"The bathroom is over there, and you will be staying in the guest room, which is right here," Dr. Robbins showed me around her and Dr. Torres' apartment.

This all felt so strange.

"Oh, okay," I replied awkwardly, unsure of what else to say, "Thanks again, for letting me crash with you guys."

"We're glad we could help," Dr. Torres smiled back at me.

There was a moment of silence while nobody spoke. I wasn't sure what to do now.

Keep talking?

Stop talking?

"Um so, now what?" I asked.

Dr. Torres looked at the watch on her wrist, "Well, it's pretty late, you should probably start getting ready for bed."

It was 8:30, and I would have told her that I never went to bed this early. However, I already felt like I was intruding on their space and so obliged.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," I fibbed, "Do you mind if I take a shower? It's been a while, and I probably stink really bad."

"Of course!" Dr. Robbins replied, "Do you need a towel or do you have one?"

I nearly laughed at the fact that I had a towel squished into my backpack but I managed to stay serious and shook my head.

"No, I don't...do you mind if I borrowed one?" You asked cautiously.

This whole thing was like walking on eggshells.

"Go ahead!" Dr. Torres replied, "There's some in the linen closet, just grab one."

I had no idea where the linen closet was, it wasn't apart of the tour I was just given, but I managed to find it and pulled out a clean, white towel. I wasn't sure what to do with my backpack which was still hanging on my one shoulder so I just brought it into the bathroom with me.

I had forgotten how nice a warm shower was.

For the longest time, I just stood there, in the shower, letting the hot water roll down me.

Before, even if I could pay the water bills, the water never got to this temperature. I couldn't say that it was cold, because it wasn't like we had to take freezing cold showers every day, but it wasn't like a hot shower like this either.

Maybe a little warmer than lukewarm.

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to use the shampoo but my brown hair was a greasy mess and it looked like it too so I squirted some of the lavender smelling substance onto my hand before rubbing it into my scalp.

It wasn't until I had rinsed it off and was done with my shower that I realized that I didn't have any clean clothes.

Sighing, I wrapped the towel around me, tucking it in tightly so it would stay put before cautiously heading out of the bathroom and down the hallway to the living room where Dr. Robbins and Dr. Torres sat on the couch.

"Um, I don't have any clean clothes," I explained before they could ask why I was standing dripping wet, wrapped in only a towel.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll fit into something of mine," Dr. Robbins said before getting up.

I stood where I was while Dr. Robbins went into the other bedroom, presumably hers and Dr. Torres'. She came back with a pair of gym shorts and a yellow t-shirt.

"Those should fit you," She told me and I thanked her before returning back to the bathroom.

The clothes did fit me.

Somewhat.

It was obvious that they were not my size and too big but I managed to get the shorts to stay on by tightening the waistband and I tucked the t-shirt in just so that it would actually look like I was wearing something from the waist down.

I tried my best to dry my hair as best as I could with the towel but it was still damp. It would have to do though so I shoved my dirty clothes back into my backpack and headed back out to the living room.

"Alright, now that you're clean, I think we should get some ground rules set," Dr. Torres said and I nodded.

"Take a seat," Dr. Robbins told me, motioning to the other couch, a big smile on her face.

Did she ever stop smiling?

I nodded again and did as she said, carefully sitting down.

"Do you have any painkillers in there?" Dr. Torres asked, motioning to my backpack.

"The ones you gave me," I replied and unzipped my backpack before reaching my arm inside, feeling around for the bottle.

I found it at the bottom of the bag and grabbed it before handing it over to Dr. Torres.

"If your knee starts hurting-" Dr. Torres started but I cut her off before she could finish.

"I'll manage," I said curtly.

I wasn't using the painkillers to help with my physical pain and plus, I knew what pain was. I had to show them that I wanted to get better, and as they said, I had to be willing to give up what was hurting me.

"Okay, is that it?" Dr. Torres asked, holding up the bottle of painkillers to show that she was asking about them.

I nodded, "Yeah."

I saw the dubious looks on Dr. Torres and Dr. Robbins' faces and realized that they didn't believe them. I didn't blame them though, why should they?

"You can look through my backpack if you want," I offered, tossing the backpack over to them, "But there's nothing but dirty clothes and some cash."

"Oh, I can get those clothes in the laundry right now," Dr. Robbins said and took the backpack before walking off, presumably to wherever their laundry machine was kept.

I wondered if she was just using that as an excuse to actually look through my backpack without offending me.

As I said though, they had every right to not trust me.

"The safest way to get clean is to slowly ease off these," Dr. Torres told me and rattled the bottle of painkillers, "Easing off of them can also reduce the number of withdrawal symptoms you'll go through."

"So you're still going to let me take them?" I asked, a little bit confused though I also understood where Dr. Torres was coming from.

It made sense.

"Yes, but in measured doses," Dr. Torres replied, "Going cold turkey can be dangerous."

I nodded and Dr. Torres smiled softly at me.

"Tapering off painkillers slowly is safer and easier in some sense but this still isn't going to be a walk in the park," Dr. Torres told me.

"I know," I replied quietly.

Dr. Torres nodded slowly, "Okay...um, I guess you should go to bed now then."

"Yeah sure...good night then," I told her and offered a tight smile before tracing my steps back to the guest bedroom.

I turned on the light and shut the door behind me before walking over to the bed. My fingers reached out and I dragged them along the side of the bed as I walked. The covers were soft and clean and for some reason, it felt like I was contaminating them by just touching.

I pulled the covers back and climbed onto the bed when I realized that I still had to turn the light off so I sighed and got back up. I trudged over to the light switch and flicked it off before blindly making my way back to the bed in the dark.

I laid down and yanked the covers over my head. It felt like I was suffocating under them but at the same time, it was comforting so I left it that way and closed my eyes.