A/N: This is only really relevant to 'sandhopper' who has left so many lovely reviews over both stories (among other people, of course) and one particularly yesterday stood out. I wanted to say directly to you that I'm so sorry for everything you've been through and I hope you're alright. I can't apologise enough if the story brought back bad memories for you. I've been thinking about your comment since I read it and I can't imagine myself being strong enough to deal with something like that so I really respect you and thank you for reading my writing. I hope you've found happiness in them and I'm sure everything will work out for you. :) xxx
To most people that obviously won't make sense so sorry about that and please enjoy :D
Chapter 14
Preparing for a prosthetic limb fitting was a lot more difficult than Merlin had remembered. They'd decided to pay for the new one seeing as there were some people who hadn't even had the chance to get one while he was now on his second. Both them and their friends would regularly donate as much as they could to charities. It would have felt wrong to keep all the money they earned when it was coming from something built to help other people. Needless to say Arthur and Merlin donated more money to the NHS than any other organisation. Their money wouldn't have gone far given how big the NHS was and how much money they really needed, but it still felt better than keeping it.
"I forgot how uncomfortable it was," Merlin grumbled as he walked up and down the garden, still holding onto Arthur while he got used to everything again.
Arthur laughed, "I remember the first time you got one and half an hour after saying, 'It's so uncomfortable!', you were bouncing around shouting about how great it was."
Merlin grinned, "It's so weird. Learning how to walk. I should be taking lessons with Luke."
"Luke's a baby, Merlin."
"A baby that my sister is extremely excited to look after for three weeks."
"Is she really going to take four children and a cat on with just her and Matthew when they're working all day?"
Merlin shook his head, "My mum's coming too."
"No way."
"Yeah. I was talking to her the other day and as soon as I said Freya was coming she got so excited. Ten minutes after we said goodbye, she was calling again to say she'd just spoken to Freya and was coming too. Cleared it all with Morgana and everything."
"They're all staying at Morgana's?"
"It's closest to the hotel. There are enough rooms if Will, Eira and Belle all share."
"They'll love that. Stay up talking all night!"
"Yeah, well. The baby will be in the master bedroom with Freya and Matt. Mum gets a room all to herself."
"And the cat?"
"God knows. Can we stop?"
"Tired already?"
"It's harder than it looks."
"Well, you've got two weeks to get better. Then we're off."
"Ten hours in a car with Gwaine," Merlin laughed as he sat down on one of the chairs outside and allowed Aithusa to jump onto his lap, "Can't wait."
"Make sure he has a drink before we leave and he'll sleep the whole way," Arthur laughed too.
"Bet you anything he'll try and nick off with my leg at least," Merlin considered it, "Seven times."
"Over three weeks?" Arthur scoffed, "Double that at least."
"He steals my crutches at least once a day and runs around the hotel with them. There's nothing he can do with the leg except hide it."
"Are you taking it off now?" Arthur asked.
"When we're inside. Don't fancy hopping."
"Right, well I need to make dinner so are you staying out here?"
Merlin nodded, "For a bit."
"You ok?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me."
"I'm just scared something will happen. Something always happens."
"No it doesn't. That week we had in the cottage was fine."
"I guess."
"Please don't tell me you're going to spend the entire trip waiting for something bad to happen. You'll never enjoy it then."
"I won't. But I want to know we're going to have a normal holiday with no disasters."
"Every holiday has a disaster. I can guarantee you now that we'll either break down or run out of fuel at least once, someone will lose their wallet, there'll be plenty of drunk accidents because god knows us with no children around will result in alcohol, someone will get either blisters or sunburn or both. There will be plenty of accidents. But that's alright because they'll resolve themselves and we'll laugh about them. I mean, come on, it's a road trip to the highlands with Gwaine."
"I don't mean little things like that," Merlin said, "I mean the usual full blown disasters we get into."
"No, not anymore," Arthur said, "I've made a promise to you and to myself that I'm going to protect you. You're never going to be in a situation like that again."
"When did you promise that?"
"When we were away. I looked at you one morning and realised just how much of a good life you deserve. I'm going to give it to you."
"You already have, Arthur. I have an amazing life."
"You do now. And I'm going to keep it like that. No more accidents."
"You can't promise that," Merlin put his hand on Arthur's cheek lovingly.
"It makes me feel better to pretend I can."
"You don't need to, either. I'm safe with you, Arthur. I know I am."
Arthur traced his thumb over some of Merlin's scarred skin, "It's so beautiful for something caused by something so horrible."
"Every cloud, eh?" Merlin smiled.
"Does it hurt? To look at?"
Merlin looked away, "Sometimes. But only because of the memories. The fear and- and Will. I never thought about what other people would think. It just didn't occur to me that someone might think I was ugly or disgusting. Because you never did."
"And I never will. We're going to have a wonderful time on this trip, Merlin. We're all going to look after each other."
The drive to Scotland was just about as simultaneously fun and agonising as it might sound. Road trips were famously a great experience and theirs did not let down. Everyone except Merlin, Gwen and Percival took it in turns to drive a stint in the minibus van they'd hired. They'd also all regularly switch seats to sit with other people and chat. Music played loudly the whole way, resulting in a lot of bad singing and dancing. The dogs were surprisingly well behaved. They spent most of the journey curled up on or underneath a seat asleep. They were let out for a run-around every couple of hours to burn some energy off.
They'd left later than they would have liked, meaning it would be practically pitch black when they were due to arrive. Gwen had called to let the person they were renting from know and apologise. The landlord had agreed to leave the key somewhere for them that night and come over early in the morning to talk through everything and sign what needed signing.
Merlin stumbled his way to the front of the vehicle and sat in the seat behind the driver's. It was late already and everyone was either asleep or sitting just listening to their own music. They'd turned the car stereo off over an hour ago. Merlin had managed a quick nap but woke up to Percival's snoring and decided to go and speak to Arthur who was driving.
"Remember when I used to be able to drive?" Merlin said quietly.
Arthur glanced over his shoulder briefly, "I wish you still could. I hate these roads. Especially in the middle of the night. I can't see a thing and we could go tumbling down the side of a hill any second."
"Arthur!" Merlin scolded, "No accidents, remember?"
"Do me a favour and put your seatbelt on anyway?"
"If you want to stop and ask Leon to drive, he won't mind."
Arthur genuinely thought about it for a while, "We're only an hour and a half away."
"It'll only get darker," Merlin reminded him, "If you're uncomfortable, don't push yourself."
"I'll find somewhere to pull over," Arthur sounded guilty.
"I'll speak to Leon."
Leon hadn't had any objections. He said he'd got plenty of rest the previous day and was bored of listening to Morgana's playlists anyway. He'd happily switched with Arthur who had joined Merlin at the very back of the vehicle.
"Get up for a second," Arthur requested.
Once Merlin was standing up, Arthur sat down, leant his back against the window, using a few jumpers to make it comfortable, before putting his legs up across the back seats. Then he'd held his arms out and helped Merlin down so he was sitting between Arthur's legs, using his chest to lean on. Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist and Merlin immediately began playing with the ring on Arthur's finger.
"Who knew I was such a nervous driver?" Arthur chuckled quietly.
"Literally everyone," Merlin whispered back with a smile, enjoying the way Arthur's body danced when he laughed.
"It's so much worse at night in the countryside."
"We live in the countryside," Merlin pointed out, "We drive home in the dark all the time."
"On roads that are relatively wide and I know really well. It's second nature. These roads are tiny and twisty and we're in a vehicle I'm not used to and we're on a hill."
"It is alright to get anxious by it, you know?" Merlin said.
"Yeah. And it means I get to cuddle you instead."
"Oh so that's why you let Leon take over?"
Arthur grinned and kissed Merlin's neck softly, making Merlin's spine tingle. He shivered and closed his eyes, resting his head under Arthur's chin. Within minutes, they were both fast asleep.
It felt like only seconds had passed between then and the time when Morgana was shaking them awake gently. All the lights were on in the bus now and everyone else was either gathering their belongings or yawning and stretching.
"We're here," Morgana told them, poking Arthur a few extra times to wake him up properly.
The boys sat up and joined their friends in tiding up the van. They didn't explore the house properly. Only located the key, had a quick cup of tea together, chose their rooms and went straight to bed.
The landlord gave them a proper tour in the morning and they took the time to unpack everything and get used to the new place. A small group of them drove to the nearest village to get some groceries to last them until they did a bigger shop. Now that they could see it in the daylight, it really was a beautiful place. They were surrounded by hills and lochs and trees.
Merlin, Gwaine and Lancelot sat together to eat a late breakfast outside on the large balcony area while the others were out either shopping or walking the dogs. It was a beautiful, if a little chilly, morning. All three of them had thick jumpers and tracksuit bottoms on. Gwaine had also taken it upon himself to accessorize with a woolly hat, fluffy gloves and a pair of Morgana's sunglasses.
"See," Gwaine said, sipping his coffee, "Isn't this great? No tiny people running around causing chaos, it's so peaceful and calm."
Merlin and Lancelot stared at him.
"What?"
"You hate peace," Merlin said.
"And you love chaos," Lancelot agreed.
"When I'm causing it. Not when I'm dealing with it. Do you know that when a child makes a complete mess in a room, apparently it's the parent's job to clean it up?"
"It's really not," Merlin said, "You are meant to teach the child to tidy up after themself."
Gwaine shrugged, "Not my problem for a while."
Lancelot scoffed and chuckled.
"I'm a great parent," Gwaine said, "Percival usually keeps me on track with the 'teaching' stuff."
"Otherwise you'd just tickle her, wrestle with her or try to take her to the pub," Lancelot teased.
"You misjudge me!"
"Do I?"
All three of them laughed. Merlin felt completely at home with his two best friends on either side of him, even so far away from where they actually lived. The rest of that day was pretty much exclusively inside, looking at maps to plan places they wanted to go. They'd said that, in general, they wanted to do a few days of exploring, followed by one or two days of relaxing and resting in the house. Morgana would call her house every day so she and Leon could speak to Luke and Belle, Gwen and Lance could talk to William, Gwaine and Percy could talk to Eira, and Merlin would sometimes talk to his mum or sister.
Time flew by. They went to all sorts of places sometimes together, other times in smaller groups, depending on who wanted to come. They found hidden lakes or waterfalls to swim in, secluded fields to exercise the dogs in and a few forests that felt just like something from a fantasy story.
As Arthur had predicted, there were a few nights where they got horrendously drunk and woke up strewn across the house, forced to stumble around all day in a daze. The fresh, cool air seemed to help the hangovers, though.
"We are going to have the worst after-holiday-blues when we get home," Leon said to Arthur as he joined him at the kitchen table late one afternoon with two mugs of tea. Merlin, Gwen, Morgana and Lancelot were all asleep together on the same sofa having spent the morning with Arthur, Leon and the dogs, climbing up a particularly steep hill. Gwaine and Percival had opted out to go for a walk together somewhere instead. And Elyan had stayed nearby alone. He seemed to like some time to himself every now and then which made sense seeing as he lived on his own and was the only one on the holiday not with their significant other. His friends had said that he could bring along the girl he was seeing if he wanted but he'd declined, saying genuinely that it ruined the purpose of the trip. Their relationship was still in its early stages anyway and he didn't want nice memories ruined if it didn't work out.
"Yeah, tell me about it," Arthur bent down to stroke Killi, who had plodded over in the hopes of catching some stray biscuit crumbs. Aithusa was somewhere tangled up in the heap of people napping on the sofa, enjoying the warmth.
"Isn't it amazing, though? It's so beautiful here."
Arthur nodded, "We'll have to come back."
"Definitely. It's so nice to have everyone here."
Arthur looked over to the living area and watched Merlin for a few seconds before asking, "Do you miss your kids?"
"Yes," Leon said honestly, "A lot. But it's like how I miss my friends when I spend too much time at home. At least I still get to speak to them every day even if Luke's too young to reply or understand. It breaks your heart to hear them upset. I think Belle's starting to really miss us now."
"Gwen was saying William's the same. She's worried after the ferry accident that he'll think something like that will always happen when they're away."
"That we'll call one day promising to see them in a few hours and not come home for days," Leon agreed, "Morgana thought the same. It's hard. Every decision you make involves your child from they moment you find out they're on their way. You always have to consider them before anything. Make sure everything is the best it can be for them. We're just lucky that if anything ever happened to us, we have so many people who'd love them just as much as we do."
"We'll bring them all with us here one day," Arthur said, "When they're older and they can appreciate it."
"But this one was important just for us," Leon said, "I agree."
The front door opened, then closed and Gwaine and Percival walked in together.
"Please tell me you've taken a photo of that to put in the album," Gwaine laughed as he sat down to take his boots off, looking at his friends on the sofa. They'd brought a single camera with them on the trip which they were taking all the photos on. When they got home, they would first go through and individually copy across the photos they wanted themselves and then sit together and choose the group favourites to make a photo album with. They thought having only one camera instead of all of them having their own would reduce confusion later on and mean no one would have to sift through hundreds of similar photos to get the ones they wanted.
"Where's Elyan?" Percival asked.
"On the phone," Leon said, "He promised he wouldn't be long. Not that he's missing much."
"We should prank them," Gwaine said, eyes still on his friends across the room.
"No," Arthur dismissed immediately.
Gwaine rolled his eyes, "So uptight, Arthur. If we were thinking about doing this to anyone else, you'd say yes. It's just coz Merlin's there that you won't. "
Arthur glared at him, "Fine. Do what you want but when they ask, I wasn't involved. I'm taking the dogs out." He drained the last of his drink, whistled for the dogs and left.
"What's wrong with him?" Gwaine asked while he searched through the cupboards.
"Not sure," Leon stared off thoughtfully.
Gwaine looked over his shoulder at Leon too, "Sorry, did something tragic happen? Why is everyone so depressed?"
"Just tired," Leon told him with a smile.
"Alright," Gwaine shrugged, "Whipped cream, flour or eggs?"
Arthur watched Killi and Aithusa chase each other around outside and thought about what Leon had said. 'We're lucky that if anything ever happened to us, we have so many people who'd love them just as much as we do.' Leon's kids were the only ones in their group who Arthur was actually related to, through Morgana. But he still considered William his nephew and Eira his niece. It didn't matter that they shared no common blood. They were a family. They always would be. Of course they would.
So, he had a smile on his face when he took the dogs back inside and gave them both a treat. He heard Morgana in the other room shouting at someone, presumably Gwaine for whatever 'prank' he'd decided to pull.
Elyan and Leon were sitting at the kitchen table together, sniggering quietly. Morgana was, as Arthur has thought, yelling at Gwaine. She was covered in flour on her head and shoulders but had bits of broken egg on the back of her jeans yet still managed to look terrifying. Arthur looked at the sofa and guessed what had happened. There were puddles of whipped cream on the floor and eggs shells just behind them. Presumably, Gwaine had flour bombed them and then whoever had been unfortunate enough to stand up first- apparently Morgana- had stepped on the cream, skidded over and landed on the eggs as she fell.
"Where is everyone?" Arthur asked Leon.
"Went to clean off," Leon said, "Percy's helping Merlin."
"I'll go rescue him."
Arthur and Merlin were staying in the only room downstairs and lucky enough to have an en suite with that. It was slightly annoying in the morning because some of their friends would get up early and accidentally wake them up by pottering around downstairs but it was easier to access. Merlin didn't like to and wasn't meant to keep his prosthetic on for too long so would only really have it on for when they were out walking. The rest of the time, he just used his crutches. It was easier and more comfortable.
Arthur opened the door to the room and smiled at Percival who was drying Merlin's hair off with a towel while Merlin wiped clean his leg. The prosthetic was covered in Gwaine's pranking ingredients because it had been left next to the sofa instead of being put away.
"Is Gwaine still alive?" Percival asked, "Or has Morgana killed him?"
"He's hanging in there. She'll run out of things to say soon enough and have him mopping the floor."
"Well, I can't miss that," Percival threw the towel to Arthur, got up and left.
Arthur tossed the towel over Merlin's head, pulled him into a headlock and ruffled his hair.
"Oi!" Merlin wriggled out his grip, grabbed the towel and shoved it in Arthur's face.
"What's wrong?" Arthur asked.
"Hm?"
"I know you're perfectly capable of getting through the shower by yourself. And you look pale."
"I'm just tired. I'm not used to so much walking. My muscles are sore."
"Do you want a massage?"
Merlin shook his head, "It's alright."
"Tell me the truth. What's going on?" Arthur took hold of Merlin's chin and turned his head towards him, "Look at me. Tell me."
"It was just a nightmare," Merlin said, "Nothing new."
"What do you mean nothing new? You told me you haven't had one in months!"
"That's not true. I just didn't tell you that I did have them."
"Why?"
"Because I get them every year around this time."
"Because this is the time of year Camelot exploded," Arthur remembered, "But they were really bad last year, are they-"
"No. But they're bad enough."
"Headache?"
"No. Just thoughts."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because what can you do? Talk to me about them so I'm just thinking about it even more? I don't want to think about it. That's the point."
"But you are thinking about it. And you're clearly exhausted because of it."
"I'm exhausted because we spend all day, every day walking up hills."
"Are they the same? The same as last year's?"
"And the year before's."
Arthur sighed and kissed him, "Do you want some rest now?"
He shook his head, "I don't want anyone finding out. They'll fuss."
"Alright. Do you want to stay in here for a bit, though? For some alone time?"
Merlin nodded, "Can we go for a walk after dinner together, too?"
"Of course."