A.N. This was supposed to be a one shot, but I was asked to fill in some pieces along the way .. it's been awhile since I've written anything, so I hope it's okay. Love to all .. ~

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The birds are sweetly chirping. It's the first thing she hears as her eyes open and her vision takes in the early morning shadows that filter across the bedroom. Emma is snuggled up behind her. She can feel fingertips brushing up against the skin of her back. They had both fallen asleep naked and sated. She sighs as she stretches her limbs along the cool fabric of their bed sheets. The weight of the day is already staking its claim on her and she begins to take deep controlled breaths. Feeling the air fill her lungs and then slowly exhale out again. She's making the presence of her senses ground her, just like she had been taught all those years ago. A coping mechanism. And it works.. usually.

Three hundred and sixty four days, she is okay. Has been for awhile now. It's just that one day that still has the power to crush her. If she had magic she would simply wish that day away. Those moments. But there is no magic. So, she warriors on. Each year. Emma and Henry in their own special way help. Henry is unaware of what this day implies but Emma knows. Emma knows everything.

Four years ago ...

Tonight is the night. Regina has set it all in motion and she is surprised how smoothly it seems to be going. There is no heavy pit in her stomach, no second guessing which leads to talking herself out of it. No internal struggle. She is finally ready. She just hopes Emma is. She knows Emma has been treating her with kid gloves and it has led to fights and misplaced anger. She fears it will be the end of them before they were even able to fully start a life together. She coiffed up her hair, fluffing it quickly as she hears Emma calling for her from downstairs. She smiles at her reflection, taking in her figure that is accentuated within the confines of a pretty light blue sundress. The blue makes her brown eyes sparkle even darker, a play on colors she can't help but think as her smile grows wider before she turns and skips down the stairs barefoot.

Emma is rounding the corner as she meets the bottom step and she can't help but smirk as she watches Emma's eyes widen and a light blush graces fair skin. She can see the sprinkle of freckles on those cheeks and she feels her stomach flip. At work, Emma wears concealer, but alone here with Regina, her face is bare and just perfect. Regina sighs and takes that final step down as Emma comes forward and hugs her. Strong arms squeeze her just right as she feels Emma's lips brush against her ear. "Hi .. " That one soft word gets whispered against her skin and she feels her heart melt and rush up inside her chest all at once.

"Hmm, Hi, yourself." She leans back and captures Emma's lips in a lingering kiss that's filled with a promise for something more as she pulls Emma along into the kitchen. Their dinner is waiting.

~sqsqsqsq~

The evening was going wonderful until it wasn't. They were sitting on the couch, sipping wine, talking, flirting with a dash of banter mixed in, their own unique recipe of chemistry. She made the first move, signalling to Emma that it's okay. She wants more. So, Emma kisses her. Deeply. Consuming, soulful kisses. But it's not enough. More, please, Regina's eyes plead. So, Emma pulls Regina onto her lap. Hands slip over flesh, fingers squeeze, roam, dance.

Still not enough as Regina whispers, "More .."

Emma's light eyes question the request but Regina doesn't give her time to voice any concerns as she lays down on the couch pulling Emma with her. She is kissing Emma one moment and then as she feels Emma pressing down on top of her, it's suddenly not okay anymore. Because it's not Emma's weight on her, it's his. It's not Emma's soft touch ghosting along her inner thigh, it's his. And she is screaming and crying all at once as she feels Emma jump off and try to calm her down. She hears the whispers of love and apologies all mixed up within the same syllables. Her heart is racing cold and she hears herself screaming, "Don't touch me."

And through the tears she takes in Emma's face and her eyes lock onto one freckled cheek which has blood running down it. A jagged red line and Regina is snapped back to the present as she inches forward and cups Emma's face between her palms.

"I hurt you .. I'm so sorry .. Em - "

"It's just a scratch, Regina. It's okay." Emma slips out of her touch and stands up. "I'm gonna go make some hot cocoa do you want - "

"Don't do that." Regina scoffs and stands up, picking up a throw pillow and tossing it back onto the couch. "Don't pretend this can be glossed over with a damn cup of cocoa, Emma." She crosses her arms in front of herself and Emma looks away but Regina sees the tears glistening just the same. "This isn't okay. It's not normal, I'm not normal."

"Don't say that." Emma whispers and quickly wipes her cheeks, wincing as her hand brushes against the scratch. "You're putting too much pressure on yourself to .. to do this." She motions between the two of them before continuing, "It's okay not to be ready to be intimate, Regina. It's not a weakness."

"It's been almost a year Emma. Ten months." She begins to cry again. She can't help it. The tears fall, ungracefully. "And, it's not just that. I hurt you. I'm making you sad, cry."

"I'm sad and crying because you are sad and crying. And I love you." Emma opens her arms and Regina falls into them. Into Emma. She weeps against her and Emma holds her tight.

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"So, last night didn't go as planned?" Dr. Hopper quickly wipes his glasses against the edge of his shirt before placing them back onto his face.

Regina answers with a scoff. "It was horrible."

"And Emma?"

"Is a god damn Saint." She shakes her head and fights back the tears before saying, "I'm gonna lose her. She's gonna .. leave."

"She loves you, Regina. Like, love loves you."

"For now." She mumbles as her eyes glisten once more.

"What was the trigger?"

Regina reaches over and grabs a tissue before she whispers, "Emma's weight." It's all she discloses but it's enough. Dr. Hopper doesn't need more information than that to decipher the scene that led to the abrupt ending of the night before.

"Emma says, I'm putting too much pressure on myself."

"Well, you are." He nods in agreement.

Her brown eyes widen and she grabs another tissue before dabbing at them. "I want to be able to have sex with Emma. Is that too much to wish for?" She stands up and begins pacing around the small office. "That bastard wins all over again every time I can't. He is still controlling my life. I want to rip his heart out and crush it." She crumples up the tissues into her fist.

~sqsqsqsq~

"How did today's session go?" Emma asks while twirling up some spaghetti onto her fork.

"Dr. Hopper thinks I should look into some form of physical activity, like kick boxing or something to channel what he calls, my 'inner rage'." Regina casually shrugs at the idea but she had already started googling places after arriving home from her appointment.

Emma smiles with encouragement before pushing her plate away. Regina feels Emma staring at her as she looks up from her own plate, swallowing a mouthful of pasta. She quickly dabs her mouth with a napkin and braces herself with what Emma is going to say next. She has her serious face on and Regina can't help but think this is the moment that Emma has decided to end things once and for all.

"What is it, Emma?"

Emma takes a sip of her water before she takes a breath and says, "Well, Henry's school term will be done soon, it will be summer and I thought, we should discuss moving."

It was something Regina had brought up months ago, right in the aftermath of the attack but then Henry had started the school year and somehow moving away was brushed aside.

"We could put the house on the market, move and rent something until it sells. Afterwards, we could buy a house. Maybe, upstate New York .. New Hampshire .. not too far away from Maine, but enough to .. I don't know .. "

"Start over." Regina smiles and takes a sip of her wine. "Hmm, I think upstate New York sounds promising. We could go into the city at times .. Henry would love that."

"And he is starting to show interest in film making .. New York offers one of the best film schools." Emma smiles and Regina reaches across the table to clasp her hand.

"You want to buy a house with me?" Regina asks with a teasing gaze.

Emma blushes and smiles all at once while she squeezes Regina's fingers back. "Yes."

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The next few months fly by. Emma's mission was to be moved and away from Storybrooke before the one year anniversary. She knew that day would be bad enough for Regina to get through and she was hoping some distance and some fresh surroundings would help. And it did. Regina was quiet and withdrawn but by dinnertime and after a Skype appointment with Dr. Hopper, her eyes sparkled with lightness again. And Emma felt her heart relax down to a steady thump thump.

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They make love on the anniversary of the night Emma had kissed her for the first time. Sitting on the bench, holding hands under the night sky. It's one of Regina's favorite moments with Emma. It was within that moment she had felt love and hope fill her up again. So, one year later, curled up inside another moment in time, Regina feels that same love and hope swirl up and wrap around herself and Emma. It wasn't planned. She was wearing ripped jeans and one of Emma's t shirts. She had taken up drawing, and when Emma had walked into her make shift studio, specks of paint were streaked along one of her cheeks. Emma had laughed while wiping it away and then they were kissing. Playful at first. A nip here. A nip there. And then, one by one clothes were discarded. There was no thinking. No planning ahead. It was just them inside a sun kissed room. Sharing in each other.

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"If all of the strength and all of the courage .. come and lift me from this place .. I know I can love you much better than this .. full of grace .."

- Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan