Better Days

Chapter 298

Author's Note: I've started this twice now and my son has closed it out. I guess I should have saved it, huh? I'm out of work again today. My new medication seems to be stabilizing me. So knowing Abe and Sasha will be paired, I think Abe should be comfortable with Lexi. He hasn't had a lot of involvement with the kids. Please review.

Lexi and Carl's POV:

Carl walked over to Lexi with a glass of soda. "I wanted to say sorry about earlier," he told her.

Lexi gave him a smirk. "So you regret kissing me again? I see how this goes, in front of your new friends, it's alright to show off, but alone, you regret it."

Carl shook his head. "No, of course not. I mean, it wasn't the time or place to do that. It's not that I'm embarrassed or anything, because I'm not. I don't regret it, but you deserve better then me doing it front of people, like that."

"I was busting your chops, Carl. I would have thought you'd know me well enough by now that you know that is what I do," Lexi said with a smirk.

"Fine, I fell for it again. So, you and Sasha still having problems?" Carl asked quietly.

Lexi nodded. "She's to caught up with her grief that she can't see that I'm hurting," she answered. "Please don't tell me that we all have our own ways to grieve, because I understand that, I know that. I'm just tired of everyone telling me that, like it excuses Sasha from her responsibilities. Not only did I lose Ty, I've lost Sasha. Even though she's here, she's not here though. She is angry, she is reckless, and it feels like she wants to die. Do you know how that makes me feel Carl? It makes me feel horrible, like I'm not a good enough reason for her to stay around, to fight to be alive. I'm still here, I'm still fighting to live, and Sasha is giving up," she responded.

"She's here, she's mingling, so she is trying. She knows how important this is for you," Carl informed her.

"No, she's here so she can man the guard tower, get away from me, from all of us more. She wants to be alone, because if something happens to us, she won't be hurt by it," Lexi answered as she watched Sasha mingle.

Sasha and Ronnie's POV:

Sasha turned around looking at people, hearing people saying things, her mind flashing to the church, right before Bob got attacked, Beth's rescue from the hospital, images of them burying Ty. Laughter always means that death is going to find them, very soon. One happy moment means a life time of bad ones. She took a breath as she felt Ronnie's hand on her arm.

"Are you alright?" Ronnie asked her.

"Yeah," Sasha answered.

"No you aren't, Sasha and you know it. Where were you right then? Because you weren't here," Ronnie pointed out.

"If you knew I wasn't alright, why would you ask if I was?" Sasha asked.

"Because I wanted to see if you'd tell me the truth. That's the first step of recovering, not just you, but for all of us is admitting that we aren't alright. I'd be worried if we feel down the rabbit hole of Alexandria and suddenly feeling safe," Ronnie answered.

Sasha nodded. "The church," she answered.

"The church?" Ronnie questioned, as her eyebrow raised.

"Gabriel's church, when we had a big meal like this, before Bob got his leg cut off, before Merle died, before Ty died. We were all happy to be back together, mostly anyway. We felt invincible that day, we survived, took care of the Terminus people, well we thought we did. Then in a blink of an eye, Merle was gone, Daryl and Carol went off to find Beth, and Bob died," Sasha explained.

Ronnie brought her into a hug. "You aren't alone, Sasha. No matter what, we all in some small way know what you're feeling. Don't think you ever you're alone, because you're not. You got it?"

Sasha nodded. "I got it," she said as she pulled away. "It's hard, you know?"

"I do know it," Ronnie assured her as black woman from Alexandria came over.

The older woman smiled at both of them. "Sasha, honey, what's your favorite meal? I'd love to cook for you sometime. I'm doing it for all the new arrivals. Ronnie here, she said she missed banana pudding. I'll have to use some creative measures, and use baby food, but I'll get it done. So how about you?"

"I don't know," Sasha answered as she looked around the room.

"Of course you do, everyone has favorites. So what's yours? Whatever you want. I'm just worried that I'll cook something you hate, you know?" the lady told her.

"You're worried? That's what you're worried about? My God, you people are clueless," Sasha yelled at her.

"Sasha," Ronnie started to say.

"Just leave me alone, all of you," Sasha said as she went out the door.

Jewel handed Judith to Mika. "I've got this," she told Lexi as the girl looked like she was going to follow.

Rick looked at the rest of his family and nodded. They all knew that meant to gather on the front porch, Sasha was going to need help.

Jewel went out the door and practically skipped both steps to grab hold of Sasha. "Stop!"

Sasha swirled around ready to throw a punch before she saw who it was. "Jewel…just leave me alone."

"That's not how it works, not in this family. You've beat yourself up enough, don't you think? You want to hit someone, here I am. You're not responsible for Bob and Ty getting bit. You sure the hell aren't responsible for Bob getting his leg cut off by those cannibals. If anyone is responsible for every death that's happened, it's Rick and me. We were the leaders, elected or forced or just fell into it, we were the ones that were supposed to keep you all safe. I beat myself up every single day and night that we didn't find the governor and split his head open the first time he attacked us. Then Hershel would still be alive, everyone on the bus. If we had killed him, maybe Andrea would still be alive. Everyone that we've lost since we became a group? Rick and I carry everyone of there's death's with us every day. We kept going, one step in front of the other because we had to keep as many of you alive that we could. You want to be angry because of Ty and Bob? Fine, but damn it Sasha Yvonne Williams, I will not allow you to get yourself killed by being reckless, by not thinking. No one up on that porch is going to let you. If you die, it's because a walker got you, or some bad people get in. If that happens, well, you have my word we aren't going to rest until they are dead. You can keep saying that you understand, but you obviously don't. Rick and I would blame ourselves if you died, just like we have with everyone. There isn't a person here that I shouldn't be begging forgiveness for, for not being able to save people that was loved," Jewel told her as she stepped back. "Hit me."

Sasha looked at her. "I'm not going to hit you, Jewel."

"Well why not? You're beating yourself up hard enough aren't you?" she asked. She had noticed that Carol, Daryl, Mitch and Summer had came out of the steps of there house.

"Aren't you going to stop this Rick?" Deanna asked him as she came out onto the porch.

"No and neither are you," Rick answered as he continued watching. He knew Jewel had it under control.

"You need to take out your anger on someone other then yourself, so here I am. I'm giving you one chance to beat me up as hard as you've been beating up yourself. Now, this is a one time only offer Sasha, so if I was you, I'd take it," she told the other woman.

Sasha sighed. "We don't hurt family," she said softly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Jewel questioned.

"We don't hurt family," Sasha responded.

Jewel went over and hugged her. "So, I want you to stop beating yourself up for something you can't control. Believe me, I recognized that look in your face tonight. You were back at Terminus weren't you?"

"The church before Merle and Bob died. The big meal we all had. The laughing, the joking…." Sasha admitted as she started to cry in the taller woman's shoulder.

"Just like tonight? One split second and it can all be gone, ripped from us. We know that, Sasha. We know how important it is for all of us to enjoy every single second of every single day. None of us can do this alone, Sasha. Rick and I keep each other in check, Glenn and Maggie, Beth and Summer. We're all here, every single one of us," Jewel said as she turned the woman in the direction of there houses to show Daryl, Carol, Mitch and Summer standing on the porch, then turned her around where the rest of the family was, "no matter our age, no matter who we were before, we are family. We don't get to be alone anymore, Sasha. I still expect to see Ty giving me one of his grins, waiving at us, just holding Judith. I still expect Merle to come out and say 'hey officer friendly,' I'm not sure when it's going to stop. Maybe it won't, maybe those memories mean that they are right here in our hearts. Rick come give Sasha a little bit of Hope," she told her husband.

Rick came down and handed Sasha Hope. "Her and Judith are the reason we still live. That we still fight," Rick told her as he put his arm around Jewel.

"Jewel how did you know my middle name?" Sasha asked.

"Ty told me," Jewel answered.

"You know you're wrong, about everyone's death being on you. It isn't. More of us would be dead if you two weren't around," Sasha told them. "I think I'm going to go give Hope a bath…."

"I'll go with you, Judith needs one too," Mika told her.

Author's note: So Abe and Lexi's chat will be next chapter. The party is over.