She Knew
Chapter 9
She couldn't take much more. She knew that. He had taken her to her limit and she knew he knew that.
Charles was there, and he was being purposely cruel with her. He had taken over and was consuming her again. She knew the battle was lost. That she was lost.
She knew she had to give in, and she knew she had to succumb. Yet despite it all she knew she wanted this little bit of pleasure to last. To go on. To never end.
Her confession. Her declaration of love she knew would make him happy. That it would make her happy to admit the truth, but beyond that she didn't know. She didn't know how they would start again. How they would do it properly.
Thankfully though she didn't have to know because Charles did. He commanded it all. They slipped back into an old familiar routine, and she resisted none of it.
He had held her in his arms for minutes. Allowing his breathing to steady and her arms to hold him even tighter. Not believing what he had heard, asking her to repeat the words again and again. She was only too happy to do so, once she had said them she found it hard to stop. Gaining as much happiness from it as he was. At one stage Molly doubted if she could have let him go, but she did.
He kissed her briefly. Looked into her uncertain but pleading eyes, and then he began. He walked them over to the bedroom. Never once saying a word and then he stood in front of her and kissed her again. A kiss she knew she'd remember till her dying day.
It was tender, and was his promise to her. No more hurt. She knew though she needed more. She knew she had his heart. She knew she had his love, but she now knew following the gentleness of it all she now wanted his body. She wanted his body in a way that she had wanted it since their very first time.
He laughed as she tore at his clothes, as she manipulated him to her will. But she was no match for him. She knew she was losing the battle.
Always a considerate love maker he wasn't willing to have their first time since she said that she loved him to be rushed. And so he resisted the intense coupling she frantically wanted and he took control.
He teased her. He touched every part of her body and caressed her. His fingers dance and twirled across her sensitive zones in the practiced way she had forgotten. He had tried over the past ten months to make love to her, but she had always refused. She hadn't wanted any more intimacy than a quick but satisfying knee trembler from him. But now she knew she couldn't impose her wants on him. Now she knew he was the pace setter in this and he wanted to savour every moment of her.
He drank her in. He absorbed the smiles and words of love he elicited from her mouth. He delighted in the way her body trembled under him and couldn't resist in exploring his. She saw the pleasure she gave him with her kisses, her strokes, her responses and she loved it. She knew she had waited so long to feel so loved by him again that now she was, she didn't want it to end. Now there was total open honesty between them again and she wanted to savour it too.
Yes this was torture. His skill at bringing her to the edge of ecstasy had always been there, but tonight it was undeniable. He refused to push her over the edge. He rolled his body over hers; he dipped his tongue to taste her and he fulfilled her to the point of maddening wanting. He was perfect. He was everything she had missed and had always wanted, and he was hers once again.
She had everything that she wanted...apart from that mind blowing orgasm that she desperately chased.
"Charles. Please." She begged as she watch his head dip and sip below her navel to her core. "Please."
The chuckle he gave her could only make her smile despite it all. It was a sound she had loved and missed. It was a sound she had lost all those years ago. A sound of his total happiness.
"You struggling there a bit Dawes." He rested his head on her stomach as he looked at her with moistened lips and gleaming eyes.
"I just want too. You know?" She moved her head to the side and bit her lip. He knew she still felt embarrassed explaining her needs to him even after all these years.
He saw her flush and moved up to be level with her face.
"Molly." He whispered as he traced her face with his fingers. "Tell me."
She scrunched her eyes tight and nodded. She knew she had to.
"I want you. All of you. Inside me. Please. I want us to come together." She turned her head and eventually looked at him.
"No ladies first?" He smirked as he started to shift. Responding to the very definite shake of her head.
She accepted his body as it moved over hers. She knew they liked many differing positions, but she also knew when it came to making love the standard missionary position was always his favourite.
"You do." He kissed her. "Have me. All of me."
"I know." She pulled him towards her and arched as he entered her. Letting out a satisfied groan as he did. She knew there were fewer things in life she enjoyed more that to feel the fullness of him inside of her.
"I love you Molly Dawes." He forced out with stuttered breath as he increased his rhythm inside of her.
"I love you too." She cried out and she knew they'd be the last coherent words she'd be able to utter for a while as the ecstasy and pleasure finally shuddered through both their bodies.
This was how it should be. How it was meant to be.
She was always a restless sleeper. She knew that.
She tossed and turned constantly. She had even fallen out, to her great embarrassment, of an Army cot once when on a training manoeuvre. She knew though that although he suffered he never once genuinely complained about it. He never really moaned about her fidgeting, blanket stealing, nocturnal antics. That he put up with them and because he did, and he did so once again she knew he loved her.
Last night was no exception to her restlessness, even worse than normal. Molly had a lot on her mind and a small human growing inside of her who was furnace like in it presence.
So Molly's nights were now a battle between being too hot and being too cold. Yet still he stayed, and still he said nothing.
He'd stayed with her a lot recently. Any excuse. Finding it hard to stay away since that day she had told him that she loved him. Had told him that she wanted him back in her life. Told him never to hurt her again. Now he came to see her often. Any excuse. Days off, time owing, meetings in the area. They all saw him driving up to see her, turning up, usually unexpectedly on her door step.
She knew that each time he did she loved it, and she also knew that even though he did too, he was also doing it to make sure. To make sure she didn't change her mind about them, about him. She knew it would take time. To build up their confidence in each other. That their new normal would have to slowly be worked out, but she also knew that they would. That step by step they would find their way.
Last night's stop over though was planned. Today was the twelve weeks scan, and he insisted that he would be there. She wouldn't have expected anything else from him. And so he came. They spent a wonderful night of reconnection and continued on the progress they made.
As she woke she knew she wasn't an attractive, just like in the movies type of person to wake up to. Molly wasn't all perfect and cute first thing. Her hair was usually wild, and this morning she smelt wonderfully of their sex. Then additionally a wave of nausea shot through her body and she dreaded any movement. Mornings were not her best look, or her best time at the moment, and she had always known that would be the way.
She didn't wake up in his arms either. They didn't usually open their eyes still in each other embrace. They rarely used to before and still didn't. Yet although they weren't entwined totally with each other on waking without fail some part of their bodies would be touching. They still needed that connection to each other even as they slept.
This morning was no exception. As she lay like a flattened starfish on her front. He lay to her side and his hand was slowly running up and down her back. Causing her to wake up with a never forgotten burst of happiness in her heart.
She slowly turned her head to grin at him, as he did the same. She knew he knew to be gentle around her these days on waking. Sudden movement caused problems. So he just lay they and watched her. Their eyes doing the talking for now.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Were his first words, once he felt safe from causing her harm.
It took her moments to understand, but understand she did. She knew what he was asking.
"Cause it's not worth talking about." She sighed as she accepted the outstretched arms he'd open up to welcome her to be held by him. Gently she moved in to him.
"Molly." He said patiently as she rested her head on his chest. "Please."
Molly sighed.
"Ok Charles." She began. "It was shit. I nearly vomited when I saw her in the room. No one told me. I hadn't a clue."
"I'm so sorry." He rubbed his hand over his face. "If I'd have known I would have..."
"I know." She took hold of his hand and kissed it. "I know."
They both lay quiet.
"She looks just the same." Molly suddenly spoke. "And she looked at me and said 'hello' like nothing had happened."
Molly suddenly sat up angry. Instantly regretting it as her stomach rolled. She took a moment to recover.
"I mean how does that work? Eh? She bloody slept with you, my husband, and just expected me to say hello?"
Charles shook his head. Uncertain what to say. He knew her anger and understood.
"I mean." She moved to rest against the headboard of the bed now and he sat up too. "Seeing her was a shock, but her bloody balls at acting as though nothing happened was even more so. She wasn't even sorry,"
"How long is she here for?" Charles asked. "I mean Lane's not been posted here has she?" He asked with horror.
He had been truthful when he had said he didn't know that Georgie was coming to Catterick. He was just as shocked as Molly when Brains texted him with the tip off moments before he'd arrived at hers. He'd waited all night for her to mention it. But she hadn't and as time ticked on Charles knew he had to.
"A few months or so." Molly sighed. "She's being retrained. Apparently some type of refresher she had to do following a discipline hearing. Don't know much. Don't want to."
"Can you stay out of her way." He asked with concern.
"Doubt it. Think I may even be her instructor in some parts." Molly sighed wearily. The thought of having to deal with Georgie after all they had been through was going to be exhausting.
"Take some leave." He said suddenly. "Come stay with me. We could see Mum and Dad….or Sam? Let's get away somewhere even?" His voice was dry and rushed.
She turned to him. Aware of the panic he felt about it all. His pregnant ex-wife who he had recently reconciled with meeting the woman he cheated on her with, was cause for her to feel his concern.
"I ain't running away." She said as she moved closer and rested her head on his bare chest. "I ain't done anything wrong." And she knew that to be so true.
"Molly." He began. "Let's just..."
"No." She said definitely. "Me, you this baby...we're gonna have a good day. Today's special. We get to see this little one." She moved his hand to stroke her rounded belly. "She ain't gonna mess my life up again."
He nodded slowly, but she knew he was not convinced.
Yet she also knew that her words were the truth.
She was not going to hide away. Not from Georgie, nor from anyone.
She loved Charles and needed to move forward.
He knew it was coming though. It may have been weeks later after she had first been mentioned, but still he expected it.
The call from her. The conversation he dreaded.
She had hardly messaged him at all that day and had rejected his attempts to call her. So when his phone rang in the middle of the night he wasn't surprised.
Still he worried. She was strong. She was brave, and when she shut down he knew she was hiding.
"Molly." He said grabbing the phone on its second ring. Despite being asleep he sprang into action at seeing her name flash up on the screen. "You Ok?"
She didn't answer immediately. But when she did she tried to reassure him as best she could.
"Yeah. I'm ok."
"You're not. What's wrong?" Then he heard a small hitch of her breath; a sound that proved to him all was not well. "Talk to me sweetheart please."
"It just." She began. "Look... do you love me? Really love me?"
Her question shocked him.
"Yes." He answer immediately. The sleep now truly leaving his body. "You know I do. Well I hope you know I do. I thought you did?" He sadly answered.
"I do. Sorry. Just a wobble." She tried to force a laugh. "I love you too. So much."
"Good." He waited but she said no more. "So why the wobble?" He asked.
"I saw her again." Molly said gently. "She's kind of hard to avoid actually at the moment. She seems to be everywhere."
"Did she say anything?" He asked with urgency. Knowing who she meant.
"No! No we didn't speak, she doesn't have to say anything, not anymore."
"Okay!" He said slowly knowing that there was more.
"The thing is Charles I looked at her. I saw her, and although she looks the same she ain't." Molly took in a deep breath. "She is different. On the outside she's all glistening and shiny, like Georgia Lane always was, perfect. But when you look into eyes when you properly look into them you can see that she is still broken."
"It's okay Molly go on…." He knew she was waiting for permission to talk.
"She ain't right. I don't think she ever will be. I was nearly destroyed by her. She almost destroyed us. But she didn't. Hasn't. But she's still broken"
"And we're not going let that happen to us are we Molly?" He said but with urgency. "We're not broken. We're going to keep on trying aren't we?"
"Yeah course we are. Don't worry." He heard her take a drink. He looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. He knew it would be her favourite hot chocolate and he wished he was there to make it for her, and to hold her in his arms as she was having all these worries.
"She still wears his ring. Saw it today; around her neck. She can't let go." She paused. Then burst out. "Do you ever wonder why?" She asked suddenly
"Wonder what?" He shook his head in confusion and even though she couldn't see it she could hear it in his voice.
"Why you did it?" She said quickly and before he had taken his breath she continued robbing him of the opportunity to reply. "I mean I know reasons why you did it. The events that caused it and that. I understand all of that. The PTSD shut down your emotions. You struggled in finding a way out of the guilt. I know. I understand everything when written down in black-and-white I do. Read about it enough for a life time. But…"
"But?" He questioned. "What's the but there Molly?"
"I just don't know why you did it. I don't mean to say that I've not forgiven you Charles. I have. I am. I do. But some days, like today when I saw her I find I'm still trying. Some days I just don't know why you did it. With her. To us."
"I was ill. Elvis. The guilt." He started to panic while stating his list. Not excuse. Causes. "We've talked about this. I thought we had? Shit Molly." He spoke confused and panicked. All too aware how his happiness may come crashing down around his feet.
"Charles!" She heard the stress in his voice. "Stop."
Then she waited. Waited to hear his breathing return to something close to normal again.
"When you went missing. In the jungle; with her, I made a deal."
"A deal?" Charles was bewildered. "With whom?"
"God." She replied quietly.
"God Molly!" He groaned. He was astounded. "You're not religious now. Are you?"
"No." She smiled. He knew her so well. Knew that this was something she never did. "But I might have been just then. I would have done anything to get you back safe. Anything."
"Sweetheart." He said softly. "Please."
"It was looking pretty shit. Thought I'd really lost you. You know as in 'bought it' type of lost. So I made a deal that if you came back. If you lived. If you were safe, then I didn't care what happened to us. To me and you. Just as long as you were ok. That I'd leave you if that's what it took to have you back home. In one piece."
"So?" He was cautious. "What's this about Molly? What does this mean?" He could hardly get the words out.
"That I do understand, what you did; but... it's still so hard at times to accept the why. And seeing her today just brought it all back and made me realise that again."
"What you trying to say here Molly?" He hated to ask the question. Too afraid of the answer. He felt he was losing her all over again.
She drew in a breath. Knowing she needed to be careful. Careful for him. Careful for her.
"I think we need to talk." She admitted. "To someone. Someone proper. You and me."
"Counselling?" He asked amazed. "Together?"
"Yeah. I guess that's what I mean. I love you Charles. I ain't never gonna stop, but I think I need to talk more about this with you. But you know with someone proper as well. To sort my head out."
"Ok." He added slowly. "Anything." And he knew he meant it; he'd do anything to keep her.
"We're gonna be ok Charles." She reassured him. It was a statement and not a question. "This ain't a stop back. It's the opposite. I promise. This will be good for us."
"Ok." He said again. "I'll do whatever you want. To have you back. To have us back. Whatever it takes."
"I know you will. I will to. For us. I love you. I promise."
Eventually he replied.
"Thank you. Molly. For talking, for sharing. We'll make this work. Yeah?" He dreaded the thought of talking through it all again. Revisiting the horror of his mistake with Georgie but he knew for her, for them to now be one, that he'd have to.
"Yeah we will." She said definitely.
And she knew they would.