Heart to Heart
The sound of lightning crashes from the sky, yellow flash, blinding. There stood the Colossal Titan, steam rises, the screams of the citizens in panic as the titan's roam within it's very walls.
Two more flashes struck, the stench of blood filled the nostrils, the plated titan reached towards him, instead of him, it reached to the smiling girl standing in front, raven haired and paled skin lips still smiling unknowing what is to come, seeing the hand crushed around her small form, his little self-screamed in pain, screaming for her to run but to no avail, the sound of bones crunching deafened his own voice. The eyes of the titan gazed into his as if speaking to him, releasing the grip to find nothing but blood within its grip, then reached towards him and all is darkness.
Shooting up from the nightmare, sweat flowing from his brow, still fresh from memory, the smell so familiar, yet what changed is the raven haired girl in his dreams now taken the place in his stead, she looked like Mikasa and that's what's terrifies him, seeing that smile vanish in a blink of an eye, it tore something inside of him. This feeling was something he never felt before, something that felt foreign, not ever since long ago.
"Another bad dream huh?" Alan snapping his face to Eren who just sat there as if he watched him.
"Yeah, something like that" Alan replied not too keen in breaching the subject of his nightmares.
"I know the feeling, I have nightmares as well" Pausing, debating whether to continue "I see my mom get eaten, everyway and no matter how I tried, I couldn't save her even in my dreams" Anger etched onto his face "I will get stronger and I will kill every single titan", glaring intensely into Alan's very own eyes, receiving only a nod.
"I'm sorry Eren, I truly am" Turning his gaze away, receiving Eren own head shaking from his apology.
"Don't be sorry, I remember seeing you running towards us, until those three titans was right behind you and that armoured fucker come bounding in" Eren reminisce from that day "I hate to ask, how did you escape?"
Alan blinked a few times, looking back through his memory, to the titan hand that reached "I don't know, the titans came rolling through, I just managed to find the courage and ran, a garrison soldier, found me near the wall and took me away"
"Why wasn't you on the boat when the armoured titan broke through?" Eren questioned again, Alan didn't like the interrogation, but kept his face still as stone, only forming a thoughtful expression.
"What's left of the garrison, ran with horses, I was on with them, as far as I am aware" Eren nodded, content.
"Why do you ask?" Now it's his turn to do the interrogation.
"I was wondering, now that we are close as something may or may not have happened yet" Confusing Alan even more "I just didn't want to pry when at the time it seems pretty fresh and unwilling to open." Eren simply said, Alan nodding, kind of understanding.
"We have two weeks left, Shadis may give us a break with the exercises he been putting us through" Eren stating, proceeding to go back to sleep. Leaving Alan alone to his thoughts. His last thought lingered on Mikasa and that kiss they shared.
The weeks, flew by, turning into months, by then the end of their second year, turned into their third and final year, Shadis definitely nailed into them after the team building exercise, encouraging them to adapt to situations and getting them to be really uncomfortable as he force them into roles of leadership.
"If you ever going to survive against the titans. You must adapt, you must iron out your weaknesses and hone your strengths if you were to ever survive and if you don't now only yourself will die but your comrades around you will die"
His words were sincere and tensed, as if every ounce of truth was poured into it from experience, since he was the former commander of the survey corps, his words held weight and no room for doubt.
During that time, many things have passed, Daz being lost in the snow storm only to have Ymir, bringing his unconscious body to be placed in the medical bed asap, Her evasion of the questions led Alan to be suspicious, causing Ymir to avoid his gaze as his stoic expression made her uneasy for some reason. Something happened on that mountain, unsure what or why but something did. Now entering their third year, Shadis has anted up yet again, to most this is their evaluation year, this decide who makes it to the top ten. A lot of tensions rise especially for Garrus.
Garrus to his dismay, been found out with his 'relationship' with Sasha, had the whole crowd exchanging bets between hands, Alan taking a good chunk. "You betted that we were together?" Sasha squealed out to Alan, leaving his eye to cock up and give an unusual grin.
"I did say I pretend I didn't saw you tow together, I never said I use that information to my advantage" his eyes sparkle, making nearby hound onto him for answers and how long he knew about it.
Giving their due they kept it quiet till the end of the second year. Until they had Shadis and true to his word, finding them in one of the storages houses and had them both marching out stark bollock naked, for the whole world to see. Receiving a few wolf whistles to Garrus's hardened member, and the redness of their faces. Sasha fortunately had her top on, sadly Shadis saw this as a combat fighting exercise.
Reiner and Eren during that, had their asses handed to them for ganging on Annie, yet what annoyed Alan is when Reiner was bating her, saying to show him the reason why she's here and to prove herself, receiving a darkened glare from the blonder herself, what occurred is that he was worse off than Eren.
Alan caught the eyes of Mikasa, but soon look away, preferring to concentrate on his spar's, he has a reputation to keep.
Seeing him avoiding her gaze, it didn't sit well, her mind distracted only to have Armin, gain the upper hand, toppling her.
"You ok?" Armin asked, surprised she let her guard down.
Gritting her teeth and chastising herself for being sloppy "Yeah I'm fine, start again" she commanded, now swiftly taking Armin down in a few swoops once they go again. Hearing a large thud in front of her, face as stone as she helped him up.
"That's a lot better" he joked, his face frowning to her gaze to the man now taking down four people, shaking his head to his friends lingering gaze. Eren told him about her feelings towards the strongest cadet. "If it helps Mikasa, why don't you talk to him, it's been a full year and after what happened during that exercise, it's like you both avoided each other" Armin's concern grew, he noticed it, Mikasa to stare, for him to look away, he feel sorry for both parties, neither really good at expressing themselves, Alan tend to hide behind jokes and his stoic nature like Mikasa does with hers, but she has opened up more and smiling a bit more since then. He may need to give it a push in the right direction.
Their concentration broke as Connie is running away from a very naked Garrus "What's the matter Shrimp, ever had a dick in your face before" Garrus laughing like crazy, compared to their heights it more then likely. Half the cadets are now wondering if it's punishment for him or them, thankfully Sasha is now fully dressed, after some of the girls raised a few complaints, under the condition that Garrus must stay as he is.
Garrus, is having a good day, he feels lighter and without the excess clothes and straps, he has a much more flexible freedom of movement, sadly avoiding and refusing to spar with the girls to prevent any more ammo shooting against him. Bad enough he had shit with him and Sasha relationship out in the open.
"Cut it out Dreiken, or I bite your dick off" Connie exclaimed now pinned under his weight, His eyes widened at the words that escaped his mouth, Garrus now silent and gaping.
"Shrimp, I'm unsure how to process that. It's like your willing and I don't think Shit breath would appreciate having her favourite meat spoiled and eaten by another." Garrus calmly said receiving a flying kick to the face by the very girl he mentioned.
Face beet red "You don't have to say it like that Scarface" The now embarrassed girl shouted, unaware that she just knocked the guy out.
Yeah, now that it is in the open, Garrus had boasted and have been open about it, to Sasha's mild content and embarrassment. Reiner and Eren chuckled at the display, before watching Alan yet again.
"He looks bored" Reiner stated "Alan you need to go against people of your skill" receiving a stare from the man.
Armin came to Eren "Eren, why don't you get Mikasa to fight him" hoping he get the hint, Eren frowned between the two, he didn't like how they been avoiding each other, even though he knew her feelings, maybe Armin is onto something.
"Hey Mikasa, can you…" before Eren can finish.
"No" her reply was simple and straightforward, she knew what he would ask, but couldn't bring herself to fight him, unaware that he doesn't want to as well, for the same reason as hers.
"Aw come one Mikasa, if you beat him you could get number one" Eren attempt of convincing proves futile, receiving another no in return.
Armin head to Alan instead "Alan, spar with…"
"No" Alan's reply sudden and quick, gaining Reiner's and Mikasa's interest, her heart skipped a beat for a second, from just hearing that voice she hadn't heard for a while.
Groaning at the lack of progress and the glares received from the two, they conceded and dropped the matter.
Mikasa didn't like being forced, she prefer to do it in her own time, she just simply doesn't know how to go about it, she definitely do now want advice on how she does it, even though she can only tolerate Eren's pestering about the matter, not from the others sadly.
Ending their session, they were relieved to the mess hall for food. The usual rowdiness as they all chatted amongst their groups, Connie being teased with the fiasco that transpired during the spar, Garrus now sitting with a swollen cheek from where Sasha's foot, had landed, apparently while he was knocked out and carried off the arena, Sasha took the liberty to put his pants on, citing that no other girl should see it, which explains the daggers she's been giving off, never knew she had a territorial side to her apart her love for meat.
Mikasa with Eren and Armin as always on the usual table they sit at, while the two are talking amongst themselves about the training, she sat quietly trying to resist the urge to cast her eyes to the other side of the room, giving in her confusion rose and her heart sank as she saw Alan now sitting amongst the group he sits with, looking around the room, trying to find the object of her desire, nowhere In sight.
"You ok Mikasa?" Eren inquired noticing her frantic turns as she looked around the room, blinking in return, her face fallen to stone, resume eating her food in silence. Looking around himself, he sooner realises that Alan wasn't even in the hall, no understanding her mood. She always looks to direction when she thinks no one is looking, he notices the smile she gives off, he liked that smile and ever since he seen it more, Eren would hate to see that fade away.
A knock Shadis door, Shadis blinked at the sudden knock, cleared his throat. "Come in" he ordered, to his surprise Alan walked in, noticing how he simply looked around taking in the small office anyone rarely comes in except for trouble makers that is "Braun, rarely you seek me out, what do you need?" he questioned, having a feeling what it might be.
Gazing his stone gaze upon the Drill instructor "Take me off the list of the top ten" 'Ah there it is' Keith wondered when he was going to ask.
"May I ask why Braun? You're easily the number one, far surpassing Ackerman" Keith inquired, wanting to know the mind of the one in front of him, he usually knows the extent of a soldier through their actions and words.
"I just wish not to be in the top ten, I prefer someone to take it, instead of me" Simply stating, 'No there's more to it than that' Keith thought
"One does not simply be taken out of the top ten Braun, if you truly don't want to be in it, you must be worse than the ones below" Keith stared him down, impressed that the boy is holding his own.
Fidgeting his fingers Alan racked through his head to formulate his answer better. "I don't want to be in the Military Police, the life of it, doesn't really appeal to me, it just not me" Interest is now peaked. Everyone wants to prove themselves and wants to be recognised, apparently under assumption Alan doesn't want that life, which means there's something more to it yet again.
Sighing "Braun, if you truly want this then I will tell the other instructors, I admit this is a surprise at the least, every cadet I know always want to be in the top ten, Others drool over the thought of living the luxurious life of the Military Police" pausing to allow the words to sink in "I think there's a reason why you don't want to indulge such information on your decision, I Suspect it's Ackerman" a slight glint in Alan's eyes told him a good portion of the reason.
"A part of it, sir" finally admitting part of what he wanted to keep to himself, knowing it wouldn't be good enough.
Keith smiled which was rare "Very well Braun, I accept this request, this doesn't excuse you from slacking, do the best you always do, Dismissed" Alan saluted and left, leaving Shadis to ponder on what's going through his mind, maybe he need to leave another canister out for tonight's excursion from the lad.
Night came quickly, after ODM exercise, everyone is tired and soon to be dropping quickly. Shadis made sure that they performed their best, no shortcuts and no punches pulled, he's more concerned when their training is complete, he wouldn't see half of them alive by the end of the month. But that is the life of a soldier, especially the mortality rate of the survey corps. He respects anyone who joins up with them, knowing they be going to their deaths.
The moon shine through the curtains in the girl's dorm, all sleeping and some snoring.
Mikasa laid there, unmoving, not willing to go to sleep, she calmly listens to the silence around her, closing her eyes she can hear the faint crunches of the ground, knowing who they belong to, her heart and mind fighting with each other, each time her mind emerging victorious. Clutching to the scarf, her eyes shut tight fighting the war within her, until something that was said by Eren earlier that day "Don't wait Mikasa, the longer you leave it, the more likely it be too late" He's right of course, the longer she left it the more she noticed Alan is just drifting away from her. Opening her eye's she willed herself to get of bed, silently and quickly changing into the uniform they wore since the beginning, creeping outside to see the silhoute peering into the ODM storage building.
Her hearts pounding but thought of a way to break the ice. Creeping to the doorway she waited as Mikasa hears the man equipping the ODM to himself, Mikasa always wonders why he does this every other night but ever since they returned from the previous camp he's been doing less than before. The sound of the creaking door drawn her attention, now face to face to the man, his face widened in shock, not expecting her of all people to stand before him, his words stutter unable to form, 'Cute' Mikasa thought, cheeks reddened at the endearing sight.
"Mind if I join?" which to her pleasure took the man even more by surprised, as if asking why she wants to join him "I just want to know, why you do this? Is its extra training?" Mikasa inquired, receiving a defeated sigh.
"No, not training" simply staring at her, causing her cheeks to flush, not responding to his answer, the situation feeling awkward that he been caught. "I just do this to feel"
'Yeah that explains a lot stupid' Alan thought to himself, just looking at Mikasa grey eye's, interested yet conflicted, made his heart skip a beat, he couldn't turn her away but yet unsure if she could understand his view.
"Remember that chase a year ago" Mikasa began, bringing him out of his thoughts "You look like, you was enjoying it, the way your relaxed and the when you burst through the top of those tree's it's like you was free of something" waiting for him to register on the day she was referring to, until it sunken in with a nod of confirmation "I want you to teach me that"
That's a surprising turn of events, Alan was unsure how to take it all in, how could he teach how to feel the wind caressing his cheeks and the feeling in being free, like a bird, uncaring of what's going on below them. "It's something I can't teach through words" he began, seeing the sparkle in her eye's and her smile grew 'GAH MY HEART'.
Motioning her to the equipment inside, he noticed there was a second pair of filled gas canisters lying there as if… His mind wondered to Shadis, it's as if the guy had a gut feeling he need to have an extra pair, no can't be. Watching her equipping the gear to her waist, her curves hugging, no, no, shaking his head, to Mikasa perspective she he looked immersed in her sight, missing the blush on her cheeks and her awareness. Now geared up she waited.
"What now?" her eye's giving a spark of interest and attention, yearning to feel how he feels every time he uses it, to her it's gear that must be masterfully used, keeping mind on the gas consumption, hoping it doesn't malfunction during their flight, yet when Mikasa looks at how Alan does it, it is like he isn't thinking of that, it's like he's more relaxed when in the air as if it's domain and no one can stop him, yet a comfort to him as if he is free as the birds he glides with.
Clearing his throat Alan looked at the tree's and back to Mikasa "Just fly, and don't think about it" simply stating like it's obvious.
"Is that it?" disbelief etched across her face, receiving a sheepish grin, "Isn't it dangerous to not think on what you doing?"
Groaning "It sound better in my head, Just feel, just let your body, your instincts take over, forget your mind, that is what causes all the problems" with that he took flight, Mikasa dumbfoundedly watch him fly with little to no explanation.
Breathing in deeply, she closes her eyes, trying not to think, allowing her blood to rush and her heart beat steady, until then she opens her eyes and sooner realise she's zipping through the tree's, unaware that she already took flight, feeling the breeze caress her cheek, she allowed her hips to thrust to the direction of her desire, using the momentum to swerve pass the tree's, seeing Alan close by watching her intently, smiling. As he moved forward, Mikasa flying nearby, she felt lighter and stronger as she manoeuvre around, surprised at how easily she caught up to him, it's feels like she isn't wearing any gear as she glides through the tree's, closing her eyes she can imagine wings appearing on her arms as she soared through the air, she can feel his presence nearby egging her to follow, watching him go through the tree tops, she followed, as she breached the top layer her eye's widened at the full moon, and the stars shining above, the tree's below her as she feels something, as if she were free. Allowing her instincts, she twist her body narrowly missing the thick branches below, seeing Alan perched on one of them, she made her way to him, out of breath from the view and exhilaration she experienced.
Breathing, heart pounding "That was, that was incredible" the words escaping her mouth, unable to trust the heart with in, her amusement Alan just simply chuckled.
"Told you it's something I can't really teach through words" Alan gazing to the distance "follow me, I have something to show you" soon zipping away, Mikasa unable to recover took speed, until they entered a clearing as they landed rolling over their shoulder and back on their feet.
Her eye's shocked from the view of the far Lake with the waterfall crashing from the rocks towering over it, seeing the reflection of the moon dancing as the water ripples from the fall. The tree's swaying as the wind gently blew over, the shadows dance around the two as if only light can touch them. Soon seeing Alan removing his Gear and simply sitting there, watching with a content expression. Doing the same she too stripped of all gear and sat close to him.
Silence placed over them, no awkwardness, no nothing, just peaceful content as they watch the view. 'There is true beauty in the world' Mikasa smiled at the thought seeing Alan unsheathing the knife from his leg, having a closer look she can see markings on the blade that she does not recognised, it's curved edge sharp as if a simple slice can kill a man.
"It belongs to my father" awakening her from her gaze, to see his eyes only staring at it, with such sorrow and anger.
"You never mentioned him" Mikasa stoically said, the air tensed as if knowing the next question will come "What happened to him?"
A pregnant pause was only received as if Mikasa can see the conflict battling inside him, handing over the knife as if handing over something dearly precious "He was eaten by a titan" that's all he could say before returning to his thoughts.
Mikasa carefully examined the blade before him, knowing that only he wields it and touched that he allowed her to handle it. Even Reiner never touched it and he was his brother not in blood. Her heart swelled at the thought she was touching something no one had the privilege to, now looking up to his piercing dark blue eyes, his eyes questioning, his eyes conflicted. Returning the blade, eyes never leaving his.
Still conflict danced in the dark blue, unsure how to proceed.
Pulling up her courage, she moved closer, cupping her hand into his cheek, brining him closer, yearning for something she always wanted, connecting the lips once more as she moaned into his touch as his hand moves to the back of her neck, words she needed to say, was put into this kiss, moving her body pressing against his as she straddled him, until she gasped from breath, flustered at her boldness.
Alan's eyes blinked, unable to form the words, his heart leapt in joy feeling that kiss was not a lustful one, but something that he been denying for a long while, her eyes gazing into his, the loving smile crept on her face. His blood quietened the beast inside him caged, unwilling.
"How long?" Alan asked, unsure of the answer.
"Ever since you been my first" Mikasa whispered, diving in for another kiss, with Alan accepting it with open arms. Blushing at her choice of words. Delighted to know that Mikasa gave her first kiss, he half expected Eren to already acquired it yet he's happy that he's the one to obtain something so special.
The night stilled in the air, as time passed, they were content to lie next to each other in bliss. Mikasa pressing herself against is as she snuggled into his neck.
Alan gazed to the stars above, his face now conflicted with the actions that has been done at this moment. Frowning to the thought he looked to the raven beauty snuggling beside him, unwilling to let go. He wanted to ask, to hear her answer in words, even though she shown it through action.
"Mikasa?" receiving a low hum "What are your feelings towards me?" only for her head raise in question, leaning to one side, trying to understand why, only to conclude he wanted words as well, 'He truly never experienced such love' she only felt it with Eren, but after Alan telling her about the blade that everyone questions about she understood that like her, had a hole in her that couldn't be filled.
"You make me feel free" she began "You filled something inside of me that I feel whole, no longer empty" smiling to assure him that it wasn't lust, his features relaxed giving a rare smile of his own.
"Same to you as well" before planting another bliss to her lips.
Hearing those words, is what he wanted. There's no need to say those three words, with that he's content with.
Time past until they decide to return, replacing the gear back into the storage, he walked her to the girl's barracks, a hungry pause stopped her from leaving as she wrapped her arms around him into an embrace, unwilling to depart, but feelings sunk that it wouldn't last. Mikasa planted her lips onto his, wanting it to be the last thing she done before retiring for the night. Smiling as he watched her curves enter through the door.
Alan smiled, now walking back to the barracks until stopping in his tracks facing Eren. 'How long has he been waiting there?' his eye raised.
"Eren? Up and early, are we? What's the weather forecast today?" He joked, unsure how Eren would react that he now got together with his sister.
Walking in a slight fidget, Eren emeralds not leaving his Dark Blues "How was Mikasa?" he finally asked, Alan's stomach dropped, unsure how to respond.
"I saw you two fly away and I'm hoping that you finally got it out in the open?" Eren is amused to finally see the Stone man showing discomfort under him, he shall treasure this rare event.
"Erm, err, we didn't do what Garrus did" Alan blurted out, Eren certainly hoped not, he would have to kill him if that was the case.
"But you admitted to each other?" taking in satisfaction that he's looking at Alan's face like he's a deer in front of an arrow.
"Is it that obvious?" Alan muttered receiving a nodding smile, ok he's expecting it "Wait you didn't put a bet on us, did you?" raising a chuckle out of Eren.
"No bets, I just want her to be happy. I'm happy for both you and Mikasa" Eren turning to head back in "Just one thing, don't hurt her or I be forced to beat the shit out of you" half-jokingly and half serious on his announcement.
Taking that as Eren's blessing he chuckled "I doubt you have the chance after Mikasa finishes with me" Alan joked returning to his bed.
Eren frowned, now that Mikasa finally confessed to him and the feelings returned, he's now worried what would happen to them when they graduate, knowing he wants to join the survey corps, Mikasa would follow him. Alan might follow as well, shaking his head at the thought, at least there's happiness in Mikasa that he couldn't give. It's like they was born at the right moment for their paths to cross, to fill the emptiness that only they can fill.
Resting his head knowing that some beauty was formed in the night.
AN: Sorry for the pause of update, needed a break and inspiration to form this chapter down to the point I'm satisfied with it. Enjoy this chapter :)