Notes:

This doesn't really work with the book that well ^^; I think I started it before I'd finished reading, and then forgot a bunch of the details by the time I'd finished writing xD So it doesn't work with some of the later parts, like the bit where Wade finds a file on the real Art3mis and a picture of her… But I liked the idea. With the whole only-knowing-someone-online thing I had to explore what would've happened if, like Aech, Art3mis had had a gender-swapped avatar.

(Also Art3mis doesn't have the port wine stain because in this version the thing 'she' was self-conscious about was actually being a guy)

-o~o-

"Art3mis?"

I called out her name as I walked through the house. I don't think I had ever been more excited. Finally, I was going to meet the girl I loved in real life.

I peered around a door, and found a young guy with dark hair sitting at a desk. When he heard me, he spun around quickly, looking startled.

"Oh, um, hi," I said. "Sorry. I'm just looking for Art3mis."

The guy didn't say anything, but the expression on his face changed into something I couldn't quite work out. Guilt? Anxiety? Sadness? He looked away from me as though ashamed.

"Have you, um… have you seen her?"

He didn't answer.

As I looked at him, I took in his appearance more thoroughly, noticing things I hadn't noticed at first glance. His raven hair was a little long, wavy and curling round his ear on one side. His fringe crossed low over his forehead, shadowing one of his eyes. There was something about his face that I recognised, somehow, even though I knew I'd never seen him before.

As I studied his face, trying to work out his expressions, something slowly clicked into place. But… surely it couldn't be true.

I looked at him, and something in his face changed, melting into a look that was clearly guilt and apology. And that was what made the feeling gnawing at my stomach – a kind of slow, aching, horrible dread – a whole lot worse.

"Art3mis?" I asked, my voice a near-silent squeak.

He looked at me with pain saturating his expression. Slowly, he nodded.

This didn't make any sense. Art3mis… She was a girl, she had to be! She was the girl I loved.

But… I knew, in my heart, it wasn't true. Her avatar had been female in the OASIS, but there was no reason that had to reflect reality. Hell, look at Aech!

But Art3mis… she… he could have told me. Should have told me. It was one thing to go around with a different gendered avatar (there were no rules against that), but to straight-up pretend to be a girl even once you got to know someone? Once you came to have feelings for them? That wasn't right.

"I'm so sorry," he said, voice raw with pain. "I… I should've told you. I know. I just didn't have a reason to at first, and then we got in so deep, and… I didn't know how. How the hell was I meant to tell you? I didn't want to lose you…"

He trailed off, looking away. I just couldn't stop staring, feeling like I was in some kind of nightmare. It wasn't just that he was a guy, when I had fallen in love with a girl. It was that he had been lying to me all this time. Yes, he had never explicitly claimed to be a girl in real life too… but not telling me was no different.

I started to back away. I just didn't know how to deal with this. I couldn't.

Art3mis started to get up, but that just made me move faster.

"Parzival!" he called, but I had turned the corner, verging on running down the corridor.

I made it down the stairs and halfway towards the door, when hands grabbed my shoulders and spun me around.

"Please," Art3mis said, tear tracks running down his face. "Hear me out."

I tried to pull away, but he was strong.

"You're not Art3mis," I said hollowly.

His face fell even more. But he kept going.

"I am," he said. "I know I look… different, but… it's me. Same mind, same personality, same insides… just different outsides."

"But…" My voice was raw, and choked off after the singular word. I couldn't even put my emotions into words.

"I know it's a lot," he said quietly. "And if you never want to talk to me again, I understand. I know I'm the one in the wrong, but I… I fell in love with you."

That was like a physical stab to the heart.

"I knew if I told you it would ruin it, because you knew me as a girl," he went on. "And I just… didn't have the strength to do it. I was selfish."

I didn't know what to do. How the hell was I meant to deal with this?

Art3mis seemed to realise that, too. Looking apologetic, he dropped his hands.

"You need to think," he said. "I get that. Sorry. I… I won't keep you here."

I still didn't know what do or say. I just nodded, then started walking away.

"Parzival?"

I looked back.

"My name's Sam," he said, with a sad smile. "If you're interested. Sam Cook."

I swallowed. "I'm Wade," I said.

Then I left.

-o-

I thought. For a long time. I talked to Aech, who was the closest thing to an expert on the topic of mismatched gender avatars. She was obviously very sorry for me, but I did notice her quickly hidden smirk when I told her Art3mis was a guy. She had warned me of it right from the start, after all. But I had never had any doubt that Art3mis was a girl…

"Did you know?" I asked Aech suddenly, as the idea flitted into my head.

"No," said Aech. "But… I dunno. Maybe I somehow recognised something in her… him. Or I was just more aware of the fact that it was a possibility."

I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "I just don't know what to do. I feel like the person I love has been… torn out of existence."

Aech looked at me sympathetically. "But they haven't. It's just like me, right? I'm not exactly who you thought I was in the OASIS, but I'm still the same person – still your best friend. It's the same with Art3mis. The person you fell in love with still exists, they're just… in a different body than you expected."

I looked up at her with a disdainful expression. "Yeah. A guy's body. One with a…"

Aech shrugged. "Well, I can't deny, I'm not exactly the person to go to for an education on the perks of the penis."

One look at her classic grin and I was doubled over laughing. She had soon joined in.

When we sobered up a bit again, Aech went on.

"Look, I'm not saying you've gotta flip a switch, go gay on the spot and jump into bed with him," she said. "Believe me – that's not how it works. But I'm saying… if you really love Art3mis… maybe you can try, and find some way to work through it. It's a weird situation, but… the only barrier is physical, right? And that's the least important thing when you love someone."

-o-

I kept thinking. Especially about what Aech had said. She had a point, after all. I mean, I had spent years thinking she was a guy – but after the initial shock, it wasn't the slightest bit weird. Because she was still Aech. She was still my best friend, the person I'd spent all that time messing around with in the OASIS. She just looked different. And it was the same with Art3mis. With the only big difference being that now we were talking about a romantic thing. And I had never remotely thought about being with another guy like that. I didn't know if I could.

But, eventually, I came up with my decision. I had no idea if it was great or terrible. But I went to see Art3mis.

When he saw me, he smiled immediately, a hopeful light in his eyes. It made me feel really guilty. I didn't have the best news for him.

"Hey!" he said.

"Hey," I replied. "I, um… Can I talk to you?"

"Of course!" Art3mis – Sam – said, stepping back to let me in.

We went over to a sofa and sat down.

"I… I've been thinking a lot," I began, looking mostly at my hands. It was too hard to meet his gaze for long. "Trying to decide what to… do… Because I know you're still Art3mis. I know that. And I'm sorry I said you weren't before."

I managed to look at him here, but he looked so happy I had to look away again almost immediately, guilt filling me up.

"Nothing has changed about how I feel about you," I said, my eyes still down. I couldn't quite bring myself to say 'I still love you' to someone that felt so… unfamiliar. "But… I'm just not sure I can, you know… be with you… now. I've never… I mean, I've always…"

"It's okay," Sam said, and looking up at him I saw his slightly sad smile. "That would be too much to ask of you, I know. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

I nodded, taking a moment to swallow. "I – I did hope we could hang out and stuff," I said. "And… possibly, if things go that way, we can see… but I don't want to guarantee…"

Sam nodded quickly. "I know. That's totally fine. I wasn't even expecting that, really! The fact that you're willing to entertain the possibility is more than I could've asked for."

Feeling a little self-conscious, I just nodded.

There was a long, very awkward pause.

"So," Sam finally said, "did you… want to hang out now?"

"Uh, yeah," I said. "Sure."

-o-

So we did. We watched some movies and made some snacks and played some games. And it was great. We were still Parzival and Art3mis, after all: we got on great. I knew I would definitely want to try and stay friends with Sam, even if more didn't work out.

There was still a hollow feeling in my heart, though. That feeling that I had been in love with someone that didn't exist, and they had been ripped away from me. Even though I knew it wasn't true. Sam was the person I loved… but it was too weird to think about that when he was so far from my image of Art3mis. To what extent was it superficial, that I couldn't accept my love for Sam because he looked different than I'd thought? I had no idea.

I tried not to let these worries affect my time with Sam, though. I really wanted to see where we could go. We kept meeting up, and we never stopped enjoying our time together.

As I got used to Sam – started to see past the outward appearance –, I saw Art3mis in him. In how he moved, his smile when he laughed, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. It really was him. He really was my Art3mis. And as I started to see that… some of my reservations started to melt away.

Besides, he definitely wasn't a bad looking boy. His black, slightly wavy hair, long fringe shadowing his eye that he would sometimes tuck behind his ear. His lovely hazel eyes and freckled skin; slim but rounded face. His adorable little smirky smile. There was definitely something slightly feminine about his features which was, of course, only a positive for me. It couldn't be denied that he was really… well, cute.

A few weeks later, we were sitting on the sofa watching Ghostbusters – one of Halliday's favourites. Sam was sitting right next to me so that our legs were touching. And I found I had no issue with it.

About halfway through the film, Sam started drooping sideways towards me, and I glanced at him to see that he was nodding off. I smirked and carried on watching. Soon, Sam had drooped so much that his head was lying on my shoulder. It sent a little shiver through me… but not a bad one.

I let Sam sleep on me through the rest of the film, and he woke up almost exactly when the credits started rolling.

"Huh?" He started awake, sitting up and blinking his eyes open. "Oh…" He looked at me embarrassedly. "I fell asleep."

"You did," I said, with a good-humoured grin.

Sam then seemed to realise how he had ended up resting in his sleep, and looked even more embarrassed.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," I said, giving him a slightly awkward smile. "I'm sure you weren't trying to sexually harass me by laying your head on my shoulder."

Sam laughed. "Maybe that's my secret weapon. Seductive head laying."

I joined in the laughter. There were still those slight moments of awkwardness, but they were easily blown over. The rest of the time I felt totally comfortable with Sam, like I'd known him my whole life.

-o-

A few days later, we were eating dinner and just chatting. Somehow the conversation got onto relationships.

"I've only had one girlfriend before," Sam told me. "Back when I was sixteen. It lasted about six months, and then she broke up with me. Since then… nothing."

That made me look at him curiously. For some reason, I'd just assumed he was gay, because he had fallen for me knowing I was a guy.

"So you've… not had a boyfriend?" I asked, hoping my real question wasn't too obvious.

Sam shook his head. "No. I hadn't even really thought about that… until you. I just kinda… fell for you anyway."

He gave me a sort of cute, embarrassed smile that made my heart do something weird.

We were on the sofa together again later, watching another film – Back to the Future this time. Sam started drooping towards me once more, but when I looked at him I saw that he wasn't falling asleep. He looked pretty awake, actually. His face grew more nervous, but he kept leaning until he was right next to me. I found I didn't want to move away. He lay his head on my shoulder again.

We kept watching. After a few minutes, I muttered, "Knew you were double-bluffing me about that seductive head laying…"

Sam practically snorted with laughter.

After about twenty minutes, I very gently rested my head back against Sam's.

By the time the film finished, Sam actually had started nodding off slightly, but he made it through without properly falling asleep. He was very groggy, though, leaning on me and blinking a lot. He had one hand sneakily on my thigh.

We stayed like that for a while as the credits rolled. Then he looked sleepily up at me.

"Sorry," he said, with a sheepish smile. "I'm probably going way over the line. You're just so warm and comfy."

I laughed a little. "Like a big teddy bear?"

"Exactly," Sam agreed, smiling.

"Well… I wasn't complaining," I admitted quietly.

Sam smiled slowly as the words filtered into his sleepy-foggy mind. He kept looking at me, and though I started to feel pretty anxious, I didn't look, or move, away. He started leaning in… closer and closer… My heart was beating like crazy, my vision going a little fuzzy around the edges as it narrowed down to Sam…

And then his lips touched mine. My heart ached; my skin tingled. He didn't push it, just kissed me for a few seconds before pulling back, making sure I was okay with it.

I was. It was hard to think over the pounding of my heart, but… I knew I was. I wanted this. I managed a nervous smile, and he gave a similar one back.

It seemed he was too anxious to make another move… but I wanted him to. So, after a few intense moments, I leaned in myself and kissed him.

It was incredible. I had never imagined anything could feel like this. I was suddenly hyper-aware of Sam's body against mine, his hand on my leg. But all in the best possible way. Art3mis was Sam, and Sam was Art3mis. It was crystal clear now. They were one and the same… and I loved them both. Nothing else mattered.

When we broke apart again, Sam's eyes fluttered slowly open. His cheeks were flushed and he looked like he'd been brought out of a ten-year daze. Confused, amazed, and totally giddy. I felt the same myself. We both grinned at each other like kids in a sweet shop.

"So… you…"

He could barely speak, but I knew what he'd wanted to say. I nodded.

"I…"

There was only one thing – one thought, one phrase – that my mind could make sense of in that moment, and therefore only one thing I could say. And it was both the hardest and the easiest thing I'd ever said.

"I… love you, Art3mis," I said shyly. "Sam…"

Sam's smile lit up the whole room. The whole world.

"I love you too, Parzival," he said.

When he kissed me again, it was like everything I'd ever wanted had come true. It made winning the keys to the OASIS feel like an empty chocolate wrapper.