Part I: Germination
Tonks sighed as she spotted Kingsley's bald head making its way towards her cubicle. She concentrated on shuffling the pile of paperwork she'd been wading through at her desk and tried to ignore him as long as possible, but she could feel him hovering. She was never going to finish this report. "What do you want?" she snapped, finally turning around.
Her colleague arched an eyebrow. "Good morning to you too, Tonks."
"Sorry, King," Tonks replied, scrubbing a hand down her face. "It's just been a hell of a morning."
"You were late."
"Yeah, well, I could barely sleep last night."
"Neighbors keep you up again?"
"I swear, my landlord told me they were muggles, but I really don't know. Can't tell if it's just obnoxiously loud sex or if Mr. Jones next door's married a banshee. Her voice cuts right through my charms." Kingsley chuckled. "Anyway, sorry. I'm just exhausted. What's up?"
"I need you to do an escort for me."
She paused. Generally few visitors required escorts through the ministry. It was usually only people being brought in for questioning, and she hadn't seen any memos come through regarding any interrogations today. But it was either that or…
"He has an appointment with the Werewolf Registry."
She groaned. Thanks to Umbridge working like a madwoman to put through all sorts of new policies, procedures, and laws, the Werewolf Registry had been shaping up to...well, to actually keep its register up-to-date. Many werewolves who were summoned did not bother showing up, but enough had been coming through in the past few weeks that Tonks and her colleagues had already sat through several interviews down on Level 4, as recent protocol was to have an Auror present in case anything got out of hand. Tonks had sat in on one such interview only a couple of days prior, and she did not remember that fellow fondly; it didn't have anything to do with his being a werewolf so much as it had with the fact that he was shockingly rude, though she couldn't say she really blamed him; her colleagues down on Level 4 were unpleasant to deal with even as a fellow Ministry employee on a good day. And she hadn't even had coffee yet today. "Fine. When do we need to meet him?"
"Er - now, if you can. And it's just going to be you." Kingsley shot her an apologetic look. "I got called into this last minute meeting for the Black case."
She tried to ignore the twinge she experienced in her stomach at the mention of her cousin, and the case that she was supposed to be working on until she was recused due to a 'conflict of interest.'
"Okay. That last chap was a piece of work, though, and I'm running dangerously low on patience this morning. Are you sure there's no one else who can -"
"You shouldn't have a problem with this one, Tonks. Promise."
"Okay, how can you know that, though?"
"Just trust me."
"Yeah, alright, if you say so," she muttered, pulling her Auror robes back on from where she'd slung them across the back of her chair. "What's the name then?"
"Remus Lupin. He should be waiting in the visitor check-in area."
"That bloke who taught at Hogwarts?" Kingsley nodded.
She sighed. She supposed begrudgingly that Kingsley might be right; how much trouble could an ex-professor really give her? "Alright then, I'll head down."
"Thanks, Tonks, I owe you one."
"That you do," she shot over her shoulder, grinning at Kingsley as she headed out of the Auror department towards the lift.
Tonks vaguely remembered reading Remus Lupin's name in the newspaper once news broke that Dumbledore had hired a werewolf as the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. She'd skimmed the article, but she remembered the accompanying picture more clearly - Rita Skeeter's work, of course. She'd clearly been camped out by the school's gate, awaiting the disgraced professor's departure, and managed to capture the poor bloke by surprise as he left the school grounds, a single tattered briefcase in his hands. He'd shielded his face from her camera, but not quickly enough to hide the look of weary resignation mingled with embarrassment that flashed across his features. Rita Skeeter was a vulture who preyed upon and twisted other peoples' worst moments for her own gain, and werewolf or not, Tonks had felt a pang of sympathy for the man before she'd flipped the page to that day's crossword.
She reached the visitor's check-in; it was fairly early yet, and she barely needed to scan the sparse crowd before she spotted him. He looked about as thin and tattered as she remembered from the Daily Prophet picture; he was looking down, fiddling with his faded red tie as she walked up to where he was sitting.
"Remus Lupin?"
He glanced up, startled. "Oh - hi, yes, that's me." He stood abruptly; he was taller than she thought he'd be. Only now did Tonks notice the visitor's badge pinned to the lapel of his jacket - "Remus Lupin, LYCANTHROPE." All in red, flashing letters, complete with a neon yellow moon quickly cycling through its phases. "Pleasure to meet you." He stuck out his hand, then immediately looked as if he regretted the gesture and withdrew his hand just a fraction as he avoided her eyes. "Er - sorry, I didn't mean -"
She reached out and gave him a firm handshake. "Tonks. Bit overdone, that." She nodded to the badge on his chest. He looked down, smiling cautiously.
"Yes, the flashing moon is a new addition, I believe. My compliments to the graphic designer, though I do think the yellow perhaps clashes with the red just a bit. If we're allowed to submit feedback on the color scheme, of course."
She snorted. "I'll be sure to pass along your suggestions. I would let you take it off, but…"
"No, it's okay. I understand." They started to walk across the atrium together, and she could feel him looking at her. "Speaking of color schemes, I like your hair."
"Pardon?" she asked, frowning as she reached up to fuss with her pink ponytail. She had a thought that maybe he was insulting her, but when she looked up, she was surprised to see he was wearing what looked to be a genuine smile.
"I've met a few Aurors in my day, but I think you'd be the first with pink hair," he replied. But the smile suddenly disappeared, replaced by an expression of worry that he had said something he shouldn't have. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean -"
"If you think the pink is cool, watch this." She screwed up her eyes and morphed her hair into a bright turquoise. When she opened her eyes, he was looking at her with slight awe. She wasn't quite sure why she'd shown him that and why she felt rather pleased at his reaction, but she could tell he was trying to be friendly and she'd decided that he probably already felt awful enough about this visit without her being a complete grump.
"You're a Metamorphmagus."
"It's not really impressive," she shrugged, "it's just...I dunno, it's just me. Who I am. Aside from it giving me the ability to absolutely push the envelope of the Ministry's dress code, it's dead useful. Definitely came in handy for my Auror training."
"You're quite young to be an Auror," he said rather curiously. From the way his eyes flickered up, she had a feeling the tips of her hair were starting to go red as they did when she was irritated. "I meant that it's very impressive," he added quickly. "I hope you don't take that as an insult. I know how difficult it is to go through the training. You must have been top of your class."
She flushed. "Oh. Yeah, I...well. Yeah, thanks." She'd never quite been good at taking praise, and she was relieved that they'd reached the lifts. As she hit the button for the first floor, she noticed him give her a rather furtive glance, eyebrows slightly knit together. He looked as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure if he was allowed to.
"I know we're going to level four, I just need some coffee first," she explained. They got off and stopped in front of the door to the cafeteria. "It's employees only, though, sorry. Just wait for me here, if that's alright, I'll be quick. I promise I won't make you late for your interview. D'you want coffee?"
"Oh, no thank you," he replied politely.
"Tea? Hot chocolate? Water? Firewhiskey?"
"Er -"
"Just joking about the last one. Though there are certainly days I wish the cafeteria sold something a bit stronger than coffee. And today is one of those days for me, if I'm being honest. I've a feeling it's the same for you too, eh?" That picture of him in the Daily Prophet flashed through her mind again for some reason; how miserable he'd looked. "But I'm getting you a drink whether you want it or not, so you might as well just tell me what you'd like."
"Tea, if you insist," he replied cautiously. "But it's okay if -"
"What kind?"
"Um - Earl Grey, if they have it. Or anything is fine," he added hastily.
"How d'you take it?"
"Milk and the smallest bit of sugar. But really, Ms. Tonks, it's not -"
"Ew. Just call me Tonks, Ms. Tonks makes me feel like my nan." There was that smile on his face again. "Earl Grey with milk and a tiny bit of sugar. Right you are, be back in a jif!" She started to push through the entrance to the cafeteria, then popped her head back out as a thought occurred to her. "If anyone asks you why you're here unaccompanied, just say you're here with me. You can tell them Auror Tonks was late to work this morning because her neighbors kept her up all night long with their raucous banshee sex and subsequently she is acquiring the coffee she needs to survive the day."
His eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. "Okay," he replied. "Though I think I may change the wording of that a bit." The corners of his mouth twitched. "Raucous Banshee Sex. I believe I heard them on the wireless the other day. Quite a good band name, don't you think?"
Tonks couldn't help but laugh. "Newest single recorded straight through the walls of my flat at 3am this morning."
As she came back out into the hallway holding two cups, she noticed that he had now been joined by one of her colleagues. She rolled her eyes as she heard Caelan Louden using what he no doubt considered his signature intimidation tactic, which was really just him trying to force his voice down to a register it could never feasibly reach without sounding utterly ridiculous.
"There she is," she heard Lupin say, relieved as he gestured to Tonks while she walked up to the two men.
"Alright there, Louden?"
"What was he doing here unaccompanied?" the blonde Auror immediately shot at her.
"I was grabbing coffee and I asked him to wait here. It looks like he's doing exactly as I'd asked. Is there a problem?"
"According to regulation, werewolves are not -"
"I know what regulation says, Louden, and I'm telling you that I've got this under control," she snapped. "He's perfectly capable of waiting by himself in the hallway. Were you alright here, Lupin? Kill anyone while I was gone?"
She could have sworn a look of amusement flickered across the ex-professor's face. "Er - no, thankfully, I've just been waiting here. As you asked."
Tonks glared at her fellow Auror. "I was in the cafeteria for maybe three minutes, doesn't seem like enough time for anyone to go on any sort of rampage. So I don't quite see what the problem is. And speaking of time, isn't there a meeting you were supposed to be at five minutes ago?"
Louden flushed. "I was on my way when I passed the werewolf here, and -"
"He has a name, you know. On that great ugly badge right there." She gestured to Lupin, who was watching the two Aurors with a mild look on his face. "Was that all? Will you let me get back to doing my job now?"
"Yes," Louden muttered.
"Alright then. Let's go, Lupin." They left the other Auror muttering something under his breath as they entered the lift again. "Sorry about that," she sighed. "I know it doesn't make it any better, but he's an utter arsehole to everyone. I can't stand him even on his best days. He's an absolute horror during our department briefings."
"It's alright." He chuckled. "I did tell him I was waiting for you, but I left out that bit about the banshee sex. Something about his disposition told me he wouldn't quite find that amusing."
She laughed as she handed him his tea. "He wouldn't know a sense of humor if it bit him in the arse. Anyway, I hope he didn't give you too hard of a time. Half the Auror department's supposed to be in a meeting right now, so I didn't think anyone would actually stop to question you while I was in the cafeteria."
"It's really alright." He smiled at her. "Thank you for the tea." As he lifted the cup to his mouth, a sharp note of bergamot cut through the coffee smell that had permeated the lift, mingling strangely with the richer scent. This is why she had never particularly cared for Earl Grey; it was alright, she supposed, but she didn't quite understand why anyone would want to drink a tea that more or less just tasted like the description of an orange by someone who hadn't had an actual orange in at least ten years.
"My pleasure. Alright, down we go." She hit the button for level four. They got off the lift and followed signs for the Beast division; the hallway was quiet except for their muffled footsteps on the carpet and what she swore was a soft sigh from Lupin. They paused outside the door to the Werewolf Registry's office and she let out a quiet groan as she caught sight of Alisdair MacMillan through the glass pane in the door. "Oh, not him."
She felt Lupin stiffen slightly beside her. "Should I be worried?" he asked in a low voice.
"Nah, he's just a bit of a tosser. Thinks he's more important than he actually is. I don't particularly care for him because he always has something to say about my hair, even though I'm quite certain that brightly colored hair doesn't preclude me from doing my job properly." She kicked herself for opening her mouth; it was clear that Lupin was already nervous, and judging from the way he was fiddling with his tie again as he stared at the door, she'd just made it worse. She looked down guiltily as she set a hand on the doorknob. "But you'll be fine. You ready?"
He hesitated. "Er - one moment." He straightened his jacket then reached up to pull a hand through his hair, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Do I - erm - do I look alright? Presentable?" She looked up at him and realized for the first time that his brown eyes were actually rather nice, though they were clouded with worry at the moment. In fact, despite the greying hair and premature worry lines (how old was he actually, anyway?) and the fact that he was as far from her type as anyone could possibly be, she supposed he actually kind of had a cute face in an odd, unassuming sort of way.
"You look good," she replied, smiling. "Just one thing - here, bend over a bit…" He gave her a confused look, but complied and ducked his head towards her. She licked her thumb and forefinger and felt him jump as she attempted to flatten the small cowlick that stuck up on the back of his head. He chuckled once he realized what she was doing.
"Oh, I wouldn't even bother with that, it's no use. Been that way since I was about five." He straightened up again, giving her a small smile. "Only way to get rid of it would be to just do away with the hair entirely, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the bald look isn't quite for me. It's bad enough I'm already going grey."
"Hmm. Only one way to find out." She screwed up her face to concentrate on her morph, and opened her eyes to Lupin giving her a look of abject horror as he gazed upon her approximation of his bald self.
"That's...extremely disconcerting. Thank you for verifying that I shall have to invest in a wig if I ever start to go bald. And for providing fuel for my nightmares for weeks to come."
She morphed back to her regular appearance, grinning. She was glad to see he appeared slightly more relaxed now. "Happy to help. And you look good. Really, Macmillan's alright. Bit of a stiff but I don't think he's heartless. You'll be fine."
He nodded. "Okay. I'm ready to go in."
They entered the office. "Macmillan," Tonks called, "It's Auror Tonks here with Remus Lupin for his registration appointment."
A squat, bald man appeared from behind another door. "Ah. Yes, hello, right on time. This way, please." He disappeared back into the room he had come from.
"I don't think the bald look does him any favors either, so you're not the only one. And you're lucky enough to still have your hair," Tonks whispered. Lupin choked back a snort.
They entered the room as Macmillan produced a quill with a flourish from the heavy mahogany desk that was between them. "Looking as professional as ever today, Auror Tonks."
Tonks gave him a dirty look. "Let's just get this over with, alright, Macmillan?" She threw herself down in the chair next to Lupin, taking a drag of her coffee.
"Pleasure to meet you," Lupin said, extending a hand. Macmillan looked down at it for a moment with the slightest look of displeasure before taking a seat and turning his attention to the file folder at his desk. Lupin withdrew his hand as quickly as if he'd been burned, flushing. Tonks frowned; no wonder he'd seemed jittery when she shook his hand earlier.
"Visitors, especially visitors who fall within the sub-human category, are not allowed in the cafe," Macmillan mentioned, nodding at the tea Lupin had set on the desk in front of him.
Tonks' frown deepened. "I got it for him when I was getting my own coffee. I insisted, because I was making him wait for me. And stop talking as if he can't hear you, mate, didn't your mum teach you any manners? No need to use that kind of language."
"That language is the official language put forth by our undersecretary -"
"Right, and I don't think I see Umbridge sitting here, unless she's under the desk? Or perhaps you've got her hidden in your folder there?" Macmillan rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't kill you to use his name, then?"
Macmillan heaved a sigh as he opened the file in front of him. "Very well. Let's get started then, Mr. Lupin. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and I must inform you that you are legally mandated to give complete and honest answers. We will get your height, weight, and, if applicable, wand information after the interview. Date of birth?"
"March 10th, 1960."
"Parents' names?"
"Hope and Lyall Lupin."
"Blood status?"
"My mother was a Muggle."
"At what age were you bitten?"
"Four." Tonks looked over at Lupin, startled. He was concentrating on Macmillan's hand as he scrawled his answers across the parchment on the desk between them. So he'd spent most of his life as a werewolf, and he was so...pleasant. She had the rather nasty thought that she'd never actually given much thought to werewolves outside of her job before, and that they were people with varying dispositions and life experiences, just like anyone else.
"Do you know the identity of the werewolf who bit you?"
"Fenrir Greyback."
Macmillan paused. "Mmm. Okay." He made a sharp note in the file. "When was the last time you spoke to Fenrir Greyback?"
Lupin stared at the clerk sitting across from him. "I've never...I've never spoken to him."
"Last time you came into any sort of contact with him?"
"When I was four. When I was bitten."
"Have you ever attempted to seek him out?"
"No." Lupin spat the word out.
"Right. Employment? Are you employed?"
"Er - up until Tuesday morning, I was."
"Where? And what was the nature of the employment?"
"Dishwasher at the Snickering Snitch."
"Cause of termination?"
Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Lupin give the clerk an incredulous glance before his face quickly settled back into the mild-mannered expression he'd been wearing most of the morning. "They didn't take too kindly to realizing one of their employees was a werewolf."
"You mean you did not tell them beforehand?"
"When I got the job, I was not required to disclose my condition. It doesn't impact...I fulfilled all that was expected of me while at work. I just needed a job." His tone was desperate.
Macmillan gave him an appraising look. "Yes, well, I'm sure you're aware that the law has changed. You are now required to inform any potential employers of your condition before an employment offer is made."
"I am aware of that. May I set up an appointment with Werewolf Support Services after this interview? I must admit that I'm a bit worried about successfully finding gainful employment under these new laws."
"It shut down."
"Pardon?"
"Support services shut down," Macmillan said lazily, barely glancing up from his notes. "No funding. Or interest."
"How am I supposed to find a job, then?" Lupin looked stricken. "No one is going to hire me if they know what I am."
"Not my problem."
Tonks frowned. "Macmillan -"
"Auror Tonks, your job is to sit in on this appointment as the magical law enforcement liaison, and then to escort Mr. Lupin back out of the Ministry once we have concluded our interview today. I do not require your input on this." He ignored her glare as Tonks sat back in her chair with a huff. "May I continue? Alright, then. Current romantic and/or sexual partner?"
"Er - none," Lupin muttered, flushing slightly.
"When did you last have a sexual partner?"
Lupin shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I...do I have to answer this?" Macmillan just looked at him, silently awaiting a response. "Fine. Erm - not for awhile."
"A more specific answer, please, Mr. Lupin."
"Macmillan -" Tonks was trying to look anywhere but at the face of the man next to her but she could still tell he was flushing an even deeper red. She didn't remember this question being asked in the past interviews. "What does that have to do with -"
"Auror Tonks. If you cannot restrain yourself, I will send a memo up to the Auror department to request one of your colleagues come down to deal with this instead."
"No, don't do that," she muttered, imagining Louden sitting in on this.
"Then please refrain from interrupting me while I do my job." He cleared his throat. "Mr. Lupin? Last time you had a sexual partner?"
"Six years," Lupin replied quietly, looking up at the ceiling. Macmillan nodded, satisfied as he scribbled down the answer.
Macmillan continued to work through a battery of questions, each more invasive than the last. Tonks was wishing more and more that she didn't have to sit in on this appointment. The one last week had been easier because the other bloke had been such an arsehole and while she still thought this whole process was utterly ridiculous, she'd had her hands full with just trying to get him to cooperate. But watching Lupin squirm only made her feel uncomfortable. She came to the troublesome realization that this was the first time she was realizing how truly humiliating this process was.
"Anything else you'd like to disclose, Mr. Lupin?"
"Yes." He hesitated only for a moment. "I was childhood friends with Sirius Black." Tonks looked up sharply from picking at a hangnail and saw that Macmillan looked as surprised as she was.
"What was that, Mr. Lupin?"
"I was childhood friends with Sirius Black," he repeated.
"That'll be...that's…" Macmillan frowned as he scribbled furiously in the file.
"I'm trying to be honest," Lupin said. His hands were clenched in his lap, knuckles white. "I've been summoned to the Ministry several times for...interviews regarding his case, but I wasn't sure if that information would make it to this office down here, so I wanted to bring it to your attention." Tonks realized that these 'interviews' were likely interrogations by the Auror department, and she suddenly wondered if this was how Kingsley knew him - he had seemed to hint at prior experience with interacting with Lupin when he first approached her this morning about accompanying him to this appointment.
"Right. And, erm - thank you. I'll - I'll note in your file that you willingly notified me." Macmillan seemed unsure of how to respond to one of his interview subjects being so forthcoming with potentially incriminating information. "Well, Mr. Lupin, I'll be honest too, then. The frequency of your wellness checks will likely increase, due to your association with both Fenrir Greyback and Sirius Black."
"I haven't seen or spoken to Black since before he went to Azkaban," Lupin replied quietly. "And I've already told you that Greyback isn't -"
"It's policy, Mr. Lupin."
Lupin nodded, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "I - okay, I understand."
They were walking back down the hall to the lift after the interview concluded, and Tonks was casting about for something to say. Lupin hadn't said a word since they'd left the Registry, a well-used frown line appearing between his eyes.
"Sirius Black is my cousin," she blurted. She wasn't sure why she'd chosen to share that with him, of all people. He looked at her, surprise flashing through the carefully guarded look in his eyes.
"Oh. Yes, I did think your name sounded familiar. I'd guessed it was a surname." He smiled wanly. "Then your mother must be...you're Andromeda's daughter? Andromeda Black and...Ted Tonks, I believe it was?"
"I am, yeah." She shuffled her feet awkwardly as they waited for the lift. "It's - I was supposed to be on his case, here at work. The Black case. But they took me off it. Conflict of interest, even though I hadn't seen him since I was a little girl. Announced it in front of everybody during our department meeting, too. That we couldn't have the cousin of an escaped mass-murderer hunting down said mass-murderer, could we?" She couldn't hold back the bitterness that had crept into her tone. "Take that distrust and combine it with the fact that I'm a Metamorphmagus, and I'm pretty sure that a good bunch of the other Aurors think that I...well, I know it's nowhere near the same, and that's not what I'm trying to say at all, but I know a bit what it feels like to be distrusted for something that's beyond your control."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
She flushed. "You know what, that might've been insulting. I'm sorry, that's not the same as - I shouldn't have even said anything -"
"No, no, I appreciate that," he replied, more warmly this time. "I really am sorry you have to deal with that at work, I'd imagine it can't be easy. Thank you, Tonks. And - er - if that's your surname, what's your first name, anyway? If I may ask."
She grinned at him. "Now that's information you will never be privy to. Also wait - d'you know my mother, then?"
"I met her once or twice back when I was in school," he said with a vague wave of his hand. "Sirius took us to visit." He gave her a small smile. "She seemed like a nice woman. Nice enough that I'm rather surprised she condemned you to a life of avoiding even the slightest utterance of your first name. It cannot truly be so bad, can it?"
"You have no idea. And it'll remain that way."
He hummed thoughtfully. "Dorcas?"
"Ew, no," she laughed, shuddering.
"See? It can't be so bad then, can it?"
"Easy for you to say, Remus Lupin. Your entire name has the same number of syllables as just my first name does."
"Hmm, interesting. Theodora, perhaps?" She glowered at him, and his face fell slightly for a second as he misread her reaction. "It's not...is it? Oh, I'm sorry. Theodora's...erm...that's a perfectly pleasant -"
"No, it's not Theodora," she replied, rolling her eyes as she pressed the button in the lift to take them back to the Atrium. "You were scarily close though, I will give you that."
"Hmm...which part is close? The Theo or the Dora?" He smiled at her, the first real one since they had left the office of the Registry.
"Nice try, Lupin, but a witch never reveals her secrets," she said. They were back near the visitor's entrance of the Atrium now; he turned to extend a hand to her.
"It was very nice to meet you today, Auror Tonks," he said.
She shook his hand firmly. "And you, Lupin. Erm...good luck out there, alright?" She winced as the words left her mouth. What on earth did that even mean? But he grinned at her as he released her hand, exhaling a slight chuckle.
"Thank you, I'll certainly need it." With a small nod of his head, he turned and made his way to the security desk. She stood watching him for a second, a small battle raging in her mind. He'd already turned in his visitor's badge and was nearly to the exit when she called out.
"Mr. Lupin, wait." He turned on his heel, looking surprised as she strode towards him. "I just have one more question I'll need to ask you before you leave."
"What is it?" He looked concerned. She glanced over her shoulder, then when she was convinced no one was minding them, she grasped his elbow and pulled him closer to the wall, where they were slightly sheltered by a pillar. She crossed her arms, trying to make it look as if she was having a stern word as she looked up at him.
"Look, I have a cousin on my dad's side. Muggle. He owns a bar in Islington, and he'll hire people under the table," she said in a low voice. "You don't need to bother with all those Muggle documents or anything. I know it's a bit shady, but he's a good bloke. Doesn't ask questions. You'd have to deal with Muggle currency, but if you need a job…" she trailed off as his eyes widened. She knew that he knew that the suggestion she'd left hanging in the air just now was very much illegal.
"I…" he swallowed, brows knitting together in a frown as he looked away from her. When he met her eyes again, his face was carefully guarded. "Thank you for the offer, but I will have to respectfully decline."
She chewed her lip. "I promise I'm just trying to help."
"No, I really do appreciate it," he replied, giving her a small smile. "And I've appreciated all your help today, truly. Goodbye, Auror Tonks." And with that, he turned on his heel again and disappeared through the visitor's exit without so much as a backwards glance.
She sighed. What had she expected? Of course he wouldn't trust her, he probably thought she was setting him up. What had come over her, anyway? She knew that if anyone had heard what she was offering him, it'd be her job at risk. She scuffed her boot against the wall with a frustrated huff before striding back towards the lifts.
The Sirius Black meeting must have adjourned, as she passed a stream of Aurors on her way back to her desk. Kingsley was perched on the edge of her desk.
"I got you this," he said, holding out a steaming cup, "since you said you hadn't had coffee yet today, but I see you've already made time for the cafeteria." He smirked at the paper cup she was already holding in her hand.
"I'll take it, almost done with this one anyway," she muttered, snatching it from his hands.
"Be careful, your astoundingly good mood this morning is contagious. How was Lupin's interview?"
"Alright." She took a sip of the fresh coffee, wincing as it scalded her tongue. "Aside from Macmillan being an absolute arsehole. More than usual, if you can believe it."
Kingsley hummed sympathetically. "That's saying something."
"And it's...I dunno, those interviews are really something. Each time I sit in on one they've added some other inane question that shouldn't be the Ministry's business. How are we going to gain werewolves' trust and cooperation if we just humiliate them as soon as we've got them here?"
"You know the Ministry isn't exactly trying to gain their cooperation, Tonks. They just want to keep tabs on them."
"Right. I just - yeah, you're right. I dunno. The whole thing was just weird. I felt weird about it." Kingsley was watching her closely, and she turned away as she took another sip of coffee, pretending to occupy herself with a memo that was laying across the pile of folders on her desk.
"Lupin give you any trouble?"
"No, you were right. Nice enough bloke."
Kingsley nodded, rapping her desk sharply with a knuckle before hopping back on his feet. "Hope you took it easy on him. Thanks again." He shot her a grin over his shoulder as he retreated back to his own cubicle.
"Mmn."
One particularly dreary morning, Tonks found herself in possession of a file folder whose directions led her to a small ramshackle cottage in Wales. She stood on the front steps, hesitating for only a moment. Seven in the morning was far too early by her standards, let alone for someone who'd spent the entire night before as a wolf; she felt rather impolite as she knocked. But knock she did; she had a job to do, after all.
She heard the latch slide, then Remus Lupin's pale face appeared as the door cracked open, surprise warring with exhaustion on his features as he blearily took in the Auror on his doorstep. "Ms. Tonks."
"How'd you know it was me?" He stared at her blankly for a moment, bloodshot eyes flickering up to her hair, which was her usual pink today. "Sorry, I know. The hair. Bad joke."
"Ah." She wasn't sure if the raspy noise that escaped his throat was a groan or a chuckle. "Nice to see you again. Sorry it took me a moment to get to the door."
She cleared her throat as she held up the file folder she was holding. "Oh, not a worry. I, er...I'm here for the post-moon check-in. I've been assigned to ask you a few questions. For the Registry." His eyes looked bruised and his hair was sticking up all over the place; it looked as if he had just woken up, but Tonks had a feeling he had not yet been to sleep. "It'll be quick, I promise."
"Right. Sorry, come on in. I just...I forgot. I'm not used to such frequent check-ins anymore, and I didn't think anyone would actually be by. Sorry." He opened the door wider, welcoming her into the cottage. He was wearing a pair of joggers and a threadbare baggy jumper; though he'd pulled the sleeves down and had the ends bunched in his fists, she could tell that his hands were wrapped in bandages. He led her over to a table in the kitchen area, limping slightly. He winced as he saw her eyes alight on the pile of bloody cloths on one end of the table. "Sorry," he muttered again, "I'll just -" He held out his wand to clear them.
"No, wait. Leave them." He gave her a questioning look. "I need to...erm...I'll need to do a blood test. I'll need the blood from those."
He blinked. "A blood test?"
"It's a new policy. To make sure...er…" she swallowed. "I need to do a blood test to make sure it's just...it's just your own blood here."
He stared at her for a moment. "Right." He heaved a sigh before shuffling back over to the counter. "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
"Only if you're already putting on the kettle."
"I was just about to make another for myself," he replied. "Earl Grey alright?"
Did he ever drink anything else? "That's perfect, thanks."
"I've only got bags, sorry."
That made the fifth time he had apologized in the two or three minutes since she'd appeared on his front step. Tonks' stomach squirmed with the thought that her presence was making him nervous. "That's perfectly fine. Erm - I can get it, if you'd like? So you can sit back down?" She was alarmed to see that he was leaning against the counter as if it were the only thing keeping him upright.
"That's kind of you, but I've got it. Thank you." He tapped his wand to the kettle, pulling a tea bag out of what appeared to be a nearly empty tin before dropping it into one of the mugs he'd summoned. Into the other, she saw him plop what looked to be an already used teabag that had been resting on a saucer on the countertop.
"Here you are," he said, setting down the mug containing the fresh teabag in front of her. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't have milk or sugar at the moment, but…" Another apology.
"Oh, I take mine without, anyway," she lied quickly. "Thank you for the tea." She took a nervous gulp, nearly scalding the roof of her mouth as she pulled a quill out of her bag. Musty orange. This tea really would be better with milk, but there was no way she'd complain about that right now. "Erm - I just have to ask you a few questions. We can make this quick, I know you must want to get to bed."
"That's alright. Ask away," he replied wearily.
"You transformed here last night?"
"Yes."
"You were here alone?"
"Yes."
"Okay. And...and how was it?" She felt stupid as soon as the words left her mouth. That question was not from the list of Ministry-provided questions she was supposed to ask. Of course it was bad, how else could it have gone? she chided herself.
Surprisingly, he chuckled. "I've had worse." He lifted his mug to take a sip of his tea, and her eyes fell upon the bandages again as his sleeve fell back.
"I…" she swallowed. "You know, I have some experience fixing up cuts and bruises. If you...are you...d'you need help? With anything?"
He raised an eyebrow, giving a slight nod to the parchment in front of her. "Is that a question you're required by the Ministry to ask me?"
She flushed. "No. It's just...erm..." She gestured at him. "Alright, I'll say it. You look like shit."
He gave her a crooked smile. "You sure know how to stroke a man's ego."
She let out a snort of laughter before she could stop herself. "Oh, you know that's not what I meant. Sorry."
Lupin's face softened. "I know, Tonks. I'm okay though, thank you. I - er - patched everything up just before you got here." He sighed, taking another sip of his tea and wincing slightly as he set the mug back down on the table with a shaky hand. "Forgive me for saying so, but these 'wellness checks' have historically not exactly had my wellness in mind. I would have been surprised if the new regulations were mandating Aurors to help werewolves bandage up after each full moon."
"I - yeah, I can imagine."
"I know you are not in charge of drafting up these orders, of course," he added hastily. "Sorry. I know you're just doing your job."
She felt another twinge of guilt. It was starting to get annoying. She didn't like feeling guilty; she always feared it would cloud her judgment. "There's no need to apologize. One last question - do you take the Wolfsbane potion?"
She could tell he was struggling to contain the bitter look that passed across his face. "No. It's hard to get a hold of, and the ingredients are rather expensive." He gave her a small smile now. "And even if I had access to the ingredients, I must admit that I am absolutely abysmal at potions and would likely poison myself if I attempted a home brew."
"Yeah, well, no one's perfect, right?" she replied, returning his smile. "Alright, that's it for the questions. Now speaking of potions, I just need…" She rummaged through her bag, pulling out the blood testing vial and peering at the clear viscous liquid within. "Right," she muttered, "I'll need...well, I'll take the blood from those rags then. That's what you used to clean up after...after you transformed back?" He nodded, eyeing the bottle in her hand with an odd look on his face. "Then I'll need...erm...I'll just need some of your blood. Er...freshly drawn. To compare. The potion will...the potion will turn blue if it's a positive match. If it's all your blood here." She swallowed, avoiding his eyes. "If there's animal blood, it'll turn purple. And it'll turn red if...if there's another human's blood present."
"I didn't hurt anyone." He said it so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.
"I - I know. I just…"
"I always put up several protective barriers, and I transform inside. The barriers are quite strong, but just to be sure I...I usually break my foot before I transform. So that I can't...so that I stay put. Relatively. I promise it was just me here last night. I wouldn't have come into contact with any humans." It almost sounded as if he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince her that he'd taken all the precautions he should have.
She stared at him in horror. He broke his foot? On purpose? That would explain the limp.
"Sorry. You're just doing your job." He kept saying this as if it was meant to reassure her, but she couldn't help but feel less and less sure of herself each time he said it. It was true, she was just doing her job. A job that had been her ultimate goal, a job she had worked towards all through school, a job she had always been proud of. So why did she suddenly feel so full of doubt?
"I know you didn't - I'm sorry, I…" she wasn't sure what to say. She looked down at the blood test instructions again. The assigned Auror is to instruct the werewolf that each month, it must wait to clean up any blood or bodily fluids that may belong to a potential victim until the assigned Auror has arrived to conduct the post-transformation interview and blood test.
Nymphadora Tonks was not one to doubt herself very often. Sure, there were moments and situations of moral ambiguity that cropped up every so often - a hazard of the career she had chosen. She'd always prided herself on her ability to suss out whatever solution resided in that grey area between right and wrong; whichever solution would benefit the most people, do the most good, avoid the most harm. The greater good. They were always fighting for a greater good. But...were they? How could she be so certain? Maybe it wasn't as simple as she'd always wished it to be. Sure, everything she'd always been taught about werewolves was screaming at her that this was all to keep others safe. These regulations were to keep children safe. But the man sitting across from her had just given her one of his last teabags and he kept apologizing as if he was more worried about her comfort in this situation, even though she clearly held the upper hand in whatever weird power dynamic was at play here. Was this actually keeping anyone safe?
His sigh cut through her thoughts, deep and weary. "Alright." He took his wand and held it against his palm. "Ready?"
She stared at him. "What?" Ignorantia juris neminem excusat. Ignorance of the rules is no excuse. The Ministry's motto. Ignorantia juris neminem excusat. Rules existed for a reason. They were there to help people. Weren't they?
He gestured to the potion bottle she was holding. "You said you needed my blood. I am assuming a few drops will suffice but please let me know if that is not the case. Are you ready? Although if you'd prefer it, I can hold the vial so that you don't risk any contact with my blood."
"I…" She looked back down at the potion. Ignorantia juris neminem excusat. "No, you know what? We're not doing this. Never mind." She stuffed the potion bottle back into her bag.
"But I want it marked in my file that I haven't hurt anyone. If - if that's what's necessary, I -"
"I know. I have to sign off on the paperwork. I'm just going to sign off and say that we did the blood test. All it needs is my sign-off. We are supposed to dispose of the vial anyway once it's completed, due to 'contamination risk.' I believe you." He was staring at her. "Sorry, I just...I'm sorry. I didn't realize how...alright, I know I'm going to sound ignorant now, but I never realized how bad all this really is. This is really...dehumanizing. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It didn't used to be this bad." Another reassurance that only served to make her feel worse.
"No, this is bullshit. I'm sitting here drinking your tea and then I'm supposed to have you slice your hand open for me? No. Merlin. The Registry can stuff it." She circled BLOOD MATCH POSITIVE - NO FURTHER ACTION REQUIRED, then signed her initials with a slightly more violent jerk of the quill than was necessary. She pushed the parchment toward him, so that he could verify that she'd signed what she said she would. "See, right there - I've signed off on it. We're all set. You're all set."
"Okay, thank you." He still looked troubled, though his shoulders had relaxed slightly. "If this is going to cause you any trouble at work, I don't want...I can just -"
"Nope. It's fine. You want to talk about me risking my job, I knocked over an entire shelf of evidence from a Felix Felicis smuggling bust the other day." She grinned at him. "If they didn't sack me for that, I'd say I'm golden."
He chuckled. "A shame you didn't manage to down some of the evidence before destroying it all."
"I don't think even liquid luck could save anything fragile from my body's complete lack of awareness of its own center of gravity. Hopeless, really." She shuffled the parchment into her bag, draining the rest of her tea. "Anyway, I've wasted enough of your time. I'll head back to file this with the Registry, and you should get some sleep, alright?"
He pushed back from the table with a slight grimace as she stood. "I'll walk you to the door."
She noticed he was still limping. "Is your foot…?"
"It's alright," he replied. "I've reset the bone, it just takes a little while to fully heal. It should be fine in a couple of hours."
"Alright, if you say so. Merlin, this weather is grim. Hope these walls are thick. Or that you've got a humongous pile of blankets somewhere in here." She shivered slightly as a draft blew through the doorway, then stuck out her hand as she turned to face him on the threshold. "Nice seeing you again, Lupin. I'll likely see you next month."
"I look forward to it," he replied, returning her handshake rather weakly.
"I think that may have been facetious, but I'll forgive you."
"Not necessarily facetious," he replied with a small smile. "I'm rather curious to know if you always choose wear your hair pink or if I've simply lucked out twice now. Goodbye, Tonks." Before she could even fathom what that could possibly mean, the door shut firmly behind her and Tonks headed down the cracked stone path in the front garden, clutching her satchel tightly. What an odd man. Perfectly polite, and perhaps in possession of a sharper sense of humor than she would have originally ascribed to him. But he was so hard to read, and Tonks had always considered herself good at reading others. She couldn't quite get a read on him, and she found it rather off-putting.
The following few weeks, she didn't give him much more thought. And so she couldn't explain the odd sense of disappointment she experienced when Kingsley showed up at her desk the afternoon of the next full moon to notify her that she was due at the office first thing in the morning for a meeting some arsehole somewhere had decided should be far too early.
"I have that check-in with Remus Lupin tomorrow morning. For the Registry."
"I know, that's why I'm here. Scrimgeour really wants you there tomorrow since you were the last Auror to handle our informant on the Demiguise smuggling case. I'll be going to Lupin's instead. Do you have his file?"
"Yeah, let me find it." She rummaged around in her desk drawer, producing the folder after a minute or two. "Hold on a second. Take this, too." She dug out a small parcel and handed it to Kingsley, who frowned slightly as he folded back the wrapping.
"Is this tea? Why -"
"Poor sod was reusing his tea bags when I was there. He used one of his last fresh ones on me while he drank what I'm sure tasted like old dishwater, so I owe him some tea leaves." Kingsley didn't respond, he just arched an eyebrow. "Look, Kingsley, just bring him the fucking tea, alright?"
He held up his hands defensively. "I never said I wouldn't. Do you have the blood test potion?"
"What?"
He gestured vaguely, folder in hand. "It says here that we need to administer a blood test before we can sign off on all the paperwork. Do you have one with you? If not, I suppose I can run down to Level 4 at some point today to snag one, but I'd love to avoid that trip if I can manage it. I still owe Dagwood that report on the banshee incident in Cardiff last week and I've been avoiding him like mad."
"Oh...yeah. I mean, technically...yeah, here. I have it." She dug the vial out of her bottom drawer, handing it to her colleague. He gave her another odd look.
"You...did administer this test last time, didn't you?"
"Yeah, of course I did," she said a bit too quickly, avoiding his eyes as she fiddled with her coffee cup. She heard him sigh softly.
"Tonks…"
"What are we doing here, Kingsley?" she said abruptly.
"You mean, aside from discussing the fact that you're definitely breaking some sort of regulation or ethics code by providing a tin of tea to a werewolf you've been assigned to check up on?"
"Didn't realize being a decent person was forbidden at the Ministry now," she snapped, then lowered her voice as she continued. "I mean, in general. Here at the Ministry, Kingsley. What are we doing? We're supposed to be helping people and keeping them safe, right? Every day, I'm feeling more and more like it's getting harder to do that. I don't...this kind of bullshit is not what I signed up for." She gestured at the vial he was holding.
"I know. But look, Tonks. The Ministry needs people like you. It's a good job we do have you."
"What do you mean, people like me?"
He was watching her closely. "People who still care. Who want to help. People who are willing to take risks to do the right thing." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but then suddenly straightened up from where he'd been leaning against the wall of her cubicle and gave her shoulder a small squeeze. "I'll be sure to give Lupin the tea. See you tomorrow, Tonks. Don't stay too late."
"Take it easy, Kingsley." As he left her cubicle, she couldn't help but feel slightly uneasy. It'd almost felt as if Kingsley knew something she didn't. Maybe she shouldn't have said that stuff about the Ministry. Then again, Kingsley had never given her any reason not to trust him - in fact, he was probably the one person in the entire Ministry that she trusted wholeheartedly.
She could almost hear Mad-Eye's voice in her head. Trust no one. The more she tried to quell these feelings of doubt and dissatisfaction with her job, the stronger they bubbled up. But for her own sake, maybe she should just keep her head down and keep going about business as usual. Though keeping her head down was never something that had come quite easily to Tonks.
Tonks stifled a yawn as she followed Mad-Eye into the grimy, imposing-looking house that had just appeared before their eyes. She made a mental note to ask about the creepy house-elf heads that were mounted on the wall in the dark entryway - those couldn't be real, could they? - but kept silent as she followed Mad-Eye and Kingsley through the musty hallway to a flight of stairs that led downward.
She couldn't believe it was only that morning that Mad-Eye and Kingsley had appeared outside her flat at the crack of dawn, inviting themselves in rather rudely ("Er - I'm a bit underdressed at the mo', just woke up and all - it's not even 5am, see - can I at least change before we do whatever the fuck this is?", to which Moody has snapped that there was no time and shoved past her into her own flat) and helped themselves to her coffee (again, rather rude) as they explained to her - perhaps a little too casually, she thought - that she was being recruited for the revival of the Order of the Phoenix, if she believed Harry Potter and Dumbledore regarding Voldemort's return and was equally willing to put everything on the line to fight for what she believed in. It wasn't even a question - of course she was willing. She'd felt a slight sense of relief that Kingsley's caginess regarding the doubts she'd been expressing to him regarding the Ministry's intentions was for a good reason, and nothing that involved her being forced to turn in her Auror's badge.
The rest of the day at work had passed equal parts blurrily quick and agonizingly slow. She had to admit that while she was excited about the whole thing, what she was most anticipating was being reunited with Sirius Black. Oh, mum would be gobsmacked whenever Tonks would be allowed to tell her that her favorite cousin was, in fact, innocent. She wondered what he looked like; her memories of her cousin were rather faded and blurry around the edges, and the Ministry photographs of the sunken-eyed fugitive never quite slotted in with what she thought she did remember of him, leaving a vague, faceless man to be conjured in her brain whenever she heard his name.
She didn't have to wonder for long. "Is that our little Nymphadora?" They'd stepped into a dim, cavernous basement kitchen, and she'd barely had a chance to look around before her gaze settled on the dark-haired man before her. Though he certainly showed striking signs of someone who'd spent the better part of the last fifteen years in Azkaban, she was relieved to see a hint of the friendly gleam she remembered from their youth reflected in his dark eyes.
She swallowed, feeling as if she was glued to the spot. "Nice to see you, Sirius. But I must insist you never call me by that name again or I will send you straight back to Azkaban."
He stared at her for just a moment, then with a barking laugh, covered the distance between them with only a few long strides and pulled her into a crushing hug. "Just as feisty as I remember." He pulled back, holding her at arm's length while he inspected her, a wistful look on his face. "Blimey, I can't believe you're all grown. I remember you when you were just a little sprog. And here you are now, a proper young woman. Can hardly believe it."
She rolled her eyes, though she was grinning. "Same old sprog at heart, though, don't you worry. And I don't know that I'd describe myself as proper, but glad you think so." She took a deep breath. "It really is good to see you, Sirius."
"You'll have to stay after tonight's meeting for a drink, I want to hear everything about you. We have so much to catch up on."
All she could do was nod. "Yeah - yeah, I can stay for a drink."
"Excellent. Then you should likely meet the other worryingly regular inhabitant of this dingy old basement, he'll be grateful there's someone else to keep me entertained for an evening. Oi, Moony, get your scrawny arse over here," he called over his shoulder before turning back to her. "That's my best mate, Remus -"
"Lupin?" she asked, catching sight of the man sitting at the table behind Sirius. He grinned at her, pushing back out of his chair to come over and shake her hand.
"Nice to see you again, Nymphadora."
"Oi. What'd I say about my first name?"
"I believe all you said was that I'd never be privy to that information, but thankfully, Sirius' voice carries," he replied with a slight smirk. "And speaking of first names, you can just call me Remus, if you'd like."
"Wait, how d'you two know each other?" Sirius asked curiously.
Tonks narrowed her eyes suspiciously as Kingsley filed past her to take a seat on the table, clapping Remus on the shoulder by way of greeting as he passed. "Wait - how long - did you know I was being recruited into the Order? All those times I came by for check-ins? That time Kingsley went instead of me -"
He smiled. "Kingsley might have mentioned in passing that he had a fresh young Auror in mind, in case we found ourselves in the situation of needing to reinstate the Order and recruit new members."
"Were you vetting me all that time?" she asked incredulously.
"I wouldn't call it vetting as much as I would say we were getting to know each other a little better over tea and incredibly invasive questions courtesy of Dolores Umbridge, but Kingsley and Mad-Eye did ask me to give my opinion of you."
"Wait, Tonks is the Auror who was always bringing you tea?" Sirius cut in suddenly. A slight flush appeared on Remus' face for some reason.
Now it was her turn to grin. "I would have brought some more if I knew you were going to be here. If I'd known that each time we talked I was, in fact, undergoing a personality assessment for a clandestine resistance organization."
"Which you obviously passed with flying colors," Remus replied. "Not to worry, we've plenty of tea here, Molly - Molly Weasley, you'll meet her soon, she should be here any minute now - she keeps a well-stocked kitchen. Likely the best stocked kitchen in all of Britain. Maybe you can stay for a cup after the meeting."
"I already invited her to stay for a drink, Moony, we've lots to catch up on. But I had something slightly stronger in mind. Boring old sod, this one," Sirius said to Tonks, ignoring Remus' eye roll as he slapped his friend on the back.
Her first Order meeting passed by in a blur. She was surrounded by many faces, some familiar, several new. She propped herself up on an elbow as Mad-Eye called out the agenda items from the head of the table. At one point, she found herself watching Remus curiously as he gave an update on a group of werewolves near Glasgow that he'd apparently been keeping tabs on. He spoke with a quiet self-assurance, and she could tell from the way the rest of the Order members were listening raptly that he was well-respected within the organization. She shouldn't have been surprised; though he'd always been rather guarded whenever she'd spoke with him during his check-ins, she had caught clear glimpses of sharp intelligence and what she thought could potentially be a rather witty sense of humor. Still, she was struck by the difference between the way he carried himself in this warm, crowded kitchen and the polite wariness she'd encountered that first time she met him at the Ministry. Even Sirius, who'd looked bored and who'd been spinning his wand in a rather irritating fashion on the table before him throughout most of the evening, was now paying close attention as his friend spoke.
Though she'd spoken with him several times now, she didn't know him, not really. She was most excited to better reacquaint herself with her cousin, but now she found herself wanting to know more about the quieter man sitting next to him at the table, too. It still niggled at her brain that he was so hard to read.
"Tea?" The meeting had adjourned; most of its attendees had filtered out or were slowly making their way to the door, lost in conversation with one another. Remus was smiling at her over the bottle of Firewhiskey Sirius had set down on the table in front of him, a bottle which he was steadfastly ignoring. She grinned back.
"Sure."
A/N Woo boy, I've been hit with a baaad case of writer's block, but what better way to get around it than to just crash right through it? I'm not entirely happy with this and may end up fixing and reuploading at some point lol but I am trying to get some writing out into the universe with the hopes that it'll lure the creativity back to me.
This started off as a oneshot but then kept getting longer so I've tried separating it into what'll likely be three parts, the last two of which I hope to upload in the next week or two after some tweaks. But if the continuity seems kind of weird, that'll partially be why.
As always, open to any and all feedback, thoughts, comments, your hopes and dreams, etc! I hope you're all safe and doing well :)