Chapter 9

"Come on, Merlin. You went with Morgana yesterday," Lancelot begged, "At least speak to me. Tell me why you won't. Is it because you're ill? Please, Merlin. Morgana said it helped you feel a bit better."

Gwen came into the room and closed the door quietly, "Any luck?"

"None. He won't even speak to me."

Gwen sighed, "Can he hear you?"

"I don't know. Probably. He's ignoring me, though."

"We need Arthur," Gwen sat on the edge of Merlin's bed and stroked his hair, "Poor Gaius is run off his feet trying to look after him."

"I still can't believe Arthur would do this," Lancelot began pacing up and down before sighing, "Maybe we should take him to hospital."

"Gaius said there's nothing they'll be able to do that he can't anyway."

"But Gaius can't look after him forever. It's exhausting."

"He won't need to do it forever," Gwen said darkly, "Merlin hasn't eaten or drunk anything since before Morgana left yesterday. Gaius said he won't sleep or move or talk or do anything but cry. If he doesn't start getting better-"

"Which is why he should be in a hospital!" Lancelot leant back against the wall, "After everything he's been through, who would have thought it would be Arthur that killed him?"

Gwen took Merlin's hand, "Please," she said to him, "Arthur needs you."

"He was right, Gwen," Lancelot said.

"What?"

"Arthur. He was right. We've all fallen apart. Everything our friends had is crumbling piece by piece. It has been for months and Arthur's the only one who saw it."

"What do we do, Lance? We can't just watch this happen."

"We go to find Arthur."

"Gwen!" Gaius' voice called from downstairs, "Lancelot!"

"What's wrong, Gaius?"

There were footsteps as the old man shuffled his way upstairs and opened the door, "I've just had a call from the hospital Merlin had been at in Ireland."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"We have to take him to hospital here," Gaius said, "He has pneumonia."

Lancelot was furious at a lot of people. Firstly and mostly, anyone who worked in the Irish hospital Merlin had been at. Apparently they'd been trying to get in contact with them for days but because of how busy everything was and the fact neither Merlin, or his next of kin were at home, it had been practically impossible. Still, they'd let him walk out of the building with an illness that could be life-threatening to him and he hadn't been told. Secondly, Lancelot was furious with himself and his friends for not noticing something other than a mild infection and heartbreak was wrong. Of course something more was going on. It just took one look at Merlin to tell it was something serious. And finally, Lancelot was furious with Arthur. Yes, there was something upsetting him deeply. But Arthur had gone from acting like he was perfectly fine to snapping and leaving them all. And it could cost Merlin his life.

Arthur's ignorance to Merlin's love had meant when he walked out that hospital, it hadn't even occurred to him that Merlin would follow- walking away from his treatment. And since then, Merlin had neglected to look after himself which had, no doubt, worsened his condition. And no one had thought about the possibility of sending him back for actual treatment because they'd assumed he was just upset.

So, Lancelot was completely furious. And, of course, terrified.

"He'd come back if he knew," he'd said to Gwen as they drove after the ambulance which had come to collect Merlin. They'd tried to get him up and into their car but it hadn't been a pretty or easy job and they were worried about hurting him so they'd called an ambulance instead. Gaius had gone with him in the back, having the most medical background being the most calm.

"Of course he would."

"Call him," Lancelot said, "Now. Leave a voicemail. Leave three. Leave a hundred, I don't care! Call him and call him and again and keep calling him until he's here."

"Pull the car over," Gwen said sharply.

Lancelot tightened his grip on the wheel and then pulled into the side of the road.

"Talk," Gwen said.

"What?"

"Talk to me. Arthur didn't talk and now he's gone and look what it's done to Merlin. I do not want to end up like that and I don't want you to go anywhere. So talk."

"What Arthur said about not being there for him and only being there for Merlin," he began, "It's kind of true, isn't it?"

"In what way?"

"Well Merlin was all I thought about. Making sure he had everything he needed."

"Do you think that maybe that's because we knew Arthur was alright? Lancelot, baby, the fact you feel guilty about it now shows that you care."

"It doesn't make a difference now."

"Humour me on this," Gwen started, "Imagine Merlin and Arthur had both been stuck on that ferry with you and you alone. You have the chance to save one of them for absolute definite and a tiny chance that you could save the other after. Who would you save first?"

"I could never-"

"So you'd let them both die? Knowing you could have saved at least one?"

"No! Gwen, this isn't a real-"

"Choose!"

"They'd both hate me for saving the other first."

"Imagine they wouldn't know what happened. They'd just know the outcome, not how it came to pass. Who would you save first?"

"Arthur," Lancelot blurted out, then immediately looked guilty.

"Good. Why?"

"Good?" Lance screeched then, at Gwen's stern expression, "Because Arthur would be able to live without Merlin and Merlin has gone through enough pain in his life."

"Alright. Start the car again."

"What?"

"You care about them both equally. You just proved that."

"I-"

"You want to keep them both from as much pain as you physically can. You'd save Arthur first if it came down to it but I also know you which means that once Arthur was safe, I know you'd die trying to save Merlin too. You're not really angry with Arthur now but you're so worried about both of them, you don't know what to feel properly so you're channelling it all into anger because that's something you do know how to deal with."

"Gwen-"

"Drive, Lance, I want to see Merlin."

"I-"

"We all care about each other. And we know each other so well, we can deal with any situation in a way that will come to the best outcome for as many people as possible. Sometimes, our emotions can cloud that from us. That's what happened to Arthur."

"How do we prove that to Arthur?"

"I'll call him," Gwen said simply.

And she did. Only once. But hopefully, once would be enough.

"How is he?" Lancelot asked Gaius as they joined him in A&E.

"He hasn't been seen yet," Gaius led them through the corridors. He'd been waiting to meet them in the entrance to the department, "It's not an emergency."

"That's something, at least."

Gaius hummed, "Except he's on a bed in a corridor next to a door where it's freezing cold."

Gwen sighed, "Is he alright?"

"I told him what was going on and he said he didn't need to be here because-"

"Let me guess," Lancelot said, "He needs to be looking for Arthur?"

"Exactly."

Gwen's phone started ringing and, in the hope that it might possibly be Arthur responding to her voicemail, she scrambled to get it. "It's Morgana."

Lancelot sighed too, "I hoped too."

"Shall I answer it?"

Lancelot nodded.

"Hello, Morgana."

"Gwen! What's going on? Where have you gone? Why is no one answering the door?"

"We're not at Gaius' house."

"Did you convince Merlin to go for a walk, then?"

"Not exactly, no."

"Well where are you?"

"The hospital," Gwen said awkwardly.

"Why?" Morgana asked suspiciously.

"There's an interesting story to that, actually," Gwen said, "Merlin has pneumonia."

"What? How do you know that?"

"That's the interesting bit," Gwen said dryly, "He had it in Ireland and the doctors there neglected to say anything until he was here again after-"

"Walking around for a few days, getting on a plane and-" Morgana swore, "How bad? Pneumonia isn't that serious, is it?"

"Not often. But you know Merlin, he likes to be dramatic. He'll probably make it a lot worse than it needs to be."

"Have you, erm- called Arthur?"

"I left a message for him. God knows why he'd listen to that and no one else's but with any luck he'll get it."

"Unless he thinks it's a trick," Morgana said.

"I never thought of that."

"Don't worry. Do you want me to come in?"

"What about the kids?"

"Leon can stay with them."

"Alright, if you're sure."

"Of course, see you soon."

When they arrived at the bed Merlin was on, there was a nurse there talking to him. She looked up in relief when she saw Gaius, "Are you with him?"

"Yes, we brought him in."

"We're going to send him up to a ward now. If you'd like to come."

"Is he going to be alright?" Gwen asked.

"I'm no expert but I'm sure they'll sort him out."

"Thank you for seeing him so quickly," Gaius said appreciatively.

"No worries. Do you think we'll be able to get Merlin into a wheelchair?"

"I expect so. It might just take a bit of convincing."

Once Merlin was on a new ward and having a few tests done, Gwen texted Morgana to tell her which room to come to. She then found herself wishing they still had their group chat together. They'd never had the chance to re-make one after they'd lost their old phones in ferry accident. That meant that now, she had to let everyone know individually and answer the same questions multiple times.

"Do you know how long he'll have to stay here?" Lancelot had asked a doctor while they were waiting for the nurses to get Merlin settled.

"Depends how severe it is," the doctor said, "Even the healthiest of people can take five or six months to recover entirely."

"Merlin isn't the healthiest of people."

"No."

"He wouldn't have to stay here all that time, though, right?"

"No, of course not. I think he'll be out of here in a month then after a few weeks the only thing left will be a few aches and a cough."

"But he'll be alright."

"Hopefully."

"Hopefully?" Gwen repeated fearfully.

"Please tell us the truth," Lancelot said, "We've been lied to enough."

"Pneumonia can be fatal. If you're healthy-"

"You have a better chance. If I had a penny for the amount of times I'd heard that."

The doctor nodded, "We've also had to drain some fluid from his chest which built up as a result of the pneumonia. That should allow him breathe easier and it'll help us to find out how serious this is. I'm just going to get in contact with the other hospital to find out what they know," the doctor didn't sound too thrilled about that.

"Why didn't they tell him what was really wrong?"

"Because they're unprofessional and stupid," the doctor muttered, thinking no one could hear, "Perhaps they really did think it was only a less serious RTI and didn't discover the pneumonia until he'd left."

"Unlikely," Gaius mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I really don't know," the doctor said, "But we will look after him here properly."

"Thank you."

"You can go in and see him once the nurses have left."

Merlin felt rotten. He was coughing up phlegm which was streaked with blood, his muscles were aching, he was tired, he was confused, he seemed to shivering out sweat which didn't make much sense to him, he could feel his heart racing at a million miles an hour and his chest felt like a hundred elephants were dancing on it, wearing stilettos which were on fire whilst also wrapping their trunks around his organs and squeezing them like a constrictor.

He could also feel the very familiar sensation of an IV line in his hand and an oxygen mask over his face which could only mean one thing. One thing he wasn't happy about at all. He was in a hospital. Merlin felt like he owed the world to everyone who paid taxes in the country because otherwise he would have had the longest and highest healthcare bill in the entire universe.

"Merlin?"

He forced his eyes open and looked up at Lancelot, trying to look as normal as possible.

"Alright, mate?"

Merlin nodded.

"This is a bit like de ja vu, isn't it?"

Merlin lifted up his oxygen mask and said, "Again."

"Yeah," Lancelot laughed, "What's this now? Part seven?"

"Something like that."

"How are you feeling?"

"Rubbish."

"Makes a change."

"Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you call Arthur?"

He nodded, "Gwen left a message."

"And has he-"

"Not yet. I'm sorry, mate."

"It's ok."

"You're a lot more… alert now."

"I don't want to give anyone any reason to treat me like a dying child. I know from experience, lots of experience, that when I'm sick, I get babied. And, to be honest, it drives me insane."

"I know. That's why I sent Gwen to get drinks. Didn't think you'd want to deal with her being an overly-fussy mother-hen. Oh, and a quick warning: Morgana's coming in too, so-"

"Can't they fuss over their actual children?" Merlin exclaimed before coughing wetly into a tissue and cringing, "Sorry."

"You've really made a mess of yourself, haven't you?"

"Looks like it."

Lancelot's phone beeped and he got it out, "Gwen. She's on her way back here with Morgana."

"Let the babying begin," Merlin groaned.

"Why don't you get some sleep? Maybe they'll be gone by the time you wake up and you won't have to listen to them fuss."

Merlin nodded, "Do you think this is serious?"

"I'm not a doctor."

"No. But you know me. Do I look bad?"

"Awful. Still better than Gwaine's ever looked in his life, though, so…"

Merlin chuckled, ignoring the way his chest felt like it would explode at the motion, "Do you think I'll die?"

"No," Lancelot said confidently, "Absolutely not."

"But how much more can I take? Illness after illness. Infection after infection. Injury after injury. It can't keep going forever, I get weaker and weaker every time."

"Please, don't give up. You give all of us strength. For you to have been through everything you have and still manage to continue as if you haven't is-"

"Please don't give me a speech about being an inspiration," Merlin said, "That's far too sappy."

"You know what the doctors have said," Lancelot told him, "Your lungs are the only part of your body now which aren't as healthy as any of ours. You're going to live just as long as any of us so long as you're careful. Why would you give up now?"

Merlin lowered his gaze.

"Arthur," Lancelot guessed.

"I-"

"It's alright, I get it."

"No, I want to say this. I so nearly carried on my life without him. When I went out for that walk with Morgana and the dogs, pretending like nothing was going on. And then, I got back and I realised what I'd done and it just felt so… wrong. There's no other way to describe it. I felt dirty and disgusting. And really, really sad."

"That's why you didn't want to go with me this morning."

Merlin nodded, "Well, it would have been if I had actually understood what you were saying. I was convinced you were standing on the ceiling and speaking German."

Lancelot laughed, "Arthur will come back. I've never been so sure of anything. He came so close to losing you once and I saw what that did to him. How much it broke him. He would never want to go through that again and he would never want you to go through that. Now, you get some rest while I talk to Gwen and Morgana about maybe treating you like an adult for once, yeah?"

"Thanks."