Drowning in Dusk Chapter 29 The Worst that Can Happen, a twilight fanfic

I apologize in advanced for the ...darkness, for lack of a better word (I use that a lot in coming chapters-SORRY), of this chapter.

If you are sensitive to physical or sexual violence, be warned this chapter is not for you. This chapter contains sensitive material.
It is integral to the story and plot... as well as the characters. Bella deserves for her truth to come out.
This chapter was INCREDIBLY hard to write. I had to pour myself a scotch after this one, but I felt it worth it.

Please, if things of that nature offend of upset you DO NOT READ.

I warned you...

With that being said, we are almost there, pals.
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for journeying with me and the characters...

Chapter 29: The Worst that Could Happen

BPOV

I decided to take Edward to the coffee shop I used to frequent with my friends because I was running out of things to do in Phoenix with him. The past six months in Forks has clouded my memories of Phoenix entertainment. We sat in my old spot, a table against the windows halfway between the cash register and the serving counter. The chai tea latte I was drinking was unparalleled in deliciousness—I had missed this part of my old life without even knowing it. Edward sat there drinking his black coffee, staring at me with adoration in his eyes and a faint smile on his lips. With all of the stress that had been surrounding our lives the past few months, it really was nice to get away from it all on a bright and sunny vacation, even if it was to the location I had vacated quite enthusiastically six months prior. Edward's voice soon brought me out of my reverie.

"Thank you, Bella," he stated.

"For what?"

"Sharing your past with me, the things you loved, the things you didn't… It helps complete the picture I have of you."

"…the picture you have of me?"

"Well, fuck, I don't know," he huffed, the explicative finally peppering his speech again. "You know, just knowing you, as much as I can… it's nice. Fuck, I sound like a fucking fruit, don't I?"

"No! No, I think I get it… well, you're welcome. I, uh, I want you to know me, Edward. I don't want to hide anything… I just wish I could remember that night so I could share that with you too," I sighed. "I secretly thought that maybe coming here might, I don't know… jog my memory or something," I admitted. I hadn't previously even admitted that thought to myself until now.

"I thought the same damn thing, sugar." Edward cocked his mouth into a crooked, guilty grin.

"I suppose that makes us equally pathetic."

"Not pathetic, just hopeful," he corrected, grabbing my hand that wasn't wrapped around my chai tea latte and giving it a gentle squeeze. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes after that, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

The chime to the shop chirped as the door opened yet again. This time, however, my eyes flickered in mild curiosity as to who it was. Not expecting to actually know who it was, shivers of anxiety ran down my sides as recognition of the person occurred. Instantly my breathing hitched in my throat as my eyes fell upon Alec Mallory. I used to have a crush on him back when I lived here in Phoenix; perhaps this was why my body was reacting this way? My reaction made no sense otherwise. Quickly, I pulled my eyes away and kept them glued to my chai tea latte. My thoughts were then consumed with before, all of the times I had before the accident: good and bad. Jacob, Lauren, Jane, everyone filtered in and out of memories I had tampered down.

Without warning, another memory flashed into my mind, part of a memory I was beginning to think was lost to me forever….

The door chimed as I walked in and I spotted Jake sitting to the right against the wall of windows in our usual spot, halfway between the cash register and the serving counter, his back to the door. I glided over to him and saw that he had already ordered my favorite chai tea latte, iced because it was the middle of the hottest summer ever. Actually, every summer in Phoenix felt like the hottest summer ever, we residents seemed to forget that this blazingly intense heat could exist for three months of the year. As I took my seat, Jake leaned across the table and kissed my cheek by way of greeting, even though he knew that PDA made me feel awkward. I blushed madly, as usual.

"Sorry, Izz. I couldn't help myself. Being gone on a hiking trip for the past week has really made me miss you," he offered by way of excusing his unusual behavior. Although Jacob and I had been dating for the past two years or so, rarely did we act like it in public. I enjoyed it that way. It showed how easy our relationship was, how comfortable we were with each other that we didn't feel the need to "claim" each other in public the way that other couples felt compelled to.

"I missed you too," I admitted. Jake was what I secretly referred to as my boy-bff. Yes, he was my boyfriend and we madeout like crazy and fooled around sometimes, but at the root of it all he was like a best friend. He was almost brotherly, though in a different sort of way than Emmett was, but he cared for me. I didn't know if I was in love with Jake yet, but I certainly loved him. In time, I figured, when we were older and more mature I might fall in love with him, but as for now I thought we were too young to feel that way for each other. The concept seemed too intense for my seemingly inexperienced brain to process. Maybe that was the way virgins thought, but that's how I saw it.

"You better," he retorted, laughing his sunny laugh.

"So, I've been thinking of taking a trip up to Forks to visit my dad and Emmett soon…" I started. The look on Jake's face was almost that of annoyance. "I mean, I haven't seen them since… Spring Break and I really miss them, ya know? And I was wondering," I continued, wanting to take that look away, "if maybe you wanted to come with?" I finished lamely. His smile widened in an instant, all toothy and bright. Jacob smiled in completely his own way. It was as if the sun shone through his pearly-whites. Quite literally, it seemed to light up rooms.

"Yea! Definitely, I would definitely love to come!" His answer was almost instantaneous, and I expected nothing less.

"Great. I'll figure out when and get back to you…" From then, our conversation continued easily. He told me all about his back-packing trip with his best friends and older cousin, how they almost got stung by a few scorpions one night, and all of their other antics.

"Oh, crap! I got to go get ready!" I exclaimed when I suddenly realized how time had gotten away from me.

"Come on, Izzy, stay a little while longer," he begged. No matter how much time of mine I gave him, it was never enough for him.

"I can't Jake, it's almost 3:00 and I still have to eat, shower, and pack my over-night bag. Mrs. Mallory's making us dinner so I need to be on-time, if not a little early. It's only polite," I explained. Etiquette was lost on Jake and most boys apparently.

"Izz, please, please, please! I've missed you so much! Three hours is not enough time after being separated for a week." His pleading face did not dissuade me completely, though it did give me a moment's pause. "What time do you have to be there?"

"Five."

"Crap," he huffed, and dropped his head to his hands, his elbows propped up on the table. "Well, what if," Jacob started, attempting to find a loophole in the scenario to buy us more time together, "I stopped by later tonight?"

"Jake, no! It's a girl's night only! Lauren's boyfriend isn't going to be there, so I can't have you there."

"What if I stopped by around one? That way they'd most likely be sleeping or something and you can pretend you're going to the bathroom if necessary and hangout with me for a little while. Oh, c'mon, don't give me that look! You know it's a good plan," he rationalized. It's true, since Lauren wasn't into partying at her girl's night party, we would likely be passed out to some movie by 12:30 at the latest… One a.m. really wouldn't such a bad time to hangout out with Jake for a little bit.

"Fine. But only if you promise to leave when I tell you to."

"Deal!" Pure excitement shone through his eyes with the smile to match. It was almost as if he was addicted to me, my Jacob.

"Ok, but Jake, I really have to go now. Call me when you get there later, Ok?"

"Sure thing Izz. Miss you already."

.::.

"Know him?" Edward interrupted my memories.

"Huh?" I replied lamely, clearly caught unawares. I looked up at Alec again and realized Edward must have noticed. "Oh, the blonde? That's Lauren's older brother. Alec." Alec, as if on cue, looked around the shop and right into my eyes. The sensation that followed his ice-blue gaze was as if a frozen hand gripped my heart and it ceased to beat—frozen. As soon as he saw me, Alec turned at left the shop without ordering. What an odd fucking guy.

"What the fuck?" Edward muttered.

"Fuck if I know… I didn't exactly leave town on the best of terms, though… People are still pretty weird about me." I offered. I could see how my words hurt Edward. He took my pain as his own.

"Their fucking loss!" he hissed. "Fuck them!" Typical Edward.

"Edward," I sighed, "let's go back to my mom's place. I was right to leave…" I replied. The moment I had seen Alec something in me changed, almost snapped. It was like I had seen a ghost. I no longer wanted to be out in public. In fact, I felt afraid to be alone. So afraid, that I needed to be as close to Edward as possible. He was the only thing that felt safe in this town full of ghosts. It was this need for him that made me realize just how much I loved him. He always put my wellbeing first, my safety. He loved me just as consumingly as I did him. In that moment, I knew the time had come. I wanted to give him the rest of me—the part of me I had never given Jacob or anyone else. I wanted to show Edward this, and thank him for loving me so truly. I wanted him to have me body and soul.

It was a dizzying journey getting to the bedroom or so it seemed, but I felt ready.

I looked into his desire-ridden brilliant green eyes and felt at home. Only his eyes could exactly mirror what I was feeling so perfectly. There was no lust, only love-induced passion. In that moment of clarity my unknown past and current uncertainty melted away as everything suddenly clicked into place. This felt so right, to not consummate our love now would be wrong.

I nodded lightly my response.

He gently scooted me further into his large bed and laid me back. I lifted off his shirt. My panties were the only articles of clothing still on as he quickly yanked his boxers off. He thumbed the edge of the lace fabric on my hips as he slowly climbed over me. Despite the loving atmosphere, I was suddenly and intensely shrouded in darkness. Before I knew what or why I was doing it, I was thrashing about the bed, screaming bloody murder.

.::.

July 2009

I had awoken that Friday morning in July with a purpose: to take my stupid Trigonometry final, end summer school, and then have a blast with my friends at Lauren's house. In near-record timing, I finished the silly test in under forty minutes or so… yea, I was a pretty smart kid. Because I was still irritated that I had wasted six weeks in a summer class, although necessary to get to higher-level math classes to be prepared for college, I hit snooze on my alarm and woke up at the last moment possible before leaving for the school. My shower would just have to wait until I had finished. On my way home, my cell rang.

"Hey Jake," I answered, recognizing his personalized ring-tone.

"Izzy, did you finish yet?" Jacob was never one for much small talk. He always cut right to right to the chase. I liked that in him; too often people felt the need to fill silence with useless babble.

"Yup, thirty-five minutes. How awesome am I?"

"That's my girl!" He cooed. "Hey, meet me at the coffee shop. I'm not going to get to see you all day otherwise since you insist on having a stupid girl's night tonight so I won't be able to hangout with my best girl." I could hear his irritation in his voice. Feeling guilty that I wouldn't see him later, I agreed.

"Sorry, Izz. I couldn't help myself. Being gone on a hiking trip for the past week has really made me miss you," he offered, excusing his unusual behavior. Although Jacob and I had been dating for the past two years or so, rarely did we act like it in public. I enjoyed it that way. It showed how easy our relationship was, how comfortable we were with each other that we didn't feel the need to "claim" each other in public the way that other couples felt compelled to.

"I missed you too," I admitted. Jake was what I secretly referred to as my boy-bff. Yes, he was my boyfriend and we madeout like crazy and fooled around sometimes, but at the root of it all he was like a best friend. He was almost brotherly, though in a different sort of way than Emmett was, but he cared for me. I didn't know if I was in love with Jake yet, but I certainly loved him. In time, I figured, when we were older and more mature I might fall in love with him, but as for now I thought we were too young to feel that way for each other. The concept seemed too intense for my seemingly inexperienced brain to process. Maybe that was the way virgins thought, but that's how I saw it.

"You better," he retorted, laughing his sunny laugh.

"Yea! Definitely, I would definitely love to come!" His answer was almost instantaneous, and I expected nothing less.

"Oh, crap! I got to go get ready!" I exclaimed when I suddenly realized how time had gotten away from me.

"Come on, Izzy, stay a little while longer," he begged. No matter how much time of mine I gave him, it was never enough for him.

"Izz, please, please, please! I've missed you so much! Three hours is not enough time after being separated for a week." His pleading face did not dissuade me completely, though it did give me a moment's pause. "What time do you have to be there?"

"Five."

"Jake, no! It's a girl's night only! Lauren's boyfriend isn't going to be there, so I can't have you there."

"Fine. But only if you promise to leave when I tell you to."

"Deal!" Pure excitement shone through his eyes with the smile to match. It was almost as if he was addicted to me, my Jacob.

"Ok, but Jake, I really have to go now. Call me when you get there later, Ok?"

"Sure thing Izz. Miss you already."

When I got home, I immediately jumped into the shower. Jake had left me virtually no time to get ready. With my hair still wet, I hastily made a sandwich to tide me over until Mrs. Mallory served dinner. Since Mrs. Mallory was a good cook and somewhat into the pomp and circumstance of a properly put-upon dinner party—even just for three teenage girls—that would mean that dinner probably wouldn't be served until about 5:30 or even 5:45, even if I was set to be served at five o'clock. After washing down my sandwich with iced tea, I finished getting ready. Normally, I wouldn't have bothered going through the whole getting-ready routine, but since Mrs. Mallory was doing the dinner-thing, I didn't really have much choice to show up looking anything but presentable. Lauren, Jane, and Mrs. Mallory would want to put the pictures on Facebook, and even though I didn't have the stupid social media page, I didn't want to be posted all over the internet looking like a bum next to the pristine blondes that were Lauren and Jane. I was so different than the two of them sometimes I wondered why we were even friends, but I didn't have time to think about that right then, so I squashed it down and finished packing.

When it was time to leave, my mom and Phil weren't back from their day trip to visit Phil's mom in some nursing home, so I left them a note telling them that I had left already and that I'd see them the next day. I really was a good, considerate kid, I thought while driving my car over to the Mallory's, it was about a five minute drive between our two houses. Not that I was prideful or overly confident, god knows that I could never have been described as overly confident, but my parents were lucky to have such a well-behaved daughter as me. I was sixteen, a stone's throw away from being seventeen, and I had almost never had one of those rebellious teenage freak-outs. Maybe I had always played it too safe, I mused as I parked on the Mallory's long driveway.

Mrs. Mallory had planned a lovely four-course meal for us ladies, and we were joined by Mr. Mallory and Lauren's older brother Alec before he went out with some of his friends. I had always felt nervous in his company. The tall blonde with strikingly crystal-blue eyes was way too good-looking to have ever considered me more than his little sister's friend, but there had been a time, a time before Jake, that I had wished that he would. Now, however, I only felt ill-at ease around him, likely because of that old crush.

After dinner, Lauren, Jane, and I took to the basement for female frivolity. We watched countless chick-flicks while munching on chocolate and any other sort of candy we could get our freshly-manicured hands on. That was Jane's doing, the manicures, she loved doing girly stuff like that. Personally, I hadn't minded it, but it wasn't my first choice of activities. For the rest of the evening we gossiped, munched on our sweet spoils, and watched overly romantic movies that only a gushy girl could love. I had to admit, though, I had a soft spot in my heart for them even though I could never describe myself as a gushy girl.

Like clockwork, by 12:25 a.m. the soft snores and sounds of sleep were coming from both Lauren and Jane from their spots on their blow-up beds on the floor. Jake, too, called my phone at 12:59 a.m. on the dot to tell me that he was outside on the front porch waiting for me. Making sure that my two friends were still asleep, I left the basement and went through the front door to hangout with my boyfriend. I felt only a tiny bit guilty about being this deceiving, but not enough to tell Jake to leave right away. Jake looked up when he heard me come outside, even in the pale moonlight, I could see his wide, ever-present smile on his face.

"Hey beautiful," he whispered to me. I blushed at his compliment.

"Erm, hi," I responded while biting my lip in embarrassment. Though no one else was here, it still made me feel uncomfortable when he called me beautiful. Most of the time I didn't feel that way, so it was weird for him to say it. As I sat next to him, he leaned in closer, placing one of his rough hands on my cheek and bringing his lips to meet mine. His warm lips pushed against mine and I reciprocated the movement. Kissing Jacob didn't feel like anything spectacular, but it also didn't feel wrong. Considering the fact that he was my first kiss thus making it so I had no other basis of comparison, I thought that this was just how kissing was. Nothing to get too excited about, though it could be fun at times. Soon, his breathing became a little labored as our kisses deepened, his hands roaming my body, clutching at me, wanting to smash my body to his. My left hand rested behind his shoulder, while my right was entwined in his silky, raven hair. Finally, he broke off our kisses, presumably so we could catch our breaths.

"Wow, I've been waiting to do that all week," he whispered back with a hint of a chuckle. He was always the one that initiated our kisses. I think he liked the dominance of it. Me, I supposed I hadn't really cared either way. I wasn't much of a physically affectionate person, apparently, because I never felt like grabbing his face and kissing him.

"Yea, it's been a while," I replied, giving him a small smile in return. By the light of the moon, I could see the lust-induced spark in his eyes, the way they deepened in color, if that were at all possible, when he was in that mood.

"Let's go to the Rabbit. We can have more… privacy," he suggested, barely masking his intent.

"I don't know Jacob… I don't think I'm ready for that." It was true; I had been putting off having sex with him for a while. If Jake had had his way, we would have been having sex daily for about a year now.

"When will you ever be ready!?" he nearly whined.

"I don't know when the time is right. It just doesn't feel right yet," I answered, for the thousandth time. If this was why he came over so late at night, I was about to become extremely irritated.

"Izzy, I love you. I want to show you just how much. Why can't you let me do this for you? I know you love me too, you're just scared. I've heard it hurts, but only at first. I promise, it'll be amazing," he pleaded. It was sort of pathetic how he was just begging for sex.

"Jacob!" I scolded in low tones, "It's not about it hurting, or even me not loving you… I just don't think I'm ready for that intensity yet. Please respect my wishes and not push this any further tonight," I said with finality.

"Fine," Jake huffed, "but can I at least get a blow-job? My boner is killing me right now. It's the least you could do, really." The balls on this guy, I swear!

"Jacob! No. Now go home. Don't call me anymore tonight." I got up angrily and went back inside, locking the door after me. I was slightly shaking in my anger and decided to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water to help me calm down. The cold liquid found its way to my stomach, essentially calming the boiling frustration I held there. My hands on either side of me, facing the counter, I leaned against it with my eyes closed. Thoughts of the events that just occurred flickered through my mind. Sometimes Jake was such a typical guy that I believed he was only dating me for one thing, the thing that guys stuck around for and then bailed afterwards: sex.

"Late night rendezvous with the boyfriend?" The voice startled me out of my reverie. I spun around instantly only to be face to face with Alec Mallory.

"Oh, my god, Alec, you scared the crap out of me!" I whispered in a near panic, my heart pounding a mile a minute due to the shock.

"My apologies. I was just up going to the bathroom when I heard voices outside," he answered and truly looked like it felt badly for startling me.

"Oh, sorry. It's ok. Yea, Jake just wanted to talk to me for a minute, but he's gone now," I replied. I didn't want him to turn me into his parents or something. Not that he would, and not that he hasn't done the same thing under his own roof either.

"No worries. So, Izzy, what will you be doing now?"

"Going to bed. It's late."

"It's only one-thirty, not that late. Want to hangout on the couch for a bit? I can't sleep," he asked hopefully. Maybe it was my old crush that made me say yes to him, or maybe I felt badly that my talking with Jacob kept him out of bed even longer, but I found myself nodding in reply. Next thing I knew he had grabbed my hand and started leading me towards the family room. When we were standing behind the couch, he whirled me around abruptly and started kissing me, backing me up until my butt came in contact with the back of the couch. I was so taken aback that I froze for a moment before pushing him away.

"Alec!" I whispered, "I have a boyfriend!"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I've wanted to do that ever since we danced together at the Halloween party Lauren and I had that one year… it shouldn't be Jacob that you're with. It should be me." And with that, he kissed me again. His second kiss was different than his first, it was… softer, and more pleading. It sent shivers through me—the good kind—and I found myself kissing him back. My body started to feel more alive with each passing moment. It was a little more intense than my kisses with Jake had been. Up until that point, it was the most intense kissing I had ever done. I was caught up in the novelty of it all: Alec wanting me to kiss me, probably wanting to be my boyfriend. My fourteen-year-old self was rejoicing and so my almost seventeen-year-old-self decided to simply enjoy it all. Distracted by my thoughts and the kissing itself, I hadn't noticed that Alec's hand had started to move south towards the part of my body that began tingling when he had kissed me for the second time. I hadn't even realized when his hand had slipped between the fabric of my underwear and my abdomen, nearly touching my most private parts. It was when he began stroking me there, although eliciting a very pleasurable feeling, that I realized what was going on and moved to stop him.

"Alec, stop! We can't do this, I have a boyfriend, and… and…" I didn't know how to finish that sentence. And what? I'm a virgin? I rarely let my boyfriend touch me there? What? With Alec, it felt so different, a good different. I actually wanted him to touch me there. It felt so damn good, but it felt like a betrayal to Jake.

"Isabella… Izzy, we have a chemistry that you will never share with your boyfriend. Can't we just play? Doesn't it just feel so good?" He paused and drew out the last threw words, whispering them in my ear. No matter how good it felt, I knew that I shouldn't let him continue. Although my lady-bits were responding with enthusiasm, my brain wasn't. In fact, I was starting to feel uncomfortable with his hand still there doing its ministrations while we talked, attempting to distract me. Just as I was about to push him away, his other hand wrapped around my wrist that rested on his chest, and forced his lips to mine again. His kiss didn't work this time, and I was not distracted by it. I was becoming painfully aware—and uncomfortable—with his hand touching me still. I tried to pull away again.

"Alec, stop. I don't want to do this," I said with more force. Some thought or emotion that I couldn't recognize flickered behind his eyes.

"Ah, I see…," he said with a smirk. "I know what you want." His tone became dark and unnatural. It was clear that he didn't, but when he removed his hand from my lady-bits I thought for a moment that he might realize now that I didn't want him touching me there. I was wrong. I was so, so very wrong.

Before I could stop him, he yanked my pajama pants and underwear down past my knees and grabbed both of my wrists together before whipping me around and bending me over the couch.

What the fuck, I thought. Momentarily I was stunned, and could utter no sounds. I hadn't even realized what he was doing until it was almost too late. He forced my legs apart with his. With his free hand, he felt between my legs at the apex, his fingers finding their way inside me. I screamed, but it only came out muffled into the pillow he had forced my face into. I could hardly breathe. It was as though all my strength was sapped from me. Bile rose up in my throat as I realized what would follow his cold, clammy, and intrusive fingers. I tried to jerk away, but his pelvis and erection—still clothed with the very thin fabric of his pajamas—rammed against my butt, rendering my body immobile. No, no, no no no! I thought. This could not be happening. This sort of shit does NOT happen to girls like me! I'm a good kid! I do good things! I'm even still a virgin despite the fact that twenty minutes ago my boyfriend tried to have me otherwise! It was unreal. I felt so disgusting. The moment his fingers were inside me I felt unclean and dirty.

Without warning, his fingers left me, as did his pelvis. I realized then that he was pulling his pants down. He was about to defile me wholly and completely. I could not let that happen. I could try to fight. I would be at peace with myself if I tried to fight. He was back again, and this time I could feel his bare, erect penis graze the skin between my legs. It was that unwanted contact that gave me a burst of strength I was beforehand incapable of. With one of my legs I kicked behind me, coming into contact with his thigh making him loosen his grip on my wrists. I was able to wriggle one of them free and turn myself slightly so I could aim at his crotch, and aim I did. I punched his dick so hard that I heard the air go whooshing out of his open, disgusting mouth. He nearly collapsed on top of me, and I felt his nakedness against my bare skin again and almost threw-up on the Mallory's lovely white couch. I screamed, so loudly, as I pushed him off me, rolling him to the floor in the process. I pulled up my pants and ran to the front door, screaming in terror all the way. Nearly out the door, I noticed my purse, keys, and shoes next to it and grabbed those, running like a bat out of hell toward my car.

When I got to my car, I shoved my keys in the ignition and tried to get the hell out of there. Tears were steadily streaming down my face—as they had been since Alec kissed me for the third time—that it nearly blinded me, but I didn't care. I had to get away, so far away. My thoughts were confusing. They ranged anywhere between revenge and the desire to die. I couldn't even formulate the words to describe what just happened to me in my head, it was so painful. The mere thought of admitting to what just happened made me think I would die once they were said, even if only in my own mind. I was driving, for who knows how long, speeding down the deserted road not knowing or caring where I went at that point. Through my haze of tears, I saw an animal in the middle of the street, and swerved to the right to not hit it, not even thinking clearly enough to notice the telephone pole I was now careening towards. The darkness that followed the initial impact was a welcome relief from my mental anguish. Everything was black.

.::.

A/N: Wow. Right?

How are we feeling?
Sorry if you didn't see that coming. I apologize for the graphic nature.

Almost at the end.

~FabulosiTyxXx~