I massaged my knuckled with my thumb nervously while I waited for Dr. Robbins to come back.

This couldn't be happening right now. I must have fallen asleep on the bus and now I was having a nightmare.

"How are you feeling?"

I looked up to see Dr. Robbins standing by the door.

"Okay, I guess," I smiled weakly.

I wanted to ask her so badly. I needed the answer, even though I knew, I needed to hear it.

"Is everyone else dead? Everyone else who was on the bus I mean."

Dr. Robbins didn't say anything but she started to walk over towards me and when she was standing by my hospital bed, she finally nodded slowly.

"Yes, they are," She said. "You're the only one who survived."

It wasn't that I didn't already know that. I knew the moment I first asked Dr. Robbins about the others on the bus that they didn't survive, but it was only now it seemed real.

"They're dead," I breathed out and closed my eyes, "Why am I not dead?"

I didn't expect an answer but Dr. Robbins still gave me one.

"You were the only one sitting on the right side of the bus so when it tipped, you didn't have as big as a fall compared to the others," Dr. Robbins told me.

"Were they alive when they came in?" I asked, looking up at her, "I mean, did they die on impact or what?"

Dr. Robbins looked like she didn't really want to talk about this, maybe because she couldn't, you know with the whole patient confidentiality, though I wasn't sure if how much they suffered counted.

Or maybe she just didn't want to talk about dead people, that was definitely a possibility.

"They're dead and I got off with a broken knee and a couple of broken ribs," I shook my head, feeling guilty.

Of all the people on the bus, I had to survive. It should have been the opposite. I should have sat on the left side while everyone else sat on the right. Maybe then I would be the only one dead.

The image of the little boy's smile flashed through my mind and I sucked in a sharp breath as I replayed his body smashing into one of the bus windows right after.

"Is everything okay?" Dr. Robbins asked, concerned by my intense inhale.

No.

Everything wasn't okay.

I nodded, "Yeah, no, I'm just remembering the accident."

"Okay, well," Dr. Robbins pushed lightly on my shoulder, forcing me to lean back, "You should be resting."

"I will be resting then," I promised, not sure how much of that promise I would be able to keep since I couldn't stay at this hospital for too long.

Dr. Robbins was leaving the room when she suddenly stopped and turned back around to face me.

"Oh! By the way, I wasn't able to reach your mom," Dr. Robbins told me, though I already knew that, "The same guy picked up and he insisted that he doesn't know Stella Taylor.

Well, I wasn't Stella Taylor, but that wouldn't be why he doesn't know me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "I don't know, she didn't tell me she was changing numbers."

"Do you live in Seattle? An address maybe we can try to find her at?" Dr. Robbins asked.

The thing with lying was that it really only made your situation worse. You were just digging yourself further down the hole.

"Um, no, we don't live in Seattle," I replied, "I was just coming to visit the park here."

"Oh, so you live close to Seattle?" Dr. Robbins pried.

I nodded, "Yeah..uh Sequim?"

"Oh yes! Lavenders galore," Dr. Robbins smiled, "Well, we'll give it a while. Does she know you were coming to Seattle today?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Okay, well, if you need anything, if you think anything's wrong, just press the call button," Dr. Robbins told me.

I managed to give her a small smile, "Thank you."

"My pleasure," Dr. Robbins grinned back.

I swear she smiles 99% of the day. She probably wakes up smiling.

I wanted to stay awake and think of a way to get out of here but I was absolutely exhausted. I fought it but eventually, I couldn't resist closing my eyes.

Just for a moment, I thought, I'm just resting my eyes.

As if.

...

When I woke up, I nearly forgot I was in a hospital. Well, I would have forgotten if it wasn't for the constant beeping of the heart monitor. It felt like it was mocking me for being alive while everyone else wasn't.

The boy.

His father.

The elderly man.

The woman.

The bus driver.

And it was me that lived.

"I'm glad you followed my orders," Dr. Robbins seemed to appear out of nowhere, "I saw that you took a nap."

I forced a half-assed smile onto my face, "Yeah, I just fell asleep."

"That's good, your body needs rest," Dr. Robbins said, not losing any of her gusto, "I hate to interrupt your resting but Dr. Torres is here to check on your knee. She was the one who performed the surgery."

Dr. Robbins stepped aside to reveal another doctor who must be Dr. Torres.

"Thanks for fixing my knee," I told her awkwardly, not sure what else to say.

"Ah, no problem. That's why I went into ortho," Dr. Torres waved it off and came over to my bedside before starting to unwrap my injured knee. "How does your knee feel?"

I made a face but shrugged, "Fine I guess. It hurts but it's dull."

"We gave you some more pain meds while you were sleeping," Dr. Robbins explained and I nodded, understanding now why my monster was still content.

"Pain is expected after surgery," Dr. Torres told me, "The same thing goes with swelling and stiffness. You probably also won't be able to move it like before for a while. You had a pretty bad break."

I pursed my lips, "How bad?"

"Open fracture, the bone was sticking out," Dr. Torres said blankly.

I couldn't help but gag a little at the thought of my bone sticking out of my knee.

"How are you not grossed out?" I asked, a shiver running down my spine just thinking about it.

"You see a lot of things in ortho," Dr. Torres winked at me, "An open fracture becomes nothing."

I laughed, despite everything that I was feeling. I didn't understand because what Dr. Torres said wasn't even that funny. Maybe I was just too overwhelmed.

Dr. Torres spent a few more minutes examining my knee and asking me questions about it before wrapping it back up.

"Well, everything looks good so far," Dr. Torres told me with a smile.

"That's great," I grinned back before I realized I was being too optimistic and my grin faltered. Surely something was about to go wrong, "Right?"

"It's amazing," Dr. Torres replied and patted my good leg. "Someone from physio will be here in a little bit to talk to you."

I nodded and both Dr. Torres and Dr. Robbins left the room.

As much as I hated it, I had this gut feeling that I needed to do what I didn't want to do. I wanted to tell Dr. Torres and Dr. Robbins the truth, but I quickly scolded myself. I was just deprived of social interactions and wasn't really trusting them.

But what was I supposed to do?

I tried to think of something, but in the end, I realized that the only real choice I had was the last thing I wanted to do.

I had to call my mother.