Author's Note: This is pre-290 informed and so may eventually be proved to not be factual. Would have posted it a week ago but our net died.

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Some Misconceptions on Camouflage

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It has been two months since Rei had been without her children, all blue-eyed or otherwise red-haired or both, but none neither. Today is the first day they could visit her.

Shouto isn't coming. Touya has a feeling Shouto doesn't even know.

They had the chance to be siblings in the two-day recovery period their father had so graciously provided. Mostly it consisted of Shouto wailing in Fuyumi's arms in the attic where their father never went, and Touya and Natsuo trying and failing to distract him from his sadness. Touya learned how to cook then, a simple bowl of cold soba for his littlest brother on the last night of their freedom. Shouto said nothing at all in those two days, but he had looked at Touya with something that wasn't blind despair in his uncovered eye after the meal.

Fuyumi suggested they had a heart-to-heart talk because if there was anyone who had a clue what Shouto was going through, it was Touya. But she said it after they returned to being strangers, after Shouto had picked up his cross where he left to drag even further away from them. Tossing stones at his window and slipping notes under the door is out of the question, unless Touya was feeling masochistic. And while a midnight chat in Shouto's room would leave less evidence, he knew exactly what showing up to training without sleep the next day would entail. And Touya spares his family from harm when he can.

He feels bad for Shouto, really. Feels bad for celebrating the day they found out about his Quirk (discovered the same way as Touya's, to protect their mother). Feels bad for learning how to laugh again with his beloved siblings while the youngest was screaming indoors. Feels bad for leaving the iron mantle of living up to their father's expectations for a lisping toddler to bear. Rei had told Touya that seeing him smile again would be the best gift he could ever give her, that rather than feeling guilty for feeling happy, he should live it out whenever he could. It isn't a question of whether you deserve freedom or not, she had said, it's a question of whether you intend to use it to grow or not.

She never spoke much after that. Touya had been understanding; of course she needed to save her emotional strength to comfort Shouto every day. And then it was just hard to remember that she loved him too.

A few months before she "went on vacation with her mother", Rei had slapped Touya for bringing her flowers he picked on the way home from school. She is weak next to her husband but certainly not to her children, even to her eldest with a body as toned as the average Hero and close to budding into manhood. She had apologized immediately and sobbed as she nursed him. Touya had been numb and forgot to cry until much later; he didn't think anyone in the world, Hero, Villain, civil servant or civilian, could hurt him more than his father. I miss you, Okaa-san, he had been meaning to tell her before flying across the room. She made his favorite foods that night. He didn't tell anyone, not even Natsu-kun. Remembering this two nights before their visit, Touya hyperventilated in sudden understanding: it had not been Enji who hurt Shouto.

The next day, he wheedled the truth off his grandmother, their father's mother who kept the house and cooked with her daughter-in-law. He argued he is the most damaged among his siblings, sure, but still the eldest. He had the right to know if only to cushion his siblings' fall: We're going to the hospital, aren't we, Obaa-san? Oh, child, we had not wanted to frighten you. You're mother's not sick, she just needs time away from home. All married women do. I'm sure you'll convince her to come back after she sees you. No we won't and no she won't, Touya wanted to answer, the more she sees us, the more she'll want to keep away. But he kept his words the way he kept Shouto's secret. And he keeps his faith in his mother's love.

He went to an internet café and then the mall. He is shy the way all prepubescent boys are but stood firm and blushing in the ladies' section of the drugstore, even accepting the smiling saleslady's help. That night, he confirmed their father really isn't coming with the next day and took a deep breath in the bathroom mirror.

Today, Touya gets dressed, pulls on a beanie down below his ears in case he happened to run into their father. He waits for Shouto to use the bathroom before his early morning begins and follows him, watches how his toned legs move under pale baby fat. Touya winces. It's not your fault Shouto is suffering, their mother had told him. It's your father's.

"Shouto," Touya whispers in the hallway. "I just wanted you to know you did the right thing, not telling the others. I promise I won't tell anyone what really happened. You know it's not your fault, right? Okaa-san loves you."

Shouto gasps and nods. His secret is safe with Touya-niisan and the burden is so much lighter. He almost cries. Touya holds him close to save him from red eyes and an unnecessary beating. Then they go their separate ways—Shouto to their father, and his half-blessed, half-cursed biggest brother into exile with the rest of the family. Breakfast.

Making sure the coast is clear, Touya takes off his disguise. Natsuo guffaws and Fuyumi shrieks. Thrilled for the first time in months, Touya whips the beanie around and strikes a pose as he lets it fly from his hand. His siblings whoop and applaud. Their grandmother says nothing, only nods at him with meaning and returns to muttering prayers over tea.

"Aniki, you look like a rock star! So cool!"

"We're all alike now! Oh, you are so in trouble, Nii-chan!"

In the taxi, Obaa-san bombards them with commands. Speak only of the good things that happened while Rei was away, do not mention Shouto unless he is mentioned first and when that happens (which isn't likely), tell her that he is happy and "well-adjusted," a word they had never heard anyone speak out loud before. Do not complain. Do not talk about the news or Heroes. Do not mention your father. Do not ask questions. And your mother might have had a little accident during her vacation, so today we will visit her in the hospital.

"Why, what happened? Is it bad?"

"Hush, Fuyumi. It was just a minor accident. And do not ask her. She'll be upset."

"Will Baa-chan be there, Obaa-san?"

"No, Natsuo, she'll come back once we've left. And no more questions. Just follow what I say."

Obaa-san reiterates everything. Her grandchildren dutifully listen the first two times then chatter among themselves, wondering what happened to dear Okaa-san. Touya looks into the window every few seconds or so, practicing his smile. When they pull up to the flower shop, he lets the two choose what to get but tells them not to get anything blue; "Just trust me on this one". After bickering for ten minutes, they go for Natsuo's camellias ("All the colors! All of them!") and because their grandmother insisted, Fuyumi picks out a nice vase to match. Touya's hopes die at the purchase because a vase is a permanent fixture. When is their mother coming home exactly?

And then it's asking for directions to their mother's room in the psychiatric ward and signing forms. And then taking the stairs two at a time because hospital elevators are for nurses in a hurry. And then Touya is shivering outside his mother's door with their father's surname on it. Natsu-kun holds him. Natsu-kun knows when Touya needs holding. But on behalf of his siblings and Shouto left struggling at home, the eldest Todoroki child takes a steadying breath and opens the door.

Rei is on the couch. Possibly as to not look bedridden to her children. She smiles up shyly at them and their grandmother shuts the door to wait at the lobby, promising to return in the next hour. Sealing their fate.

Fuyumi and Natsuo rush forward like a broken dam, leaving Touya to teeter at the door. Okaa-san couldn't look steady, he observes. She takes things in one at a time, first Natsuo then the flowers then Fuyumi then the vase then the flowers. She praises their sense of style and lets them decide where to put it. She says they both need haircuts. Rei says nothing about the things that exist outside, and her children are smart enough not to comment on her jutting cheekbones and stick-like arms. The room, Touya notes, reeks of hand sanitizer. Natsuo points out his presence somehow, and he has a little staring contest with Rei.

Obaa-san told Touya to call her cellphone immediately if "something happened," made sure to point out the emergency button when they entered "if they needed help." Do they need help now with the way Rei is looking at him?

Touya swallows. He realizes he has been holding his breath for some time now. "Okaa-san! I missed you." He moves forward until all he sees is the horror in his mother's eyes. He decides against embracing her.

"Touya. Sit down." She, she is supposed to be laughing by now...

He obeys.

"Closer to me. Please."

Touya comes closer. He has his speech practiced the night before and the first part goes I couldn't see you at home often, so I wanted to see you in the mirror.

"What have you done to your hair?"

Enji took care to beat them somewhere hidden under clothes, such as the torso or the arms. But Shouto's scar bloomed off the side of his head for everyone to see, the side with their father's colorations. So Touya thought that the only way for his mother to bear seeing him again is...

"Isn't he handsome with that color, Okaa-san? Nii-chan is so versatile!"

"I think it really suits Aniki. And it's punk. We look like a family, now!"

Rei ignores them. "Touya. Answer me, please." She pulls on the strands as if possessed, as if she could rub the color off. Touya's once red locks as pale as her's. White. If they were anywhere else, he might have found the gesture comforting.

"I... um."

"Did the box say permanent or temporary? Can we wash it out?"

"It says permanent. I want it to be permanent. I wanted to look like Okaa-san."

"You... you don't have to... you silly boy... Who told you... What..."

"I'm sorry, Okaa-san. I, I'll go home now."

Rei begins to cry. "I won't hurt you..."

"I, I know, Okaa-san! You never could! I'm not scared of you, none of us are. We don't love you any less and we never will. I just thought loving me will be easier if I didn't look like Otou-san."

Rei clumsily put her arms around him as if trying to sit him on her lap. Has she forgotten how tall he had become? Doesn't she realize she is in need of comfort now? "You silly, silly boy. I never want my Touya to be anything else."

Touya's siblings are dead silent. So is he. He figures out what's wrong with his mother's words: she doesn't believe them even if she wants to.

"It's not your fault," she continues. Even in her state she will fight for Touya until the end of the world. "It's not anyone's, really. Who you are is... enough... and good, and I'm the one who should... but still I... I..."

"I should call Obaa-san," Fuyumi whispers.

"Okaa-san, it's okay, it really is! I don't mind dyeing my hair. I even used my own pocket money. I'll be anything you want me to be. Don't you want to love me? Don't I look like the perfect son?"

"You shouldn't change, Touya! I'm trying... I'm trying... You are so young... don't ever think... you should change who you are... even the part that's... that's... nononononono. I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM, GOD DAMN IT! NOT YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!"

Touya doesn't know who presses the button. His mother is trying to yank all of his white hair off but someone grapples with her hands atop his head and soon he is outside. At some point before this, he might have been screaming, No, Okaa-san, no! Fuyumi and Natsu-kun don't know! Or he might have just thought it in his head.

Homeward in a taxi, Fuyumi quietly asks if Touya would like to stop at the groceries and get dye remover. He says no, he is out of cash. Nobody brought enough for anything more than the vase and the flowers. They couldn't ask their grandmother for money, seeing her state in the passenger's seat.

Natsu-kun steels himself and strokes the top of his brother's head. Where their mother tried to harm him. "I like it, Aniki. You could keep it this way if you want. If not for Okaa-san, for me."

"We don't hate you for it," adds Fuyumi. She had lain her big brother down on her lap and there he remains still, waiting for the tears to fall. What good are tear ducts for if they run without your permission and then don't work when you need them to? "You'll forgive her, won't you, Nii-chan? She wasn't thinking straight."

"There's nothing to forgive, Fuyumi. She wouldn't have done it if he didn't drive her crazy for hurting Shouto like that and making her watch." He doesn't believe that. He knows it's not true. But the right thing to do is to try.

"Yes... she wouldn't have." And silence.

"Nee-san, why do you say it like that?"

Fuyumi looks uncomfortable. "Do you think Shouto..."

"What?"

"Do you think Okaa-san... did that to Shouto?"

"What? Nee-san!"

"Think about it. I'm not saying she wanted to. But we just assumed Otou-san did it because-"

"Otou-san is Otou-san," Natsuo fumes on.

"Y-yes. Well, Shouto never really told us anything. Neither did Obaa-san." No one mentions Enji because Enji doesn't talk except to scorn them. "Seeing what, um, happened today... maybe she never went on vacation with her family. Maybe she was put there to protect..."

Touya is the most damaged out of his siblings but still the eldest. He has the right to know things and not speak them if only to cushion his siblings' eventual fall. It is his duty. "It was Otou-san who hurt Shouto. And Okaa-san had an accident." And they leave it at that. In fact, he hears them sigh with relief.

"That devil... what did Okaa-san see in him, anyway? Why did they have to get married? I swear he'll get what's coming to him. Someday I'll... I'll..."

"Natsu-kun, Obaa-san might tell on you." And they keep silent.

That night, Touya hides in his room for dinner because their father came home early. He knows his siblings know better than ask the source of all their nightmares for the truth. And so they will still sane for a little bit longer even while their big brother is fit to burst.

Touya is hungry and Touya doesn't understand. Rei was supposed to be happy seeing him reject the poison in his veins, his father's half. Instead, it triggered her. Her parting words are the right thing, or at least the noble thing to believe in, and that's precisely why his mother said it: that all of who he is, even his cursed blood, should be enough to make up a boy worthy of love and family, free will and joy. More than enough even, if he wants to wax poetic.

But she doesn't believe it. Even though she knows she should, even if she tries. It's funny, Touya feels the same way for himself. He realizes that he had been hoping all this time, all his remembered life, desperately, that today Rei would confirm the worth he wants for himself to be true. It couldn't be as long as Todoroki Touya exists.

Touya stares at the lifeless blue eyes in the mirror. Pity. He likes how he looks now even if the one person he needed to didn't. He is not particularly imaginative and does not have visual memory so he couldn't even envision himself with his old red hair from yesterday right now. Tracing the circles under his eyes upon the glass, upon his skin, he comes to understand (no, he's always known, he just refused to accept) that he could run from his reflection but never from what lies beneath. Not from time. Not like this.

With a strength he had long refused to set upon others, Touya shatters the glass with his bare hands. And in the style of his mother, brave and helpless and sad, he patches himself up after the damage has been done. Sweeps the floor. His hunger has abated, overpowered by the pain. He disinterestedly remembers how much he teared up trying on contact lenses at the mall the day before. And he couldn't afford laser surgery on his irises so burning the blue out of them is out of the question.

But... but. Touya could still dye his hair. He didn't have any allergic reaction to the bleach, even when he mistakenly smeared his bare nape with it. His hair itself is strong enough to bear so much of the stuff in just one go. It's still sort of fluffy, even, not at all fried or dead. (It's almost winter. If he's going to continue with the wisps of a plan beginning to form in his head... Touya's never been one for fashion, but he reckons wool bonnets would warm someone up better with the help of their hair than without.)

And... and. He looks at what remains of the shards on the frame that was his mirror propped against the trash bin. He is met by blue pinpricks of light and grey shadows beneath them and Marie Antoinette's terror and pairs of thin dry lips: pieces of Endeavor's discarded wretch of a son. It's not him. But it's still him. Recognizable no matter how disfigured.

His blood will always chase him. But Touya could always run. It's just that... it's just that bigger changes are in order if he wants to keep existing. He has to be something he has never been. Different. Neither white nor red, neither Rei's nor Enji's.

Something darker, perhaps.

He sneaks into the kitchen for leftovers. Numbly, he hatches a plan. When Shouto sees him on the way to the toilet in the middle of the night he squeals, "Onii-san looks just like Okaa-san! But, I, I'll keep your secret, too. Otou-san will never know!" Touya sees Shouto's scar for the first time in the moonlight and hears their mother wailing apologies through the locked door earlier that day. Forgive me forgive me forgive me I love you Touya my Touya I love you I didn't mean to do that know I never want to hurt you I never meant to hurt any of you you don't deserve my incompetence and you don't have to forgive me I'm so sorry I hurt you I'm so sorry I cursed you with this life just remember I love you I love you Fuyumi Natsuo I love you too I love you four more than anything and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

"Did Touya-niisan go to the parlor?"

"No. I did it all by myself." Did Okaa-san say the same things healing your burn?

"Onii-san is so good. It's pretty. Can you do it for me, too?"

"Haha! I'd love to see you like this. But I don't think Otou-san would like it."

"Oh." Shouto pouts in thought. "Maybe he'll let me if he doesn't like me anymore."

"He'll break you if he doesn't."

"Oh."

"It's going to be hard, Shouto. But you need to get him to keep liking you because Okaa-san and Fuyumi and Natsu-kun will be very sad to see you broken. Okay?"

Shouto looks devastated. "Did he break you, Touya-niisan?"

"No."

Shouto's mismatched eyes grow wide as saucers and Touya watches himself in them. Blue Touya, grey Touya. Hair red as blood, hair white as snow. "R-really?"

"Not completely. I'm not letting him, ever."

"Wow." Shouto does not know how to crawl into the laps of anyone that isn't his mother. He stands and feels Touya's knees with stubby fingertips instead, and Touya feels his heart ache. "Maybe I can do that, too."

"You won't know without enough sleep. Go to bed, now."

"Goodnight, Onii-san."

"Goodnight, Shouto." They embrace and then they part. Touya wishes his brother does break. Because if he meets their father's impossible expectations, Touya eventually will have to No. No, no, no. How could he? Baby Shouto, baby brother, scarred by their mother and an even bigger crybaby than Touya was. Half demon, half angel but only time will tell which side wins out. It's too soon to think about those things when they haven't even parted yet. Touya will need time. A way to disappear absolutely, to crush anyone's hopes of his return. He is exhausted so the details will have to wait until the morning. Tonight it is enough to have reached a decision.

Maybe one day, he'll be strong enough to believe the only thing that mattered today is that Rei tried to love him, will always try to love him until her death or his. One day, when he manages to get rid of where his tears come from. Maybe then.

It would be the death of him, he thinks drifting off to sleep in his room, to leave the little goodness he has in this life and all the love he will ever know. But living on would be like digging his grave, lying in it, and having the world dance over the dirt above him if he did not use the time he has left to destroy his father, his Frankenstein. Touya can never be the perfect son to either of his parents, but maybe he could be the perfect monster to... well, who knows. Himself. Anyone.

Everyone.

The next day is picture day at school and he couldn't bring himself to care. Because he is the son of Endeavor, nobody asks Touya to go home and fix his hair to let him stand empty in the flashing lights. But it's alright. He is unfixable as it is.

He'll just have to break himself down and come up with something new.