"HERE, UNDYNE." Papyrus chirped. "MY FRIEND BROUGHT A GIFT FOR YOU ALL ON HIS OWN!"

He held out the wrapped bone cheerfully.

"Uhhhh... thanks." Undyne spoke slowly and with great difficulty. She took the bone and walked over to a kitchen cupboard. "I'll, uh, put it with the others." There was at least twenty of them. "So are we ready to start?" She asked, closing the drawer.

"WHOOPSY DOOPSY! I JUST REMEMBERED!" Papyrus exclaimed. "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! YOU TWO HAVE FUN!" He ran over to a nearby window and launched himself out.

Peter and Undyne looked after where he had leapt out.

"So... why are YOU here?" Undyne asked. "To rub your victory in my face? To humiliate me even further? IS THAT IT?"

"No!" Peter exclaimed. "I'm here because Papyrus invited me!"

"That might have been a bit rude." Chara admitted.

"I really just want to be friends." Peter continued. "Or at least not enemies."

"You think... you think that I'm gonna be friends with you?" Undyne chuckled, the chortled, then burst out laughing. "Really? How delightful! I accept! Let's all frolick in the fields of friendship!"

"Really?" Peter asked.

"NOT!" She yelled. "Why would I EVER be friends with YOU!? If you weren't my house-guest, I'd beat you up right now! You're the enemy of everyone's hopes and dreams! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND. Now get out of my house!"

Papyrus snuck up to the window and whispered, "DANG! WHAT A SHAME... I THOUGHT UNDYNE COULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. BUT I GUESS..." He loudly sighed. "I... OVER-ESTIMATED HER. SHE'S JUST NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE."

"CHALLENGE!?" Undyne roared as Papyrus skipped off. "What!? Papyrus! wait a second...!"

"Gotta admit, for a scatterbrained dunderhead, he's good." Chara noted. Peter elbowed her.

"Darnit!" Undyne snapped. She spun to face Peter. "He thinks... I CAN'T be friends... with YOU!?" She burst out laughing. "What a joke! I could make friends with a wimpy loser like you any day!" She grit her teeth. "I'll show him! Listen up, human."

"Listening." He put a finger up. "However, I have to tell you that maybe calming down would-"

"CALMING DOWN IS FOR WIMPS!" She yelled. "And we're not just gonna be friends. We're going to be..." Her face lit up. "BESTIES."

Peter raised an eyebrow.

Chara shrugged. "Some monsters can be like this. Just go with it. Maybe she wont kill you."

Peter nodded. "Um... sure?"

"I'll make you like me so much you wont be able to think of anyone else!" She exclaimed. "It's the PERFECT REVENGE!"

"Doubtful but you can try?"

"Why don't you have a seat?" She asked pleasantly.

Peter shrugged and went to sit down. "Will Papyrus be alright?"

"Sure. I can't believe he leapt through the window like that." She replied. "Usually he nails the landing!"

Peter thought for a moment as he sat down. "At least he wont skin his knee!"

Undyne looked a tad confused.

"NYEH!" Yelled Papyrus from outside.

"Well.. are you comfortable?" Undyne asked pleasantly.

"Yeah." Peter replied. "For a stool, it's surprisingly ergonomic."

"I'll get you something to drink. That cool?"

Peter nodded, and Undyne laid out some soda, hot chocolate, tea, and sugar.

"What would you like?"

"Believe me, the tea is CLEARLY the correct choice." Chara suggested, leaning on the table. "I'm not biased, that's just a fact."

"Can I have some hot chocolate?" Peter asked.

"Sure!" Undyne exclaimed. "Wait. I just remembered... that container's empty. I stopped getting it because it was always a hassle... Asgore kept getting marshmallows stuck in his beard!" She laughed, but this time it sounded nicer. "Good times. Can I interest you in some tea?"

"Told ya." Chara quipped.

Peter rolled his eyes towards her. "Sure, Undyne. I'd appreciate that. Got any.. golden tea? If that makes sense."

"I actually do! Coming right up!" Undyne exclaimed.

She made a kettle's worth of tea, boiled it carefully, then set out two places. One for her and one for Peter.

"Would you like some sugar?" She asked.

Peter considered for a moment. "Sure, actually."

She gave him a generous spoonful, then sat down on the opposite side of the table. "Careful, it's hot."

Peter took a tender sip. It was quite hot, but not unpleasant. "It's nice, thank you."

"You're welcome!" She grinned... gill to gill? Peter wasn't sure. "Nothing but the best for my ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS FRIEND!"

Peter flinched inwardly, but said, "So, what does the Royal Guard do?"

"Patrol for humans, mostly." She replied. "You're the first to come here in some time. Last kid had a gun! Unfortunately, he lost that before we were able to reverse engineer it. But hey, swords are way cooler!"

They sipped tea in silence for a few moments.

"Hey..." Undyne finally said. "You know... It's kinda strange you chose THAT tea. Golden flower tea... That's Asgore's favorite kind. Actually, now that I think about it... You remind me of him. A lot. You both posses a good deal of raw strength."

Peter tilted his head. "Really?"

Undyne nodded. "Y'know, I was a pretty hotheaded kid."

"No surprises there."

"Once, to prove I was the strongest, I tried to fight Asgore." She chuckled softly. "Emphasis on tried. I couldn't land a single blow on him!" She stared down at the table. "Kinda like when I fought you. No one's been able to hold out that long against me, on a first, second, third, heck, any try!" She sighed. "That's another thing. The whole time I fought Asgore, he refused to fight back. I felt so... humiliated. Here I was, the top dog monster... or so I thought. And I couldn't even land a blow on a weenie who refused to fight back." She sat up. "Forget I said weenie. That's not true. The type of person who refused to harm another... that's not me. Afterwards, he apologized and said something goofy... "Excuse me, do you want to know how to beat me?" I said yes, and from then on, he trained me."

Peter stared into his teacup. "I had a similar thing happen. I was called in by, like, the coolest guy ever to help him... well, settle an argument. Then, I kept asking and pleading for him to train me. But by the time he said yes, I realized that he had been training me. By saying no."

Undyne chuckled. "That's like fifth dimension dodge-ball strategy right there! That guy sounds rad!"

Peter nodded sadly. "Yeah, he was. He died about a year ago, sacrificing himself to stop a bad guy who wanted to annihilate existence. He always said that a quick grin and a cheesy one-liner could've been his autobiography... It's kinda how he went out."

Undyne nodded. "Wicked. I suppose not all humans could be bad logistically. That guy sounds intense! I guess we've both had good teachers."

Peter had to agree with that. "So... how did you meet Papyrus?"

She smiled. "He came to my door at 3AM one day, begging me to train him. Of course, I slammed it in his face. Morning came, and he was still there. So I agreed to train him." Her face fell for a moment. "But, um, to be honest... I don't know if... I can ever let Papyrus into the Royal Guard."

"Why not?" Peter asked.

"Don't tell him I said this, but..." She sighed. "He's just... well... It's not that he's weak! He's one of the toughest monsters I've ever fought! Asgore included! It's just... he's... he's a genuinely nice guy. A good monster."

"Yeah, he doesn't have a bad bone in his body." Peter shot her finger guns. "Pun intended."

"Yeah! That's it. He's innocent and nice. I mean," She gestured to him, "He was supposed to capture you, but he saw good in you and became friends instead! Sometimes, I envy his ability to do that. But, at the same time... I could never let him join because of it. He seems only to be able to see the good in people. All the time. When faced with a killer..." She looked at the table. "He'd die. No question. And... he's too good of a friend to me for me to EVER let that happen. I suppose that's why I didn't throw you out immediately. He's a dork and a nerd, but for his combat skills and character... I honestly respect him." Her eyes darkened. "Don't ever tell him I said that either! No sense in him getting a big head."

Peter nodded. "Alright then."

"It's part of why I've been teaching him to cook, you know?" She said. "So, um, maybe he could do something else with his life. Something that makes him happy. Makes those around him happy." She chuckled. "Not sure why, and NEVER let this get out, but that nerd brings out the best in people. Even me, I guess."

Peter agreed with her. "He's someone I'm happy to call a friend."

"I'll drink to that!" Undyne replied. Suddenly, she realized something.

"Wait a second..." She put her hands to her face. "Papyrus... his cooking lesson... HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW! And if HE's not here to have it..." An idea occurred, and a grin crossed her face. "YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE IT FOR HIM!"

"Wait, what?" Peter asked as Undyne leapt onto the counter, scattering silver-wear and drinks.

"That's right!" She yelled. "NOTHING has brought Papyrus and I closer than cooking! Which means that if I give you his lesson... WE'LL BECOME CLOSER THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!"

Peter blinked. "I'm not sure the logic-"

"Too late." Chara noted.

"FORGET LOGIC! GET OVER HERE!" She leapt to Peter, picked him up, and deposited him at the counter. "Let's start with the sauce!"

Stomping her foot, she brought vegetables falling from the ceiling. "Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now! Pound them to dust with your fists!"

Wishing to humor her, Peter used all his strength to nearly split the counter in half. It was kinda fun.

"Yeah, YEAH!" Undyne exclaimed. "Our hearts are united against these healthy ingredients! NOW IT'S MY TURN!" With a single punch, she turned the entire assemblage into basically water.

"Oh, uhhh... We'll just scrape this into a bowl later." She said sheepishly. "But for NOW!" She stomped again, causing a large pan and some spaghetti noodles to fall from the ceiling. "We add the noodles! Homemade noodles ARE the best." She chuckled. "BUT I JUST BUY STORE-BRAND! IT'S CHEAPER!" She coughed. "Uhh... just put them into the pot."

Peter shrugged, leapt into the air, and rapidly threw them into the pot with all his might. He was kinda getting into this. "Now what, Master Chef?"

"STIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" She yelled. "STIR AS HARD! AS! YOU! CAN!"

"Oh my goodness." Chara groaned as Peter stirred with gusto.

"YEAH!" He yelled.

"YEAH!" Undyne yelled harder. "NOW LET ME TRY!" She stabbed the past with about thirty spears. The pot began to wilt.

"Fuhuhuhu!" She laughed. "That's the stuff! Alright, now for the final step: TURN UP THE HEAT! AS HIGH AS IT GOES! LET THE STOVETOP SYMBOLIZE YOUR HOPES! YOUR DREAMS! YOUR PASSION! LET IT RIP, HOLD NOTHING BACK!"

With reckless abandon, Peter cranked up the flame higher and higher. Taking her advice, he poured his will to get home, his love for his friends and family, his pure determination into this hefty flame. He was so engrossed he didn't notice Chara warning him that it was getting a bit hot. Undyne egged him on as the flames burned higher, and higher, and higher, and-

"Wait, I just realized, that's too-" Undyne yelped as a bit of an explosion occurred.

A few seconds later, Peter and Undyne stood in her house, which was beginning to smolder.

"Oops." Peter said.

Undyne chuckled. "Ah. Man, I just realized why Papyrus sucks at cooking." She looked about her house. "So what's next? Scrapbooking? Friendship bracelets?"

"Umm..."

Undyne sighed. "Oh. Who am I kidding. I really messed up, big time. I can't force you to like me, human."

"But, I think you're actually an alright person- er, monster." Peter replied. "After our talk, in fact, I think we could be great friends!"

Undyne shrugged. "Some people just don't get along with each other. And that's ok, cause if we can't be friends..." Her face melted into a scowl. "It means I can DESTROY YOU WITHOUT REGRET!"

"Uh oh." Peter noted as his SOUL flew into a fight.

"I've been defeated... my house in shambles... and I failed to befriend you." She sighed. "So that's it. I don't care if you're my guest anymore. One final rematch! All out on both sides!" She began to tear up as she yelled in desperation, "IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN REGAIN MY LOST PRIDE! SO COME ONE! HIT ME! WITH ALL. YOU'VE. GOT!"

"I'd at least pretend to hit her." Chara suggested. "You're in a house, so you can't run away. And it's clear she is too ticked to be talked to."

Peter thought for a moment. "How tough is she?"

"For a monster? Pretty tough."

"How much force would do her in?"

"Think... speeding train."

Peter nodded grimly, looked Undyne square in the eye, and from the shoulder, let out a devastating hit. It sent her flying back several yards, through the wall of her house, down the path, and out into the courtyard, before the friction of the rubble she had landed in slowed her down.

"Ugh..." Undyne shook her head to clear it. "You... that... I can't believe..."

"Sorry, did I hit you too hard?" He asked, wringing his hands. "I tried to calculate the maximum force you could take without injury and-"

"You kidding?" She sat up slowly. "Ow. That was... AMAZING! You've got some serious power!" She thought for a moment. "And even if you were holding back... I see now why you do not fight. Probably the toughest thing you could do is NOT fight people! At that point, you'd kill most monsters in a single hit!"

Peter tilted his head. "What are you saying?"

"You're... just like Papyrus." She replied. "And you know what? For a human? That's a big deal. Heck, I may not even like you that much, but to do that? I respect you." She narrowed her eye. "Just. A. Bit. You're alright, human." She chuckled. "Heck, I don't know your name! What is your name?"

Peter considered. "I'm Peter."

She shook his hand. "Listen, Peter. It seems like you and Asgore are fated to fight. But knowing him..." She shook her head. "He probably doesn't want to. Talk to him. I'm sure you can persuade him to let you go home." She shrugged. "Who knows, maybe some mean human will fall down here, and we can use their SOUL to escape with no drag on my conscience!"

Peter thought. "That... kinda makes sense?"

Undyne shrugged. "Oh. But if you DO hurt Asgore... I'll take the human souls... cross the barrier... and beat the snot out of you!"

Peter and Chara exchanged looks.

"But hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Undyne laughed. "Now... let's get out of this house."

The fight ended, and the two got out.

"Well, that was fun, huh?" Undyne said cheerfully. "We'll have to hang out again another time...!"

"You know... I think I'd like that." Peter replied. "Between you, Papyrus, and Sans, I'll feel right at home."

She laughed. "Oh yeah! His brother! For some reason, that guy intimidates me. Crazy, right?" She sighed. "Anyways... I guess I could actually go hang with Papyrus. So, if you need me, just drop by Snowdin, Kay!?"

"Will do!" Peter gave her a salute and a handshake.

"OH!" She added, turning mid-stride. "If you ever need help... Just give Papyrus a ring, ok? Since we're in the same spot, I'll be able to talk too!"

"That's a frightening thought." Chara said.

"Will do... I think." Peter replied.

"Well, see ya later, punk!" And with that, Undyne ran off.