Chapter 18
Natasha laying directly on top of Tony and Pepper's bed, not caring for about messing it up or even the fact that she is in their personal bedroom. They won't be back for a while; this is her new favorite hiding spot. Since Bucky will be integrating with the team. Steve and T'Challa went earlier today to get him from the broader tribe he's been living with while Wanda helps to flush his mind free of the Hydra programming.
Steve has been almost unbearable to live with let alone sleep next to. His excitement radiates around him. Clearly missing how nervous and anxious it makes Natasha. Instead of raining on Steve's happiness, she deicide to hide for as long as possible before having to come face to face with the person that trained her in the Red Room.
She could hear mostly everything through the closed door, when Steve got back with Bucky. Bucky meeting the rest of the team. It was Wanda's idea that they start eating lunch and started playing some board games it eases everyone into the getting to know one and other. Clint made an excuse for where Natasha was at, trying to cover for her but she could hear the disappointment in Steve's voice. She knew she couldn't stay in Tony and Pepper's room forever, but she just didn't know how to see Bucky.
Last time she was face to face with him, his hand was locked around her throat and she pleaded for him to remember her. But he was relentless. When he was getting on the quinjet with Steve, there was still no recognition. How was she supposed to approach him? Like a spy would do and act like they have never met before? Or act like he was someone that was important to her? Who help her become the knowable spy she is today? Does she bring up that she has two gunshot wounds from being on his business end of a sniper rifle? What is she supposed to do?
Not wanting to ask Steve, because she wants him to have his best friend back, someone he grew up with and can relate too. But she has been drowning in anxiety. Playing on her phone to pass the time, noting that it is almost time for dinner and she is getting hungry. Seeing that she did skip lunch today and wasn't hungry at breakfast because of her nerves.
Only then the sound of soft clicks from the door way pull her attention, knowing it is Clint without having to look. A habit her best friend has always done so she doesn't get startled.
"You know I have been looking all over the place for you?" Clint tells her, coming in the room and closing the door behind him.
"Including the air vents?" Natasha jokes with him.
'Hahahahaha' He gives her a fake laugh. "That was only one time and I won by hiding in the air vents, thank you very much." Clint takes the team games a little too far, especially when it comes to anything tactical related. But being a good soldier will always think outside the box and take any advantage given. "What are you doing in here?" He asked though it wasn't obvious.
"I told Pepper I would water their plants while they are gone." She said without sounding sarcastic, watching Clint look around the room, and seeing there aren't any plants in the room.
"Is that the lie you're going to tell Steve?" He hitting her with the guilt card.
"No. I don't lie to Steve. I am just not ready to see him." She explained to her best friend, though she didn't have to explain it to him, because he already knew. It was something that had been discusses several times in their long relationship.
"If you weren't ready to see him, you should have gone with Tony, Pepper and the baby. Tony wasn't ready to deal with Bucky and they went on vacation." Natasha not liking to be compared to Tony's childish ways, but his point has been made. Natasha getting up from the bed.
"I don't like it when you do that." She tells him, as he follows suit with her.
"Do what?" Clint asks.
"Compare me to Tony." She spits out through clenched teeth. Her arms still folded cross her chest, fully embodying a child that wasn't getting their way.
"I know. It's one way I can actually get you to do anything." He gives her a full smile, while wrapping his arm around her shoulders. They walked out of the bedroom, and into the main living space. Steve and Bucky in the living room on the couch, playing Jenga with Scott and Sam. Natasha leans against the hallway watching from out of sight. Clint starting to help Wanda make dinner. Natasha wishes away the mixed feelings that were being conjured in the pit of her stomach. The man she loves sitting there, in his navy-blue long sleeve shirt and his beard fully grown out. Something she has grown to love, the first couple of weeks she didn't like it. Then there is the man next to the love of her life, Bucky. His hair has grown out, pulled into a half pony tail. His back is too her, she read a lot from the tension of his shoulders. His guard is up, but is trying to relax. His laugh echo's in the room. It brings back memories of them training in the Red Room. She is caught in a memory when she realizes that Steve is looking right at her. She has been seen. Deciding instead of joining them, she would help with dinner. Hopefully no one will notice that she was missing.
Taking a deep breath, she starts setting the table like she would do with any other meal time. Going around with plates mates and plates, then cups and finally with napkins and silverware. Losing herself in the simply task. Forgetting how her mind was busy with worry and what she was afraid of. When she is nearly done, strong familiar arms wrap around her waist. Steve's face buries into her neck. He kisses her neck and her internal butterflies begin to flutter around.
"I missed you today." He whispers against her skin.
"I heard from somewhere that Saturday was for the boys." She joked with him, not wanting to admit that she was hiding from him.
"I am telling Wanda that you said she is one of the boys." He teased back with her.
"Wanda has always been one of the boys." Natasha wiggling out of his hold. Only to turn to kiss his mouth.
"Natasha where have you been hiding all day?" Scott asking bring the garlic bread to the table, Wanda following closely behind with a salad. Vision carefully placing the lasagna pan on the table next to Wanda.
Natasha not liking being called out. Trying to hide the murderous look she wanted to give.
"She was helping Pepper with something." Clint cut in and lying for her. Natasha looking around the dining room, and finding Bucky standing awkwardly at the opposite end of the table.
"Is there assigned sitting?" Bucky asks, looking at the large table that the team typically sits around for most of the meals.
"Not assigned, we just have our normal seats. But this chair here is open." Wanda offers for him to seat on the other side of her.
"Thank you." He pulling her chair out for her, before taking his own seat.
"What is everyone drinking?" Natasha asks nervously. Getting everyone's drink order and needing to make two trips between the beers, bottle of wine and the water pitcher. Then finally she sits next to Steve who started preparing her plate for her. Sam talks about a mission. Clearly Sam and Bucky will become good friends as well, with the shared military experience. Scott asking questions like why Sam would do that, after the fifth or sixth time of Sam says because he was ordered to, the entire table erupted with saying he was ordered too. Then everyone laughing about it. Steve told a couple stories about his and Bucky's unit while his hand rested on Natasha thigh. She discreetly tore apart the paper napkin in her lap. Under the table, trying to calm the uneasiness that comes with this new territory.
Quietly Natasha started to clean up from dinner, which wasn't abnormal it was something that her and Steve did together. It wasn't until a metal hand, handed her a stack of dirty dishes.
"Can I help you?" Bucky offers, the crease furrows his brow.
Like she has lost the ability to speak, she just gives a curt nod of her head. They remained silent while washing dishes. The silence is heavy between them, Natasha not sure what to say or how to even start a conversation with him. She hands him the last dish to be dried. Wiping her hands with a paper towel, turning to leave unsure of what to say or do.
"I'm sorry." The roughness gone from his voice. The words float in the air between them as she turns around to face him.
He looks as the same as he always had. His shoulders tense with the weight of the world pressing down on them. The normal barrier that would be there, to deflect the emotions away is down. Something familiar about the way he looks at hers, makes her hopeful.
"What?" Natasha questions, her voice low not wanting to draw attention to their conversation.
"I am sor, sorry." He stunners. "I know I have hurt you in the past and I hope you can forgive me."
Natasha is bewildered by his confession. Not sure if he actually knows what he is apologizing for.
"Do you remember?" She asks. Regretting the moment, she asked. What if he does? What if he doesn't?
"I remember my life before. Then I remember small things during my time with Hydra. None of it in is order. But my mind has been clear since Germany. I remember what I did in Germany to you and I am sorry." He explains.
He doesn't remember. Play it cool. It doesn't matter, Natasha thinks to herself.
"What Wanda has been doing to my mind has helped. I don't have urges to be violent, and I don't fear that someone will try and trigger the programming." Bucky says, sounding robotic at the end. A smile touching his eyes. His smile, this smile, she remembers. The sparks of the good memories spread through her. She can't help but smile back at him.
"That's good. Wanda is good at what she specializes at." Natasha leans against the counter, with her arms folding on her chest, and Bucky's mimics her stance.
"I have these flashes of memory and I can't always place them. But we knew each other, from before?"
Time for the truth.
"Yes. We met before Germany." Natasha trying to keep a calm exterior while internally her nerves rage.
"Maybe sometime we can talk about it." His voice is tight with hope. Sam calling Bucky to come and join the rest of the team to play another game. Taking the opportunity, Natasha slid out of the kitchen and trying to leave down the hallway. Trying to make down the hallway, to her room. She had enough socializing for the day.
Walking into her room, expecting it the room to be empty. Natasha caught off guard when Steve is sitting up in the bed, his legs are crossed at the ankles, and hands folded in his lap. He was waiting for her. He expected her to come back into the room and hide.
"Hey" Natasha says calmly, trying to not act like she was caught.
"Hi." Steve watching, look he does. With a smirk playing on his mouth. "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing?" Natasha questions back.
"Tasha?" His nickname for her, making her melt. With a dramatic huff, she plop down on to the bed next him. Grabbing a pillow and covering her face. "Tash. Tasha? Natasha?" His voice doing that annoying things, that Natasha hates.
"Yes, sir?" I response, removing the pillow from my face, turning onto my stomach to watch his expression.
"If you didn't want to be here, you could have gone with Pepper. She would have loved your help with the baby." Steve shifting closer to her.
"I wanted to be here for you." Her voice quiet, her eyes slowly climb up his body and finally meeting his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes.
"I know. I appreciate you want to do that, but you are hiding and not having fun. Having Bucky here is to bring him on-board with the team and bond as a team." He explains, watching her.
"I didn't think it would be this hard having him back." She tearing her eyes from him. Finding it easier to look and the basic white bedspread. She didn't lie to him. She doesn't lie to Steve, but she wanted to be his rock and be there for him, in all the ways he is there for her.
"Tasha, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I want you to be ok with him being here. I know it is probably selfish of me, but I want my childhood best friend and my girl to be good. If that is possible." Steve had high expectations. Maybe too high. Bucky and Natasha knew each other prior to everything. But if Sam and Bucky can get alone for Steve sake then Natasha could try a little harder for him as well.
"I will be present tomorrow for team bonding." Natasha said in a flat tone. In one swift movement Steve gathers up Natasha into his arms and rolls on top of her, pinning her to the bed. His mouth crashing down on hers. His mouth tasting like tooth paste, as his tongue slips against hers. Hooking a leg around his waist and low growl vibrates in his throat. His lips move from hers, along her jaw and then down her neck. Her hands claw at his back, wanting more from him. His hips pressing harder against the openness of her thighs.
"I need you." Steve breathes into her ear. That's all she needed to hear, she started with his pants, unbuttoning them and trying to remove them. She could get his pants off, though it is difficult with Steve being on top of her. Natasha thrusting with her hips and rolling Steve to his back and her taking the dominant position. Steve could have stopped her but he loved it when she rolled him. It uses to take him by surprise, her small frame could roll him. But now she found it sexy as hell when she did it to him.
Knock, Knock, Knock. "Capt.?" said from the other end of the door.
The torn look that displayed on Steve's face mirrored Natasha feelings. Another reason she secretly wished that they did live away from the team. She wanted to be undisrupted with Steve.
"Be right there." Steve yelled, standing up and righting himself. Steve giving Natasha a once over, knowing that she looked flushed and didn't want to have her teammates see her like that. She slipped into the bathroom before Steve opened the door.
"What's up?" Steve sounding like his normal commanding voice.
"We are about to start playing Scattergories, do you want to join?" Sam asked, though Natasha could hear the smile in his voice. Steve could act like nothing was happening before Sam interrupted her and Steve but Steve looked thoroughly kiss.
"I will join, give me a few and I will be there." Steve told Sam before closing the door.
Natasha leaning against the door frame.
"Scattergories?" Steve asked with a shoulder shrug. She couldn't help but smile. He was too cute for his own good. His hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans.
She shakes her head no. Natasha wasn't in the mood to play board games, she wanted to play with Steve. She climbs back on to the bed, sitting with her legs folded under her.
"I want to stay, but…"
"But you got to be the team's captain and promote the team bonding. Blah, blah blah." Natasha said, sucking in her bottom lip.
"Rain Check?" Steve asked. Steve giving her a look like a golden retriever would give.
"Ok." She gives into him.
"Maybe tomorrow after team bonding, I could cash in that rain check." Hope raises up in her as he speaks. Instead of answering him, she grabs the bottom of his shirt pulling him to her. Her fingers brushing lightly against bare skin of his stomach. Kneeling before him, at chest level looking up at him. Giving him a powerful sensual pout.
"I am going to hold you to that, Soldier." Natasha says in a low husky voice. Steve looks like he could come unglued in that moment.
"Fuck it, they can wait." Steve says before his mouth comes crashing down onto Natasha's. Climbing on top of her.