Chapter 24

Soon, they were all in their cars on their way home, feeling very subdued. Arthur and Merlin stayed stubbornly silent for most of the journey. Merlin was staring out the window, jiggling his knee up and down, biting his lip and twirling his fingers around each other.

"I don't know if I can go back there," he said quietly.

Arthur glanced across. Merlin had a tear rolling down his face. "You don't have to."

"That was horrible," his voice was still shaky.

"Yeah."

"Can I call my mum?"

Arthur nodded and handed Merlin his phone. He didn't pay much attention to their conversation, more preoccupied with his own thoughts.

"Is she ok?" Arthur asked Merlin when he'd put the phone down.

"Fine. She and Gaius got back safely and they're both alright."

"Good," Arthur yawned, "Oh! I'm so tired."

Merlin looked at him.

"Are you not?"

"Not even a little bit. Too much has happened."

"I thought you'd be exhausted after that panic attack."

Merlin shrugged and cleared his throat which was still annoyingly itchy and sore.

Arthur stopped the car on their drive and they both got out.

"You're still coughing," Arthur said as they opened the door and went inside.

"It's the smoke."

"We all breathed in the same amount of smoke."

"No one else has any lung conditions."

They went into the kitchen where Freya and Matthew were drinking having a drink of tea. The couple were staying with Arthur and Merlin while they were there. Freya hugged her brother tightly, making him cough a few times.

"How bad is the damage?" she asked.

"It could have been a lot worse," Arthur told her while he was filling the kettle, "But it'll take some time to fix."

"We've been reading some of the articles that have been published," Matthew said.

"What's being said?" Merlin asked.

"Most are praising us. They say it was clearly an accident and we dealt with it well. A few are saying that we shouldn't have opened for guests with the risk of something happening and we're to blame."

Arthur sighed in annoyance, "Would those people, by any chance, be people who weren't actually there?"

"How on earth did you know?" Freya asked sarcastically.

"Because idiot journalists love to make up lies that ruin people's lives," Arthur spat sharply.

"Woah," Merlin raised an eyebrow, went over to Arthur, and put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"Sorry. I'm just tired," he looked over his shoulder apologetically at his guests, "I'm going to bed."

They watched him leave the room, tea only half finished. Merlin frowned, "I'll go up too. Sleep well."

Merlin made his way upstairs and into their bedroom. He could hear the shower on in the en suite so he quickly took his suit off and joined Arthur. The second Merlin was in the shower, Arthur pinned him to the wall and kissed him.

"Relieving tension?" Merlin teased as he wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist.

Arthur nodded, very unwilling to move his lips off Merlin's. They took their time in the shower, and then fell into bed feeling considerably more tired than they had previously thanks to their bathroom activities.

"If you still have that cough in the morning, I'm taking you to the doctor," Arthur said in concern after watching Merlin splutter for a few minutes just before they were going to turn the lights out, "You look really sick."

"It's just the dust and the smoke," Merlin croaked, "Don't worry." But even he sounded worried.

The next morning only gave them even more reason to be worried. Merlin woke up to find little red splatters on his pillow and when he wiped his mouth, his hand came away smeared with blood. He kicked Arthur awake and looked at him in terror, starting to cough horribly. Arthur was wide awake immediately and pulling on clothes then finding some for Merlin too.

"Doctors. Now," was all he said before shouting for Freya and Matthew.

Freya was in their pretty much immediately as if she'd been standing outside the door already.

"Could you go and get us some water, please?" Arthur asked her calmly while Merlin was pulling a jumper over his head.

"Merlin!" Freya cried in horror.

"It's alright," Arthur said urgently, "Just the water, please?"

She nodded and, pulling her dressing gown around herself tightly, ran downstairs.

To make a very long story short, Arthur and Merlin spent hours at the doctors only to be told they needed to go to the hospital for further tests. That set dread into their hearts but dutifully travelled to the hospital and checked in.

Now, after scans and x-rays and blood tests and all sorts of other things, they were waiting for results.

"I'm scared, Arthur," Merlin admitted quietly.

"It's going to be fine."

"You've said that hundreds of times today."

"I thought that maybe if I did keep saying it then it would become true."

"I guess we'll find out soon. Have you heard from Morgana?"

"You need to stop thinking about work."

"Well it's either work or what's happening right now so-"

"Fair enough. She said everyone's going to be fine. Those who were hurt weren't hurt seriously. They've written and sent out letters personally apologising to everyone. The fault with the electrics was down to the installation and the company have apologised and said they'll fix it all free of charge so we're probably not going to sue. They reckon there's thousands of pounds worth of damage."

Merlin sighed, "At least everyone's going to be ok."

"Yeah. And hopefully our reputation isn't completely ruined."

"I feel bad that we're not there."

"I'm just glad that Freya and Matthew were here to help. They've been amazing."

"It must run in my family. Being amazing."

"That gene definitely skipped you, though. Lucky you married someone amazing to make up for it."

Merlin rolled his eyes and squeezed Arthur's hand.

"It's going to be alright," Arthur kissed Merlin's temple, "Whatever it is. It'll be alright."

Soon, they were sitting in an office, waiting for a doctor to speak to them. "Alright," a woman opened the door and sat down opposite them at the desk.

"That didn't sound too good," Merlin noted immediately.

"No," the doctor admitted, "It's not. I'm going to show you your x-ray and explain what's going on but I don't want you to panic, alright?"

Arthur and Merlin shared a nervous look. The doctor held up an x-ray photo of his lungs and pointed at a tiny white smudge, "It's quite difficult to see but this here is actually a tumour."

"What?" Merlin's world slowed around him.

"I know it's a lot but we have every reason to think this isn't cancerous. Based on your past history with infections, this could have been developing over a very long time."

"It can cause the infections?"

"Sort of, yeah. Your cells aren't fighting off illnesses very well. But anyway, we think this has been growing over a very long time and it's still very small which suggests that it's benign which is really good. So we can do a few more tests and hopefully all it will take is an operation to have it removed. In a way that's actually quite good news because assuming it isn't cancerous, we'll get it out and then you'll be much less prone to infections. So as long as you can keep yourself out of any trouble, you'll be fit and healthy once you're recovered from the surgery."

"And if it is cancerous?"

"We'll check for secondary tumours, and go from there."

"So what happens now?" Arthur asked.

"We'll book you an appointment for the rest of your tests in a few days."

"I don't know if you'll know much about this but we have the agreement about Merlin not being admitted to hospital if he wants to stay with me," Arthur said, "Will that apply?"

"Actually I was going to mention that," the doctor said, "Given that we now know what's been causing so many issues, you are in the clear. It's all sorted."

"I can stay with him?" Merlin asked excitedly.

The doctor smiled and nodded, "There's a bit of good news for you," she laughed.

"Thank you."

An hour later, they were sitting in their car in the car park, both completely exhausted from sitting in waiting rooms in various buildings throughout the day. They were emotionally, physically and mentally tired. Hanging around in a hospital for hours on end wasn't easy for anyone but they particularly hated hospitals, they were getting calls from their friends constantly about Camelot and they'd had some pretty bad news.

"Are you ok?" Arthur asked Merlin who gulped and nodded.

"Cancer," he breathed sadly.

"It's not going to spread," Arthur said confidently, "You'll be ok."

"How am I going to tell mum?" he chuckled but his eyes were starting to water.

"Oh, Merls," Arthur took his hands, desperately trying to keep his emotions in check for Merlin's sake.

"I can't tell everyone."

"You can. We just tell them what the doctor told us."

"Why am I so scared?"

"Because it's a scary thing."

"But I'm going to be alright."

"Of course you are. Good to go?"

"Yeah. I need a cuddle from Killi."

Getting out the car at home was surprisingly difficult once Merlin had seen Morgana's car outside the house beside Freya's.

"Great," Arthur had joked, "Both our crazy sisters are here."

"Arthur," Merlin had groaned in response.

"I can tell them if you want me to."

"No. I need to do it."

So he had. Freya had cried, Morgana and Matthew had dealt with it amazingly, Leon hadn't really known what to do but in his defence, he was preoccupied with his children.

"Freya," Merlin had said calmly, "I'm going to be alright. It's probably not cancerous, it's not going to spread anywhere. I just need it removed."

Then, they'd had to call Merlin's mum. As always when finding out whatever new ailment Merlin was suffering, Hunith was brilliant. Obviously emotional and sad but she filled them with her usual positive and motivational sayings that made them feel so much better.

After Hunith, they called the rest of their friends but didn't talk for long. The pair of them were starving, exhausted and grumpy so really just wanted to eat then go to bed. Their friends and family who were there had said they'd take care of the dogs and locking up for which Arthur and Merlin were very grateful.

They'd never admit to their friends that they'd gone to bed and cried. It felt silly because they knew there was a high chance that Merlin was going to be fine. But the word 'cancer' could set fear into anyone's heart easily.

The next day was certainly interesting. Arthur and Merlin spent all day in the office working none stop there. Most other people spent most of the day there but went out a few times to Camelot or to see the press. They all hugged Merlin tightly when they first saw him and would send him deeply sympathetic looks whenever he coughed. He ignored them and was very subdued all day. It was strange, Merlin thought, the effect one word could have on someone even though they all knew there was probably nothing serious that would come of it. In fact, it was a good thing that it had been found.

The couple of days that followed managed to end up fairly normal. Merlin had opted to be one of the people keeping an eye on the rest of the business while everyone else dealt with Camelot so he wouldn't have to go there. Freya and Matthew had been kind enough to stay and help with everything. They'd been especially glad of that decision when they had found out Merlin was ill.

"Time to go, Merls," Arthur said on the day of the tests which would determine the severity and type of his tumour.

Everyone wished them good luck and made them promise to call as soon as they knew anything. The second Arthur and Merlin left the office, the rest of the room deflated and shared awkward looks. They were all worried.

"He'll be ok," Gwaine said out loud, looking up from his computer and slamming his hands down on his keyboard.

"We don't know that," Gwen said sadly.

"We do," Gwaine practically growled, "They say it's been growing for years and it's still really small so it's benign."

"They only think that because if it's true, it's why he's been so susceptible to infections. But he could have been getting them anyway and just been unfortunate. It could be recent."

"I don't believe that," Freya said, "I don't."

"Guys, I don't think we should be talking about Merlin like this when he isn't here," Morgana said sternly, "We find out when we find out after they've found out. He's our friend not some character in a book or tv show that we can speculate and gossip about."

Everyone looked down sheepishly and continued with their work. Every so often, someone would pick up their phone and check for messages as if they didn't all have their sound on to the loudest setting and wouldn't have heard it go off. And then, just as they were packing up to leave for the day, Freya's phone rang.

"It's Arthur," she said and answered it immediately, "Arthur. Can I put you on speaker?" There was a pause as she pressed a button on her phone, "Ok, we can all hear."

"It's good news," Arthur said, "There aren't any secondary tumours so they did another test to be sure and they're pretty much certain that it's not cancerous."

Everyone sighed in relief and made some joyful comments.

"I know, it's great," they could hear Arthur's smile, "Are you all heading off now?"

"Yeah, we're just finishing off."

"Well come back to ours," Arthur offered, "You might beat us there but we won't be long and we can explain more. It's probably easier than doing it over the phone."

"We can't stay long," Gwen said, "We've got kids to pick up."

"It won't take long," Arthur said, "Just a cuppa and a quick chat."

"Alright. We'll see you soon."

They turned off their computers, tidied away and locked up the office before heading to their cars and getting in. Freya and Matthew took Killi and Aithusa who were now more than used to sitting well in the offices all day and pottering around so long as they got a long walk afterwards.

As Arthur had anticipated, they reached his house before them, parked on their spacious drive and let themselves into the large cottage. Freya put the kettle on and dug around in the cupboards to find some biscuits. Just as she was pouring the tea into the mugs, the front door opened to let Arthur and Merlin in. The dogs swarmed them immediately but Arthur greeted them and then ushered them into the living room and shut them in there.

"All good then?" Lancelot asked.

"As good as it can be," Merlin smiled, "They're fairly certain it's benign so I just need it removed."

"Meaning that so long as you don't react badly to the anaesthetic, we'll be good to go."

"How likely is that?" Percival asked.

Arthur shrugged, "Quite possible. It's happened before. But we're going to talk about it closer to the time with the anaesthetist."

"And until then?"

"I've got medicine to take to keep the inflammation down and I'm meant to get plenty of rest," Merlin said, "And then in a few weeks I go back in for the operation."

Their friends were full of questions so they stood in the kitchen for about an hour just talking before the parents had to go and collect their kids from school. Merlin went to call his mother and Arthur stepped outside to get a bit of fresh air.

Freya followed him after a couple of minutes, "How are you doing?"

"I'm relieved," Arthur said, "It was just a bit of a stress waiting to find out."

Freya nodded, "Tell me about it."

Arthur chuckled, "Has he always attracted this much trouble?"

"It always used to be Will," Freya said, "Merlin was constantly getting him out of it and looking out for him. Part of me used to think that because he doesn't have to care for Will anymore, he's worse at looking out for himself. But he's never looked out for himself. He'd put anything aside for me or Will and always just managed to get out of it alright. And when Will died it made Merlin less concerned with looking out for dangers."

"Instead it seems like I just brought him the worst luck ever," Arthur laughed, "Everything they said when they were threatening to take him away was true. It just wasn't my fault."

"You only happened to be there every time because he lives his life glued to your side."

"I didn't appreciate that at the time. I let myself believe it was my fault and I was scared to trust myself with him. Now I've realised that wasn't true at all but also that he can look after himself."

Freya looked at him.

"I always knew," Arthur clarified, "But I'm so terrified to lose him that I never allowed myself to truly accept it which was wrong of me. But I'm glad I know now."

"We all wanted to protect him after the fire," Freya said in understanding, "Me because I'd already lost a brother, mum because she'd lost a son and you because-"

"I love him more than I love anyone else in the whole world and losing him would destroy me," Arthur finished, "And when you love someone, you want to cling onto them and never let go of them."

"Exactly. He just doesn't need clinging onto anymore. But make sure you keep him on a lead."

Arthur laughed, "How does he manage to make people care about him so much?"

"He's just one of those people."

"It's almost annoying, you know. How much everyone loves him. It makes you feel so much more pressured to keep him safe."

"It's always been like that. At school all the teachers loved him, all the students loved him. We were all like that to an extent. Mum was so proud of us, she treated us amazingly and always said we were the treasures of her life," Freya smiled at the memory, "You know those people who are just so perfect that you want to hate them but you can't?"

"Yeah?"

"He's like that except you don't even want to hate him," Freya said, "He's just that perfect."

"Who's perfect?" Merlin came outside holding Arthur's phone out to him.

"Certainly not you," Arthur teased, "How's your mum?"

"She's really happy. She's after daily texts again though so she knows what's going on."

"That's alright," Arthur said, "We can manage that."

"Matthew and I were thinking," Freya said, "Would you two mind if we stayed for a while longer?"

"Of course not. You're always welcome for as long as you want."

"We'll come to work with you and help every day, of course," Freya said, "But we want to be here at the minute not in a different country."

"Does mum think we lie when we call her and has now asked you to come and spy so she knows she's getting the truth?"

Freya giggled, "Something like that."

Arthur grinned and then announced, "Right! I want dinner and then I want to do absolutely nothing except sleep because I'm sick of waiting around in hospitals."