Chapter Twenty One

"Ellen and I were talking," I said.

John looked down at me with a question on his face. He knew we'd talked but he didn't know exactly what about.

"We were thinking...maybe the Domain is right, but it's also wrong."

"How?"

I watched two preteens chase each other across the empty street beside us, laughing and wild-eyed. They were close friends, I could feel it.

I refocused, and my expression sobered. "The Domain said there are terminals on Arcadia. A-and there probably are."

John tilted his head. "But?"

"But...what if they're not working? What if Halo destroyed their ability to contact the Domain? Arcadia isn't a shield world; nothing here was protected."

I could feel John mulling it over. His eyes were focused on the sidewalk on the other side of the street, empty but for those preteens, but his mind was far away.

He wasn't just thinking about the terminals. There was something else, whatever was making him nervous, but he still didn't want to share it with me.

Eventually he said, "You'll fix the terminals. I know you can. We don't have to find a perfect one."

"Yeah," I said. "You're right. We-we don't need one that works. We just- we just need one that has worked before."

"Exactly." He wrapped his left arm around me. I leaned into him as we walked.

Maybe we wouldn't find a functioning terminal here, but as long as we found a terminal it would be okay. Ellen and I could probably fix one up.

And then we could open the Domain to the galaxy again.

The town around us changed as we walked closer to the square. It had been quiet and almost sad, but now it was bustling with people. There were a lot of folks with jackets on; the first cold front of the season had followed us down from Mullingar and chilled the air.

But today was August 18th, which was a very important holiday in Avaris. It was the first week of autumn, and the celebrations were very important to the quaint villages that dotted Avaris. Similar holidays were being celebrated all over the continent of Lemuria - the parts in the northern hemisphere, anyway.

A mother in front of us lined her coordinated children up in front of a bright storefront and snapped their picture. Her husband was talking to another man on the street corner. A person with their arms full of decorations met their sister and dropped the armfull into the offered bag.

"Happy Sunfall!" a cheery man bid us as he passed.

I smiled. "Happy Sunfall!"

John liked it here. It was civilized, but not overbearing like the bigger cities were. We'd been walking for an hour and had only seen three cars the entire time, and the crowds were smaller and more familiar. Everyone here knew each other, and the atmosphere was easy.

Further along the road was a park. John saw the sign much before I did and asked if I wanted to see what it looked like.

And of course I did. I hadn't been to a proper park since before my home had been glassed. I was excited to see what parks on Arcadia looked like.

It was a large, open, public park that took up a whole block of the town. Bushy trees lined the perimeter and sprouted at random along the flat grass. Shrubs were in abundance, and there was a busy playground in the back right side of the park.

To our left, between a cluster of trees, several hammocks had been strung. They were the comfortable kind; curved and shaped kind of like bananas, with no hard bars to stretch them out and make them easily unbalanced.

John, feeling my interest and his own, led the way to the hammocks. He sat down on one, bowing it under his weight, and made a space for me next to him. I sat down on his right, but the hammock didn't react to my weight. I was pressed into John like a pea in a pod.

We were facing the playground. There were so many children playing, climbing the castle or hanging from bars or swinging. John was fascinated by them.

He hadn't seen children much before. Not alive, anyway. And he couldn't remember when he was a kid very well; he was so young when he was taken, and the training was so harsh that he, like most of his siblings, had repressed them.

What felt like a lifetime ago aboard the Spirit of Fire I had helped him remember some of his childhood. A lot of it was too painful for me to experience, let alone put him through. That was when I had discovered that he was Johnny, from my childhood.

His memories I'd brought back were fuzzier than when I first renewed them. Memories always were slippery and unreliable, so I wasn't very surprised.

John was watching a group of toddlers playing in the grass. One of them had torn up a handful, and was trying to eat it. His father was watching, amused, and talking with a bench full of parents.

John didn't want kids. He couldn't afford to want kids. His military service came first, and he knew if he was a father he would have to choose between his child and humanity at some point. So he refused to let himself want.

I knew how he felt. Even before I realized that I was a Reviver, I knew I couldn't have kids. EDS made it too dangerous, too painful, and I didn't want to risk my life like that if I didn't have to.

I had other things to risk my life for, after all.

But both John and I couldn't help but be just a little jealous of the mother who walked past us, her baby swaddled to her chest and her husband cooing down at him.

We both squished the feelings before they could turn into anything more problematic.

I rested my head against John and closed my eyes. In the four days since we'd been here, we'd gone to two continents and three countries, and explored three Forerunner ruins. This was our first day off since we'd arrived.

I was still tired. I was always tired.

Tomorrow we were going to another continent. I didn't know the plan after that but no doubt it would be bustling, ONI rushing us from place to place like a Forerunner speedrun. If I had to wake up at five in the morning again I would cry.

John wrapped his arm around me and leaned down to kiss my head. I hummed, happily, and tapped his thigh twice with two fingers. He returned the sentiment on the side of my leg.

"I know First-Light and the Domain meant for us to be together, but I still feel so lucky to be with you," I said.

I felt John's heart swell. "So do I."

The nerves that had been plaguing him for the past three days came to a height, and he consciously accepted the fear. I felt him make up his mind, and the certainty helped him remain stable.

"Tawny," he said.

I looked up at him, sensing that this was very important. "Yeah?"

"Will you marry me?"

My thought process derailed. Whatever I'd been expecting, whatever I'd thought his nerves were, it wasn't that.

Though I could feel his resolve in the bond I had to ask. "You mean it?"

"If you'll have me." His blue eyes were earnest and vulnerable.

"Yes," I breathed. I felt tears springing up in my eyes, but the stinging didn't hurt. "Of course I'll marry you, John."

He cupped my neck and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. When he pulled away I sprung up, meeting his lips. My tears spilled over when I closed my eyes, and the salty taste mixed between us.

Everything felt so crystalline and intense in the bond. Raw elation was bouncing between us and magnifying, growing in intensity until it nearly overtook us both.

I was going to marry John. He was going to be my husband, I would be his wife. The whole galaxy would know.

The whole galaxy would know.

I pulled away. "John…"

He opened his eyes, searching mine. "What's wrong?"

"John, you're the Master Chief," I stressed. "Humanity's savior. Everyone knows about you."

John tilted his head.

"If we get married, ONI will make it a huge deal. People will see your face. They'll publicize it."

He thought about that, and accepted the truth of it. "They will."

"I can't ask you to go through that, John."

"I don't mind."

"...Really?"

"Really." He cupped my chin to hold my gaze, entirely genuine. "If it's for you, I can do anything."

I felt more tears race down my cheeks, strikingly cold in the breeze. "John."

Before I could fumble for words - and I would have fumbled; what was a person supposed to say to that? - John pulled me into a warm embrace. I curled into him, elated and still in shock.

My fiancé.

oOOOo

Less than six hours later, while John and I were getting ready for bed, my comm buzzed.

I straightened my shirt and accepted the video chat. "Agent Valha?"

"Clark." Her eyes and voice were cold. "Why did I hear a rumor that you're engaged to SPARTAN 117?"

News spread fast, it would seem. We'd only told Kelly, Fred, Linda, and Ellen, but surely someone had overheard us at some point. We'd told Ellen in her lab, but when we were with the rest of the team we'd been in a busy rec room.

I kept myself firm under Valha's rage. "You heard rumors because we are engaged."

John, on the other side of the bed and out of Valha's sight, was wary. He knew this would happen, but neither of us knew what ONI would do about this. They could shut us down, or make it so publicized that we had a script, or disappear us both.

Disappear, in ONI speak, typically meant 'assassinate'.

Valha looked like she wanted to assassinate me. "Why are you engaged to the Master Chief?"

"Because he asked," I deadpanned. "A-and because I want to marry him."

She closed her eyes, a picture of seething anger. "Tawny Clark, you cannot marry SPARTAN 117."

She sounded too much like she was telling me what to do. Like she was telling John what to do. I felt familiar foreign rage stir in my heart, and I didn't know if I would be able to control it.

I scowled. "Why not?"

"Because he is a SPARTAN. Because SPARTANs are military property, and they are not to marry anyone."

"He is not property," I seethed. "Besides, the SPARTAN IVs are allowed to marry."

"The SPARTAN IVs are different."

"No, they're not. Not anymore." My heart was racing with strange fury, but a lot of it was genuine. ONI had hurt John, and I wasn't about to let them continue to do so. "Blue Team is with SPARTAN Operations now. John isn't ONI's anything. He's his own person, and ONI can't say shit about it."

Agent Valha didn't have an immediate response. She stared at me, her disposition somehow more wrathful than when she'd started the call, and said, "We'll be seeing you."

The call ended.

I looked up at John, hating that she'd shaken me and hating that my anger was still pulsing, urging me to lash out at anyone. John was the closest person. I did not want to lash out at him.

"You did good," he said after a silent beat.

I nodded, my heart still quick, and I wasn't sure if he was talking about Valha or the anger.

oOOOo

Agent Valha called again at 0600, while John and I were headed to the tarmac to meet the others. We were headed out to another set of ruins.

"Agent Valha," I said, barely masking my growing annoyance.

John had been on my right, but when Valha called he moved to my left to shield me and our conversation from the bustling hallway.

"Clark," Valha greeted. "ONI has decided to permit your engagement to SPARTAN 117."

They'd decided to permit it? They didn't have that kind of power over us!

Did they?

"Since when could ONI control the personal life of someone in SPARTAN Ops?" I snapped.

Valha didn't answer. She just said, "A PR rep will be in contact with you and SPARTAN 117 soon."

My voice was sarcastic and rude. "Got it, thanks-"

Valha cut the call.

I glanced up at John, begging my anger to spare him. He was so kind, and genuine and strong- ah, the anger was gone.

"So...that's good," I said. "That they okayed it."

He nodded.

"I didn't think they had that much power," I said, aggravation swirling in my tone.

"They don't...on paper."

"Oh."

oOOOo

The ruins had yielded no terminals. That wasn't surprising - it was becoming par for the course - but what was surprising was the summons we got from Infinity when we returned to the base.

Infinity had been in orbit above Arcadia for five days, waiting for us and the other science teams to return. And, apparently, Captain Keyes wanted us to come up for a visit.

He wanted to debrief us all personally. Starting with Ellen, who was in his ready room.

The rest of us were waiting outside. I was sitting against the wall but the rest of the team was standing. I'd gotten tired a few minutes into the wait.

The door hissed open and Ellen walked out. She looked down at me and jerked her head towards the ready room. "The Captain will see you now."

"Thanks." I pushed myself up and walked into the room.

Captain Keyes was sitting at his desk, a datapad in his hands. He looked tired. He felt tired, too. I noticed a small hologram on his desk, of a young girl who couldn't have been older than fourteen.

When Keyes saw me looking at the picture a fond smile bloomed on his face. "My daughter, Miranda. She wants to be an officer."

"Like you?" I asked.

He nodded. Then, "Why don't you take a seat, Ms. Clark."

I sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

"Firstly I'd like to congratulate you on your recent engagement," he said. "The Chief's a good kid."

News travelled fast.

But I couldn't sense anything other than genuine happiness in Keyes, so I smiled. "Thank you. He really is."

He leaned forward and clasped his hands on the desktop. "Now, about your assignment."

I tilted my head.

"We know that none of the science teams deployed to the surface had any success in locating a single terminal. Parangosky wants Infinity to focus elsewhere, but Professor Anders vouched for our place on Arcadia." Keyes met my eyes. "She says you believe there are terminals on Arcadia."

I nodded. "There are, Captain."

"Do you know this with absolute certainty?" he asked.

I hesitated, and he noticed. "Yes, Captain, I know there are terminals on Arcadia."

"How?"

"The Domain…" I trailed off, remembering my conversation with John yesterday. "The Domain says there are terminals on Arcadia."

Keyes picked up on my weak conviction. "But…?"

I swallowed, twisting my ring around my finger. "But...but, I don't know if they're going to work."

That caught his attention. "What do you mean?"

"The terminals a-are Forerunner technology, but they were connected to the- to the Domain. When Halo fired it nearly killed the Domain." I looked down. "There's a good chance that...that the terminals on Arcadia were disconnected from the Domain when Halo fired."

"Do you think you can reconnect them?"

"I don't know," I admitted quietly.

I knew how to physically fix the terminals, but if the terminals had been disconnected from the Domain that was a problem beyond even my scope. To fix it I would need control of the Domain. And, as the Domain so often displayed, it was in control of me.

There was a chance I would be able to fix the terminals, but without prior experience with a working terminal it was so small.

I couldn't lift my gaze to meet Keyes. I felt like I'd failed. The Domain was screaming in my mind - in John's as well - that I was making a mistake. But throwing myself at the ruins and getting nothing in return, it was infuriating. Even if we found a terminal we could fail.

I was so fucking tired of bowing to the Domain's whims.

Where had that come from?

Captain Keyes cut me out of my thoughts. "Understood."

I kept my eyes on the front of his desk, my hands folded in my lap.

"You're free to go," he said. "Send the Chief in, would you?"

My voice was small. "Yes, sir."

"And, Clark? You did good."

I walked out of the room as if I was in a trance. John pressed against my mind, concerned, but I brushed him off and said aloud, "Keyes wants to talk to you, John."

He nodded. When he brushed past me I felt his eyes on me, but I kept my gaze down. The door sealed shut behind him.

"Tawny?" Kelly brushed my shoulder.

I slid down the wall between her and Fred. "I'm alright."

"I can tell," Linda snarked.

I didn't respond. The three of them started talking about the Commander of one of the bases on Arcadia, but I didn't join them. I was trying to sort out my emotions; this anger was muted, but exhausting.

There was something else, a sense of dread. It broiled in my gut and felt kind of like the dread the Domain had been launching at me at the prospect of leaving Arcadia, but it wasn't my dread. I didn't think it was, anyway.

A few minutes later the door opened. John walked out, his jaw tight and his emotions tumultuous. If I hadn't been sure if the dread was his or mine, now I knew it was his.

I tilted my head up to look at him. It was my turn to be concerned. "John?"

He met my eyes, then each of his teammates' in turn. "We're leaving Arcadia."

That had been expected, after how my conversation with Keyes went.

It was Fred who asked, "Where are we going?"

John's mouth thinned. "Requiem."

oOOOOo

Author's Note: Hi guys! How are y'all? I'm currently grappling with existential dread lmao it's fun (-10/10 Would Not recommend)

I love you all!