When the night will begin
The pain it won't end, even if she falls in love
Back, you wanna turn back
Your heart will attack, even if she falls in love
Try to look in her eyes
The light is just right, even if she falls in love
And it isn't so bad
It's driving you mad, even if she falls in love

- Blink-182 - Even If She Falls -

All caught up in the way we were
I feel your hands getting close to mine
Don't say the words that I love to hear
The beat goes on and I close my eyes
I was young, didn't know 'bout love
You were wild, couldn't get enough
Let's leave things the way they were
You'll stay with me like a lullaby

- Clean Bandit (feat. MARINA) - Baby -

She woke up in the morning tucked up against him even closer than usual, her face buried in his warm shoulder, legs tangled up with his. She didn't bother shifting, just sighed in contentment. Ford was easy to be around, but Moran just felt good to be around.

He woke a few minutes later when light from the window hit his eyes, and took note of how tangled they were. That was a bit of a balm and he squeezed her just a bit, warm under the blankets and content to keep her close for a few minutes.

She wrapped an arm around his neck, a sleepy noise escaping her. She burrowed further into him. "I can probably stay for breakfast. I'm going to even if I shouldn't."

"Okay," he said, the noise managing to drag a small smile out of him. "Sounds good to me." He wanted her to stay longer. To call Sherrinford and tell him that she was out shopping and would be back later. But that wasn't an option and he had no illusions about his personal whims mattering in the grand scheme of things.

"Cool," she murmured, then sighed, rolling away from him a little reluctantly. "I need to shower. You can come, if you want. I'm stealing your shampoo either way."

"Definitely coming," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows but sitting up next to her anyway.

She chuckled, sliding out of bed and heading lazily for the bathroom. It was nice to be back in a space that she felt safe in, one she didn't have to worry about having hidden surveillance equipment in it. "So how's Kelly holding up under the weight of my absence?" she asked, loud enough for him to hear.

"Wonderfully. Honestly I'm not even sure why we keep you around," he said sarcastically, standing and following her. "How do you think? He's set less fires than usual, admittedly, but he's too nervous about being in charge to be any good at it."

She snorted, stripping out of the few clothes she'd kept on in bed and turning on the shower. "Yeah, I'm not surprised. I'm a little surprised the building hasn't been burned down in my absence, but his grace under pressure is really just not that good."

"He really does need to work on that if he's going to get to the point of being close to useful in the field," he sighed, stripping down. "Honestly. If you couldn't keep a cool head under pressure you'd been dead so many times over. Same for me."

"No fucking kidding. I have a few people who are actually useful in the field, but none of them can fill out a sheet of paper to save their lives. There's a reason I took over the department so soon after I got here," she rolled her eyes, stepping into the shower with a quiet hiss, and fervently hoped he didn't try to 'joke' about the handprint on her hip, amongst other assorted bruises. She really had to tamp down on that a little. "The paycheck was a nice incentive, though, I'll admit it."

He nodded as he climbed in. "Got to hand it to Jim, he makes it worth the while." His eyes settled on the bruises over her body, and his gut twisted slightly. He was going to enjoy tearing into this weasel once Harrison brought him in. Those were his marks to make, not fucking Sherrinford, and seeing them there felt like a slap to the face. Which under normal circumstances, he would kill over. As it was, he stepped forward slowly, a hand covering the smaller (which gave him a tinge of pride) mark on her hip as he kissed the back of her neck.

She shivered, despite the hot water, and leaned back into him a little. "And I got to start working with you, and look how that ended up. Me, in a shower with you. That's got a few perks."

"Just a few?" he teased with a smirk, teeth scraping her skin as his lips moved forward over her shoulder.

"I may or may not have a list, but I don't think right now is the best time to go over it," she murmured, reaching up behind her to slide a hand into his wet hair. "You know my vocabulary starts to suffer when you do that thing with your teeth."

"I know. It really is entertaining," he chuckled, nipping her ear lobe and pressing his body to hers, grinding his hips against her arse just slightly.

She arched back into him, stifling a small sound, just so he didn't think it was that easy. It was, when he did it, but that was besides the point. "I hope entertaining isn't the only word for it."

"No, I think there's a few others," he sighed, biting into his lip for a moment as she pressed into him, smirking and pushing her forward just a little towards the shower wall, his free hand sliding forward across her abdomen and down her thigh.

She scraped her nails across his scalp. God, it felt good to touch him again. Ford was a handsome man, there was no doubt about it, but she didn't want to climb him like a tree like she did Sebastian.

He slid a hand between her thighs, fingers tracing soft skin, the other hand moving from her hip to wrap around her waist, holding her against him as his lips continued to trace her neck, careful for once not to leave marks.

She let out a soft moan that was almost lost in the sound of the shower, rocking back against him, one hand bracing on the wall in front of her, just in case. She didn't want a bloody nose.

He smiled, fingers brushing against her heat slowly, teasing, the arm around her waist loosening slightly, hand sliding up to massage her breasts slowly. He ground against her again and let a soft moan escape near her ear.

"I'm on the pill, you can fuck me," she breathed, shivering again as the sound of his voice sent a pulse of heat through her. His touch always felt like it was going to burn her skin in the mark of his handprint.

"Good, because the alternatives I was thinking through weren't nearly so appealing," he sighed, nipping her ear gently. He slid his fingers into her, exploring and stretching, his other hand sliding up to brush against her throat, pushing her head back enough that he could bite under her jaw.

She gasped, a pleading noise making its way out of her mouth before she could lock it down, grinding back into him in the process of trying to get a little more friction from his hand.

He groaned in her ear as she ground against him, smiling at the noise and letting out a bit of a growl as he let the heel of his palm brush against her clit. He was rock hard. It had been far too long since he'd had her like this, wrapped up in his grip, hot on his fingers.

"Fuck," she moaned, hand tightening in his hair before she had to let go to let it slap onto the tile beside her other hand, helping to keep herself from toppling over, since her legs felt like they were thinking about just giving up for a little while under his ministrations. "Sebastian."

"I missed you," he murmured in her ear. "Missed hearing you saying my name like that..." He hooked his fingers inside of her, pressing into her walls, his hand gripping her neck a bit more firmly, keeping control. "I want to be inside of you so fucking badly..."

She felt like her heart was going to hammer its way out of her chest, if not just fail entirely, need starting to build up in her, urging for more. Ford was good in bed, but Sebastian played her like a fucking instrument, left her a panting mess of want. "Fuck me, then," she gasped, arching further back into him, pushing up onto her toes, ignoring what might be considered safe shower sex. "God, Sebastian, please."

She slid upwards against him as she went up on her toes, and he groaned, not wanting to hold back further. He withdrew his fingers, both hands finding her hips. He lifted her just slightly as he lined up with her, his knees a little bent, and pushed into her with a groan of pleasure, pulling her back against him.

She muffled a cry of relief into her shoulder, dragging her nails soundlessly against the wet tiles on the wall before she realized how much she was relying on keeping herself up that way, especially with the way she was up on her toes, trying to accommodate. This wasn't ideal, but fuck if she was complaining, not when he was already filling her up, making her ache in the best possible way.

He held her hips up, giving her a little stability as he immediately began to move, his feet planted wide so as to minimize slippage on the wet shower floor. She was hot and tight around him, her body warm where it pressed against his, and he growled in pleasure as he rocked his hips against hers.

Normally she would have rocked against him as hard as she could, but now as she could do was attempt to stay still, just give him the power. Fuck, had she missed this.

He leaned forward, bracing a hand against the wall over hers, the other still holding her hips to his, the warm water making her skin slick under his as they moved, breath coming in short gasps.

She couldn't keep herself quiet, and, vaguely, hoped she was waking O'Hare up through the wall. This was what they had, and what O'Hare didn't. The thought was gone almost instantly, because Sebastian hit a particularly sensitive spot and she shouted, very nearly losing her footing before bucking back into him.

He swore as she did that, her scream sending fire along his spine. This position was becoming more and more challenging, and finally he pulled away, reaching out to turn her around almost roughly, lifting her in his arms and pushing her back against the shower wall as he slid into her again, eyes on her face as his hips locked with hers.

She adjusted, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders, nails drawing pink lines across his skin, and immediately leaned forward to kiss him, with maybe a little more teeth than necessary - she couldn't fucking control herself anymore.

He tasted blood- he wasn't sure whose- as they kissed, and it only served to spur him on, his thrusts driving her just a little further up the wall with each movement, hands gripping her arse firmly, though some part of him had enough presence of mind not to mark her too badly.

She had to break away from kissing him a few moments later, dropping her forehead to his shoulder to gasp for breath, her breath hitching as he started to drive her a little closer.

He shifted the angle he was entering her at, trying to find the spot that had made her scream again, biting into his lip to keep from biting her, grunting with exertion.

He found the spot he was looking for without too much difficulty, and she muffled her cry into the crook of his shoulder as she came, only barely remembering to hold onto him lest she start to fall, fingers scraping at his water-slicked back.

He groaned as she cried out, and kept moving, swearing under his breath as he started to get close. Christ, he'd missed her. Her fingers dug into his back and he arched slightly at the touch. "Fuck -"

She was relieved and a little thankful that he didn't drop her, still clinging to him, letting him wind down on his own time. She might have tried to get her footing, but her legs were telling her they weren't sure they were ready, so she decided not to risk it.

He panted quietly for air as his body slowly relaxed, and gently set Lorna down, still offering support as her knees wobbled slightly. He pressed his forehead to the shower wall beside hers. "Christ, I missed that."

"Me too," she replied, a little winded. "I.. wasn't sure you would."

"Why in hell would you doubt that?" he asked with a smirk, straightening slowly and stepping under the hot water to rinse off.

"You've always been kind of big on the personal space," she shrugged, ducking under after him. "There was a chance you could have considered this a little vacation."

"Yeah, well, you don't count, apparently," he muttered, stepping back and leaning against the tile.

"I'm.. well. I guess we're both a lot of exceptions for the other," she said quietly, turning and grabbing his shampoo, partially because she liked the smell of it, and partially because she needed Ford to notice it.

He nodded a little, barely acknowledging that comment. It was pushing an unspoken line.

She fell silent after that, because she wasn't stupid. She knew better than even look at the walls he had up.

He got out of the shower a few minutes later, drying off and walking back into his room. Lorna's phone was blinking. "Your boyfriend's concerned," he said, not even bothering to check the message.

She sighed, drying off her hair with one hand and sending back an apologetic text about a family emergency with the other. "I should get going before he really gets his panties in a bunch."

"Too much information about his undergarment preferences, not that that's very surprising," he smirked, pulling on an undershirt.

She chuckled, shaking her head as she dropped the phone on the bed and started getting back into her clothes from the night before. "He's into some pretty freaky shit, I don't know if I'd be surprised if that turned out to be one of them. Hey, I'll try to visit again in a few days, yeah? Maybe I can swing this 'I'm in debt' sham by the middle of next week."

"Don't rush it," he warned. "If you blow this, you're screwed. But you know what you're doing." He waved off the conversation and headed into the kitchen to start making breakfast.

She really did. Ford was almost shockingly easy. Their history had made things even smoother than she could have hoped for, despite Ford's constant suspicion. She wandered out into the kitchen a few minutes later, looking just a little rumpled.

He passed her a plate with an omelet and sausage. "If you get in trouble at some point, don't hesitate to call extraction."

She nodded, sitting down at the table. "I won't. I value the state my ass is in far too much to risk it."

"Good. Because I would be exceedingly annoyed at you if you decided to play things risky," he muttered, walking over with his own plate.

"I guess I won't point out that sometimes that's what I have to do, because you made me an omelet and I have an appreciation for the culinary arts," she hummed, already half through said omelet. She flashed him a grin.

"Exceedingly annoyed," he repeated, shooting her a glare, the corner of his mouth twitching just slightly upwards.

"I get it, I get it. I'll keep my ass in tip-top shape," she smirked, forking another bite of omelet into her mouth to keep herself from laughing.

"Good," he muttered, starting to eat his own omelet. "If you start laughing I'm going to stab you, also."

She swallowed her bite and then clapped her hand over her mouth, immediately getting out of her chair and trotting out of the room. He could hear muffled laughter coming from the bedroom.

He rolled his eyes, finishing his food and letting her have her laugh. "You'd better go back to your lover soon," he called, rolling his eyes. "He's probably pining."

She came back into the kitchen, wiping her eyes, and wolfed down the rest of her food before nodding. "Yeah, yeah, I should," she agreed, rounding the table to bend down and give him a kiss. "I'll see you in a few days, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding and swallowing a sigh. "Don't get killed."

"I won't. Seeya," she waved, and in the next moment, was out the door.

He watched the door close, then stood, walking across to the liquor cabinet to pull out a bottle of whiskey. He needed at least a drink before work.

Lorna slipped back into Ford's apartment 25 minutes later, knocking on the door as she opened. "You uh, you home?"

He stood from the couch as soon as she entered. "Lorna," he said, looking relieved. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry," she huffed, raking a hand through her hair. "My brother kinda- ugh, he's so stupid, I'm just... Christ, sorry, I really should have said something to you last night, I'm sorry if I worried you."

"No, it's fine, I just got home and you weren't here... That sounds really creepy. I'm sorry." He gave her a small smile. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Oh, my brother just made me an omelet. Thank you, though," she smiled warmly, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek and giving him a one-armed hug. "Now, I really gotta get out of these clothes, I've been wearing them all night."

He nodded a little, taking in her odd smell but figuring she'd probably borrowed her brother's soap. "What happened, anyway? With your brother. It doesn't seem like you to get rattled."

"Someone who he owed money to came around last night," she shook her head, slipping past him towards the bedroom. "He needed my help negotiating for an extension. Eric. Don't know where he got his brains from," she shook her head, ignoring the slight pang she felt. She'd killed him herself, without a thought, to save Sebastian. She didn't regret it, but she mourned the fact that he had been so foolish, so arrogant.

He paused a moment, surprised. "I thought you said you lost your brother?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her retreating back. "Sorry if I'm wrong, I'm sure I'm just confused..."

"Hm? No, I don't think so. You sure it was me?" she shrugged, passing into the bedroom, mentally checking over the things she'd said. She knew that Eric's death had never reached the police, let alone the papers, and she was almost certain that she'd never made such a slip. Had she gotten really drunk one night, or had he done some looking into her?

"Must not have been. Sorry," he said, heading into the kitchen to make himself a bagel. "Glad he's okay."

"Yeah, me too," she called, then came back out a moment later, looking much more put-together. "Really sorry, again, I should have called or something. Not used to having to make sure someone's not worrying."

"It's fine, really. I'm not mad," he said, giving her a smile. "I'm just paranoid."

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't be the first boyfriend," she snorted, leaning against the counter. Then her eyes grew a little wider. "Ah, if that's what this is. I didn't mean to label, it's just, ah- my brother saw you messaging and he jokingly said... Forget about it."

He glanced over at her, surprised, but then smiled. "I could see being your boyfriend. If you were interested in that sort of thing."

She rubbed the back of her neck, looking a little sheepish. "I, um.. could make an exception for you."

He laughed, gave her a broad smile, eyes light. "Well, I am pretty damn exceptional," he said with a wink, turning around as his bagel popped up. "Am I your boyfriend, then? Is there a ceremony for exceptions? Do you have to knight me or anything?"

"Okay, don't push your luck, just take your damn title with grace," she replied curmudgeonly, though she was smiling anyway. "Eat your fucking bagel."

"Does this mean you're my girlfriend or do I have to fill out a form?" he asked innocently, smiling at her as he buttered his bagel.

She lifted up her shirt, showing him his handprint on her hip, and smirked. "You mean that form?"

"Oh, that's right, you already got my fingerprint," he smirked, picking up his bagel and taking a bite, leaning back against the counter. "Seems we're all set then."

"Yeah, we are," she snorted, still looking a little embarrassed. That was one hurdle cleared. Now to start reeling him in.

A week and a half later, she collapsed on Moran's sofa. Tomorrow she was planning to reveal she was 'in debt', and she needed to stay away for the night. Plus, it was nice to see him, even if he was a little draining.

Moran came in an hour or so later, stiffening as he saw someone on his couch, gun instantly in hand, before relaxing when he saw it was Harrison. "He finally let you out of bed, then?" he smirked, tucking his gun away and stepping inside, shutting the door.

She groaned. "No, he finally let me leave his sight. He always has new things he wants to do. Like, taking me places. Not just the bed stuff. Though the taking me places also now involves taking me places, so still no, no beds."

"My my, aren't we the adventurous lovebirds," he snorted. "Next you'll tell me you tried it with the lights on." He headed for the liquor cabinet. "You want a drink?"

"Yes," she replied simply, unsurprised by his lack of sympathy. She wasn't even sure why she told him these things anymore. "Something strong, please."

He returned with the bottle of bourbon he was currently working his way through, pouring them both a glass. "How's the operation going?"

"It's alright. He still doesn't trust me where it counts, which is frustrating, but there's nothing I can do to speed that up," she sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "If tomorrow doesn't loosen him up the rest of the way I don't know what to do. We might have to bring him in early, in some mockup. Make him think I'm getting beat up in the other room, too. Maybe then he'll be willing to spill something."

"Then we'll do that. We can be flexible, that isn't a problem," he said. He downed his glass in a few sips and reached out to fill it again, sitting back to take this one more slowly.

She did the same as soon as he put down the bottle. She wanted to get a little tipsy before she went to bed. It usually meant she slept a little more deeply. "How's it going around here? Jim getting back to his old self?"

"Getting there, slowly and angrily," he snorted. "But everything else has been running fine. Kelly is- very slowly- becoming less useless. No fires this week at all, which I think breaks even your record."

She chuckled, sipping from her drink and then resting it on her thigh. "Hey, look. If we do have to do the mockup, don't tear into Ford too bad. He's not a prick like his brothers, he's alright. Just on the wrong side."

He looked up at her sharply, jaw tightening as he scrutinized her expression for a few moments. He sat back, eyes still on her as he took a slow sip of bourbon. "Is that so?" he asked quietly.

She noticed his change in mood immediately. Of course she did; she spent all her time trying to manipulate men into doing what she wanted. But if she backpedaled too much, she thought somehow he would try to spin it against her. "He's just, you know, not fucking terrible," she shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek. "Ah, just forget I said anything, okay?"

"No, no, this is an interesting line of conversation," he said, unmoving except for a slow rubbing of his finger along the rim of his glass. "How easy should I take it? Would you prefer if we just chatted over drinks? Maybe I could take him dancing."

She shifted, a little uncomfortably. "You know that's not what I meant. I mean, you know, not fucking cutting out his tongue or some shit, alright?"

"That would be very unhelpful by way of extracting information," he pointed out dryly, taking a sip of the liquor. "What's his best quality? His eyes? His attention to detail? Does he compliment your shoes?"

She grit her teeth. So he was determined to make this difficult. It's probably the way he can let shit go. "Can we talk about something else, or are you set on making this unpleasant?"

"I'm sorry I'm so hard to be around," he snorted, smirking a little. "I'm just surprised. Never thought I'd see the day you plead a case, especially not to me."

She was silent for a good minute, a muscle in her jaw jumping as she tried to think of a way to resolve this without blood being spilled. Because he was fucking right; he was hard to be around, he was hard to talk to, even at the best of times. Finally, she set her glass on the table and stood, looking down at him with thinly veiled anger. "I said, forget that I said anything. I'll just sleep in my flat tonight. Goodnight, Moran," she said coldly, and turned for the door. If he tried to stop her she wasn't sure she could keep herself from hitting him.

"Why bother staying here at all?" he asked as she turned away. "No need to sell him a lie. You're head over heels. Here I was worried he wouldn't trust you, but low and behold. Go back to him. I'm sure no one will mind if you play this one a little longer so you can protect your precious Sherry."

She turned back to him, not bothering to hide her anger anymore, grinding her teeth together until it hurt. "What the fuck do you want from me? What? Because god forbid you tell me, right? Would that just be too easy for you, fucking speaking your mind instead of this sarcastic shit you throw at me every time you have some problem that isn't immediately resolved with rank?" she hissed, barely keeping herself from raising her voice, hands curled into fists at her side. "What do you fucking want?"

He set his drink aside, standing slowly, looking down at her. "Speaking of rank," he said calmly, coldly. "It would be inadvisable for you not to repeat that little display. And what I want, Harrison, is for you to do your job, without getting emotionally invested, and without attempting to dictate how I run my operation because you enjoy sucking the mark's dick. Are we clear?"

She let out a harsh laugh, putting her hands on her hips and looking up at the ceiling for a moment, shaking her head. "And there you go, fucking doing it again," she snapped, not an ounce of humor left in her voice. "What the fuck are you going to do to me, at this point, Moran? Are you going to kill me? Because you already tried," she spat, jutting her chin up so he could see the thin scars that crossed her throat. "Are you going to call this, whatever the fuck this is, off? You and I both know that no matter what the fuck you do to me I'll come crawling back in two months, and because you like how I suck dick, you're going to take me back. We're fucking stuck like this. So pull your fucking head out of your ass and let me know what the hell you want from me, because obviously this isn't it. Doing my job isn't it."

"You aren't doing your job," he said, eyes cold, anger thrumming loud just below the surface, straightening his body, tensing muscles, ready to strike. "You're compromised. You care about him."

"Yeah, I do," she replied harshly, "I do. He's the only friend I've ever fucking had. I knew him during the same time DeWitt was singlehandedly turning me into the thing you see before you today. I don't know if I would have made it through that period of my life without Ford there, keeping me grounded. So I care, okay? I care. But that doesn't mean I'm not doing my job. I know that what I'm doing is going to hurt him, and do you see me slowing down? I am fucking speeding up. YOU told me to slow down. I want this job to be over, Sebastian. I want it to be behind me. Because I care about him and because I care about you, arsehole that you are."

"I dare you," he said suddenly, firmly, eyes lighting up a little with angry, malicious excitement. "I dare you to tell me exactly the extent of your feelings for him." He had no doubt of what she was going to respond, and it was so vindicating to finally have her.

She opened her mouth and shut a few times before she could work out any words. When she finally spoke, all the anger had drained out of her, and she was quiet, and tired. "I think if things had ended up differently, I could have loved him. But I don't. I'm not delusional. If he knew who I really was, what I was really doing, he'd put me away without a second thought." She let out a long sigh, shaking her head just a little. "Sebastian, I... Christ. I love you, you fucking moron."

It was only years of training that kept his face expressionless. He blinked once, taking in her expression, his breaths slow, even.

Fuck.

That was the first word that came to mind, and it seemed appropriate. He was in so much deeper than he'd imagined. Jealousy was one thing, but this threw everything to the complete opposite end of the court.

"Get out." His voice was as expressionless as his face.

She turned and left immediately, wordlessly, with no hesitation, not even hurt or surprised. She'd known as soon as the words had left her mouth that this would happen, but the alternative had seemed just so much worse. He'd pushed her to this. She crossed the hall and slipped back into her apartment, and started getting ready for bed.

He stood where he was for a moment, before walking over to the couch and picking up the bottle of bourbon, foregoing the glass as he took a long sip. He didn't have to report in for almost ten hours. That was plenty of time to get completely shit-faced and sleep most of it off. He'd found in the last month that he worked better on a slight buzz anyway.

I get a little bit Genghis Khan
I don't want you to get it on
With nobody else but me

- Miiike Snow - Genghis Khan -

The distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

- Fall Out Boy - HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T -