out to be a winding driveway that spirals up onto a small estate. There is a separate smaller building jutting out from the back of the grounds and this is where Emma leads her to as polished pebbles crunch under her feet. A renovated former guest house with a wrap around porch. It's pretty and doesn't look like a doctor waits for her behind the door. In fact, there is nothing medicinal about this place and Regina finds it calming. Maybe that is the intent, she thinks.
She realizes Emma hasn't touched her since she had yelled at her. No help out of the car. No hand on the elbow. She keeps her hands stuffed into the back pockets of her jeans as her soft gaze tries not to meet her own. She finds herself missing Emma's touch. It was reassuring and helped keep her grounded. Something she hadn't realized until it was gone. And now, she has no idea how to get it back.
The door opens before they make it up the three short steps and she feels her hand grab onto Emma's arm with alarm. Everything startles her now and she despises him for that too. Emma is touching her again though and she feels her body still and her mind clear a little as Emma's fingers find her own, helping her up the stairs.
She squeezes them back and she hopes it's enough to let Emma know she isn't ready to go this alone after all.
~sqsqsqsq~
The doctor, her name is Lily and Regina immediately thinks about all the flowers that now lay scattered across her bedroom floor. When her gaze catches Lily's again a warm smile is waiting for her and Regina feels herself begin to relax.
Okay. She must do this.
~sqsqsqsq~
It's a slow process but Lily helped edge it along. She was Regina's own personal lighthouse, making sure she never drowned. Making sure she found her way back to the shore. And when it was all over with and she had her clothes back on, she felt a little bit of a weight lift off of her. Not a lot. Maybe three pounds, if that. But, still, it was enough to notice as her steps felt a little lighter as she made her way back to Emma.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma immediately stands, throwing a book down onto the chair she had been sitting in when she sees Regina walking toward her. She is caught off guard when Regina just falls into her chest. She wraps her arms around Emma's neck and as soon as Emma's arms hug her back she begins to cry again.
Lily comes out of the other room and their eyes lock for a moment and she offers Emma a reassuring smile before she mouths, 'She did good.' And Emma just holds Regina tighter.
Not now, Emma. No crying yet.
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina doesn't have a concussion. Emma was right about the bruised rib though. Her lungs are okay, the x ray's came back clear except for a rib on each of Regina's sides. She stops off at a diner and runs inside to grab them food. They eat in the car, and then Emma drives a couple of miles to the nearest hotel. She checks them into a single room with two beds. Lily had prescribed Regina some painkillers and Emma places two into her palm before handing the woman a bottle of water. They haven't really talked since leaving the doctors. The silence between them has grown comfortable though. Adaptable. Breathing all on it's own at times and both women are okay with this. Regina uses the bathroom first and by the time Emma is done with her turn, the other woman is already passed out on the bed furthest from the door.
She is curled up, her back facing Emma and just the sounds of Regina's deep breathing echos around the small hotel room. Emma closes the drapes and double checks the lock after slipping a 'Do not Disturb' card around the outer knob. She falls onto her own bed and doesn't even remember her head touching the pillow before she is asleep as well.
~sqsqsqsq~
An early sun is yawning over the small harbor horizon as Emma guides the bug over the town line.
'Welcome to Storybrooke'
Regina's eyes catch the sign before it blurs past them and she feels a heaviness press down onto her chest. "I don't want to live here anymore." Her eyes flick over to Emma before she asks, "Will that feeling go away?"
Emma glances back and her eyes are sad when she answers, "I don't know, Regina. I just .. don't know."
Regina quickly looks out the passenger window before leaning her head against it and shutting her eyes. She doesn't want to see the town hall as they whiz past it. She can feel it and that in of itself is enough to torment her.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma goes to get out of the bug when she pulls up to Regina's house but the woman shakes her head and waves her away while she stiffly gets herself out from her side of the car. She grabs her prescription from Emma's glove box and shuts the door. Emma sits and watches the woman make her way up the few wide steps and then the front door is unlocked and she is turning to once again shoo Emma away. The pristine white door shuts and the numbers 108 shines back at her. Twinkling as they catch rays from the sun. Well, then. Okay. And Emma puts the car in gear and slowly drives away.
~sqsqsqsq~
She spends most of the day on the couch, sipping tea and filling her stomach with toast when she needs to take a pain med. She called and checked in with her son and he sounded cheerful. Telling her how he caught his first fish and his was the biggest of his teams. Their relationship has gotten better since Emma came to town, a fact that she was bitter about but now as she places her phone back onto the coffee table, she finds herself smiling at Henry's detailed account to her. She had resented Emma for staying in town after Henry had gone to find her a year ago. They had fought for months about it, Regina secretly worried that the woman would take him from her. And then, they had called a truce a few months ago when Henry had fallen off his bike. They had both rushed to the hospital after getting the call and it had been the most terrifying moments in her life as she waited for the nurse to show her to her son.
Luckily, the injuries were minor. A badly sprained wrist and a few cuts and bruises. But it was enough for both women to put aside their petty differences and agree to co parent Henry the best way possible. Henry instantly felt the difference and it had brought him and Regina closer again. They talked over dinners and shared their days again. And Emma was .. tolerable. And maybe not as bad as Regina led herself to believe.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma is sitting at her desk at the station. Her finger running over the rim of her now cold coffee mug as she stares at the tape recorder that lays on top of a closed folder. It's late and she has sent David out patrolling for the night so she could be alone. Just her and Regina. As she finally finds it in her to hit play and listen to what Regina had recorded with Lily.
'I was working late, trying to finish up the new fiscal reports when .. he came in. I never heard him. I was typing one minute and the next, I looked up and he was just .. there. Standing in front of me. And I smelled alcohol. Like he had sprayed cologne, it was that strong. That overwhelming as he just stood there. I didn't think .. I didn't know .. '
Emma listens as Regina sniffles into the recorder, crying softly before she continues .. 'He was angry at me .. for replacing him as editor from the .. from the paper. He called me names, cursed at me and then .. he must have .. he hit me across the cheek but with the back of his hand. It stung much worse than a slap and I was caught off guard and then he was right next to me, grabbing onto my arms and pulling me toward him.'
Emma stops the tape. She stands up and paces around the front of her desk. Three steps .. turn .. four steps .. turn. Her heart is racing as she stops and leans over her desk before reaching out and hitting play again.
'He was clawing at me then. My neck, my face as I tried to turn away from him. I tried to .. I tried so hard to get .. away.'
Regina is crying again and so is Emma as she listens to Regina's weeping. 'He didn't speak .. I pleaded, I heard myself begging him to .. stop. Why didn't he listen?'
Emma wipes at her eyes even as fresh tears continue to fall. She rounds her desk again and continues to listen as Regina recounts what happened to her. She yanks open the folder and begins to look over the pictures Lily had taken. Regina's face stares back at her, cut up and bruised. The next one is of her neck. Red lines running parallel across her toned skin. As she continues to hear Regina's voice fill the room around her, she feels her stomach coil up and she has to throw up into the wastebasket that rests by the side of her desk.
Regina's anguishing words seem to fill up all the molecules in the room and Emma throws up again. She leans back in her chair and wipes her mouth with a tissue as she pushes the folder away from her. A picture of Regina's inner right thigh badly bruised with fingerprints stares back at her.
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina wasn't expecting the nightmares. What she had lived through was horrid enough but what is happening to her now seems so much worse. Because in her nightmares she is forced to relive it. Over and over again. She is afraid to fall asleep because every time she does, he is there. Again and again. It's been three nights of this and she feels herself spiraling out of control when she reaches over and grabs her phone from the nightstand.
'Emma .. '
Her phone pings back before she even has a chance to blink. 'I'm here.' Regina squints her eyes at the response before she slips out of bed and makes her way downstairs. The familiar bug is glinting under the moonlight as she looks out the foyer's slim window. She immediately calls Emma's phone, and it barely even rings before Emma's voice is saying hello to her.
"Why are you at my curb?"
There is a pause and then, "I'm your surveillance."
Regina pulls the phone away from her ear and actually stares at it for a full ten seconds before bringing it back to her mouth. "Isn't he .. in jail?"
Another pause, this time longer than a commercial would last and then finally, "Well, yeah."
"Come inside, Emma." She disarms the alarm and unlocks the door, leaving it open for the woman as she makes her way into the kitchen. Emma sees the call has ended as she slips it into her jacket and then watches as Regina's front door opens. Well, okay, then.
~sqsqsqsq~
Somehow, she ends up sleeping on the floor of Regina's bedroom. It kind of just happens. Regina had made them hot chocolate, sprinkling Emma's with some cinnamon and whip cream cause that's how Henry likes it and not because she actually knows and cares that Emma likes it that way too. No, not at all. And then she confides to Emma about the nightmares, the waking up with all the screaming and shaking. For the last three nights and somehow that found Emma here. Lying on an air mattress with a few pillows and a blanket thrown down to her. But, Regina still wakes up. Terrified and screaming. Emma sits down next to her on the bed and Regina falls into her chest once more. Crying and mumbling sadly, "I'm never sleeping again, am I?"
Emma feels her heart break at the question. And that's how she finds herself sharing a bed with Regina. It was a suggestion she thought would be scoffed and then meanly laughed at but Regina surprises her with a nod and a quiet, "We could try that, okay." The 'we' isn't lost on Emma as she remembers Regina telling her there was no such thing between them in this as she pulls the covers down and slips in next to the woman. She stays as close to the edge of her side as possible and she notices Regina does the same. She doesn't take offense to it, because she knows why. Space is what Regina craves and Emma knows it is killing her not having control over it fully for herself anymore.
So, Emma will try to do her best to give her that space even while laying next to her.
~sqsqsqsq~
She sleeps through the remainder of the night. A restful sleep and for the first time she wakes up feeling refreshed. She turns over to thank Emma but Emma is already gone. The air mattress put away and all other traces of the woman tidied up as well. She works from home. She has no intention of stepping back into her office or that building again. She resigns and her term will officially be over in sixty days. Emma comes over every night and sleeps next to her. Some nights she is over early enough and they share an evening together before going to sleep. After five nights of this routine, as they pull the covers down Emma quietly asks, "What are you going to do next, Regina?"
"Next?" Regina rubs some lotion onto her arms before she clicks off the lamp on her side of the bed.
"After your term is up?"
Oh.
She knows what she wants to do but she isn't sure how Emma will take it. She doesn't want to fight over Henry but she also knows her mind is made up. She sighs softly and turns to Emma who is already staring at her from her side of the pillow. "I want to move. I was going to start looking after Henry is back from camp. I wanted to speak with him about it. I mean, not with what happened. Henry is never to know what happened." Emma nods her head, her eyes earnest in agreement as they mirror Regina's.
They stare at each other for a minute before Emma whispers, "I'm gonna miss you, Regina." She smiles at the woman before she turns over and says goodnight.
Regina blinks a few times as she stares at Emma's back. Will she miss Emma?
Yes.
But for some reason she can't bring herself to voice that declaration back to her. She simply replies, "Goodnight, Emma."
~sqsqsqsq~
It's been two weeks of them sharing this nightly ritual and Emma feels another question spring into her mind as they both lay down to sleep. "What are we going to do when Henry comes home?"
Regina knows what she is talking about. They can't very well continue this with Henry in the house. He will think it absurd. Even if Emma continues to get up at the crack of dawn to go back to her own home every morning. It's still too much of a risk, what if he wakes up with a bad dream and comes to find her? What if he hears a noise and comes to get her? And Emma can't very well do this every night when they move. That's even more absurd. And at some point Emma will start dating someone and - Regina glances over at Emma and doesn't like what she is feeling. The thought of Emma dating someone .. it jostles something inside of her and it's a feeling she hasn't felt in a very long time. It's been so long that she almost doesn't recognize it but as it bubbles up inside her heart she names it. Clear as day. Jealousy mixed with a twinge of possessiveness over Emma Swan.
Oh, goodness. No.
Absolutely not.
She quickly stands up and mumbles that she'll figure something out where Henry is concerned and that she isn't tired yet as she makes her way down to the living room. She hears Emma murmur a sleepy good night to her as she passes her side of the bed. She stays up watching late night infomercials until she can't keep her eyes open and this is how Emma finds her in the morning as she is slipping out to go home. Dozing softly on the living room couch.
~sqsqsqsq~
Two days later finds her sitting on another couch as she shifts uncomfortably. Dr. Archie Hopper grins back at her from his chair across from her and she tries not to glare. He clears his throat and goes to begin while ignoring the hostility. "So, tell me, Regina .. what brings you in today?" He's thinking something must be troubling the woman about her son, Henry. So, what she says next makes him drop his notepad and pen. He can't help it.
"I was sexually assaulted three weeks ago and I need your help with something."
He bends down to pick up the paper and pen before he pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. He stammers out, "Of .. of course. I'm so very sorry that happened to you and you must know I will do everything I can to help you in taking the steps - "
"That's not the problem .. or rather, why I'm here."
His eyes widen as he stammers again, "It .. it's not?"
"No. I'm here because I need you to tell me that I am most certainly not developing feelings for Em .. Miss Swan. That all of it is just some misplaced, convoluted thing that is messing with my head." She leans back into the couch, eyes wide and breath coming out short as she looks at the man with daggers.
"Uh .. " He fumbles to find words as she continues to stare at him. The woman has completely stunned him and he fiddles with the collar on his shirt, trying to figure out what to say next. "So, there seems to be a possibility you are attracted to Emma - "
"I'm not attracted to Emma." But, wait .. she supposes being attracted to Emma is part of the allure. She remembers the day before the attack happened, how Emma had been mowing the backyard for her and Regina had found herself appreciating the view of Emma's body sporting a tank top and tight high cut denim jean shorts.
Archie clears his throat. "Okay, so when did these feelings start exactly .. you mentioned it was after the .. assault correct?"
But was it? Because now Regina is confused as she begins to think back to some of the heated arguments shared with the other woman over the last year. How Emma was capable of making her heart race and stop all at the same time. And, yes, she had kept the woman at an arms length away but when Regina was at her lowest point in life, it was Emma who she had thought to message. Not her close friend, Kathryn. Not Graham, her friend with benefits. It was only Emma.
"Regina?"
She looks up at him. "None of it is relevant as it turns out, Dr. Hopper. Emma wouldn't want me now, anyway. Thank you for your time." She slips an envelope to him with a payment in cash inside and makes her way to the door.
"Regina .. "
She turns as her hand touches the handle of the door and she arches an eyebrow at him. "If you ever feel the need to talk to someone about .. well, anything, please, don't hesitate to call. Okay?" He smiles at her and she nods her head once before quickly exiting his office.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma comes over early that night and she brings with her an appetizer, to go with a large cheese pizza and a six pack of beer to split between them. And even though it's bud light Regina still gets a little tipsy after polishing off half of the six. Emma downs the other three as they share the pizza and fried ravioli's.
"It's going to be your fault for my clogged arteries." Regina teases the woman and Emma just smiles back at her before taking another bite of her pizza.
They go outside afterwards and sit down in matching lounge chairs. The night air is cool for late July and both women bask in it. Enjoying the goosebumps that pebble their skin. They lean back and stare up at the sky. Emma counts the stars while Regina gazes at the crescent moon. After awhile, she glances over at Emma and watches the moonlight as it dances over the woman's features. Emma's eyes seem to twinkle at her as she meets her gaze.
"What is it?" Emma asks, smiling at her and Regina feels her heart open wide.
"Hmm .. nothing. I just .. I went to see Dr. Hopper today. For a session." She watches as Emma perks up, her body leaning toward her slightly in the chair.
"Really? That's good. I mean, was it good? Did it go okay?" The questions are in quick succession and Regina can't help but laugh at Emma's eagerness.
"Well .. no. But, that was my fault. I've decided to go back though. I .. should definitely go back."
"I think you should too, it helps to talk to someone and get it out in a way. It's not good to keep it all stuffed up in here and also in here." Emma points to her head and then her heart and Regina can only nod at the woman as Emma's words take shape in her brain.
"Emma .. did it .. did it happen to you too?" Regina whispers the question and Emma looks away for a minute before meeting brown eyes again.
"Yes. It was a long time ago though before I met Henry's father. I was 16." It's all she offers and Regina doesn't ask for more as she reaches out and clasps Emma's hand in her own.
~sqsqsqsq~
"Have you ever been in love with a woman?" The question is unexpected and Emma chokes on a sip of water she had just taken as Regina's dark eyes stare into her own. She slowly places her cup back onto the table before twirling some spaghetti around on her fork. She stuffs the food quickly into her mouth to stall from answering.
Regina takes a sip of her own water and wipes at her mouth with a napkin. "You don't have to answer if it's too personal of a question, Emma." She shrugs and takes a bite of her salad, but her eyes never waver from Emma's.
She nods her head but hears herself answer anyway. "No, I've never been in love with a woman." She thinks she sees disappointment flicker inside Regina's gaze for a second but she isn't sure as she continues, "But, I've had a few one night stands with women. How bout you?"
And Emma's blue green eyes flash with this all consuming intensity as they stare into Regina's that she has to look away for a moment before she whispers, "Yes."
~sqsqsqsq~
Regina has been seeing Archie every Tuesday and Friday for three weeks now and with each visit she feels more of that weight lift off of her. The weight of Glass suffocating her. It's how she describes it to Dr. Hopper and to herself. And also to Emma. Each day that passes, she takes on a different perspective. A new ray of hope shines through her and two days before Henry is scheduled to come home she asks Emma to take a walk with her around the lake. Emma takes her hand early into their walk and Regina smiles to herself. They sit on a bench together and watch two swans as they wade close to the shore.
"Did you ever read The Trumpet of the Swan?" Regina asks.
Emma smiles as she feels Regina slip her arm around her own before taking her hand again. "Yes, it was one of my favorites as a kid. Why?"
"Hmm .. Henry's too .. " And then she is whispering into Emma's ear, "Thank you for being my trumpet, Emma."
Emma kisses her for the first time that night as they sit on a bench, staring out onto a lake while the moonlight bounces off the waters smooth black surface. And it is gentle and sweet. Just how she had imagined her first kiss with Emma would be.
~sqsqsqsq~
When Henry returns home, both women sit him down and ask him how he would feel about moving. "Is Emma coming too?"
His eyes are hopeful and both women smile and nod their head. He jumps up and down and hugs his mothers before they ask him another important question. "And how would you feel if your mom and me were dating, kid?"
Henry laughs and pumps his fist in the air for good measure as he smiles up at his two moms and shouts, "Yes! Operation Summer Camp worked!" He runs out of the room but not before turning and giving his moms a wink from the living room doorway. And Regina and Emma just stare after him baffled.
~ Two years later ~
She can still remember kissing Regina for the first time underneath the moonlight. So, it's only fitting that she proposes under an inky blue sky. This time, both women are sitting at the end of a dock, as their bare feet dangle in the lakes choppy water. They are living in another small town; in another northeast state. Regina helps run an animal shelter and is going to school to get her masters degree in Psychology. She wants to be a crisis counselor while Emma is a sheriff for the county. She is also a volunteer for their towns Fire Department and Henry will be a freshman in high school next year. Sometimes, it can feel like time is moving too fast but then within a moment like this, as she sits next to Regina on this late summer night, time itself seems to stand still for them.
She takes out the small velvet box and places it into Regina's palm. She let's her open it, because it's a gift for her after all and she feels her heart burst with love as Regina's eyes sparkle with tears and happiness. Emma slips the ring onto her left ring finger and Regina holds her hand up to the nightfall. Her diamond twinkles like a star and she tugs Emma in for a kiss. Her lips are soft, always so soft as they graze her own and Emma can feel the metal of Regina's ring tickle the side of her cheek. It is a feeling she will always cherish as she pulls Regina close.
"Could this be the greatest love of all, I want to know that you will catch me when I fall, so let me tell you this .. some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this .. and that one special kiss .. " - Kelly Clarkson - 'A Moment Like This'
~sqsqsqsq~