Please note: I have contacted support about the missing chapters. I'll keep on top of things. In the interim, this story is also posted on archiveofourown, where I am xerxia31
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Chapter 26
She was an enigma and Peeta was getting more and more frustrated trying to solve her.
He carved out every minute with her that he could, however few they were. But more and more, it felt unreciprocated. They were busy people, she was a damned doctor and he essentially had two full time jobs with how bad the bushfires were. But every time she beckoned he went running, subsisting on the dregs of her attention. A quickie now and again as one came home from a night shift and the other headed out to a day shift. A game of frisbee in the yard with his nephews. A handful of texts. A wave from her bedroom window as he worked out his irritation on the heavy bag. But no more meals together, no more days together, no more dates. Nothing deep or substantial at all. And the times he picked up his phone, hoping to just talk, she was always too busy. It felt like she brushed away his every attempt at real conversation.
It felt like she was brushing him off. And for the first time, he wasn't ready to let go.
He was at the end of his rope when she rang his mobile. It was the first time she'd called him in over a week, he noted. "Hi," she said softly, and despite his pique, his heart squeezed at the sound of her voice.
"Hey yourself," he replied.
"Busy?"
He'd only gotten home from the bakery ten minutes earlier, hours later than typical. He'd stayed late, taking advantage of a rare quiet afternoon to inventory, making up some of the time he'd lost to firefighting or he'd shirked to spend with her. He had a feeling she knew that he'd just gotten in. Had maybe even been watching for him. "Never too busy for you, love," he said. It was a line, truly, but he meant it. He'd drop everything just to spend a little time together.
"Did you want to come for dinner? I picked up one of those meal kits from the grocery." Peeta snickered. Katniss really didn't cook, but he'd introduced her to the meal service that the Aldi in the next town over offered. He was glad to hear she was using them. That even if she wouldn't let him feed her, she was still getting a decent meal.
"I'd love to," he answered honestly.
"Then come on over, Hotshot," she drawled. There was an intonation to her words that he couldn't ignore. There would be more than food on offer.
He chuckled, hung up his mobile, and headed out back, hopping the fence between his place and hers, then tapping on the glass door of her sunroom.
She was an absolute vision, ebony hair damp and hanging loose around her pretty face. She was dressed in lounge pants and another of those singlets that made his cock stand at attention. Her smile pushed away the last of his irritation, and her gentle kiss was balm to his soul.
He ended up cooking the meal kit for them while she watched, smiling and stealing kisses. And it was good, so good. This was what he'd been missing, the connection, the comfortable way they just fit together.
They ate in her lounge, catching up, then made out like teenagers.
And after, they both sprawled bonelessly on Katniss's couch, her head in his lap, his hands gently carding through her loose hair. He liked this, the cuddling, the spending time together. He might even like it better than the sex.
He wanted it long-term, he realised. "This is nice," he said softly.
She hummed in agreement.
"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever," he murmured and she froze.
He knew he'd said too much.
"I should, you know..." she gestured vaguely, edging away from him, grabbing her singlet from where it had landed on the coffee table. Buying herself time to invent some errand that would allow her to bail. He knew that, knew her. How she fled every time there was even a spark of true intimacy between them. How uncomfortable she got anytime he hinted at having deeper feelings.
He was sick of it.
"Why won't you let me in?" He was irritated, too annoyed to continue letting her hide. He'd opened up to her in ways he hadn't ever with anyone else, let her see the man behind the flirt. He'd chased after her for months, but it was completely one-sided. "What are you afraid of?"
She scowled, of course she did. "I'm not afraid of anything," she snapped.
"Then talk to me. In all this time, you've barely shared anything real with me." His voice was low, but carried an edge. "I want to know you, Katniss."
"You know me," she protested, but it was hollow.
"I know the superficial things," Peeta said. "I want the rest." He held his breath.
He shouldn't have bothered.
"Peeta," she said, and his heart sank. So stupid, he thought. He was so stupid. "You know I'm leaving."
"You're here now." He was grasping at strings.
"This can't be anything deeper," she said.
"If things were different," he started but she cut him off.
"But they're not," she said.
"I know!" His frustration was a living thing, he was angry with himself for putting himself out there. For wanting more.
For not being the kind of guy who was worth the risk.
"Forget it," he said, grabbing his shirt and heading for the door.
"You don't have to go," Katniss said softly. He thought she sounded regretful, though maybe that was wishful thinking. And it didn't matter. He did have to go. He couldn't be what she wanted, not anymore. He couldn't keep fucking her, knowing there was a looming expiry date.
For once, he wanted more. And he wanted it with Katniss.
But she didn't need him. No one did.
The door slammed behind him with finality.