Chapter 6
Arthur had been talking to Gwaine for quite a while before his phone rang. "Hello?"
"Arthur!"
"Daegal," Arthur sat up excitedly, "Have you heard anything?"
Gwaine watched Arthur's face as he took the call, allowing himself to get excited too. He felt awful about what had happened to Merlin and desperately wanted some good news.
"Gwaine, I'm sorry, I have to go," Arthur stuffed his phone in his pocket and stood up.
"Why?" Gwaine asked cautiously.
"Because I need to go and see Merlin."
Merlin felt completely and utterly miserable. His chest was aching, his head was pounding he was coughing constantly and he hadn't heard from Arthur. The kind nurse had told him that he had been in a hospital in England but only for a couple of days before he'd been discharged. The hospital Merlin was in had tried calling the couple's house landline but no one had answered.
It never occurred to Merlin to ask about any of his other friends. If he had, he would have discovered that Gwaine was only half an hour away from him.
Merlin had been fighting the urge to cry for nearly a week. He knew Arthur better than any other. He would never give up on finding Merlin unless he was incapable of looking. But he'd been discharged from hospital so surely that meant he wasn't hurt. So did that mean someone else was? If one of their friends was seriously ill or injured, Arthur would prioritise that over looking for Merlin.
He coughed and allowed his head to drop back onto the pillow then fall to one side with a sigh. Closing his eyes, to keep back a wave of the tears he'd tried to hard to conceal, Merlin tried to take some calming breaths. He heard the door to his room open and close but ignored it. He wasn't in the mood to make small-talk with one of the nurses. The footsteps didn't sound like a nurses', however. The shoes seemed to have hard souls. And the nurses didn't tend to pull up a chair and sit down or take his hand. Merlin felt his heart race as he squeezed his eyes together tighter then opened them slowly.
Immediately Arthur's lips were on Merlin's. That was all it took for Merlin's wall to break. After a few minutes of tearful kissing, Merlin pulled away, "You're here."
"Of course, I'm here."
Merlin slapped Arthur as hard as he could, "Why didn't you answer the phone? I was really scared, Arthur, I thought-"
"Everyone's fine, Merlin. All of us."
"Well what took you so long?" Merlin joked, laughing a little.
Merlin hugged Arthur tightly and they cried into each other's shoulders. Merlin's fingers dug into Arthur's shirt and he trembled with relief to be back in his husband's arms.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to find you," Arthur said, placing one hand on each of Merlin's cheeks and holding their faces together to that they were pressed at the forehead.
"You flew."
"Yeah. And it'll be a while before I do it again so you better appreciate it."
"Of course I do!"
"You're very difficult to find, you know. None of the hospitals said you were there. I called and called and called for days."
"I wasn't actually in hospital for a while," Merlin said, "I didn't get rescued from the sea until at least two days after the crash."
"Two days? What?"
"I don't remember what happened exactly. I just know I was floating in the middle of the sea for two days until a couple found me on their trip and rescued me. Apparently it was further three days before I woke up here."
"I'm so sorry."
"How on earth is this your fault?"
"I couldn't get to you. I've spent this whole week terrified that the last thing I ever would have said to you was a promise I couldn't fulfil. I said I was coming to get you and I didn't and instead of trying harder I trusted that man. He said you'd be alright!"
"I am alright. I'm not upset with you, Arthur, how could I be?" Merlin kissed him sweetly, "Were you hurt?"
"No. Not seriously."
"Your ear, Arthur. And you're in pain. Tell me," Merlin raised his hand to touch the side of Arthur's head where his ear lobe used to be. Arthur pulled his head away and looked down sadly.
"Arthur-"
"It won't grow back, Merls, don't bother."
"Actually, I was going to say that now we're even. You don't have an ear, I don't have a leg…"
"I have some of it left!" Arthur smiled appreciatively.
"I've got some of my leg left," Merlin argued easily, "Anyway, now you know what life as an amputee is like."
"Stop it, Merlin," Arthur laughed, "You shouldn't joke about that."
"Who am I going to offend? Myself?"
Arthur sat back a bit with a wince and took Merlin's hand, "Come on, then. Out with it- what's wrong with you?"
"Ah, ah, ah," Merlin shook his head, "You're in pain. What else?"
"Broken ribs. Not serious, I'll be fine. Why haven't you been discharged?"
"Funny how mundane broken ribs are to us," Merlin chuckled.
"Merlin! Tell me why you're still in this hospital bed connected to an IV."
"It's just a lung infection, Arthur, it's alright."
"Just," Arthur snorted.
"I get them all the time," Merlin pointed out.
They spent some time telling each other everything that had happened.
"So do you need to go back and see Gwaine?" Merlin had asked sadly when Arthur was explaining how he'd left their friend in a hurry.
"He knows where I am," Arthur said, "And he needs some rest. Percival's been sitting with him for a week and they've been driving themselves mad with worry. He feels really bad about what happened to you. Thinks you never would have been missing if he'd stayed with you. You nearly drowned, Merls."
Merlin shrugged, "I don't remember it if that makes you feel any better."
"What do you remember?"
"Falling off the boat and sinking. Trying to swim back up but not being strong enough so trying to get my leg off so I was lighter. Then I must have blacked out but I remember trying to swim towards you, being pulled back under the water then nothing till hours later. The only thing I could see apart from sea or sky was the outline of some land in the distance. Then that couple were pulling me out the water."
"Really not that traumatic, then," Arthur joked.
"No, not at all. At least we know I can still swim. Arthur, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Why did you stop calling the hospitals? Did you give up?"
"I would never give up on you. But Eira needed looking after and work was completely insane having been without managers in England for a few days and then the new branch opening in Ireland. Everyone kept telling me that I had to be patient, help one person at a time. And once I decided I was going to come here and find you, I had to take time off work, get Eira permission to be off school, book flights and hotels. It was crazy."
Merlin nodded, "I'm so glad you're here."
"So am I."
"Merlin?" Arthur shook his shoulder gently to stir him, "Merls?"
"Mm?"
"Do you mind if I go and see Gwaine for a bit while you're getting some rest?"
"Why?"
"He's being discharged from the hospital because they need the space. Percy needs help getting him to the hotel."
"Your ribs, Arthur."
"I'll be alright."
Merlin sighed, "Be careful. And make sure he knows I don't blame him."
Arthur had been in Ireland for three days, staying with Merlin for most of his time. He'd slept in the hotel room he was sharing with Percival and Eira and they ate a healthy breakfast together in the morning before Arthur left to go to Merlin. Percival would take Eira for a walk and then out for lunch and then they'd go to see Gwaine. Percival and Eira would leave for dinner then return to see Gwaine for a while longer. Arthur would leave the hospital Merlin was at and walk to meet his friends, say a quick hello to Gwaine, then the three would return to the hotel together.
Merlin's infection wasn't clearing. The nurses assured them it often took a couple of weeks so he'd be starting to feel better soon. It was driving Merlin mad. He still had a horrible feeling that there was something else going on. After everything he'd been through recently, and everything everyone else had been through, he just wanted to go home and see his friends. He knew Arthur wasn't too keen to get on a plane again and neither of them wanted to go anywhere near a ferry for a while but they also didn't want to be in Ireland.
"I love you."
Merlin gripped Arthur's hand as tightly as he could, "I love you more." They were both feeling particularly clingy after being separated for a week unwillingly without knowing anything about what was happening to the other.
"I'll be back soon," Arthur bent down and kissed Merlin, "Get some sleep."
Getting Gwaine from the hospital to the hotel was a bigger mission than it might sound. Eira wanted a piggy-back ride and was very over-excited, Gwaine needed help walking so they were all thankful that Arthur was able to pay for a taxi. One thing he had managed to do at home was go to the bank and sort out credit cards in replacement for those which were at the bottom of the sea in a wrecked ferry.
Arthur left the little family alone and made his way out the hotel. Walking all the way back to the hospital seemed like a lot something he couldn't quite be bothered to do and he knew Merlin would still be asleep anyway so Arthur went to get himself a coffee, then sat down in a nice park to drink it. He also got out his phone and decided now was a good time to give Hunith one of the daily calls she was getting at the moment.
It rung a few times before she picked up and said, "Hello, Arthur."
"Hi, Hunith. Have I caught you at a bad time?"
"No, no. Don't worry. How are you, sweetie?"
Arthur smiled. Talking to Hunith always felt like talking to a mother, "I'm fine, thank you."
"Ready to go home, I bet?"
"Definitely."
Hunith laughed softly, "Any news for me today?"
"Nothing new about Merlin, I'm afraid."
"Are you with him?"
"Not at the minute. I just needed a moment to myself."
"Why? You sound sad, honey."
"I'm not sad," Arthur said, "Gwaine just got discharged from hospital and he's back at the hotel with Percy and Eira."
"And you're feeling like you don't have a family like they do?"
"Yeah," Arthur sighed, "It's selfish, I know. But Gwaine and Percy, Gwen and Lance, Morgana and Leon- they're all married and have kids and their new families feel like we don't have our old one together anymore. I thought that maybe the ferry accident might bring us together. But it's just separated us more. We don't need each other anymore."
"A family like yours will always need each other. You might feel distant now, but you can't focus on that because then you'll just separate yourself mentally. Think about everything you've done together as a group. Focus on your individual relationship with each and every person and you'll realise how lucky you are. Elyan isn't married, he doesn't have any children. But he has a sister, a brother-in-law, four children who consider him an uncle and the most amazing friends on the planet."
"I just remember a time when we felt like we could conquer the world together," Arthur sighed, "We barely see one another even though we work in the same building, no one's used our group chat for weeks, I can't remember the last time we went to the pub together. And yet, life is carrying on. Before last week, it felt like we only needed each other when someone was dying. Turns out even then we don't."
"Arthur, when you were in hospital by yourself, what were you thinking about?"
"Finding everyone else."
"And what do you think they might have been thinking about?"
Arthur didn't reply.
"Just because there isn't a reason for you to feel like a family, doesn't make you any less of one."
"But when we worked at Camelot, we spoke to each other all the time."
"And how much has changed since then? You own a business, you're busy people. Relationships change and evolve and strengthen. Maybe your relationship with Merlin has strengthened so much that those that you have with everyone else seem different."
"Maybe," Arthur looked down at his watch, "I should probably head back to him."
"How is he?"
"Bored," Arthur chuckled as he tossed his coffee cup into a bin and started walking, "Desperate to get home and see everyone."
"And the infection?"
"The doctors say it'll be mostly cleared up within the week," Arthur tried to keep the skepticism from his voice. He was sure there was something the doctors weren't telling them.
"That's great. How long until he can travel?"
"Whenever. I think it'll be Gwaine that determines when we're ready to go. He's not fairing too well."
"Send him my love."
"Of course."
"Tell Merlin I'll try my best to come up at the weekend to see him."
"He'll appreciate that."
"Love you both."
Arthur said his goodbyes to Hunith and put his phone away. He was nearly at the hospital now, having walked very quickly but the longest part of the journey was always getting from the entrance of the building to the room Merlin was in.
Merlin was awake when Arthur arrived, something which surprised him a little.
"This isn't like after the fire," Merlin said, noting the look on Arthur's face, "I don't have to spend every hour of my time asleep."
"I know. I just would have come back sooner if I knew. I don't like leaving you alone."
"I'm not in any danger "
"That's not what I mean! I don't like leaving you alone because it means I'm alone too! And after the week I just had of being alone constantly-"
"Alright! I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," Arthur rubbed his eyes, "I'm just- never mind."
"Tell me."
"I just feel like our friends don't need us anymore. We all got through the storm by ourselves."
"No we didn't. We dealt for a few days without anyone else because we had to, fighting through whatever was wrong because we knew we had to find everyone else."
"You're wrong, Merlin," Arthur said sadly, "Not even you need me anymore. There was a time when I'd do everything for you. We'd spend every minute together no matter what day it was, what time it was, who else was there. Nothing's the same anymore!" He stood up from the chair he'd just sat in and walked out, feeling no guilt whatsoever.
Merlin watched the door close feeling more pain in that moment than he had for years. He and Arthur never fought, not ever. They always managed to understand exactly where the other was coming from and they talked through it together, curled up in each other's arms or sitting together with a meal. They had a way of thinking what it was like for the other and knowing what needed to be said or done to fix it.
His time, however, Merlin genuinely couldn't understand where Arthur was coming from. So he didn't know how to make it better.