Chapter 7

Arthur didn't return to the hospital until the next day. He'd gone straight to the hotel, let himself in to the room he'd booked after Gwaine had left the hospital to stay there. Arthur had been considering booking a room in a hotel which was closer to Merlin's hospital. Eira had chosen the one they were in because it was the closest to Gwaine but it was a lot further away from the second hospital in that city which was where Merlin was.

Now, however, Arthur was enjoying the distance. The walk between the two places which he was now so familiar with, he no longer had to pay much attention to, allowed him to clear his head a little bit and think.

Because the truth was, Arthur was scared. Merlin made Arthur a better man. Before they'd met or got together officially, Arthur had been the most intolerable man in the country. Arrogant and rude and selfish. But Merlin had replaced those things and given Arthur reason to improve himself. He'd taken on a sense of responsibility which had brought out only the best of his traits. For five years, Arthur had felt a sense of pride in who he'd become. All of that was down to Merlin. He was terrified that with this new distance between everyone, he might sink back into the person he'd been all that time ago. He'd only proven himself right so far.

"Here," Arthur sat down beside Merlin and passed him a bacon sandwich and a cup of coffee, "I'm sorry."

"What's going on, Arthur? Tell me what the matter is."

"Nothing. I was just stressed and tired."

"Tell me the truth. You never lash out at me. Not even when you're stressed and tired."

"I do it all the time, Merlin. You're just too nice to ever say anything."

"But it's different this time. I can tell."

"I just want to go home, Merls. That's all."

"Promise?"

Arthur nodded, "How are you? Any better?"

Merlin sighed, "Not really. Though I think the headache might be fading."

"That's good."

"How's Gwaine?"

"Not great. I can't believe he got discharged before you. He's so much worse off."

"You're forgetting that hospitals are my best friend. Once we get together there's no tearing us apart," Merlin coughed a few times and rubbed his chest, a series of movements which were only too common. He took a sip of coffee, "How are your ribs?"

"They're fine."

"They're broken, Arthur," Merlin reminded him, "I meant how painful are they?"

"They twinge a bit every now and then. But I'm on a lot of painkillers so I don't really feel it too much."

"You should ask for a more comfortable chair. That tiny plastic one can't be doing them any good."

"Stop fussing, eat your sandwich before it gets cold."

"Arthur-"

"What, Merlin?" Arthur snapped rather harshly.

Merlin recoiled a little bit, "I just want you to speak to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong! I'm just tired. Stop asking!"

"You can go and get some rest if you want."

"Do you want me to go?" Arthur sounded hurt.

"No, Arthur, don't take it like that. But if you're tired, then-"

"One week apart wasn't enough, was it not? You want longer?"

"Arthur, what-"

"Do you want to go back to thinking you're alone? Is that what everyone wants now? To be by themselves? To not need me?" his voice broke and he finished quietly, "Because I still need them. I really, really need them."

Merlin stared at him for a few seconds, "Tell me, Arthur. Please."

"There's nothing to tell. I get it, Merlin. You're recovered now from the accidents, you don't need someone to look after you, you don't want anyone to care about you. And everyone else," Arthur continued, "They were only ever here for you. So now they've all gone back to their own little families, the only person left to get rid of is me. You used me until you were strong enough to live on your own and now you can…"

"Arthur stop! Please, that's not true at all!"

"Of course it is! This accident only proved it. You don't need me anymore."

They both had tears streaming down their faces.

"I get it, Merlin," Arthur sobbed, "It's alright."

"Arthur!"

"I don't need to hear you say it," Arthur stood up and bit his lip, "It's fine."

Merlin had always told Arthur not to hate. He had some saying which Arthur had always found ridiculous, 'Hate is too strong of an emotion to waste on things you don't like.' Now, Arthur was beginning to see the sense in it. There was no other word for the pure sense of utter disgust and loathing he was feeling in that moment. It was definitely a sensation he'd never experienced before but he wasn't wasting it. Arthur had never hated anything as much as he hated himself while he walked out the hospital that day.

Merlin stared at the door which was still open for several minutes in complete shock. But when a nurse came in to offer him a hot drink, there was no one in the room. Merlin hadn't had many possessions in his hospital room. In fact, he'd had nothing aside from the clothes he'd been wearing when he'd been pulled out the sea. Those clothes and the crutches he'd been using for moving around, were gone. The hospital gown he'd been wearing had been thrown onto the unmade bed carelessly and there was an uneaten sandwich and a cold cup of coffee on the table beside a little note that read, 'Thanks for looking after me. I'm sure the bed can be better used by someone more in need.'

Merlin was on his way through the hospital, face still wet with tears but not thinking about how hurt he was. His pain was like a papercut compared to Arthur's heart attack.

"Uncle Merlin!"

Merlin's eyes fell on Percival who was walking towards him hurriedly, holding Eira's hand. He swallowed back as much emotion as he could for the girl's sake and quickly wiped at his face to remove as many tears as he could.

"Have you seen Arthur?" he asked Percival as normally as he could manage.

"Not this morning, no. What happened, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, but Arthur, he- we-" it felt wrong to even think what he was about to say, "We had an argument."

Percival's jaw dropped and he picked up Eira.

"He was really upset, Percival, he needs help, but-"

"It's alright. We'll find him. Alright, Eira," he looked at his daughter, "You know how you're really good at hide and seek?"

She nodded, clearly unsettled by what was going on.

"Well we need you to help us to find Uncle Arthur. Will you keep a look out for him?"

"Uncle Arthur's playing hide and seek?"

"Not exactly. But we really need to find him. Can you keep your eyes peeled?"

Eira nodded again and started looking around as if Arthur was going to be standing right beside them.

"Are you alright, Merlin?" Percival asked as they started to walk, "We can take you to the hotel if you want while we look for Arthur."

"No. I have to be there when we find him."

"What was the argument about?"

"Not now. Please."

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

"No. Not a clue."

"It's ok. We'll find him."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Did Uncle Arthur run away?"

Merlin swallowed thickly and turned his head away from Percival and Eira.

"Uncle Arthur is very sad about something," Percival explained carefully, "And sometimes when someone is sad about something, they think they want some time to themselves."

"But they're not right?"

"Not always."

"Is Uncle Arthur in trouble?"

"No. Uncle Merlin just wants to see him because he's worried."

"Why aren't they together? I thought-"

"Eira, sweetie, please," Percival said, "I know you have a lot of questions, but now isn't the time to be asking them. I need you to be helping us look."

"Ok."

"Mr Pendragon?"

Merlin groaned and turned around, "Yes?"

"You're leaving?" a nurse was running towards them.

"I left a note."

"Yes, we saw that. We really don't recommend that you-"

"I really don't care."

Percival raised an eyebrow at Merlin. He never spoke like that to anyone.

"Mr Pendragon, you have treatment that needs completing."

"I have more important things to worry about, I'm sorry."

"I can't let you leave."

"You can't stop me."

"You're not well!"

"I'm aware of that."

"We cannot recommend that you leave this building without getting the full treatment you deserve."

"Ok. Come on, Percy."

"Mr Pendragon!"

"I heard you!"

"But you're not listening."

"I don't need to."

The nurse didn't follow him again. They searched everywhere. All around the city, down every street, in every park and shop and café. They asked people if they'd seen anyone of his description but with no photos, it was difficult to tell. There was no trace of Arthur anywhere. Merlin was getting more worried by the second and Eira was getting more tired. They'd been out searching for hours.

"Merlin," Percival said awkwardly, "We need to stop. Gwaine will be worried and Eira needs something to eat."

"You go back," Merlin said, "I can't."

"Merlin-"

"No, Percy. I have to find Arthur. I understand why you can't," he said genuinely, "But I can, so I will."

"You can't, though, Merlin. You're sick, remember, and I don't want to have to answer to Gwaine or Arthur when you're back in hospital in intensive care. Come back with us, get some rest and we'll make a plan."

Merlin sighed and choked on a sob, "Ok."

In the foyer of the hospital, Merlin stopped at the front desk, "Is it possible to call the room Arthur Pendragon is staying in?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Arthur Pendragon checked out half an hour ago."

"He what?"

"He left. Checked out, booked a taxi, got in it and drove away."

Merlin sighed and felt a tear fall from his eye, "Can I use the phone?"

"Of course. Normally we'd charge but…" the receptionist studied Merlin sympathetically, "You can have it for free."

"Thank you," Merlin took the phone off the woman and thought for a second before dialling Morgana's home number.

"Hello?"

"Morgana," Merlin said sadly.

"Merlin? Is that you?"

"Yeah, yeah it's me."

"Are you alright?"

"I really need your help."

"What's the matter."

"Arthur's gone missing. We had a huge argument and he was so upset and he just left and now I can't find him anywhere! Will you please try to call him?"

"Merlin, I don't understand."

"Please, Morgana. He's left. He's gone, he's actually gone."

"What did you argue about?"

"Morgana!"

"Leon's calling him now, it's alright. Tell me what happened."

"I can't explain, Morgana, it's too complicated to do over the phone and I don't have the time. He was with me in the hospital and then he just got so angry and he left and we looked for him but he's checked out the hotel and I don't- I don't know where he is."

"It's ok, Merlin."

"No it's not. He's by himself. He can't be by himself. He'll-"

"Merlin, stop it. Arthur is fine."

"He's not fine! He's anything but fine! You didn't hear him, what he said-"

"Ok, who are you with?"

"Percy and Eira."

"Let me speak to Percival."

"Why?"

"Give him the phone."

Merlin handed it over to Percival and hopped back a bit, too worried to listen to what Percival was saying. He didn't really remember walking up to the hotel room, where Gwaine was waiting worriedly, or saying hello to him. He was desperately trying to figure out what in Arthur had snapped and where he'd gone. Before Merlin knew it, Gwaine was shaking his shoulder slightly. Percival and Eira were nowhere to be seen.

"You haven't told Percy, and you didn't tell Morgana, so are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Merlin's voice sounded hollow.

"What happened. You and Arthur do not argue. Ever. Especially not so much that he would storm out and leave. Something happened. What was it?"

"Gwaine-"

"I know I'm not Arthur, or Lancelot, and you don't tell me everything like you do them, but I'm still, what- your third best friend?"

"Fourth."

"Don't you dare put Gwen before me."

Merlin smiled, "Actually fifth."

"Morgana?" Gwaine sighed, "Ok, well, I'm your third best bro so…"

Merlin laughed loudly, "I haven't told anyone because I don't know."

"But it's Arthur. You always know."

"Exactly. Something is really, really bothering him."

"Well what did he say?"

"He thinks he's alone. That four years ago, when we were all closer than ever, our friends only helped us because of me. And he said that now I don't need the same help that I used to, none of you care about him anymore. And then… then he said that I don't need him. Apparently I was using him and he thinks I don't love him or need him or-" Merlin let out a horrible sob, "I don't know what I did to make him think that."

Gwaine sighed, clearly not expecting that to be the reason Arthur left.

"Gwaine? Do you think," Merlin sniffled, "Do you think he left for good?"

"No. Arthur loves you more than anything else in the whole world. Whatever's going on, he probably just wants a bit of time to figure it all out for himself."

"Why doesn't he think I love him?"

"Your relationship started in a way that meant he had to be there by your side all the time. How often do you see each other now?"

"Do you think he'll come back?"

"I'm sure of it. But for now," Gwaine stretched and fell back onto the bed, "I want a nap before my lovely family come back with some food."

"I'll move out the way," Merlin offered.

"No, you'll lie down and go to sleep too."

"I don't feel like it."

"You have a lung infection. If you're not going to stay in hospital and get treated properly or take the medicine you need, the least you can do to help yourself is get some rest."

"How on Earth could I possibly rest?"

"Arthur's gone missing before," Gwaine said nonchalantly.

"Yeah and we both nearly died because of it."

"Ok, not my best example, but," Gwaine cleared his throat, "Do you think Arthur will ever want to speak to any of us ever again if he finds out you died while searching for him?"

"I'm not going to die, Gwaine."

"I know. I just thought the guilt trip might work. If you're not going to sleep, will you at least shut up?"

"Sure. Sorry."

Merlin didn't mean to fall asleep. He was intending to use the quiet to think about where Arthur might have gone. But he dreamt about him and Arthur simply sitting at home together talking. He wouldn't remember what they'd been talking about when he woke up but he would remember the look they both had in their eyes. A look of pure love and devotion. The look they always had when they were with each other. If Arthur didn't come back, Merlin would never look at anyone like that again.

"Merlin?" Percival's voice said softly, stirring Merlin from his restless sleep, "Merlin?"

He sat up and clutched his head. Apparently the medicine he'd been getting at the hospital really was doing something because his headache was back at full force.

"Here," Percival handed him a bottle of water, "We wanted to let you sleep but your food was going to get cold so…"

"Thanks," Merlin took a sip of water, "I'm not really hungry, though."

"That's a shame," Gwaine said without looking up, "Because you're eating it anyway. You can choose if it's hot or cold."

"Gwaine, it's- what time is it?"

"Quarter past four."

"So not a meal time," Merlin said.

"Except I know for a fact that you did not eat lunch and given the morning you had, you probably didn't eat breakfast either, so," Gwaine said, "Would you like to rethink your decision baring in mind that there is a small child in this room."

"What's she got to do with it?"

"You want to show her that it's acceptable to skip out on meals and not have a healthy diet?"

Merlin sighed then coughed a few times harshly, "That's not what I'm saying at all."

Percival dropped a bag onto Merlin's lap, "Best eat up then."

Merlin picked timidly at the food, blocking out the conversation Gwaine, Percival and Eira were having until he blurted out, "What did Morgana say?"

"What?"

"When I phoned Morgana, she asked to speak to you," Merlin said to Percival, "What did she say?"

"That they're all going to keep calling him and Uther's going to pull some strings to get people looking."

"He hasn't been missing a day yet. The police won't get involved."

"Exactly. Pull some strings, remember?"

Merlin nodded, "Is that it?"

"She's going to come over so we can all go back home."

"What? No."

"Merlin we can't stay forever."

"We're not going to. Just until we find Arthur."

"Arthur might not even be here anymore."

"He has to be, he's paying for this hotel room."

Percival shook his head, "The receptionist said it's all sorted. God knows how but we can leave whenever we like or stay as long as we want."

"He's still here, he has to be."

"He got in a taxi," Percival said, "He could have gone to the airport."

"In which case he'd be home by now and Morgana would have called us to tell us."

"And we would have answered her on what phone, exactly? He could have got on a plane and gone anywhere in the entire world. So we need to be at home where we can help our friends look," Gwaine said, "Because right here, right now, we don't have any money, we don't have any way of contacting anyone, we don't have anything."

"Percival has money."

"I have about forty pounds left from the cash Arthur gave me."

"I can stay with my mum."

"Who lives two hours away."

"I don't care!" Merlin shouted and Eira squealed a little bit in surprise, "If this had been you, Gwaine," Merlin continued, "What would you do?"

"I would listen to my friends who have helped me through everything and maybe take their advice. Merlin, when you met me, one more bottle of beer in my mouth would have killed me. You were the one who stopped me from drinking myself to death. I'll never be able to thank you properly for that."

"That has nothing to do wit-"

"So the last thing I'm going to do is let you run around Ireland while you're ill and hurt, looking for a man who might not even be here. Because if your lungs give out or you get hit by a car or collapse half way down a set of stairs- don't even pretend that isn't something that would happen- I will never forgive myself. I'm going to help you find him, Merls, but not like this."

Merlin lowered his head shamefully.

"This is what is going to happen," Gwaine continued, "We," he gestured to the four of them, "Are going to stay here until Morgana arrives and gives us the plane tickets that will take us home. Then you, Merlin, are going to live with us, or Gwen or Morgana until you are better. Meanwhile, we will all be doing everything we can possibly do to find Arthur. If that involves coming back to Ireland, then we will. But until that time comes we will be in our houses making phone calls and contacting everyone we know to see if they know anything. Ok?"

Merlin nodded a few times slowly.

"Good. Now eat your lunch."

Merlin dutifully put a crisp in his mouth.

"Percy, darling?" Gwaine said sweetly, "Be a dear and go and get some paracetamol for Merlin."

"You're not going to kill each other while I'm away?" Percival asked uncertainly.

"No," Gwaine said, "Because Merlin is going to do what he's told."

"And killing each other would be a horrible example to set to Eira," Merlin mumbled quietly.