Last night we made some midnight decisions
Did I mess up? Oh God I hope I didn't

- Sia - Midnight Decisions -

"Come in," Jim called, sitting back in his chair with a glass of bourbon. He needed it to get through this interaction.

He stepped inside, glancing at the desk in the room with a raised eyebrow- Jim had obviously gotten bored with recovering- and then turned his attention to the boss. "What can I do for you, sir?" he asked, falling into his usual parade rest.

"What the fuck did you idiots fight about, Moran," Jim asked dryly, looking at him haggardly.

He took a breath, putting the words together. "She brought up the subject of marriage, sir. Of telling Armetti that we were married, as revenge for what he did to my hand. Over the course of the conversation it became clear to me that she was a bit more sincere about the idea than I was comfortable with. I pointed that out, and she was offended and asked me to leave." His voice was neutral.

Jim sighed, and took a long draught of bourbon. This was so far outside his comfort zone. But they were useless without each other. Or rather, Moran became a pain to work with and Harrison's spirit drained out until she became a mindless zombie. "Moran, if I didn't know any better, I would have assumed the two of you wrote your sappy vows a long time ago," he rolled his eyes, as he finally spoke. "Christ, did you actually think the idea would never occur to her? She's a woman who's been used and abused for her entire life. Of course her deepest, darkest fantasy is something as menial as marriage. I thought you could see that."

He blinked once, then again, processing. This wasn't even close to the response he had been expecting. He had been buckling down to field Jim's fury, his snide remarks about Moran's failure, but this...

"People aren't exactly my area, sir," he said, by way of stalling. He resisted the urge to shift his weight from foot to foot. "How would you like me to handle the situation?"

Jim snorted, waving his hand. So Moran had used him as an excuse for his commitment issues. "I don't give a fuck, Moran - there's nothing either of you two could do to make yourselves any more hopelessly involved. I've given the fuck up trying to manage your emotional attachment. But if you're going to break it off, at least don't leave her with the immediate means to commit suicide, moron. I prefer Harrison to Adler."

His jaw tensed. "She asked me to leave, sir. It didn't occur to me that she'd be so distraught after kicking me out." The anger was boiling up again, and he worked to stifle it. Being furious at Jim wasn't an option. The man was being shockingly benevolent. Regardless, it felt like a betrayal. A sudden change of the rules that had been rock solid for years. He had fought tooth and claw to be with Lorna, to protect them both from Jim's wrath. Now suddenly he was the idiot for not seeing that of course everything was fine with the boss, why wouldn't it be? "Permission to leave?" he finally grit out.

"Go. Just know that I'll be extremely displeased if I ever have to get involved in your personal shit again," he scoffed, taking another sip of bourbon. "And stop being so surprised. I think we all had some reexamination of our priorities when you bit it."

Those snuffed out the fury in him like it was a guttering candle. He stood there just a breath longer, then nodded and left quickly. He didn't go far, however, leaning against the wall outside of Jim's room as the missing pieces fell into place.

This was what had been driving him up the wall, the exasperation and anger... We all had some reexamination of our priorities when you bit it. Except he hadn't. He was the only person here for whom he had never died. The only person who had never gotten that shock of mortality. And while he knew it had hurt Jim, and Lorna, it had never occurred to him how they would change as a result. He had seen the changes, of course. Little, confusing moments where actions and decisions made no sense, but not once had he found a broad, sweeping reason for it all.

He stared at Jim's door for a while, waiting for the fury to return, but it never did. Eventually he straightened and wandered through the halls until he found Lorna's room. She was asleep, lying in bed, looking pale and off, and suddenly his gut tightened. He hadn't thought, hadn't considered... and here she was, getting fucked over by his mistakes for the hundredth time. He shook his head a little to clear it, and stepped inside quietly. He found a pen and a pad of note paper, and scrawled a quick note.

Sorry for being an idiot. Find me if you want.

Then he folded it a few times, tucked it into the palm of her limp hand, and left.

My mood, it changes all the time
I smile with tears in my eyes
But I can't be acting like this
Doubting you for the rest of my life

Ooh, I need to believe in love
Why is what you give never enough?
Losing you is what I'm afraid of

- MARINA - Believe in Love -