Chapter 33
Merlin traced the letters of his brother's name on the gravestone in front of the tree where half his ashes had been laid. He found that, for once, he didn't have much to say. Normally he'd whisper a few words, talk to Will as if he were there. But today he was silent. He was on his own in the clearing. Freya and Hunith were at the waterfall together not too far away. Arthur and Matthew had gone for a short walk to give the family some time. Merlin had lowered himself onto the grass to sit by Will's grave for a bit but had then found himself unable to stand up again. He wanted to go to the waterfall, the place he considered most important in the world. But standing up from the ground with one leg was difficult and Merlin couldn't quite gather the energy.
So he just sat there and read Will's grave over and over. 'Loving brother,' it said.
Merlin sighed and opened his mouth for the first and only time, "I miss you, Will. And I love you. And I really, really wish that the image of your dead body surrounded by flames and debris wouldn't haunt me so I could remember you properly."
He walked through the woods, remembering every memory he had with his brother next to every tree as if he were in a movie and the camera was following him from behind while blurred ghosts danced on either side, acting out the times he had with Will. And then the camera spun around to focus on the tears on his cheeks.
He reached the waterfall and hopped towards his family, standing in between his mother and sister and sacrificing the use of his crutches to wrap his arms around them. He looked at the bridge down the stream where Arthur had proposed to him and smiled. It was strange how one little secluded place could hold so much meaning.
Soon, both Freya and Hunith were sobbing into each of his shoulders. It was a miracle that they were still standing, really, because Merlin's only support was his one leg and he was now not only holding himself up but also two sobbing women while finding it very difficult to keep his own emotions contained.
"You're lucky, you know, you two," Hunith said after a few seconds, "To have Arthur and Matthew. They're better men than either of you know. Having someone by your side is important. And I'm glad you're having twins, Freya. Because they'll always be there for each other when no one else understands. They'll catch each other when they fall, they'll stay side-by-side forever. You have that with Matthew, sweetie. And you have it with Arthur, Merlin. A love that never died. That makes me very happy. I'm proud of you and I'm sorry that you didn't grow up with a father to give you the love you've had to find on your own."
Feeling Merlin's instability growing, Freya pulled away and let him find his balance with his crutches while she hugged her mother. When Merlin turned, he saw Arthur and Matthew standing in the trees, watching sadly from a distance.
They walked back to Hunith's together and sat on the sofa with cups of tea.
"We won't stay long," Freya said, "But we'll see you tonight for dinner, mum."
She smiled warmly at them, "I'll be paying, of course."
"What?"
"My treat," she said, "For my children."
Later that night while Merlin was waiting for Arthur to get out of the shower, he looked at one of the framed photos from the cabinet in the spare room they were staying in. It was one of the very few existing photos to have been taken of Balinor, Hunith, Merlin, Will and Freya all together. Each of the three siblings and their parents had once had a copy of it. Only two remained now, though. Will's had been cremated with him and Merlin's had been on his desk at work back in Camelot when it exploded so only Freya and Hunith still had theirs.
"I'll photocopy it for you, if you want," Freya offered as she came in holding two cups of tea.
Merlin placed the photograph down carefully on the bedside table and took one of the mugs from her gratefully, "Why is it in here?"
"And not in a main room?" Freya asked, sitting on the side of the bed next to him, "I don't know. It was in our room for a while but you know at night when there's nothing else to think about so you end up spiralling down a deep dark hole?"
Merlin nodded.
"It would always trigger my spiral. Must have been your ugly mug."
Merlin laughed, "Probably."
"So anyway we just put it in here. Which is strange because it's the most important thing in this whole house as far as I'm concerned. Maybe it should be framed in gold and put up for everyone to see."
"And fireproofed given how two of the other photos have been lost," Merlin joked, "But I'm glad it's in here."
"We had no idea, did we? When this photo was taken."
"No idea of what?"
"What would happen. Look, even mum and dad, knowing his history didn't know how wrong it would all go."
"You're just a baby," Merlin laughed, "Look at your hat."
"I'm wearing that hat in pretty much every baby photo there is of me."
"Mum still has it," Merlin said.
Freya studied the photo some more, "Will's little boots! That's so cute."
"They used to be mine," Merlin said, "I loved them. And then when Will was big enough, mum snatched them away from me to give to him instead. I was growing out of them anyway but I didn't understand that. I thought I could wear them forever and Will had stolen them," he laughed.
"Of course you would get attached to boots. Did you think you'd have to go around bare-foot because Will took your shoes?"
"Probably," Merlin admitted, "I didn't understand. Look at me," he pointed at the picture, "I'm about four."
Freya took the photo out and read, "'Our first trip to Scotland. Merlin, aged five. Will, aged two. Freya, aged seven months.'"
"They took us to Scotland when you were a baby? I don't remember this trip at all."
"Do you remember a lot of things from when you were five?"
"A few things. I was five when dad made the swing the woods, I think. Five or six. It can't have been long after this."
"I've never thought about how small the age gap was between me and Will."
"Because he was such an annoying baby, they were desperate for another perfect child like me," Merlin joked.
"And they got one even better," Freya grinned.
"You did not deserve to be the favourite child," Merlin said.
"Of course I did! I was an angel, always stayed out of trouble."
"They just loved you because you're the youngest and a girl. And I was only anywhere near trouble because I was looking after Will. If you the amount of times he nearly fell down that waterfall or out of a tree."
"It's not my fault I'm the youngest or a girl," Freya said, "Besides, you're the favourite, now. Mum's constantly worried about you."
"Being worried about me doesn't mean she prefers me. She loves us both."
"I know," Freya smiled, "I'm just kidding. Anyway, I just came to bring you a drink. I'm going through the bathroom when Arthur's done and I don't want to be in here when he gets out the shower. Seeing my brother-in-law naked isn't on my to-do list today. Do you need anything?"
Merlin shook his head, "When are we leaving?"
"In about two hours. Is that alright?"
Merlin nodded.
When Arthur returned to the room after his shower, Merlin was asleep with a couple of tears still on his cheeks. Arthur looked at the photo which still hadn't been put back in its frame and was gently being held in Merlin's relaxed grasp. He smiled a little, stroked Merlin's hair briefly and then got changed, leaving his hair to dry naturally.
"Look at you in your nice suit," Merlin groaned when he woke up and looked Arthur up and down.
"Like it?"
Merlin nodded eagerly, "You look handsome. How long have I been asleep?"
"About an hour. You ok?"
"An hour?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't have any nightmares."
"It probably wasn't long enough. You look tired," Arthur stroked his cheek.
"I am tired."
"You need to get up, though. Unless you want to go to dinner like that."
Merlin groaned and sat up with great effort. Arthur handed him his suit.
"Did the waterfall technique work?" he asked as he was helping Merlin change.
"I think so. I didn't wake up but I didn't feel particularly rested. Instead of a few really bad ones waking me up regularly, it was like one really long one that was never so bad that I woke up but went on and on forever."
"Is that better or worse?"
"Not sure yet. We'll see."
"You want me to do it again tonight?"
"If you don't mind."
"Of course not. It's really cute."
"Stop."
"It is!"
"I never remember what you say, you know. I think you do hypnotize me."
"Don't be silly. I just help you focus on other things and you zone out. To be honest I don't really know what I say either."
Arthur passed over Merlin's comb so he could run it through his hair.
"Are you wearing a tie?"
"Not sure."
"If you're not, will you leave your top button undone? It looks really sexy."
"Only if you wear this," he held up a bow tie.
Merlin nodded and looked at himself in the mirror, "You packed this suit, didn't you?"
"How did you know?"
"The trousers," Merlin said, "You can't keep your hands off me when I wear these."
Arthur stared at him unashamedly, "They're tight in all the right places."
"Not in my sister's house," Merlin said strictly, "Absolutely not."
"Give me tonight to change your mind?" Arthur asked hopefully.
"I don't mind owing you," Merlin said, "Besides, I'm too tired to be any good at the minute."
"What are the interest rates?"
"Hm?"
"So for every time you say no while we're here, will you owe me one yes or two?"
"As many as you like," Merlin said.
"Five?"
"Don't push it."
As usual, Merlin felt a little out of place walking into a fancy restaurant with his crutches but the meal was enjoyable and very tasty.
"Arthur and I have been talking," Matthew said while they were waiting for their food, "And we know you very kindly offered to pay for the meal tonight, Hunith, but we couldn't possibly let you do that and we've actually put some money together to treat you three. Not to get too soppy but we want to say that we genuinely believe it's us that have been blessed by meeting you, not the other way round."
"We won't hear of it, Hunith, don't argue," Arthur said, "You won't be giving a penny to anyone tonight."
"We also realised that perhaps it doesn't mean quite as much if we take it out of the bank accounts which we share with our other halves when we're trying to treat them," Matthew continued, "So none of the money paying for this meal has come from our income at Albion either."
Merlin frowned, "Where has it come from?"
"When my dad died, I asked for the inheritance money to be put in a separate bank account so I knew I could use it for things that are special, not grocery shopping or mortgages. So mine's from that."
"And you?" Freya asked her husband suspiciously.
"You know on Friday mornings when you go to work and I stay at home?"
"Yes."
"I don't stay at home," Matthew said, "I got a temporary job at the café down the road for a few months and," he dug around in his pocket to reveal a few big money bags, "Got payed in cash so I could keep track of everything. So Arthur will be paying and I will be giving him half of what he paid in this cash."
"You got a job in a café so you could buy us a really expensive meal?" Freya looked touched.
Matthew nodded, "Your family are extremely important to me. I know a meal isn't much to show that but we couldn't let Hunith pay for all of this expensive food. It's on us, for all of you. Our treat. That's all we'll hear of it."
The meal was wonderful. Perhaps a little over-priced but the environment was beautiful and everything looked so rich and expensive so they didn't mind, especially when the food was so good.
"What's wrong?" Arthur asked Merlin when they were back at Freya's and she'd told them Hunith had got home safely then wished them both good night, "You've been very quiet since we left the restaurant. Your mum got home alright, you know."
"I know. It's not that."
"What, then? Have I done something?"
Merlin looked up at him, "You used some of your inheritance for a meal for my family."
"Yes. And?"
"Why?"
"Because I love you and I love your family and I want to treat you."
"But your father's money. He left it for you."
"I can do what I want with it now. I want to spend it on you, gorgeous," Arthur kissed him and then reached into his jacket pocket and produced an envelope.
"What's this?" Merlin asked.
"Some more of my dad's money which I've spent on you," Arthur said, "Open it."
Merlin eased the envelope open and pulled out two tickets, "They're plane tickets," he said, "To New Zealand."
"Happy Honeymoon," Arthur said with a grin, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.
"Well," Merlin said, trying to keep a straight face, "You know earlier you asked if you could convince me to change my mind about having sex in my sister's house?"
"Yes?" Arthur said in confusion.
"You've changed my mind."
Arthur's face lit up, "You're happy?"
"Of course I'm happy, you prat. You know I've always wanted to go to New Zealand."
"That's why I booked it. We never went away after our wedding and I know how much you want to go."
"But the flying, Arthur!"
"I don't care. Maybe I won't feel wonderful for a couple of days when we arrive but we're there for a long time, Merlin. And we'll be jet-lagged anyway."
"How long are we going to be there?"
"About three or four weeks."
"About?"
"Well we'll be gone for four weeks but with travelling. Two flights to get to Australia, a night in Australia and then a flight to New Zealand. So it's over two days of travel on either end to actually get to where we're staying."
"Which is where?"
"A surprise."
"Of course."
"I've got loads planned, you know."
"What about work?"
"Everything's sorted. Over the next couple of years, we're going to make sure everyone gets at least a month of holiday time to make up for so long without. We're just going first because I knew what I wanted to do."
"And I didn't get a say because…?"
"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise."
"How long have you had this booked?"
"A while. I didn't want to say anything until I knew you would be up for it. You're still recovering and any sort of setback might have stopped us from going."
With quite a bit of difficulty, Merlin stood up and leant against the wall for support.
"What are you doing?"
"Giving you a view of these trousers."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not going to be wearing them for much longer."